Chapter 4

Xie Xian followed Chen Heng into the house. For some reason the headache he had gotten that evening hadn’t disappeared but seemed to be only getting worse.

“Ah-Heng, I’m sorry I lost my temper before.”

Chen Heng walked to the kitchen and poured himself a glass of water. “Xie-ge, don't worry about it. It’s fine.”

“It’s obviously not. I think we need to talk about what you said before.”

Chen Heng looked around evasively. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said something like that. I don’t know what came over me, I didn’t mean it…”

“You did.” Xie Xian rubbed his temples and looked down at Chen Heng with a solemn expression. “Ah-Heng, I didn’t know you felt like that until today. I didn’t know that’s what you thought about our relationship. That’s my fault. I know my approach was wrong but after all these years being together, I thought you understood my feelings. Ah-Heng, I really-” {Ah- is something Chinese people use for nicknames, they'll put "Ah" in front of a character in someone's name and call them that for short.}

“Stop, just stop!” Chen Heng held his hands up in the air. His brain felt like mush and he felt like he was on the verge of breaking down. Between Sun YuZhu’s dizzying confession stirring up feelings inside him that he never thought he could have, and the overwhelming pressure of Xie Xian’s presence, he felt like he was being suffocated. “I can’t hear this from you right now. I just can’t!”

 “If not now, then when?” There was a flash of a dangerous expression in Xie Xian’s eyes and his aura became even more overwhelming. Chen Heng felt as though he were being crushed. “Ah-Heng, we’ve been together for six years now. Six years! If you can’t handle hearing my feelings now, then what is this? What are we? Who am I to you?!”

 “I can’t answer these questions right now! My mind is too confused, I can’t think-”

 “Why?” Xie Xian advanced on Chen Heng and the other person stared at him with wide eyes. “The answer should be pretty simple right? Either you like me or you don’t. Why can’t you answer? Ah-Heng, you must like me right? After all, you’ve stayed at my side for so many years…” Overcome with emotions, he grabbed Chen Heng’s frail shoulder and pulled him up. He himself bent down and captured his lips in a kiss.

Although Xie Xian deeply loved Chen Heng, he only very rarely initiated physical contact since he knew Chen Heng didn’t like it. To him, Chen Heng was like an immortal, clean and pure, high and above such base desires. But right now he couldn’t help it. Seeing Chen Heng’s strange, passionate expression when he looked at that ‘student’ across the room filled him with anxiety. He just needed Chen Heng to give him some kind of reassurance, to comfort him..

 “Xie-ge, stop it!” Chen Heng tried to push him away but his strength was negligible when compared to Xie Xian. Xie Xian simply clutched him closer and deepened the kiss. Then he suddenly hissed sharply with shock and let go. Chen Heng had actually bitten him on the lips!

Suddenly released, Chen Heng stumbled backwards and actually hit the wall. Looking at him in dismay, Xie Xian saw that he looked terrified like a cornered beast.

“Ah-Heng, are you… scared of me?” He asked lowly.

 “You…! I just need to take a break… no don’t follow me! I’ll call a taxi! Don’t worry I can take care of myself, I’m just going to go to my mother’s for the night. I just need to think… don’t follow me!!”

After saying that Chen Heng rushed out like a rabbit that was fleeing from a predator. Xie Xian stared at him, frozen. He remained frozen for quite some time after the door slammed behind him. Then he found his phone and sent a quick message to Zhou Yi, “Come back to the house. Chen Heng is going to his mother’s home. Either take him there or otherwise make sure he gets there safely. Then let me know. I’ll be waiting.”

Lin JunYi immediately replied back. “I got it.”

*** 

He saw Chen Heng rush out from the house and onto the street. Getting out of the car, Lin JunYi approached him and asked him if he needed a ride. Chen Heng immediately rejected him. So Lin JunYi generously called him a taxi and helped him into it. After the taxi sped off, he meandered back towards the villa. Chen Heng hadn’t locked the door in his rush to leave so he simply opened the door.

Inside the house, Xie Xian was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. In front of him was a bottle of wine and an empty glass. When he heard the sound of the door opening he jerked up, his eyes filled with hope, but then dimmed again when he saw Lin JunYi.

