I'll be honest, I was not as happy as I thought I would be. I had helped apprehend some dangerous criminals, and protected the royal family. But I kind of felt for them, the criminals. It was stupid Taisiya's horniness, but she had quickly formed relationships with most of them. 

It felt wrong to celebrate while they were all mired in gloom. And death, of course. I had assumed that we would let commonwealth citizens go, but it seemed not. I thought about Brigita's flowers, so pretty and delicate.

The voice of the Colonel had given several more commands to SNAILS, but basically the instruction was to wait for her to arrive, which would happen shortly.

I had kept hold of Najla though, hand at her throat, because of paranoia, and because it felt better to be holding someone.

"Major Lalitha," said Rajani, "May I speak?"

"Sure," I said.

"I don't think you're right about Taisiya being an artificial cover persona," Rajani said.

"What?" I said.

"I think she's real," said Rajani. 

It kind of warmed my heart that even at this lowest point she still wanted Taisiya to be real. "No, she's not," I said.

"Moniker and I looked through her public records," said Rajani, "There's a lot, and it's very human, and mixed up."

"Are you suggesting that Naval Intelligence can't fake some social profiles?" I said.

"No, they could have," agreed Rajani, "But I got the distinct feeling that they didn't."

"What are you saying?" I asked.

"That Taisiya is real, and that Lalitha is the artificial persona dropped on top," said Rajani, "Designed to complete a particular mission, this one."

"Ridiculous," I said.

"Moniker, can you search through the archives for me?" asked Rajani.

"My name is SNAILS," said SNAILS, "With Major Lalitha's approval l can search the archive."

"For what?" I asked.

"To see if we've got any record of Lalitha existing," said Rajani.

"Sure," I said, waving to SNAILS. 

"Please stand by."

Rajani gave a tired half-smile to Najla, a feeble attempt to cheer her up. Riin and Nada were huddled together. I wondered what Nada had been in the Empire; a technician, a servant? Probably she didn't intend to be dragged along in Rajani's treasonous theft.

"Found one," said SNAILS, "From an academy outing to the Fenimore shipyards, approximately twenty years ago, Cadet Lalitha."

SNAILS brought the image up on the holodisplay, zoomed in. I felt a rush of gratitude as I recognised myself; red hair in a pigtail, standing stupidly proud at attention. I remembered that day, vaguely. I was real.

"Same general build," said Rajani, "But different eye colour, hair colour, skin tone…"

"Yes, a bit of minor cosmetic surgery," I said. "Well within our capabilities."

"Except that makes no sense," said Rajani, "Why would you fake your appearance? If Taisiya is invented out of whole cloth, what is the point of giving her different hair?"

"To fool you?" I suggested. But it did seem over the top.

"I mean, you're right, it looks like you are not an artificial persona," said Rajani, "Lalitha is real, but it's a mind image dropped on top of Taisiya's real body and mind."

I was silent. Taisiya remembered being shown off the Compassion for stealing. Maybe to a Patrol vessel? That didn't make sense if I was a real person, if Taisiya was fake.

"I wonder if the muscle and bone lace was because it could be useful," mused Rajani, "Or whether because otherwise it was risky to have you operate a body with such limited abilities compared to what you were used to."

I wasn't really listening. Fuck. She was right. I was a copy.

I let Najla go, dropping my hand, and pushing her away. It wouldn't make any difference anyway, the Navy had SNAILS, and the Colonel would be here soon.

Najla hurried across the room, Rajani nodding tightly at her, breathing a sigh, presumably, of relief. 

I wasn't sure how the Navy would treat a copy, but even in the most wishful thinking version of events, I would be a copy of an original. A poor copy, as I was beginning to think that Taisiya was leaking into my mind. Well, thinking about it, this brain was Taisiya's home territory.

"Sorry," I said, the universe's most worthless apology, and sat down heavily in one of the chairs.

Nalja rubbed her throat.

"It's all over; now we wait," said the Captain, "But I guess you got pulled in too."

*

SNAILS showed the arrival of the manta on the holodisplay, like it was some royal parade. One of the Squid's docking tentacles reached out for it, fastening onto it's airlock. 

Ten figures came through, most wearing blank masks and dark blue armoured environment suits – marines. One bore medals and gilt, the Colonel, I guessed, and one wore what looked like a civilian env-suit. They were joined by an equal number of SNAILS robots, marching alongside them. Three marines split off, perhaps towards the brig, to rescue the prince.

SNAILS followed them on various cameras as they walked through the ship. I wondered whether Taisiya's holocameras were amongst them. Two more marines were left at the door to the bridge, and the rest trooped in to meet us.

