The two didn’t speak much on the walk back to the barracks. Idelle was absorbed in her own thoughts, and Cecilia seemed content to leave her be.
Magic was different than she expected. Less… magical, as stupid as that sounded. She’d always imagined it as chanted phrases and complicated gestures, not like sprouting a miraculous third limb. How was stuff like alchemy related? Part of her wanted to ask, but she wasn’t in the mood for another of Cecilia’s mini-lectures right now.
The revelations about magic beasts left her feeling conflicted as well. On one hand, she was glad that she hadn’t done something wrong in the forest, that there was no realistic way she could have avoided killing. On the other, the idea that the creatures were being controlled somehow and had no choice but to attack her left a bitter taste in her mouth.
She wondered if they’d had normal lives — at least until they were unlucky enough to be cursed by magic. Maybe the wolf had a wolf family, once. Then she’d come along…
Her eyes flicked down to glance at her left hand, as she slowly made and unclenched a fist.
She’d been trying not to think about it, but a horrible thought had been brewing in the back of her head. Nothing was controlling her, was it? She didn’t feel controlled. But was that why…?
Enough. She forced herself to finish the thought. Was that why she had felt the urge to drink blood? Both times she’d killed. It’d felt natural to her. Normal.
She shuddered. She didn’t want to think about it. She’d hoped that this would provide answers, not just more questions.
...Was that why she couldn’t use sense magic, either? Was she truly just some kind of monster, a more intelligent beast, but not at the level of a human being?
The thought sickened her. It couldn’t be. She must just be untalented. No, Cecilia was some kind of super prodigy who probably didn’t realize how hard this was for normal people. She’d get it soon.
She realized her hands were clenched into fists again and forced them to relax.
Cecilia’s voice broke into her reverie. “Ah, there’s the barracks. Any more quick questions for me before I split off here?”
Yes. Lots. She hesitated. “The spell you used to track me down yesterday. What affinity was that? It didn’t seem anything… simple, like fire or light.”
“Another good question,” Cecilia’s voice was cheerful, almost singsong, “There are some pretty complicated affinities out there, too many to get into now, but that charm is actually blood magic.”
Idelle started. “Blood magic?”
“Yeah, it sounds scary, I know, but it’s actually quite common. Healing spells, body enhancement for warriors and hunters, some farsight spells, tracking, and communication charms. All those usually use blood magic.”
“Wait, then could you make someone stronger or faster with blood magic? Or change their memories or something like that?” The question flew out of Idelle before she had time to think.
Cecilia started to answer, then paused. “Sorry, the answer to that one isn’t super quick. Um. The short answer is: not permanently, and no respectively. Ask me tomorrow, if we have time to practice again and you’re still curious?”
Idelle did her best to hide her disappointment and nodded. “Right. Sorry. I’ll see you later then.”
“Later!” The princess waved a languid hand and started off down the street. Idelle stared after her a moment, then turned and walked back to the barracks. She still wasn’t sure what to think of the girl, but she had other things on her mind for now. Blood magic. Cecilia had said the answer was no, but the changes to her body seemed too closely related to the things she mentioned for it to be a coincidence.
She’d have to find a chance to ask more. For now, she was going to eat and try again to “sense” magic somehow. If she kept trying surely something she’d get it tonight!
She didn’t get it that night. By the time she gave up, the sun was long set and she was too frustrated and upset to have any chance of relaxing or focusing. She finally just went to bed and quickly fell into a fitful sleep.
....
Idelle woke up to bright sunlight and a chilly breeze; she’d forgotten to shut the shutters on her window. She groaned, debating the merits of getting out from under the warm covers to close them and try and sleep further. In the end, she decided that if she had to get up either way, she might as well stay up.
A few minutes later saw her wandering back into the cafeteria. It was more crowded than yesterday morning, she guessed due to the earlier hour. Military discipline, or something like that. The atmosphere was split between groups socializing and lone individuals shoveling down food with practiced efficiency before quickly heading for the door.
She stared around, debating trying to find anyone she recognized. She choose otherwise. She was still grumpy from last night’s failure and didn’t feel like trying to socialize. Maybe tomorrow.
She ate quickly and mechanically, only pausing to grab a second plate full of food after she finished her first. Huh. Her appetite was coming back, wasn’t it? That felt like a good sign at least.
Or maybe she was just still hungry from all the exercise yesterday. She stared at the door contemplatively. Why not? Maybe it’d help her cheer up and focus a little. She had a thought that someone had told her once that running helped clear the mind. Too bad she couldn’t remember who. Ugh.
She brushed the thoughts aside and walked outside. The same woman as yesterday seemed to be leading a warm-up of some kind. She joined in and threw herself into focusing on the exercise.
After the class finished, she went back up to her room to try and find her “magic sense” again. Or at least, that was the plan.
Unfortunately, she still found herself unable to focus. The class had brought her to another unavoidable conclusion. Wasn’t she too strong? Like, way too strong? Keeping up with the strongest other soldiers had barely even been enough for her to break a sweat. She was willing to accept some degree of natural talent, but…
She looked at her slender arms and body. Yeah. There was no getting around it. She was definitely far stronger than she had any right to be. She tried to think back to the days before she’d fought the wolf. She’d been slower, right? She wasn’t totally sure, but…
If that was the case, wasn’t she a natural-born warrior? Or, if not born, then at least exceptionally suited for it. Wow. Part of her thought she should be disgusted at the thought. But she considered what Cecilia had told her about magic beasts, and the threat they posed. And not just that, but the way she’d felt fighting the wolf. Unconsciously, she found herself smiling a little.
“Yeah. Maybe this isn’t so bad.”
She didn’t quite know why she said the words aloud. Maybe just to reassure herself. She was starting to wish that there was another magic beast around to test some things with… No, that was a dangerous line of thought.
Focus. She was trying to master magic right now. Still… She glanced out the window, trying to get an eye for the sun, and resolved to join Ivar’s sword class again today. And hey, maybe she’d figure this whole magic thing out before then as well. She did feel like she was in a little bit of a better mood to relax and contemplate now.
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