“What are you doing here? Where’s Ah-Heng?”

“I called a taxi for him.” Lin JunYi said. 

 Xie Xian looked down again. Before he could speak again, the young man had crossed the room and knelt down at his feet. Lifting a pale and slender hand, he poured another glass of wine for him.

“Zhou Yi…” Xie Xian said in a warning tone of voice but Lin JunYi interrupted him, “Shhh… it’s okay. I’m not expecting anything from you. I like you so of course I just want to care for you and comfort you.”

“But I don’t like you.” Xie Xian said bluntly.

“I know,” Lin JunYi didn’t sound the least bit worried about this. He lifted the wine glass up and, after a moment’s pause in which Xie Xian stared fixedly into his eyes, the man reached out and took it. Just like at the party, he immediately downed the glass in one stroke.

 “I couldn’t help overhearing your argument.” Lin JunYi said. “Actually, I hadn’t left yet and your voices were quite loud.”

Xie Xian didn’t reply. As his personal secretary, one of the most basic requirements of the job was discretion. It was written into Lin JunYi’s employment contract. In any case if he so much as tried to step a toe out of line, Xie Xian would immediately crush him. 

“President, I wonder if I’ve ever told you before that… I’m quite popular with men?”

When Lun JunYi said this, he reached up and took off his gold-rimmed glasses. When he did so, his phoenix eyes, which had already looked very alluring hidden behind the glass, were even more dazzling. Particularly that little mark underneath the left eye, it lent an extremely seductive air to Lin JunYi’s expression.

 “I can believe it.” Xie Xian said. His throat felt a bit dry. “What’s your point?”

 “Like I said before, I can tell that the President doesn’t have a lot of experience when it comes to affairs of the heart.” Lin JunYi poured Xie Xian another glass. “I want you to be happy so I’m wondering, as a competent secretary, if there’s something I could help you with.”

 “You want to give me advice on my relationship?” Xie Xian lifted the glass to his lips. Perhaps it was the alcohol but he didn’t feel as irritated as before. He even felt a little bit amused. 

 “Can’t I?”

 Xie Xian looked at him with narrowed eyes. “Go on.”

 Lin JunYi retrieved the glass and poured again. This time he didn’t give the glass back to Xie Xian but swished it a little and then brought it to his own lips. He said slowly, “By my observation, the relationship between you and Mr Chen isn’t physical right?”

 Xie Xian said darkly, “Ah-Heng doesn’t like that kind of thing. His view of love is pure and immaculate.”

 “But President, the problem is - you’re not like that. And as for Mr Chen, I also wouldn’t be so sure. You think that his love is pure and untainted by sinful desires, but are you sure you know what love is?” Lin JunYi sat up on his knees slightly and lightly ran his fingers across Xie Xian’s hand. “When you love someone don’t you want to hold them? Don’t you want to touch them? Don’t you want to join your bodies together so no one can be closer to them than you?”

 Xie Xian automatically wanted to pull away but when Lin JunYi’s cool hand touched him the sense of nausea he’d been feeling suddenly abated. Caught off guard, he looked into Lin JunYi’s deep eyes and felt he was drowning. Suddenly he formed an irrational desire to confess all his thoughts and desires to this person, as if this person was his only lifeline in this world.

 “What are you trying to say?” He asked.

 “I’m saying that Mr Chen might be waiting… waiting for you to show him what love truly is. If you can’t break down the barrier between the two of you, what happens if someone else does first?”

 Xie Xian’s eyes reddened. “But just now, even just a single kiss frightened him so badly…”

 Lin JunYi’s hands climbed up and then clasped around Xie Xian’s wrists. He sighed, “That’s because you’re too impetuous and inexperienced. You need to seduce him slowly and your technique has to be perfect…”

 Xie Xian stared into his eyes, feeling more than a bit drunk and mesmerized. 

Lin JunYi curved his lips and said, “President, do you want me to teach you? I promise I can keep it a secret and that I'm a great teach- mmmhph!”

His words got cut off because the next second Xie Xian turned his wrists around, clasped his hands back and pulled him in for a violent kiss!