The marines had their longarms at the ready, falchion-VI beam throwers primed to go. The robots also had a hand flipped back, ready to fire. In the centre was the Colonel, with the civilian a few steps behind.

"Welcome," said Captain Rajani. 

The Colonel gave a little chuckle, modulated by her helmet. "Commander Rajani, you gave us quite the chase," she said.

"But you caught us," said Rajani, "Care to gloat, Colonel Lalitha?"

What? 

The Colonel pulled her helmet off, a shock of red hair spilling over her collar. She was me! A little older looking than I thought I was, but…

Shit.

"Mind telling me how you worked that out?" said the Colonel. 

"Well, once we'd worked out that the Major was a copy," said Rajani, "It did make me think about why you were so secretive. I guess copies wonder about their long-term career prospects?"

The Colonel glanced at me. "Everyone will be rewarded for their efforts in countering treason," she said. I could tell when I was lying. "The Major has been very useful."

"Oh yes," said Rajani, "I bet you were beside yourself – no pun intended – when you found Taisiya."

"We had our Patrol contacts on the lookout for months," admitted the Colonel, "We were very happy with Taisiya, yes."

"But how did you find out about us?" said Rajani. "I mean, as far as you know, the ship just disappeared before the shakedown cruise."

"That the most competent and highly decorated bodyguard should contrive to steal the AI codes from a Crown Prince who, with all due respect, was regarded as somewhat drippy?" said Colonel Lalitha, "It doesn't take that much working out. And luckily we found a contact who could confirm all the details."

The Colonel signalled to the civilian, who began unfastening her helmet.

"I honestly thought that we would have to use mind scans and torture, which takes forever," said the Colonel, "But she really really hated you people."

The civilian took her helmet off. I didn't recognise the woman; long face, green hair fading to black at the roots, but Riin made a squeak.

"Hello Ji-Eun," said Rajani, apparently unsurprised. 

"Sorry," Ji-Eun said, "They picked me up on the outpost, and…"

"I completely understand," said Rajani, "You always were a bit too clever for this crew. Well, you've explained everything, Colonel. And you must have the prince from the brig by now. Excellent job. So is it handcuffs time, or will you just kill us here?"

The Colonel looked a bit taken aback by the Captain's attitude. She spoke into her lapel, "Squad B, report."

"Uh," said the voice, "Colonel, we're searching for the target, but it looks empty. I mean, like it has been for a while."

"But she said…" said the Colonel, anger rising. "What did you do with the Crown Prince?"

"Doesn't exist," said Rajani. 

"You've killed him? You traitorous-" began the Colonel. 

"No," said Rajani, "More that the Prince never really existed."

"What?" exclaimed Lalitha, "Have you gone insane?"

Did I really sound like that when I'm annoyed?

Nada cleared her throat. 

"She's trying to tell you that the Prince was never a prince. I was never a prince," said Nada, "Now, Princess Hyacinthe was what my bodyguard and lover Commander Rajani called me, until she was kind enough to take all names from me. And Moniker was also good enough to make some surgical alterations, and provide me with medical advice."

She actually struck a pose.

There was a pause as we all – marines and both Lalithas – attempted to take this in; to compare Nada's naked bejeweled form with pictures of the slight Prince.

"What has Rajani done-" began the Colonel. 

"Oh, please," said Nada, "For once, it was not her decision. She just… offered me an escape."

"Well," said Colonel, "Prince… er, Princess, I’m sure the royal family-"

"Ugh," said Brigita, from the floor. "Fuck."

"Really, Brigita," said Rajani, "Terrible timing. Lalitha was about to tell us how the notoriously conservative and autocratic imperial royal family was going to welcome their surprise princess with open arms. It was going to be hilarious."

"What?" said Brigita. "Did someone shoot me?"

The Colonel looked at me. "You said she was dead!"

I shrugged and laughed. "Hey, red beam, falling over, seems like it."

"Of course," said SNAILS, "The colours are purely for human comprehension; both kill beams and stun beams are invisible, but it's very hard if you can't tell when your gun is firing. So we add colours. It's very easy to swap them."

The robot bodies swivelled, and the marines went down.

"See, no flashes then," said Moniker, "But don't worry, they're probably fine. I think."

Lalitha was looking around dumbfounded. 

"So I never had the codes to transfer them," said Rajani, "Honestly, we didn't even steal this ship, the Princess just took it a little early."

Colonel Lalitha finally went for her gun, and three robots shot her before it was out of its holster.

