Those Who Seek Peace

Karl had been taken to a coffee stall. It was a rather unusual one, but seeing that Lynda had other motives. He followed quietly and then came to look at the shelter. It was a dormitory with multiple rooms. It was like a tenement with. Karl noticed that this building had flat ramps on the staircases. It has an elevator and on the entrance of the building there is a small hospital. Karl stopped as he eyed a man being pushed by a bluebird nurse.

“Welcome to the Veterans Shelter.”

There were many of them loitering around the courtyard. They were missing limbs. There are no lights in their eyes. The others stared at the sky as if hoping that it would fall down.

“Are you here to help?”

Lynda was called out so Karl assumed that she worked here. “No wonder you look so tired. You didn’t look so bad before, but knowing that you have this kind of job. I understand the exhaustion. Still, are you sure? I thought you wanted to be a songbird?”

“I guess I can’t be cool with this,” Lynda said. She walked to the front of the hospital. “I did think of becoming one. I found work after coming here. Sang on bars, clubs, and even got a role in a theater. Then I met a comrade here, a sister from back then who told me that there were many who needed help. Now, that isn’t my problem, I  told myself that this is a new age. That is no longer my concern. But I was wrong. I guess folk don’t change much. Especially after doing nothing but tending to the injured. I still like to sing. It is my dream, but at the same time I am used to doing this and it is natural for me to help them. I can’t just be cool seeing my sisters working themselves like this.”

Lynda’s voice was melancholic and somewhat self-defeating. As if she wanted nothing more than to leave this place. And yet seeing this place didn’t allow her to easily let go. She just couldn’t do it. To her it felt like she was dishonoring the mantle given to her.

A bluebird remained a bluebird. Karl saw the dark spots under her eyes. A bluebird ran around the courtyard, and then was livid when she saw Lynda. “Lyn! Help me! There is a patient that needs help!”

Karl ran alongside Lynda. He saw the man convulsing. Karl spotted a medicine cap and took the bottled medicine that was under the patient’s pillow. On the label of the bottle it reads that it was a medication for sleeping. The problem was that the medicine itself was also associated with soldiers who wanted to take eternal sleep.

Karl casts a glance at the soldier. He held the man’s hands and then nodded at him. They had a quiet understanding and the soldier simply let go. Lynda saw the look on Karl’s face. The nurse wiped her face, and for a second returned to that tired, exhausted look. It was as if all emotion was taken from her. Karl handed the medication to the nurse. She looked at Lynda and then asked. “Who is this gentleman?”

Lynda coughed. “This is Doctor Karl Von Alden. He was a soldier in the war. A field medic.”

“Pardon my manners, Doctor. I am Nurse Melly. Are you here to help?”

Karl smiled sadly. “No, Ms. Magnolia took me here today. I guess she wanted me to see the state of this shelter. Is it really this bad? What are the medical community doing?”

Nurse Melly shrugged, there was disappointment in her face as she heard that he wasn’t here to help. Karl really wanted to take some time to help. But he knew it himself that if he dared to help here right now. He’d be having a hard time to leave. He couldn’t leave his brothers alone. Not when they are like this. Karl just thought that it was strange that this place was underfunded.

“It’s not really,” Nurse Melly explained. “It’s just that there are many who are hoping to get prosthetics… only to come back after a week. It isn’t just the wound, Doctor. It is their mind that is broken. Their souls are hurt and the only place that would welcome them is a place where their brothers can be found. And this is the only place accepting the crippled.”

Karl nodded stiffly. He checked the soldier who passed away. He had a prosthetic arm. He was missing his toes and there were burn marks around the side of his neck. His shoulder was crooked and his right arm had signs of metal. Not to mention that he was missing his left ear and there was a huge scar around it. He guessed that he was around a shelling and was lucky or unlucky enough to survive.

Despair? Or was it the people who caused him to give up on life? Karl had many experiences in the field. Some were worse than hell. The rest was butchery. The rest were him turning on his brothers to release them from miserty. His brothers would come to him. How many hands he had held as they looked him in the eye as they died? How many begged for Karl, who they thought could only do it?

He didn’t have the heart not to do it either. He always thought that killing was something he didn’t care about. Even now he didn’t have many regrets for what he did. Only those who he had to put to rest because of their injuries.

It hurts more than killing the enemies. He thought it was far better to kill the ‘monsters’ than his friends in the field. He hated it. He loathed the idea of it and yet he knew that he had grown experienced. Even Nurse Melly could tell the hidden sorrow that he was desperately trying to hide behind the calm mask. The professional demeanor of a doctor and a soldier.

“Nurse Melly. I think we should search for the patients. There might be some who have the same medication. Are there any Orderlies?”

“There is. I will call them to have the patients searched.”

“Where's the acting doctor?”

“He’s on a trip to try and acquire a batch of prosthetics for the patients.”

“Is there another?”

“No.”

Somewhat, Karl understood why Lynda was like that. How she somewhat couldn’t allow herself to sing freely if she didn't help her brothers and sisters that fought in the war. She was a bluebird. That wouldn’t change no matter what. The years she spent in the heat of battle wouldn’t just go away.

The Orderlies and Nurse Melly thoroughly searched the patients. Some hid their medication in their pillows. Some hid them in their underwear. The rest hid them in caches hidden in the backyard of the shelter. It took about seven hours for them to search the place and reveal who sold them the medication. It was a fellow comrade named Wily.

“How could I leave them alone?” he sniffed. His eyes lacked courage to live. “They told me that they want to go peacefully. They know how the bluebirds have been taking care of them. How could they blow their heads in this place? Nah, they chose quiet, they had enough of loudness. Brother, are you a soldier too?”

“I am.”

“How long?”

“I served the whole war.”

Lynda nodded. She saw the dossier that Karl had. How many bars he earned in the war. He was a soldier and a healer.

“I see. Then you know what it’s like. To hear your brothers beg you for that sweet release. Who in their fucking right mind would want to do this?” He cried without sobbing. “It's my responsibility. They told me to do it. How can I not fucking listen to my brothers? I know it’s wrong. Oh, I do know that it is wrong. But how can I not act when they were ready to throw themselves off buildings or find a good place to hang their necks? Tell me, what would you do, huh!? Brother, you understand me right. And don’t give me that crap about having hope.”

He slammed his fist on the table. “Do you think that they can still have that condition? Rick there died because he couldn’t fucking stand it. He fucking fought for this country and look! Just look at how they throw him like a rag after it! The people fucking hated us. Think of us s butches after all we did. We defended our homes. Many died because of it. And now they think of us like we are some liability that needs fixing. Folk that aren’t needed anymore! So tell me huh! Why should I not allow this peace, eh!?”

He yelled. Karl could only nod at him. He knew what it felt like. And he found out that he had no refutes to give. He found no words to speak to this soldier who had taken the burden.