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75% Lilith 25% Carmen Votes: 16 51.6%
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50% Lilith 50% Carmen Votes: 14 45.2%
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25% Lilith 75% Carmen Votes: 1 3.2%
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Some other ratio (comment below) Votes: 0 0.0%
Carmen felt strange. It was like she had entered a room, only to forget what she wanted to do in there. Except…less pressing, somehow? A teasing feeling in the back of her mind that refused to let her ignore it. So, she began to think through the past few days.
Practice with Geb and Agathe. Studying in class, reading forbidden texts outside of class. Dinner with her parents.
Her parents. What about them set off those alarm bells in her mind? Both of them were here, safe. So, why did she feel like something was missing?
She snapped back to attention as Alex waved a hand in front of her face. “You awake in there?” Alex teased, offering a hand to help Carmen up.
Carmen accepted, rising gracefully from the bed. “Right, sorry.” She said, shaking her head to clear it of those last lingering thoughts. “What were we doing again?”
“Sheesh, you’re really out of it right now, aren’t you? I know I told you it was important to read those books, but you have to take a break every now and then. It’s clearly affecting your health."
Wait, why would she tell me it’s important to read-
“Anyway, we were going to meet up with the kids, remember? They wanted to explore the woods on the far edge of the demiplane.”
“A-ah, right.” Carmen said, allowing Alex to lead her down the hall, never letting go of her hand.
A few minutes later, the two of them were at the edge of the schoolyard, waiting for Thiala and Raphael to come. Carmen hardly paid attention to Alex’s small talk, retreating further into her mind as questions began to pile up.
When did Alex and I get so close? I could have sworn-
She was cut off by the sensation of an arm around her neck. Looking behind her, she saw Kali had snuck up behind both her and Alex, and had thrust herself between the two, grabbing each of their necks.
“Chaperone’s here!” She smirked, letting go of their necks and plopping down on the grass next to them. “Where’re the kids?”
Carmen frowned, sending out a mental message to the two. Hey, you almost here?
Yeah, almost, Raphael had to use the bathroom, sorry! Thiala chirped.
Hey! You know I’m still getting used to everything!
It’s not that complicated Raphi, just go!
There was that sensation again. Something wasn’t right.
But that’s not important right now, Carmen thought. Best to focus on just unwinding. I can piece this puzzle together later.
Not even a minute later, Thiala and Raphael showed up,
“Thanks for coming with us!” Thiala said happily. “Raphi’s been lonely ever since her group kicked her out.”
“You didn’t have to say it like that.” Raphael pouted.
“Well, it’s true!” Thiala countered.
Defeated, Raphael shrugged. “I…guess you’re right.”
“Now that we’re all here, let’s organize teams!”
Organize teams? Why is this familiar? Seeing Kali patiently wait for the teams to be decided, she shooed those thoughts to the back of her mind. Fun trip. Unwind. Focus.
Thiala and Raphael were arguing about who would get to go with Carmen, and Alex didn’t look particularly thrilled with the idea of being away from Carmen either.
“Let’s make it fair.” Raphael said. “We’ll put Kali on one team and Carmen on the other. That way each team has a powerful grown-up on it. Then, whichever team gets Alex, the other team gets the two of us. We’ll do rock-paper-scissors to decide who gets to be with Carmen. “
What are we doing again? I thought we were just exploring.
One heated game of rock-paper-scissors later, Carmen and Alex made their way deeper into the woods. Apparently, they were going to be playing some sort of variety of hide and seek or tag or something, and the two groups were tasked with looking for suitable locations for such a game.
As they walked, Carmen became more and more uneasy. She was absolutely sure something was wrong now. Lucas might have written it off as nothing, but Carmen was different. She was…far more in touch with herself than he ever was. This feeling wasn’t nothing. It couldn’t be nothing. Something was not right in her head. And that something was trying to prevent her from tugging at this thread.
Yeah, there’s no chance she would do that. This was her mind, and there’s no way she would let anyone mess with it. She stopped where she was, prompting Alex to walk over to her.
Alex placed a hand on Carmen’s forehead, frowning. “Are you sure you’re OK to be doing this right now? You’ve been acting weird all morning.”
“Absolutely sure. Alex, I need you to do me a favor.”
“Of course. What do you need?”
Yup. Pretty sure this is not the way things are supposed to go between the two of us. Now that I know what I’m looking for, I can feel that stupid magic trying to smooth it over.
“I need you to let me mess with your mind, just for a minute.” Why did I ask permission? I never did that before. But…I feel like I have to, or it won’t work. Shaking her head, she drew back, and the shadows around her deepened. The forest sound suddenly seemed to be coming from far away as she drew upon one of her Traits from the Faerie Royalty Domain. “Upon my very being as faerie royalty, I swear that I have no intent to harm you. I will put you back as you are now within the hour.”
