“Kane! Assemble the Rat Army! We are going to war again! A war to end all wars! Two of them!” Said Karen, as she kicked all the junk food wrappers and containers in the throne room out of her way. Then squeezed her completely normal doge sized body out through the double doors.
From the top of the castle walls, Karen looked down onto her rat army, now thousands strong. Kane was right, her army really has grown, both in quantity and in quality. She noticed that the individual rats looked healthier and larger, with a more intelligent gleam in their eyes.
Even the two Ratboys looked healthier. Their bodies had grown a few inches taller and put on a few pounds of muscle. Their equipment was also better, they had found some ratty but thick trench coats to wear and both of them were now protected by orphanage issued rubber boots, gloves, and aprons. In their hands were sharp looking shovels, also traded or taken from the orphans adventurers above.
Travis and Tyrone’s fashion sense reminded Karen of those two kids from Columbine HS. They looked like twins, except for Travis, who had his hair braided into a rat’s nest/saddle shape for Geppetto to ride in.
“Okay boys, girls, and gentlerats, we can’t stop winning! So I am going to divide our army in two and start a two front war! We are going to win twice as much and twice as fast! Now here’s how we are going to do this, everyone picks a partner, anyone who is standing next to you will do. Don’t worry, this is not some elaborate way to kill off half of y’all to reduce the population to maintain some kind of sick ecological balance,” said Karen.
The rats looked up at Karen with blind faith and did what they were told.
“Good, now you folks on the left are Rat Army #1 and the group right is Rat Army #2!”
Karen whispers to Kane, “which direction is safest? The surface or the depths?”
“Most certainly the depths, your highness. The Australians above are a wicked and cruel sub-species of the human race. They have killed thousands of our kind with their kid sewer cleaners and our very own city has been burned to the ground many times by their higher level teams.
As a matter of fact, I have been expecting a high level adventure team attack for the last two months now. Our brazen slaughter of the Graduates Gang was more than enough reason for a retaliation raid.” -Kane.
“Rat Army #1 you are with me! We will do the most dangerous work of exploring and capturing the depths below! Hey Travis, I’m putting you and Tyrone in charge of Rat Army #2. You boys know the surface better than anyone here right? Kane, you’re with me. Now let's move out!” -Karen.
Without waiting for any answer from Travis, Rat Army #1 marched out with Karen trotting at the front. She was now too big for even the ROUs to carry her.
Travis and Tyrone could almost hear crickets after Army #1 left, if the rats hadn't eaten all the sewer crickets years ago. They looked at each other, surprised by their new promotion to leaders of a Rat Army. Not sure what to do, they continued to look at each other and then at the rat army they were now tasked to lead. The rats looked back, thousands of eyes blinking, perpetually hungry, waiting for orders.
“Lets get revenge on Wing and the rest of those nuns at the orphanage. We can shovel up our old school,” said Travis as he raised his shovel.
“Whoa dude, don’t even joke about that, the Fantasy Bureau of Investigation (FBI) monitors everything we say and write! They got mind mages and stuff tracking key words and phrases! I am sure ‘School Shovelings’ would put us on one of their watch lists.
Besides, if we burn down the orphanage, then where will all the kids go? You want everyone to come down here and live with us? Don’t think Karen wants extra mouths to feed and I don’t think your bathtub is large enough for everyone to sleep in bro.
Hey, that reminds me, did Karen ever give you the deed to the bathtub like she said she would?” -Tyrone
“She sure did, it’s right here.” Travis pulled a grocery store receipt out of his backpack and flipped it over. Karen had scrawled out: Deed- One Rat Town Rusty Bathtub, three metes and one bound from the sewer river, signed 
”
Having successfully distracted Travis from school violence, Tyrone asked, “what were our orders again? Just lead Rat Army #2 to the surface and do… what?”
Answering himself, “we need food right? Just look how hungry our Rat Army already is from waiting for us to do something. I say we do a food riot and go loot that grocery store you always go to.” -Tyrone
“Hell no! Jahx, the shopkeeper, is my friend. Besides, even if the rats don’t eat him, the store is going to go out of business after we clean it out. Don’t think he’s insured against carnivorous rat swarms. Then where will I go to buy what we need? There isn't another grocery store around here for miles.” -Tyler.
“Okay what other places close by, on the surface, can we raid for food? Help me draw out a map.” Picking up his shovel, Tyrone starts doodling a map of the town in the dirt with Travis.
Rat Army #1 marched following the flow of the river down into the depths. As they descended, Karen could see plant life in the sewer water.
“Hey Kane, am I hallucinating again or is that river weed growing down there in the sewer river? That water is super toxic right? How is anything growing in that water?” -Karen points at a plastic bag looking thing in the water.
“No my queen, that is indeed river weed growing in the sewer water. This type of water plants somehow filters out the pollutants around them. You may have noticed the water becoming clearer and more clean as we move downstream.
Fun fact; the river weed is also delicious! We harvest, then dry out, crush, and sprinkle the weed onto the mushrooms we grow and eat for flavor. They have a umami palate profile. Just don’t eat too much, because the level of umami flavor determines how toxic the plant is.
How does it work? I don’t know, but I do know a rat who may have answers. Allow me to introduce you to our very first Rat Naturalist class.” Said Kane, as he waves forward a familiar looking rat carrying babies.
Karen: “oh hi again Rat Mom, you're a working mom now I see. How are the kids?”
Rat Mom, somehow carrying a dozen pinkies on her back; “yes your highness, this litter is very well behaved. I don’t think I'll have to eat any of them. Because I am so good with kids, the great swarm intelligence has blessed me with this new class which I have been putting to good use for the last month.”
“So you have already been down here for a whole month?” asked Karen.
“Yes, only one month out of the two since I classed up. The Rat Army has very good maternity leave benefits. We get a whole month off to bond with our babies.”
“If you ever need a babysitter, just ask! I can even help wean your pinkies, just look at my bitch titties full of milk!” said Karen while eating a bag full of sewer weed and dancing around on her hind legs, her 10 swollen doge nipples flapping in the wind.
Rat Mom, Kane, and the rest of the Rat Army looked away in embarrassment.
Kane coughs, “Please continue with your ecological report Rat Naturalist.”
“Yes of course, the sewer ecology is more diverse and unique than I could have ever imagined. As we travel deeper, more and more of the sewer water is purified allowing for a full ecosystem to flourish down here in the darkness.
There are snails that feed on the weed, who are then eaten by fish, that are then eaten by alligators.These are the 4 dominant species of this underground ecosystem.” -Rat Mom.
“Oh snap, sewer crocs are real?!” -Karen.
“Yes my queen, it was not easy observing and learning about them in their natural habitat.” -Rat Mom.
“How did you survive a whole month down here by yourself?” -Karen.
“As the first of my people to become a Naturalist, I was blessed by the God of the Naturalists, Steve Irwin. If any of these animals try to eat me, I just say ‘Crikey’, and they become non-hostile. Does not work against stingrays though, but I have not encountered any of those down here so far.”
“Hey Kane, why haven't we come down here before to set up more farms and stuff? You can even do fish and alligator farms.” -Karen.
“My liege, please take the plastic bag off of your head and take another look at the creatures that reside here. The fish and alligators are our natural predators, even the snails will eat us. Look at the size of them compared to us.” -Kane.
“Well that's just negative thinking. Where I come from, we’re really good at killing things. Now listen up everyone, I got a plan.”