Rajani plucked the gun out of her hand as she fell.

"But you," the Captain said, turning towards me, "You were a real problem, holding Najla hostage like that."

"Sorry," I said, again.

The Captain set the gun to stun, careful to show me the dial, and shot me.

*

Taisiya guessed this was the hostage suite. It was nice. She stretched out in the bed, luxuriating in the cotton sheets. 

Around her neck was a thick collar; she had felt it to determine its size. Taisiya doubted this one was snappable. 

She got out of bed and padded to the bathroom. Her two holocameras took off from a sideboard and began to orbit her; she waved at them.

When she was done with her toilet, she got back into bed, and lifted her breakfast tray on top. Melon, scrambled tofu, toast, tea.

She was just finishing up when the Captain arrived. 

"Taisiya?" Rajani asked, cautiously. 

"Yep," agreed Taisiya. 

"Is Lalitha still there?" the Captain asked. I was.

"Yeah," said Taisiya, "In the background, kind of… reporting? Or narrating, I guess. It's weird."

The Captain pulled up a chair to the side of the bed.

"Najla and Moniker are picking through the manta's mind lab at the moment," said the Captain, "They will work out how to get rid of her."

"I'm not sure you need to," said Taisiya, "She's kinda merging, I think? She ended up liking you and the crew a fair bit."

"Hmm," said the Captain, "I'm not sure Najla will go for that."

"How is Najla?"

"Shook up," said the Captain, "She knows it wasn't you, of course, but it might be a while before she visits."

"Um, talking of a while," said Taisiya, "Are you putting me off the ship because-"

"No," said the Captain, "Not unless you want to safeword?"

"No," said Taisiya. "About… well, I don't know if you caught it, but… I am a jewel thief."

"We know!" said the Captain, "You turned up with a stolen choker and asked to board, remember?"

"Oh."

"So as soon as this matter is resolved," the Captain said, "You're encouraged to try again. I can just imagine how great it would be punishing you. Railing you bent over a pile of jewels, say. Does that sound good?"

It did sound good. "Um, moving on, what else have I missed?"

"Well, let's think," said the Captain, "Moniker took over the manta without too much trouble. At the end, some marines realised that the robots weren't their friends, and a couple of robots got damaged, but nothing that Moniker couldn't deal with."

"I can't believe it went along with being called SNAILS," Taisiya said.

"I know, and correcting me about it!" said the Captain, "What else? Brigita was really pissed about being unconscious for the best bit. But she and Nada had fun packing the marines into our lifepods. We've called loads of the Patrol on them; the Patrol is pretty keen on not becoming police, so I think they'll investigate."

"Ji-Eun?" asked Taisiya. 

"Talking to Riin," said the Captain, "You get what she did? Told them what they wanted to hear? Partly to not get tortured, but also… well, she's got seriously mixed feelings about us, but if she had told them the truth they'd have been a hell of a lot better prepared."

"What will happen to her?"

"Don't know," said the Captain, "Probably we'll drop her off again, somewhere more secure. Maybe she'll persuade Riin to go with her. Or maybe she'll stay here, but not as part of the… sex group. Polycule, I suppose. Moniker has been trying to get me to loosen up on the rules."

"Really?" said Taisiya. 

"Yeah," said the Captain, "And when an AI tells you you're a bit too rules bound…"

Taisiya laughed.

"So," continued the Captain, "I'm afraid we'll have to keep you here until we work out how to prevent you going all Lalitha on us. But we can visit."

"Yeah?"

"I mean," said Captain Rajani, "At the moment, I haven't got anything I should be doing."

"Really?" said Taisiya, "I can think of a certain pirate slave who needs doing."

"Hmm," said the Captain, and Taisiya caught the flash of subcutaneous lumicircuitry. "Have to make you safe first."

Taisiya tried to lift her arms and legs. Nothing. She relaxed into the fear.

"What are you going to do?" she asked.

"No talking," said the Captain, grabbing her chin. She leant forward, and kissed Taisiya, firmly, tongue probing. "As I recall, I did promise you making out."

They kissed again, mouths clashing, Rajani biting her bottom lip, drawing blood.

Taisiya was already becoming aroused. "And then what?" she said.

The Captain slapped her. "I said no talking, slave," she reminded Taisiya. "But after that, when you're nice and wet and aching… Moniker is going to join us."

Taisiya raised an eyebrow. 

"Mmm," said the Captain, going in for another kiss. "It's better if you can tag team this sort of thing. Really don't want to get tired, and end your extreme edging too early."

(The End)