The final ceremonies were surreal for me. One moment Alex’s soft lips were pressed against mine, her hand tangling in my hair as I slowly melted beneath her touch. The next I found myself torn back into cold reality as my VR pod logged me out of the game, its hatch opening. I always felt a bit sick going from my usual avatar back to my real body for some reason, but this time was particularly bad.

 

My body felt wrong, it was hard to not scratch at myself, and my stomach heaved. Why was I here? Why did I have to be like this? It wasn’t fair that those experiences I’ve had with Alex at my side would never be more than just a fantasy.

 

Being with another person in reality had just never felt right. Something about the image of my real self with another was simply off putting, no matter who it was. But when I was in VR, when I was Fleur… well, things were different. I found myself excited in ways I hadn’t felt before. Suddenly I had emotions and desires. I wanted to do things, and I had just realized that I wanted Alex.

 

The rest of the awards ceremony passed in a blur. I felt like I was suddenly drowning in my own thoughts. Some realization lurking at the back of my mind. It wasn’t until we were standing on the podium having our awards announced that I realized the hot girl who had entered this year actually was Alex. Last year she hadn’t looked terribly different from most of the other nerdy guys here, but she had clearly gotten body shaped like I heard about people doing occasionally, because she was stunning and I found myself feeling things I wasn’t quite ready to address.

 

I found myself looking into her eyes as they called out our awards along with our edgy gamertags. It was strange just how familiar they were. Nearly identical to her avatar’s. Which I suppose made sense if she had based her avatar off of her own genetics like I had. She had a whole soft and curvy goth vibe going on that made my cheeks flush, and I couldn’t help but think how her lips looked exactly like the ones I had just been kissing. I did my best to push down the tiny stab of jealousy that rose up at the thought of Alex being able to be her true self and live as a girl in reality. Sometimes I really wished I was trans so I could go to a shaping clinic too.

 

“Hey, Fleur. Pretty crazy, we both came out at the same time. I’m really happy for you,” Alex said with a smile, bumping my arm to get my attention. I blinked at her, not quite sure what she meant by me coming out, though strangely glad she didn’t use my other name.

 

“I’m… not sure what you mean. I just uploaded the wrong avatar this year is all,” I said. And it was her turn to blink in confusion, though what for I wasn’t really sure. After a moment she nodded, apparently coming to a conclusion, she intended to keep to herself.

 

“Ohhh. I see. Well, still a fun way to realize we’ve had two games in common, huh?” she said, a mysterious smirk gracing her full lips, which I definitely hadn’t been staring at.

 

“So, um. Is Alex still okay? And We’re still going to play Hunter’s Mark, right?” I asked, feeling a little lost as the celebration started and they led us backstage.

 

“Yeah! I still like Alex honestly, I think it suits me. And we’re definitely playing Hunter’s Mark. I’m still me, silly, just happier,” Alex said, and her grin was infectious. I had a feeling this next year was going to be interesting.

 

***

 

Things had been awkward at first when we met up in Hunter’s Mark again. This new understanding of one another as people beyond just our avatars was strange. At first I just wasn’t really sure how to act around Alex, but slowly we fell back into the rhythm we always seemed to have with one another. Side by side, working together perfectly with barely a word.

 

She didn’t bring up what had happened in the tournament, and neither did I. Something about it haunted my thoughts though, the jealousy of Alex’s transition that I felt so guilty about. Why did I feel that way? I found myself looking at her more as well. In the past she’d occasionally catch my eye, but I’d always push it away, It’s not like she could ever possibly be interested in me. She’d only ever kissed me after a win, since we’re such good friends. It’s not as if she would ever like the real me anyway.

 

It was months later, during another night around the campfire in game that she finally pushed me, and another crack was driven into my understanding of things. She’d asked what I was thinking about, and I had of course said I wasn’t thinking about anything. More because of how hard it would be to put my confused thoughts into words, than a genuine desire to keep things from her. Alex was my friend, my only one really, and that meant a lot.

 

Unlike a million times before, though, she didn’t let it go. I remember her slipping beside me and wrapping an arm around my shoulders. And she just started talking. She told me how she’d struggled for so long with her gender identity. The way she’d feel so at home in VR, in this avatar. Then when she’d have to leave, it felt nearly sickening. How there was always this sense of something missing.

 

I just remember breaking down and crying eventually. Everything she was saying just hit me so hard, it all was the same thing I had been living with for so long. Suddenly there was an answer to the hundreds of little oddities in my life, and everything clicked into place.

 

“I… I want to be a girl,” I said, my voice rough from crying. And then she kissed me again. My tear-streaked cheeks pressing against hers, and her warm lips gently working against mine as she ran her fingers through my hair.

 

“Welcome to the club,” she said, her eyes hooded.

 

“You’re such an incredible friend,” I said. She only sighed.

