Stella’s Pov

My woman!

 

I could feel it, I was getting so dizzy that I could barely see properly.

I stubbornly drove further, away from the area that Alec worked at, and as soon as I was sure I was far enough away, I quickly opened the door, stumbling forward and let out what had been wanting to be let out for quite a few minutes.

Falling to my knees and putting a hand to the close by tree trunk, I waited until my stomach was emptied…Well, emptier then it already was…

It wasn’t something I could hide anymore…

At first, I thought I was just sick, but vomiting started to become more often and realizing that I hadn’t received my last period, I was sure that I was pregnant.

Luckily, I hadn’t showed any of the symptoms in front of Alec…But, they are getting a lot harder to keep under control now.

If I was right, I’d only be a month or so into the pregnancy, but…

Wiping my mouth, I slowly got up and thought to stand still for a moment, before moving.

I didn’t like the dizziness, I didn’t like the vomiting…But I couldn’t help but notice, all this time, that this would happen at some stage, if there was no type of contraceptive!

I had questioned it lightly before, but as usual, I hadn’t wanted to ‘care’…I was an idiot…

This was something important and I had needed to question this type of thing!

 

I was sure about a week ago, and for that week, I had thought of many, many things…

I had also thought that I was also very immature.

Not questioning and now having a responsibility as grand as this…How could I be ready for it?

Nonetheless, it is done. I had to mature up and no longer cry…Not that I had cried much about it…

A week ago, I had asked for this very day, knowing I will have to seek a doctor and find out for sure if I was right or not…

But…I really don’t need the doctor’s tests, I was sure of it.

I know my ‘precious’ was now being held hostage, but it didn’t matter, over this week, I had come to the conclusion that I needed space…And…I wanted my mum.

I felt like…I needed someone…Someone else. I needed to understand this responsibility more and I just felt like the best person to do that, would be my mum…And the best possible supporter…

Of course, deep down I was scared about this, but…I needed to go to her! I needed to do this!

Whether I come back later or not, was still a mystery to me, but right now, I just wanted to go back home and get my mum!

It was so strange, because I felt that I was weak, yet I also felt like I could be a hell of a lot more stronger, if she was with me!

So, with exchange for my freedom, I have given away my ‘precious’…

 

Once I made it to a place that had a supermarket, I got out of the car and locked it up. I put the keys under the car and near a tire and got out a wallet that I had stolen two days ago.

Calling a cab, from around the side of the supermarket and away from camera’s, I rode that for as long as I could, with the money I had.

With gratitude, I said my thanks and walked the extra half an hour back to…Where I used to live…A long time ago!

Walking up to the gate, I was scared. What if they had moved? What if they didn’t want to see me? Would they had forgotten me entirely?

I was worried and anxious, and I had never felt scared of my own emotions before, but I couldn’t stop them from making me feel like this! Actually, ever since leaving Alec and his warehouse…I felt like I was shaking. That…My thoughts over the last three months that had been stopped by him, were somehow refreshing themselves and…

Well…I wasn’t out in the big sea anymore, I was closer to the beach, but the waves were still coming!

Putting my slightly shaking hand on the intercom, I pressed the button and waited.

What was I doing?

“Hello?”

I stood there, not saying anything.

My breathing started to become heavy and I put my hands through my hair.

What was I doing?

Didn’t I accept that I was never going to return back here? Why is it that a baby should change such a decision? I stayed away when I had been beaten so much I was in bed for two weeks! I stayed away when I had done my first job as a stripper, seeing all those scary men looking at me with crazy eyes…Why now!?

“Hello?”

 

I couldn’t believe that I was just standing there like an idiot…Yet, I was…Because I had no idea on what to do!

So many emotions rapidly flowed through me, making me feel hot and cold. Questions filled my head, making me think that they were giving me a headache…

Putting a hand to my forehead and a hand to the fence, I tried to steady myself, but found myself falling to the ground.

I…Don’t think I ever felt so lost before!

I don’t know how long passed but someone came walking out, as I could hear their footsteps on the drive way.

I just…Couldn’t move, I felt so light headed that I could faint…

“Hello? Do you need help?”

Help? Yes…Yes, I need help…

I put my head against the fence, finding it’s cool surface nice against my forehead.

“Would you like us to ring an ambulance?”