It was a Declaration of Intent. A right granted to the most powerful of the fae, one which was able to bind even them. For a brief moment, the souls of those involved were opened to the other, allowing both parties to read fully the intentions of the other. Should the fae willingly go against what they intend, they would instantly be destroyed, their essence scattered to the wind. It was usually used only in negotiations deemed vitally important to the fae, as a way to show they would keep their word.
Alex frowned. “Yeah, no problem. You know I trust you with this sort of stuff.”
Not a chance. I don’t trust me with this sort of stuff.
Carmen kept her imperious air about her as she spoke, trying to imbue her next command with as much weight as possible. She knew it was silly, but the theatrics comforted her in some small way. “I order you to tell me how you really feel about me, mental modification aside.”
There was silence for a moment.
Then Alex screamed. She fell to the ground, clutching her head in her hands. “I…” she panted, desperately trying to belt the words out through clenched teeth. “Do not…”
“Enough.” Carmen said. “The previous command is void.”
Immediately, Alex sprung back up to her feet. “Huh? Why was I on the ground? What’d you do?”
Sorry, Alex. I’m going to have to push the boundaries here. I need to know just how much I can get out of people without that activating.
“Until I say otherwise, everything I tell you is a command, understood?”
“Yes.”
“Does splitting up into teams and searching the woods sound familiar to you?”
Alex tapped her chin thoughtfully. “Now that you mention it…” She shook her head rapidly, as if to shake away a thought. “Maybe a little? I think I might have had a dream or something that was kind of like that.”
Carmen frowned. There was definitely something there, but whatever magic was affecting them was getting in the way. Then, she had an idea.
“Alex, when you answer me, I need you to immediately forget what we’re talking about, alright? I need you to say the answer and not have any idea what you’re even saying. Think about something completely different while you answer, don’t even realize you’re answering, OK?”
Alex nodded.
Alright, what else felt odd this morning? Carmen paused as she mulled this over, prepping her next question. “Has anything about my parents seemed odd to you today?”
“Yeah.” Alex said in a monotone. “Siph’s not been here.”
What? “Who’s Siph?”
“Your mom.”
Carmen racked her brains. “Isn’t Jessica my mom?”
“Correct.”
“So, who’s Siph, then?”
“No one of importance.” Kali said, walking up to the two of them. “What is of importance is Alex’s well-being. I came as soon as I heard the scream, are you alright?”
“Yeah, just fine!” Alex said cheerily.
“Well, that certainly didn’t sound fine. You need to go rest for a bit. I’ll escort you back, and then I’ll come back and make sure nothing bad happens to Carmen, alright?”
“Yeah…” Alex said distractedly. “That sounds fine.” She let herself be pulled away by Kali, leaving Carmen by herself.
Once Kali was out of sight, Carmen immediately began to think again. Alright, what do I know? First, people are treating me in ways I don’t think they should. Their attitudes are inconsistent with my character.
Second, I’m missing some sort of memory. Alex talked about someone named “Siph” being my mother, and things are weirdly familiar to me that shouldn’t be.
Third, I’m maybe the only one who realizes something is wrong. Most likely due to my mental resistances. Still, when anyone else is forced to try and answer questions directly, it causes some sort of pain. And if I try to ask too indirectly, they just gloss over it. I was able to get some luck with Alex there, but then Kali showed up.
Her brow wrinkled as she thought about Kali. Come to think of it, whenever she shows up, I stop thinking about this. It becomes…less important. Is she the one behind all of this? I can’t think of a reason for that, though. I’ll put her on the list and watch her carefully. So, I have a suspect, a probably incomplete knowledge of what this is doing to me, and no discernable motive aside from “they don’t want me to know something”. Well, it’s better than nothing…
Her train of thought was interrupted by Thiala and Raphael walking over. “Is everything alright?” Thiala asked. “I heard Alex scream.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Carmen responded. “She was just startled.”
“Are you sure?” Raphael asked, a doubtful expression on her face.
“Yeah, she was just tired and overreacted. Nothing to freak out over. Kali’s taken her back to get some rest.”
Thiala frowned. “That’s no fun. Why don’t we do this another day, then? I don’t want anyone to miss out.”
Carmen shrugged. “Fine by me.” I have bigger fish to fry, anyway. “Will you go let Kali know and I’ll take Raphael back?”
“Sure thing!” Thiala said, trotting off in the direction of the main complex of buildings. After she left, Carmen turned to Raphael and motioned for her to follow. As they walked, Carmen began to question her.
“So, what do you think of me?” She asked.
“That’s awfully sudden. Why?”
“Just humor me.”
“I think you’re pretty nice. Pretty forgiving, too. I don’t think many people would be willing to just let it go after they get attacked unprovoked.”
