The Divine Empire of Arria, many would consider them a group of fanatic cultists, others would admire their military talent and strength. All, however, agree that their Emperor is a monster and none fit this title better than Michael Lenuzo Tuscus Vito Federico De Arria. Arria looks back upon him fondly, he improved the military and defended the nation when it looked like it would be crushed between two sides.
He was not only a military genius, far beyond anybody of his time, he also opened what would later be known as the first military academy. A place for generals to learn strategy, decorum, and how to intellectual pursuits. Michael also restructured the war ravaged east helping the Casterso region recover rather quickly.
But this glory that his reign brought to Arria could never have been seen at the start of his reign. He faced many problems, due to the early death of his parents, the regent Giovanni De Alle had taken control of the empire from the shadows. It seemed as if he was born to be a puppet, on the other hand there was a potential option in the west. Antonio De Ante, Heir to the Arch-duchy of Ante, and inheritor of the imperial lineage. He was the only other person in the world to have an imperial sigil, despite its deformities the people of Ante saw him as the successor of the previous emperor.
Perhaps his marriage would be the most appropriate place to start as it was soon after his crowing. Who was his wife? Naturally, his wife was Isabella De Alle, daughter of Giovanni De Alle.
A/N:This is just a small project for fun. Magic won't really be a big part of this book but it does exist in a minimal form. Information about the outside world will come slowly and will be biased as naturally only Arria matters (Read: Humor). I hope all of you guys enjoy this book but a fair warning: Arrians are rather prejudiced and thus can be racist.
Nothing draws me to immediately read further. The only thing that could resemble a hook is the closing but even that is a stretch. Marrying in such a way was normal for then, so doesn't draw me in.
This prologue does do well of setting the scene, it explains where the story is headed and where it was. But without the pull of why to read this story and not one of any other one, I wouldn't see myself reading more.
Seems grammatically fine, but I find myself harping on this small detail of pull. Show don't tell, why put this in here when you could easily open it up at their marriage. Subvert the readers' expectation of a Gary-sue ruler who brings the country into a prosperous future without trials. Just my own two cents though.
I have been wondering whether to get rid of it or not. When I first wrote this the prologue was the summary in a way. It was kind of a bad idea to post it and I regret it now. The next chapter is the marriage and that really is the start of the story. This is one of the big mistakes in my opinion.
As for the MC being a Gary-sue. I think that there is another character who is more Gary-sueish but Michael might also be a bit of a Gary-sue. This is my first story so expect a few problems with it. I am absolutely happy that you took the time to comment. I would consider deleting the chapter but Idk if it is a good idea at this point.
My start to writing on SH was very hap-hazardous. I just kinda decided to start posting and didn't really give much thought as to whether posting the prologue was a good idea as it wasn't technically the start of the story. This story is defiantly not published book standards but I hope that over time I will grow and might be able to do a respectable web-novel. I am super happy that you took the time to give your two cents on my story.
@Mizu It is nothing against your story or writing itself, the story is actually probably pretty good. This prologue came off as you stated a summary. My comment of Gary-sue actually didn't come from this chapter, but cliches in writing these types of political kingdom stories.
The only way to grow and learn is to practice time after time.
Seems people enjoy the story, so don't let something small like this get in the way. If the idea to publish this as its own chapter was a big mistake you are doing pretty well.
Just always keep in mind a story should open with a hook to get the reader to finish the chapter and a "cliff hanger" so they click onto the next one. Along with pushing along a bigger plot with foreshadowing for when chapters don't have "cliff hangers".
Good luck and happy writing :D
@Bronzeapollo Thanks. I am always glad for advice. I have been getting so few lately that I was growing worried. Michael hasnt ran into too many issues at the moment. But that is about to change as he meets the main antagonist of the story. I am happy with how the story has played out overall. I am sincerely thankful for the advice. Hopefully one day I can write something that interests you. ;D
It this just a copy of Frederick the Great's life?
I actually wasn't thinking about him when I wrote this. Michael does have a lot of similarities to Frederick the Great such as both are skeptics and both were abused by their father. Though this book isn't written with Frederick the Great's life in mind you will find similarities as most great leaders often centralized the government, expanded infrastructure and reorganized the military. I guess you will have to read to find out. ;D
@Mizu The establishment of a military academy, the military accomplishments and being surrounded by strong neighbours do remind me of old freddie. I guess these could apply to many leaders.
@CashewFarmer Well... to be fair Allonian doesn't border Arria and is actually quite a bit distant. A character only mentioned early in the book, William Asherton (or William De Asherton as Arrians would call him), literally goes Hannibal on Arria. They do border the Yanzhou Dynasty and foster a deep sense of hatred towards them.