Chapter Forty~three

Not What I Expected

Part Two

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“He and I entered the University in the same year,” Tamyn said. “We were both eighteen. We had a literature course together. He was very attractive, so of course I noticed him, but I was even more shy then than I still am, and didn't make friends easily - and he always had a flock of girls following him around-”

“Yes, the same was true at home,” Kazia laughed.

“So many girls that people called him 'The Rooster.'”

“Thats-”

“Crude, yes. Young people are crude.”

“I've noticed,” Kazia said, remembering the students at the University lectures she'd attended.

“And so I thought, even if it weren't for all the girls, he would never look at me anyway, and I gave it no more thought than a distant admiration.”

“Oh...” Kazia said sympathetically.

“Our literature professor would ask us to pair up with reading partners for some assignments,” he continued, “and of course one of the girls would always snag Zhen right away, and I'd always end up with whoever else was left at the end.

There was another boy in our class with a reputation as a bully. He liked to prank people in often cruel ways. I don't know how I attracted his attention, but he began to target me regularly.

One day our professor handed down a new assignment, and when he instructed us to pair up, this boy shouted my name across the lecture hall and began walking toward me with this chilling grin on his face - but as he passed by, Zhen put his foot out and tripped him.”

“Oh, dear!” Kazia said.

“The boy sprawled on the ground cursing, and Zhen just ignored him and walked around him to me - and asked me to partner with him. The first time we met to study, he said that we should just partner permanently, so that if anything like that happened again I could say I was already paired.”

“And did the bully leave you alone after that?”

“No, he doubled down until, two weeks later, Zhen beat him senseless - which he was almost expelled for.”

“Oh, no!”

“That's what he was like then,” Tamyn said with a wistful sigh. “He carried a deeply hidden anger, and could be quite bellicose, but he only ever unleashed it on those truly deserving, like that miscreant. He would always step in if he saw a man harassing a woman, or an upperclassman picking on younger students. He hated to see anyone being mistreated.”

Kazia was quiet for a moment, but then asked, “So, then you were together?”

Tamyn shook his head.

“That took longer, almost to the end of that first year.”

He became very thoughtful.

“When you are like us... you have to be careful. Most people in our glorious Five Nations are accepting and even welcoming of differences, but everyone isn't. Sometimes men can be very insecure in their identities, and that can make them dangerous. They can become violent if they feel they've been offended.

So if you like someone, you have to tread cautiously - feel them out slowly. You want to be sure of them before you confess anything. It can take a long time. Back then, I was far too timid to even try it.

So, we were just study partners for a long time, but I liked him very much, and I was a flustered wreck around him all the time - clumsy and dropping things, and I was sure that he must think me the most ridiculous character. Until one night, we were studying in his dorm room.

There were four to a room, so being alone was impossible, but somehow that night all of his roommates were out. He was reading a poem aloud, and I was taking notes as he read. It was a love poem, and some of the imagery was quite...”

Tamyn blushed and coughed slightly.

“I'm sorry, I've just realized I'm talking about your brother.”

“No, no, it's fine,” Kazia said with a delighted laugh, her face beaming. “It's quite thrilling. Please, go on!”

Tamyn found her smile infectious, and returned it although he was blushing deeply now.

“As I listened to his voice saying these things, my heart just went into absolute panic, and I broke my pencil pressing it to the page so hard. Then, without once looking away from the book, he handed me a fresh pencil and very casually said, 'You don't have to be so nervous. I like you too.'”

“Ah!” Kazia exclaimed, clapping both hands over her mouth.

“And in the next breath he started talking about the author's homeland and its impact on the imagery, or something, I really don't remember what. My brain froze. We just continued studying, somehow, and I was starting to think I'd misheard him, but then just as I was leaving, he kissed me. Then we were together, for the rest of our University years.”

Tamyn's voice died off, and his face fell.

“I don't understand,” Kazia said sadly. “You clearly love him so much. I don't understand how he could just walk away from that.”

“Those last two years were difficult,” Tamyn said. “We'd both stayed on to do a post-graduate, but your father was opposed to it and wanted him to go home. He put a lot of pressure on Zhen, restricting his money, among other things. The summer after that first year of post-grad, he went home and was gone longer than he said he'd be. When he came back, he'd been injured. He wouldn't let me see it, or tell me what happened. He wouldn't talk to me much at all.”

Kazia's face was stricken with a horrified expression, but Tamyn continued in a rush.

“Except that he started to talk a lot about the responsibilities of leaders, and his obligations to his people. Reminding me constantly that he was the Prince Heir of Devratha. He became sullen and irritable. His temper would flare up out of nowhere.”

“He didn't hurt you!?”

“No. Never. But halfway through that last year he started making excuses to avoid me. When we would have a rare night together, he would seem angry with himself afterward, and I wouldn't see him again for some time. Then at the end of the year, he told me that he had to go home, and that I should find someone who could give me a life. Then he just disappeared. I don't even know if he attended our graduation ceremony. I didn't see him there. He was just gone.”

Kazia's head was lowered, her face pale and alarmed, but her eyes darted around as if she were trying to remember something.

“Kazia, are you alright?” Tamyn asked. “Am I too morose?”

“I think I know what happened,” she said quietly. “That summer.”

She was silent for a long moment.

“Gorvan was...” her lips trembled and her eyes were gathering tears “...training me,” she said harshly.

“I suppose you know...”

“I do,” Tamyn said softly.

“Zhenzhi came in and he threw himself between us, covering me. Gorvan just kept... it was so... it was terrible.”

Her tears were flowing freely now and her breath caught in a choking gasp.

“He was unconscious, and there was so much blood. He was in bed for weeks.”

She looked up at Tamyn.

“It was my fault,” she whispered.

“No!” he said. “No, please don't think that.”

He reached a hand toward her, but she jumped back.

“Don't-” she said hurriedly, but gave him a weak smile. “Touching is... not good.”

“Oh...” he said, retracting his hand and nodding, his own eyes glistening now as well. “He said something last night. He summoned me to ask after you in the first place. He knew that you were in the University. He was afraid that you were dead.”

Kazia's eyes widened.

“He told me last night that he had given everything up for you. Kazia, I think he went home to protect you.”

Kazia shook her head.

“But he didn't,” she said. “He became Gorvan's lap dog and went along with everything.”

“I think... he thought that he could. But your father just overpowered him. Those first years that we were together, he was always so confident and sure of himself, but I always suspected that he was just testing his freedom, wearing a mask of youthful bravado. In time I learned how fragile that mask really was. Seeing how he is now... he's just broken.”

Kazia nodded.

“That is Gorvan's method. He wants to dismantle you so that he can rebuild you into what he wants you to be. I've spent these past years trying to rebuild myself into what I want to be.

I want the same opportunity for Zhenzhi. It seems that Gorvan hasn't completely pushed him into his own mold yet. But if he doesn't find another way, he'll just be broken and then left like that.”

“I won't let that happen,” Tamyn said firmly. “We'll get him out.”

Kazia smiled and nodded resolutely.

“Thank you,” she said sincerely. “Tamyn, thank you for loving him. Thank you.”

Her tears were coming again.

Tamyn smiled and began to reach a hand to her before remembering himself and drawing it back again.

“Well, I hope you don't mind me saying, but I'm beginning to love you, too,” he said briskly, picking up the teapot to refill their cups.

Kazia laughed through a sob.

“How could I ever mind that?”

 

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