Carmen frowned. That really wasn’t her. Why did she just let it go? Sure, she turned Raphael into a girl, but that was more for her own amusement than anything else. Why did Raphael accept her flimsy excuse and choose to stay this way while Elenoa threw a fit?
Further questioning didn’t really get Carmen much more information to work off of. Without a shortcut in the form of an incredibly powerful master-servant contract, she just didn’t have the information she needed to get useful results from anything. Any time she thought she might be getting close, Raphael just spaced out or tried to change the subject.
So. If Raphael and Alex are any judge, people are treating me in ways I don’t think line up with how I actually do things. I can get that information, though. We’ll have to see what I can learn from that.
“Hey, Raphael, how would you like to help me with a project?”
“I don’t see why not. What’re you doing?”
“This might sound a little weird, but I need to know what people think of me. I can’t just ask them to their face because I think a lot of people will be too polite to point out anything negative, but I need to know. I’ve noticed something a little odd and I want to make sure everything’s fine.”
“I would ask Kali, but she’s been pretty busy lately and this is too much of a minor thing for her to worry about.” Carmen lied, “So don’t worry about getting her opinion on things.”
“Uh, sure I guess.” Raphael said. “You’re not in any danger, right?”
Carmen shook her head. “I don’t think so. I’m just being a little paranoid.”
“No problem, then. I’ll get to work on it.”
“Thanks, it’s a big help.”
They walked in silence for a bit longer and parted at the entrance to Carmen’s house. Next on her list of priorities was Vithi. Hopefully she’d be able to get some sort of useful information out of her, but she wasn’t holding her breath. She poked around the house for a bit, eventually finding Vithi playing a game in her room. Well, it was actually Carmen’s room, since Vithi slept in her lair, but she usually had to come in there to enter the lair anyway, so it was pretty much a moot point.
“Hey, Vithi, can we talk?” Carmen asked.
Vithi paused the game. “Sure. Need something?”
Carmen nodded. “Can we do it in your lair?”
Vithi raised her eyebrows but went into the lair anyway. Carmen laid down on her bed and followed Vithi into the lair, appearing in the ‘front entry’.
“Good, now we won’t have any chance of being overheard. Probably.”
“Sure? Why the secrecy, though?”
Carmen frowned and told Vithi about the morning’s events.
“Well, I’ll admit that does sound pretty weird. But are you sure you’re not just being paranoid?”
Carmen paused. “Maybe I am, but I think it’s justified. For instance, why would you ask me if I’m being paranoid? We practically have proof with what Alex was saying, so I think that’s beyond the realm of simple paranoia.”
“Wait, what did Alex say?”
“I already told you. That spell must have made you forget.”
Vithi tapped her chin. “Aright, there are two ways this is going. First, you’re right and something’s messing with all of us. Second, you’re partially right, but whatever’s messing with things is only messing with you. Either way, we have a problem. Are you sure you shouldn’t just talk to Kali about this?”
Carmen shook her head. “I think that’s a bad idea. If she’s the cause of things, that’d just be letting her know I’m onto her. If she’s not, then she should already know, unless she’s under the effects of the spell too. If the spell’s strong enough that she can’t detect it or is under its effects, I don’t think there’s anything she could do. Either way, going to her wouldn’t be helpful.”
“I’m not sure I totally agree with that.” Vithi said thoughtfully. “If it’s just that the spell is subtle, giving her that tip might be enough to let her find and break it.” She thought about it for a moment. “But, if you’re right and she’s the cause, there’s too much on the line to risk going to her. So, for now I won’t say anything to her, but I reserve the right to if you start acting really strangely.”
Carmen nodded. “Thanks. Mind if I keep my notes in here? I don’t want to risk anyone getting to them.”
Vithi shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”
“Good. I’ll keep you updated.”
“Please do. Just make sure not to neglect your studies because of this. It’s important to be able to protect yourself, so we can’t have you be skipping out on those just to work on this.”
Carmen nodded. “You’re right. I’ll work on this in what spare time I have, but I’m sure my studies can help here too. I’ll try not to get too consumed. Make sure to let me know if I get obsessed, alright?”
“Deal. Now, can I go back to my game?”
“Yeah, go ahead.”
Vithi and Carmen left the lair, and Carmen went back to reading her latest tome of forbidden lore. She would get to the bottom of this. And when she did, she was going to stop it.
Kali showing her poor planning again... seems to me it would have been better leave Siph behind. So far she hasn't done anything Kali herself couldn't (I assume).
Even better though would have been if Lilith could have made another avatar with a copy of her base personality.
She hasn't yet, but will soon. Also, she's there for moral support, since (at least in my opinion), it would be easier to do something like this with a close family member there cheering you on.
As for copying the avatar...well, it doesn't quite work like that. A Parallel is made when Lilith is under the effect of mind-altering magic that changes her, and a copy of her personality wouldn't trip that detection.
