Chapter Thirty-Four

I Can't Have This

Part One

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Later that evening after dinner, Kelvaran sat in his office distracting himself from worrying about Kazia by worrying about the political situation.

It had been a month now since he'd returned from Valesk. He and Yilina met weekly at Vaksim Castle, where he gave her fictitious progress reports - telling her that everyone here in Caedra believed that he had only played along with Yilina in Valesk, and that Kazia was still very much nibbling at the hook, but that since her failed foray into Valesk she'd become too cautious, always with Amelys when appearing in public.

He had also fed Yilina some strategic misinformation, along with a few verifiable secrets authorized by the Queen, to strengthen his cover. Everything seemed to proceed smoothly until he'd met with Yilina that morning, before the prospective Ambassador's hearing. She'd seemed more anxious than usual and ordered him to Devratha Manor tomorrow to meet with Gorvan.

Kelvaran replayed every conversation he'd had with Yilina until now, looking for any place he may have slipped.

A knock came at the door, which then opened without answer. Kazia entered, looking both ways down the hallway to make sure she hadn't been seen.

Kelvaran jumped up from the desk at once, coming over but stopping short of touching her.

“How are you?” he asked anxiously.

He reached a hand toward her, but dropped it again.

Kazia smiled and caught the hand he dropped.

“I'm fine,” she replied to his skeptical expression. “Don't worry, this was nothing like what happened in Valesk, just a bit of headache. I took some Seamist and a long nap and I'm all better.”

Her hands went into his frock coat to wind her arms around his waist. She buried her face under the edge of his lapel as she laid her head against his chest.

“My pillows still smell like your hair,” she murmured. “It was comforting, but also felt quite lonely.”

Kelvaran closed his arms around her and held her tightly. Kazia raised her face, and he kissed her gently.

“Mmm,” she voiced against his lips.

Kelvaran pulled away first.

“Before I get too distracted again, I have something for you. A gift.”

He turned and led the way to his sitting room and Kazia followed with curiosity. Kelvaran took from the mantel a rectangular box of dark wood inlaid with mother of pearl in a florid design.

“I meant to give you this on your birthday,” he said, “but things happened... then kept happening...”

Kazia smiled as his voice trailed away and his cheeks flushed a bit red.

“I don't mind,” she said. “I've never been much for celebrating my birthday, although this was certainly one to remember.”

His blush deepened as she took the box from him and opened it.

Inside lay a small dagger, barely the length of her hand. Its hilt and sheath were cast in silver, engraved with an intricate intertwining vine pattern and set with amethysts. It was meant to be hidden within a lady's bodice, the sheath fitted with clips to attach to the corset.

Kazia gasped as she lifted it out, handing the box back to Kelvaran. She drew the dagger out of its sheath. The blade was forged of the highest quality steel, polished until she could see her own reflection in its gleaming surface.

“This is beautiful,” she breathed.

“Knives are... the only thing I know you like,” Kelvaran said bashfully.

Kazia gave him a teasing smile.

“I also like horses,” she told him.

“Next year I'll get you a horse,” Kelvaran replied, his voice laden with soft affection.

Kazia's heart startled, but then a warm contentment smoothed it over. 

Next year...?

“You'll make my brother jealous,” she said, still teasing him as she continued to admire the dagger in her hand, tracing her fingers over its engravings. “He's my horse expert.”

“I had thought you didn't get along,” Kelvaran asked curiously.

Kazia glanced to the side in thought.

“I've discovered that there were many things I didn't know before,” she said wistfully, “and that there were more than a few misunderstandings.”

Her eyes suddenly lit up as she looked at Kelvaran.

“Since you're going to Devratha Manor, do you think you could pass a letter to him?”

“Mm,” he replied hesitantly. “I'm meant to be spying here. Passing letters might expose me.”

Kazia's face fell.

“No,” she said, shaking her head with a sigh. “No, you're right.”

“Mistress Amelys told me that you vetted him when he sought to defect... with your empathic abilities, I assume?”

Kazia nodded sadly.

“Do you trust him now?”

“That...” Kazia hedged. “It's complicated. Not entirely.”

Kelvaran furrowed his brows.

“Abrizhen wants to be someone I can trust,” Kazia explained, “and if he could be kept away from Gorvan, he could be, but...”

She shrugged helplessly.

“He wishes that his father could love him," she said sadly. "Sometimes he can't help but try to make that happen.”

“Do you wish that your father could love you?” Kelvaran asked gently.

Kazia shook her head. “No, that wish expired when I watched him kill my mother.”

“Did Gorvan really kill Abrizhen's mother as well?”

“Yes. I didn't make that up.” Kazia heaved a sigh. “Maybe now that he knows it, he'll be more resistant to Gorvan's influence. Maybe now that... a lot of things may be different now.”

“So he is of two minds,” Kelvaran said thoughtfully. “Is that why he acts like such a wastrel? This morning, I asked Yilina why he was recalled to Valesk. She told me it was her decision to take him back, because he'd been 'misbehaving' here. I'm uncertain if she meant his habit of drinking the House of Stelenis dry, or if she might know he'd been trying to defect.”

Kazia gasped, staring at Kelvaran fearfully.

“She knew...” Kazia mused, her face showing an ever-changing array of emotions. “If Gorvan knows, he'll be in grave danger.”

Her fists clenched around the hilt and sheath of the knife she still held.

Kelvaran placed a gentle hand on her wrist.

“For what it's worth, I think that Yilina does care about him in her own, very twisted way,” he said softly. “I... think she wouldn't tell Gorvan anything that would get him in real trouble.”

 

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