Chapter 7

Chen Heng was having a bad few days.

As the piano music rang from the music room, it abruptly hit a wrong note. Not only that but the entire rhythm was off. Chen Heng made a frustrated sound in the back of his throat and then stopped playing altogether. He buried his face in his hands.

Right now... he was so confused.

Even before meeting Sun YuZhu, Chen Heng had long been finding his relationship with Xie Xian more and more intolerable.

In truth, Chen Heng was frightened. He wasn’t someone who could deal with change or consequences. He was a coward who only wanted to bury himself in the safe and the familiar.

Piano. Music. The Orchestra. And Xie Xian… as the warm and gentle best friend… who would always love and support him unconditionally…

So when Xie Xian confessed to him, when he forced him into that relationship against his will, Chen Heng had been horrified and disgusted. Xie Xian had betrayed him, betrayed the place he had in Chen Heng’s heart. Xie Xian actually wanted something back from him, and wanted to put conditions on his love. 

Chen Heng thought it was unsightly and despicable.

But afterwards Xie Xian had been so humble, he had groveled and begged, he had spoken of his romantic longing for Chen Heng so movingly…

Chen Heng could only accept it in this way. Particularly when the two of them were physically apart he could reason it as: Xie Xian loved me too much so he can’t help it. Like that he could vaguely accept being together. He told himself that even though he would never indulge Xie Xian’s base desires, that although he would always maintain his ideals and keep his soul pure, that he would remain beside Xie Xian and accompany him as best he could, just because the other person loved him so much.

But since returning to China, Chen Heng couldn’t help feeling more and more anxious. Every night when he had to lie beside Xie Xian, knowing he was awake and only pretending to be sleeping, he felt a huge amount of pressure and stress.

Because Xie Xian’s feelings… were too heavy. 

Chen Heng could feel he wanted more, more than Chen Heng was willing to give him. 

It made him angry and bitter. Couldn’t Xie Xian already see how hard it was for Chen Heng to accept their relationship as it currently was? His was a soul that wanted to soar free, but instead he had already shackled himself to such a base economic exchange. Why then did Xie Xian want to continuously shorten the chain so that even the illusion of freedom was gone? Hadn’t Chen Heng given him enough?

It was during this chaotic time that he met Sun YuZhu. 

The young man’s music was wild and contained the freedom and abandon that Chen Heng, someone who was a perfectionist, secretly longed for. Initially when Sun YuZhu had confessed to him, Chen Heng had been upset and disgusted. But Sun YuZhu was not like Xie Xian, who had backed away at the slightest hint of dislike in Chen Heng’s eyes. No, Sun YuZhu didn’t care at all. He trampled all over Chen Heng’s protests and forced him to confront his feelings…

What did he feel for Sun YuZhu?

Even now Chen Heng wasn’t sure. It was just that when he was with the young man he felt so wild and free…

Not like Xie Xian who made him feel suffocated and heavy…

But it had been three days since he’d left Xie Xian’s house but unexpectedly the other person had not called him even once?!

Chen Heng felt like he knew Xie Xian quite well. Even when he lived overseas, Xie Xian would not go one day without calling him. Oftentimes he would not say much and only wanted to hear how Chen Heng’s day was going. He would listen to Chen Heng speak about all the things that interested him and never put up a fuss when Chen Heng said he was tired and needed to hang up. But he would definitely call again the next day. Even if he was sick or overworked, he would never forget to call.

But now… after having such a big fight… he actually didn’t call for three days?!

Chen Heng didn’t know how to feel. What was Xie Xian doing? Was he… angry with him?

But thinking about that made Chen Heng grimace and bite his nails angrily. No way! What did Xie Xian have to be angry about?! It was Chen Heng who should be angry! Xie Xian had forced him to kiss him like that… It was so despicable. After Sun YuZhu had done that, he had even knelt down at Chen Heng’s feet to apologize to him… although he had kissed his feet again right afterwards.

But Xie Xian actually didn’t even call him to apologize?! How dare he?

“Ah-Heng, what’s wrong? I heard the music stop.”

Chen Heng looked up with surprise and saw his mother, Yan Nuo, standing in the doorway. As always when he saw her, he looked away reflexively.

Looking at his mother… always reminded him of how far they had fallen.

Even though she now lived in this luxurious apartment, which had been purchased by Xie Xian, and always had designer clothing and designer bags, in Chen Heng’s eyes she had completely fallen.