If you really wanted that then the easiest way would be to make a separate personality, acknowledge it as a Parallel, and then alter it so it was a copy of Lilith, but that's a: not a can of worms I really want to open, and b: Lilith would never let that fly.
Still, there are reasons that Kali specifically wanted Carmen there, ones that I haven't 100% gotten into in the main story yet (Patreon's $5 tier chapter in...2 uploads from now will be laying more of Kali's motivations bare, so that's...7 uploads from now on SH lol), but there'll be some hints here and there going forward.
@Fighterman481 That's interesting to hear. I didn't really mean it as a suggestion this time - since I'm out of the rewrite zone I'm just gonna do regular comments. I meant, like, it would have been better for them if Lilith were able to do that. I did imagine briefly an alternate story with the new fake Lilith as the protagonist slowly realizing she was an impostor (perhaps as whatever alter ego she was made from leaks through), or even maybe with her becoming an antagonist, but yeah, that's quite the can of worms.
@uggron This arc is still theoretically in the rewrite zone actually, I'm undecided; it all depends on how I feel when I get to this point while rewriting lol
Thanks for the chapter.
the bed. “ Right, sorry.” - "Right
affecting your health. - health."
Fixed, thank you!
I'll refrain from voting for now, till we get to see how quickly Lilith develops. There is a lot to get through, and if she has to spend half a chapter for each of the remaining sins/virtues, there might not be time for much else.
To clarify, what is the main point of the two points of view? Using Lilith's as an example; is it to introduce the system and Lilith's abilities or is it to show Lilith's growth? That is not to say the story can't do both, but it will end up looking quite different depending on which of the two the story focuses on. If it focuses on Lilith's growth, we will probably end up having to spend a lot more time with her than otherwise, since there is a lot to go through. On the other hand, if it is just about showing Lilith's abilities, we don't need to spend as much time on how she earns them. I can imagine it might get a bit more repetitive with all the status screens, but it would probably also progress a lot faster.
Likewise, Carmen's could either be about Carmen trying to solve the 'mystery' in order to have some concrete plot to balance out Lilith's powergrind or it could be focused more directly on character development of the rest of the cast.
On another note, character interactions where mind magic plays such a large role is definitely a first for me. In every other story I've seen where mind magic has been present, it either hasn't had any real impact, or it was only used to make people obey like slaves regardless of their will. Something like this where it affects the characters deeply but not in a 'anybody who uses mind magic is evil and bad' kind of way is quite interesting. But it does raise the question: how does one make character development when the character's... character is fluctuating and liable to change at any time? When you can't be sure that what you see is how characters actually feel and think, are you even learning anything about the character? Character wise, a person under extensive mind control can a lot of the time be considered a completely different person than without said mind control.
Development happens pretty fast. By the end of next chapter I plan to have all except for one obtained, and those can be obtained at the same time as leveling, so there's quite a bit packed into there. I plan for most of the development to be happening after the sins/virtues are obtained.
So, main focuses of the two points of view:
Lilith: I'm going for getting a feel of the system via growth. Also some character development for Lilith so she's not so bland.
Carmen: Development of relationships between her and others, character development of 'the crew', learning more about Haven and the Protectorate's political climate, a decent amount of the former two will be through solving the "mystery".
As for how I plan character development to work, it's like this:
-Character relationships: interactions not involving Carmen are basically unchanged. Those will work normally. For now, and I guess slight spoiler if you didn't pick up on it (it'll be more explicitly stated soon, so whatever I guess), Kali basically just made people treat Carmen as if she was Lilith to make for a much more friendly environment for her to learn in.
After Lilith is back, people will retain their memories of this time and be fully aware they were acting in an odd way, because there's no real reason to keep up a continuous spell after this is done. People will at least suspect something's up with Lilith given her massive power spike and shift in attitude (going from being what some members of the Council would consider little more than a tool to being someone acting in opposition to the Protectorate at times, more of a wild card), so why bother keeping the facade up? It'll just take mana, effort, and will be eventually figured out and the spell removed anyway.
With that in mind, people will be thinking about how Carmen treated them during this period and that'll affect their relationships going forward.
And as for personal development, all the spell's doing to anyone in general would be downplaying suspicion/erasing memories of Lilith, so the way I see it their personality isn't changed on a fundamental enough level to hinder character development.
@Fighterman481 I guess that makes sense with the character development. I was thinking that it would be hard to know people's true feelings if they were constantly conditioned to believe something, but having it only affect their interactions with Carmen does limit that a lot. Also, making the effect temporary and having people keep their memories from when they were in an altered state seems like a good way to still make the interactions important.
I think for the cover art, you don't need anything complicated. Just some background then put the title text. Imo that would be enough for now and if you ever managed to get something better then just update the cover art.
I agree. Just put anything there, doesn't even matter if it'd bad; At least it's something. And when or if you get a better cover, just replace it.