“No.” My voice crocked, and I cleared my throat. “Is…Is a Kathleen Peterson still living here?”

I didn’t want to be rude, but I couldn’t look up, as it was I was fighting a losing fight to fainting.

“Yes, Kathleen Peterson lives here? Do you know her?”

Hearing that, seemed to be the enough to put me out for some reason. Had I been that worried that they had moved?

Feeling myself black out and not even feeling myself fall the rest of the way to the ground, I strangely still felt ok…

 

Lifting my eyelids, I found myself…In my old room…

The same posters of my olden day idols, my dolls and barbies, my little girl dresses and table top and dresser.

I put my hand up to my forehead and tried to stop myself from feeling this rush of emotions going through me.

After a good minute, I put my hand down and uncovered myself from the familiar blanket.

Not being able to stand properly after one go, I waited a short time before trying a second time. I was really, already…So sick of this dizziness!

Finally, able to walk slowly, I walk out of the room and down the familiar hallway.

The pictures were changed or added, but it still felt familiar to me.

Then I saw my brother, Collin, playing the Xbox and my father talking to somebody as my mum seemed to be sitting there, dazing out into space.

“Mum…”

My mum rushed up and ran towards me, scaring me out of my wits and took me into her arms.

I breathed out in a hurry, as I was worried that she was going to make me fall over. “Mum…”

“Claire! Ohmigod, Claire, I have been looking everywhere for you!”

My mother’s mumbles only made me feel worse. “I’m sorry.”

“Claire.” I heard my father say, or was it a question?

“Mmm.” I state, not sure on what else to do.

“Claire!” Collin ran over as well.

Ah, a hug, a nonsexual hug…Both feel pretty good…I suppose.

I tried with all my might to comfortably hug them in return, but it was very difficult. As, all these years…This is something I had gone without…

 

“Come, the doctor said that we should get some toast or crackers into you, even if you vomit them back up again.”

I look at my mother and gave a small nod, following after her as she held my hand. It was a secret for a whole week, only me knowing…Now…It looked like it was known throughout this whole house, without even me telling them!

To be honest, I was sorta glad. I had no idea how I was going to tell them…None at all!

But…Now that they already knew, I let out a silent breath in relief.

“Makes me wonder if she would come back at all, if she wasn’t pregnant though.” My dad said, having been the only one not to hug me.

I looked at him and lost all the nerves I had tried to organize myself but felt like I was a big bundle of problems. “If I am not welcome here, I will go.”

My words were emotionless, as was my face. I had always thought that I could never return back home anyway. Perhaps I was being utterly stupid for returning, hell even thinking about it would be stupid!

“No! Stop it, Joe!” I heard my mum say.

I didn’t know how much I needed her, with her words and dedication for me to stay though, I finally burst into tears!

“Oh, look at what you’ve done!” My mum said, taking me into her arms once again.

I took hold of her clothes and clenched them into my hands, like they were my last lifeline.

I should have come back sooner, I shouldn’t have thought that staying away was my best option!

All the grievances that I had gone through just seeped into my tear ducts and came out as tears, making my mother’s clothes wet.

Having been kidnapped when I was coming back home years ago, to having been threatened with a knife. Having been taken to the police, scolded, hurt, stolen, been a stripper…Him…Whether I was upset, angry, hurt, mad or whatever, it seemed to come out as tears…And for the first time, in…A long time…I felt like crying was making me feel a little better.

The whole reason why I had stopped, was because it didn’t accomplish anything and made you look weak, but right now…That was not put into play at all! It felt like I was destined to cry right at this minute in my mother’s arms…

It was a weird feeling, that’s for sure!

 

Somehow, she had got us on the couch, even while I was still clenching her clothes and crying.

When I pulled away and wiped my eyes, I saw this and stayed quiet. I never thought that my mum would make me cry like that…I’ve never cried like that!

Either way, I was very tired now. I was so tired, that I put my head onto the couch and closed my eyes.

Upon hearing voices in the background and feeling the couch’s absence of my mother’s body, I still didn’t move.

I felt completely bushed, like I had run miles and miles and could not run anymore!

I let the darkness over take me and I couldn’t remember the last time that I was feeling so empty. Empty from worries or feelings…

It was like my full bucket of life had been emptied…

It was a weird feeling…I felt…Strange.