 

***

 

The autocab rolled to a stop outside a mid-tier hotel. This year’s tournament was being hosted in Neo-Seattle. I’d always wanted to visit. It’s strange how now that the world is so very interconnected, and travel is accessible that it’s just not something many people bother with. Why take a long trip in reality when there’s endless virtual worlds, indistinguishable in their detail from reality right at home, I suppose?

 

The hotel was nice enough, though nothing exciting. Standard bland corporate hologram art decorated the walls, and cyber-ferns had been tastefully arranged in rooms to liven them up. I sighed and approached the line to check in. I loved competing, pitting myself against the best and winning, but my goodness do I have the worst time sleeping anywhere that’s not my own bed.

 

I’ve always had weird texture sensitivities, and unless it’s my bedding, and my pillow it just grates on me. New bedding takes ages to get used to. Just another fun part of being me, I suppose.

 

As I stepped to the back of the line, I finally zoned back into reality for a moment and realized that Alex was the one at the front. She was wearing a pair of shorts that barely made it down to mid-thigh, with fine fishnet stockings underneath, and that old team hoodie she used to wear back when we were both, well. Not so openly girls. Her raven hair fell loosely around her shoulders, and I felt my face flush. As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t stop myself from admiring the swell of her hips, and the way her thighs looked in those fishnets.

 

I’d just started considering trying to sneak away, so she didn’t see me, and I didn’t have to try to act like a functional human in front of her. After realizing that I was in fact trans (and an outrageously dense egg) I had jumped on hormones right away. Apparently shaping wasn’t just sci-fi magic. You had to undergo hormone therapy for almost a year to minimize the shock on your body.

 

I feel like I’d come a long way, my skin had a glow now that always made me happy, and I’d even grown small breasts (which are incredibly tender, fuck no one tells you how much boobs hurt!). I always worked out a lot, I guess to force myself to be as manly as possible, so I was still quite muscular, and I hadn’t really decided how to feel about that. All in all, I still just kind of felt gangly, and half-formed, out of place no matter how I tried to present.

 

Before I could get past freezing from seeing Alex, though, she’d been given her keys and spotted me. Her entire face lit up with a smile, and it made me feel something that I didn’t really want to acknowledge right that moment. Her lips were a red that was almost black, and she’d done that sharp winged eyeliner that never failed to impress me (or make me feel other things).

 

“Hey cutie!” She said, quickly pulling me into a hug. I squeaked and took an awkwardly long time to hug back as the feeling of her soft warmth against me robbed me of thought.

 

“O… oh hello, Alex,” I said as she ended the hug, still standing close enough to me that her lips were incredibly distracting.

 

“I took the liberty of grabbing your keycard for you since I saw you walk in,” She said, slipping me a card, its paper sleeve labeled “Fleur” which made me a little giddy.

 

“You have such a cute smile. Want to help me find my room, and then maybe we can meet up later?” she said, placing a hand on my arm. I wasn’t sure exactly why she needed help to find her room, but something about her touching my arm and smiling at me seemed to have shorted out my brain.

 

“Uhuh,” I said, only really able to nod as she led me away.

 

She stopped in front of a door eventually, bouncing on her heels, which did very distracting things to her curves. I was still flustered from her complimenting my flannel in the elevator, and it was getting hard to form words (well, harder than normal. Which is hard enough to begin with, to be honest).

 

“I guess this is me. Where are you staying?” she asked as she scanned her card at the door which unlocked with a quiet click. I slipped my card out of its sleeve and froze. This couldn’t be right. I double checked my name on the sleeve, then the number on the card. Looking back and forth between my card and the room number.

 

“Something wrong?” Alex asked.

 

“Uhm, well, it appears I have the same room as you,” I said, not quite sure about what to do. She leaned forward, peering curiously at my card.

 

“Huh, well I guess we’re staying together. Not the first time we’ll have slept next to each other, anyway. You don’t mind, right?” and I supposed she was right, we’d cuddle up in a single sleeping bag even when the nights were really cold in Hunter’s Mark. And if they had us being roommates, it wasn’t like we’d have to be anywhere near that close to one another.

 

“Oh, yeah. Not a big deal. Just surprising is all. I guess we’d better check it out then?” I said. As we stepped into our room though, I knew right away I was in trouble. It was your normal hotel room. A single open space with a closed off bathroom, and a mid-tier holodisplay on the wall. This one just happened to have only one bed.

 

“I’ll… I think the floor should be okay. I’ll take the floor, the blankets seem nice enough, and it just…”

 

“Oh hush, it’s an enormous bed, plenty of space. No sense in you sleeping on the floor here, and I know how textures can bother you. There’s no way you’re going to get any rest sleeping on that carpet, Fleur,” she said, cutting my rambling off. I could only nod as I felt my blush spread all the way to the tips of my ears.