Chapter Thirty~six

All Who Love Are Doomed

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Kazia awoke in darkness. All around, she could hear people moaning and weeping.

She was lying on her side along the length of someone's body, their arms around her, holding her in place.

She startled, and tried to rise, but a blinding pain shot through her head.

A groan came from her companion.

“You must try to be still,” Kelvaran said. “You're injured. Your head. Lie still.”

She took a shuddering breath and sank back down against him, resting her head on his chest, and closed her eyes again.

He squeezed her shoulder.

“Since you're awake, you should try not to go back to sleep,” he said.

“What happened?” she asked.

“There was an explosion. I'm guessing the University has been attacked.”

“We're still in the Archive?”

“We're trapped here. Is it still affecting you?”

She nodded, but the pain returned at that.

“Yes,” she said with a wince.

“The dampers weren't disrupted, so I can't take us out of here,” he said. “We'll have to await rescue. It shouldn't be long.”

“Eaphan!” she said, struggling to rise.

“He is badly injured,” Kelvaran said, pulling her close. “But he is being tended. You must keep still, Kazia.”

He sucked in a sharp breath as she settled again.

“Are you hurt?” she asked.

“It's nothing,” he said shortly. “Just keep still.”

Kazia lay her head down on his chest, her cheek nestled against the soft silk of his cravat, and stared out into the murky darkness of the room.

She could see shadows of people moving about, tending to the injured.

Murmurs of reassurance reached her ears along with whimpers of pain and fear and the occasional muffled scream. Somewhere across the room, men were discussing a strategy for exit.

“Is this because of us? You and I?” she asked. “Because we were here?”

“Me, perhaps,” he answered. “You wouldn't have been expected. But more likely the University was targeted because they've been smuggling scientists out of Valesk.”

“Oh,” she said, “I didn't know.”

“It's been a well kept secret, at least it was.” He paused before continuing. “Recently Eaphan and I moved a Valeskan scientist through the House of Stelenis and your brother was there, in the restaurant.”

Kazia's breath hitched.

“Do you think he orchestrated this?” she asked with some alarm, trying to rise again. “No... he couldn't.”

Kelvaran pulled her down again.

She sighed as her head throbbed and the space around her seemed to swirl.

“Honestly, though... I haven't seen him in five years. I don't know what he's capable of now.”

Kazia wondered if this would become one more thing for Kelvaran to suspect her of, and wished that she could know his feelings. A numbness had set in around the amputation of that sense, though, and the pain in her head eclipsed even that.

She adjusted herself beside him, groaning as she leaned further forward and reached an arm around him for more stability.

He closed his arms more tightly around her.

“Are you warm enough?” he asked. “The heat has gone out. I've been trying to keep you warmed.”

“I am, yes.”

“You take a medication. Do you have it about you now?”

“It wouldn't be useful,” she told him.

Allowing herself to relax against him again, she lay still, listening to his even breath and heartbeat.

“Why are you helping me?” Kazia asked. Then she gave a whispered laugh. “If I died here, wouldn't that suit you?”

He drew in a deep breath, his chest rising beneath her ear, and didn't answer for a long moment.

“I don't want you... to die,” he said finally. “I know what you must think of me. The same that everyone thinks of me. Perhaps I can be a bit harsh...spiteful even... but I am not the monster you all suspect me to be.”

“I know that,” Kazia said. “I've seen your kindness - to others, at least. I don't think you're a monster, I think that you have seen terrible things that have made you severe and remote - because you must keep yourself safe. These are things I understand too well.”

“That's very pretty,” he said acerbically. “Next you will say that love will save me.”

“Oh, no,” Kazia assured him. “What is the poem? All who love are doomed to destruction.”

He laughed shortly at that.

“Is that how you plan to bring about my demise? By enticing me to love you?”

“I would not have that, no,” she answered, her voice beginning to slur as the pain in her head settled into a constant, dull throb. “My one desire in life is for the peaceful quiet of solitude. Because I must keep myself safe. It is difficult enough that... whatever this is that I feel toward you disrupts that peace. If you should return it, my peace would be well and truly shattered.”

His heart began to beat more rapidly, growing louder under her ear, and he seemed to only keep his breath steady with some determination.

Kazia supposed it was good that she could not know whatever feeling her words were eliciting in him. She thought back to those times that he had seemed to look at her favorably, brief though they were, and to Amelys' musing that his hostility might only be a cover.

Although she could do without that hostility, if his sentiment truly had changed - this would not do at all.

Her mind began to feel hazy, and she suddenly felt herself tickled by the sheer absurdity of this entire situation.

“No, I am content for all to be as it is,” she whispered, her voice beginning to weaken and trail. “Although I will admit that were it not for my current state of pain and terror, this would be quite nice indeed.”

His arms tightened about her briefly, before relaxing again.

As Kelvaran remained silent, she closed her eyes once more.

Her body felt light, and she was reminded of the springs she had visited as a child in Valesk, where the water was warm and buoyant, and one could float without trying.

“All who love are doomed to destruction,” she mused. “Did I get that right? I should ask Zhenzhi. He's always quoting poetry. No... no I can't ask him, can I? Did he just try to kill me? Why would he kill me? He wanted to take me back...”

Her voice breezed along in the barest of bemused whispers and Kelvaran jostled her again, his own breath catching with the motion.

“You're not falling asleep, are you?” he admonished. “You mustn't-”

She tilted her head up, enduring the pain to peer at him in the darkness.

“You don't have to love me,” she said. “You don't even have to like me. But please don't make me go back there...”

With a deep sigh, her head fell heavily to his chest.

“Kazia.”

Kelvaran shook her again, patting her cheek with the back of his fingers.

“You must stay awake.”

But his voice seemed so far away now.

She knew she should try to stay close, but the struggle no longer seemed worth the effort, and she began to feel as if she were slowly rising into the air.

When she answered him, her own voice sounded as if it came from an entirely different person, some person down there lying in Kelvaran's arms while she watched from far above.

“I don't think I can...”

 

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