Chapter Thirty-Eight

I Thought You Had Given Up

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Kazia loosed her final blade and watched it land just where she had aimed it, then closed her eyes. She settled her body into a comfortable but arrow-straight stance, raised her hands level with her waist, palms up, and conjured a spark of ethereal energy in her right hand, growing it only to the size of a robin's egg.

Rather than concentrate on the energy she'd produced, though, she turned her attention to following the energy back to its source. She dragged her consciousness along the nerves of her fingers, through her palm, her wrist, along her arm to her shoulder, then down into her spinal cord.

It was like following the energy pathways through an Artifact. With the effects of the Off Switch, she may as well see herself as a machine. Unfeeling, uncaring, anesthetized to heartache, anesthetized to fear, but always alert to potential danger, always ready to fight. It could be frighteningly pleasant.

Kazia's mind arrived at the place where that robin's egg of energy originated – the reservoir.

In others, it would look like a vast pool filled with brilliant, swirling light, contained and ready to be dipped into when needed. Kazia's reservoir looked like a starburst of dazzling filaments spilling out of a void to wind along every nerve of her body, out to the sensitive endings in her skin, and beyond. Only a small nucleus of cohesive energy remained at its center.

Every molecule of the universe was filled with ethereal energy. All things came from ethereal energy, and in the end all things would disintegrate into nothing but ethereal energy. Why some could harness it and use it at their will while others couldn't, no one really knew.

Why Kazia had abilities clearly driven by ethereal energy but no ability to control it – perhaps that was once known by a people now probably extinct. Her father's Alchemists had studied her, trying to understand her abilities for their own uses, but still – no one really knew.

Kazia mentally latched on to one of those filaments and tried to pull it back into the reservoir, but it held firmly. As an experiment, she tugged at the tendril which flowed out to the tiny orb in her hand. It instantly snapped back like an elastic band, eager to return home, and Kazia felt the orb dissipate between her fingers.

She touched another filament lightly, tried to coax it, asking it to come back to the reservoir. It ignored her. She grasped it tightly and exerted some force. She may as well try uprooting a tree with her bare hands. Gritting her teeth and digging her feet into the ground, she bore down and threw all of her will into it.

It moved.

Only a tiny bit, and with the thrill of it, Kazia almost lost her hold on the filament.

She tightened her grip and redoubled her effort although her strength was fading. She heard the sound of a long groan and couldn't be certain if that was the filament or herself, whether she was making that noise out loud, or only hearing it in her head. A bone-deep weariness rolled through her as her will finally exhausted itself.

She lost the filament.

With a sigh of frustration, Kazia opened her eyes. She pulled a handkerchief from a pocket to wipe her sweating face. Her jaw ached, everything ached. Her skull was tense.

“I thought you had given up trying to access your energy,” Amelys said from the bench where she sat to observe. “Why the renewed interest?”

“Kelvaran went to all the trouble of finding this path for me,” she answered. “The least I can do is explore it. No success, though.”

“Not yet,” Amelys encouraged.

“I feel like... the energy doesn't like this contemplation – with the knives. But spiritual contemplation hasn't worked either. Although the Off Switch prevents me being overwhelmed with... those memories, it also... disconnects me too much. How did Kel do it? I wish he were here to ask.”

“Perhaps you should talk to Master Ilianus,” Amelys suggested. “His form is a good middle ground between martial and spiritual contemplation. I'm sure he'd let you sit in on his class.”

“With the children?” Kazia asked wryly.

“Kazia,” Amelys said sharply, “if you take only one lesson from me, let it be this: never think yourself too grown-up to learn new things alongside the children.”

Kazia couldn't tell from the old woman's serious gaze if she'd meant to be funny. She returned a half-hearted smile.

“If it will keep me as youthful as you,” she replied, “then perhaps it's worth a try.”

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