In his childhood memory his mother had been an elegant and lofty swan. He had thought she was as dedicated to music as he was. It wasn’t until the Chen family had fallen upon tough times that Yan Nuo revealed her true face. After having grown up poor and then crawling up the staircase of success with her own two hands and finally reaching pinnacle by marrying the wealthy Father Chen, when Yan Nuo realized that she had lost everything and returned to poverty, she had gone crazy. Chen Heng remembered trying to comfort her, saying things like: “Mama, we still have the piano! We can still make a living that way…”

“You’re a fool!” Yan Nuo yelled at him. “Do you think being a musician is a poor man’s game? Right now what qualifications do you have? You think you can live happily on a piano teacher’s income?! Even joining an orchestra, do you think you can really do it without any connections?! Yes sometimes people might call you a "prodigy" but they're just flattering you. Do you really think you can compare to Horowitz or Ogdon? Really at best, you're just "very good". But being ‘very good’ isn’t good enough in this world! You don't really know how dark the world truly is!"

Her words had terrified him. Forced him to confront that low and materialistic world that he hated. And then came Xie Xian’s offer of a 'contract relationship' which made him hate it even more…

“It’s nothing, I was just thinking about something.” Chen Heng turned his head away.

“How many days do you intend on staying here? It’s okay to create a little bit of trouble to bait a man’s appetite now and again but you can’t overdo it. Three days is enough. Hurry up and go back to Xie Xian before he loses interest in you.”

Chen Heng’s face went red with anger. “Mother, your words are so disgusting.”

“Yeah, so what?” Yan Nuo lit up a cigarette and ignoring his disgusted grimace, blinked at him. “I’m saying this for your own good. Right now both you and I can’t live without Xie Xian, so I don’t want you getting any ideas.”

Chen Heng frowned. “What do you mean by that?”

“The orchestra leader told me there’s been some young boy sniffing around the orchestra, trying to get news about you.”

Chen Heng’s heart gave a thump. Gazing at his face, Yan Nuo raised her eyebrows. “So I asked a detective to do a little bit of digging into him.”

“Mother!” Chen Heng was horrified by her cavalier actions.

“That boy’s family is involved in criminal business, did you know?”

Chen Heng was floored. But the next second Chen Heng said indignantly, “So what if it is… I’m sure it doesn’t have anything to  do with Xiao-Zhu.” {Xiao means little so Xiao Zhu is Chen Heng's nickname for Sun YuZhu,:"Little Zhu". Refers to age lol, not size.}

“You’re too naive. Although it does seem that they’ve been trying to wash themselves clean recently, they still own a number of entertainment businesses that are shady at best. They might look well-off but in fact they have a lot of debts and high expenditure. Compared to the Xie family, it’s the difference between the sky and the earth. Plus that Sun YuZhu is only the third son, he has no chance to inherit anything. Don’t be stupid Ah-Heng and let go of a big tree for a blade of grass.”

Actually Yan Nuo really underestimated Sun YuZhu in this regard. Under the original plotline, Sun YuZhu actually eventually gained control of his family enterprises. For the love of Chen Heng he successfully washed clean the business and left the criminal world. If there was darkness left in his work, he successfully hid it from the protagonist shou.

Chen Heng was disgusted with Yan Nuo’s cavalier attitude. “Money! All you care about is money! You’re the same as Xie Xian, you think money can control people, make them do anything. But I’m not the same! I don’t care about those kinds of things, I just want to play piano!”

Yan Nuo gazed at him dispassionately. “You’re too naive. But it seems that’s just what Xie Xian likes about you, so I suppose it’s all right. Anyway listen to mom, call him before you regret it.”

Chen Heng looked at the phone that she handed to him. Him? Call Xie Xian? Before he regretted it?

Reaching out, he took the phone. Nodding in a satisfied manner, Yan Nuo left the room. Chen Heng stared after her hatefully. 

Why did he have to call Xie Xian?! That person was just as disgusting as Yan Nuo. As for Xiao-Zhu, he wasn’t like them. His eyes had been so pure and his music filled with so much passion…

Chen Heng nodded as though trying desperately to convince himself. He looked down at the phone and, biting his lips, dialed a number…

***

Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who commented on the previous chapter :) It's super appreciated. I've read them all! If you have any questions you can ask me and I will reply in a separate comment.

I will try to update a chapter each day.