Chapter 31

Once again showing the world’s bias towards the protagonist shou, Ruan Xi escaped punishment. The Sixth Prince protected him, saying the plot was his and that he had threatened Ruan Xi with the life of his family in order to get him to comply.

Thus Ruan Xi escaped the death penalty but his official position was stripped and of course the important job of compiling the annals of the dynasty was given to someone else. So when he heard that the Emperor gave Yu Xian an edict decreeing their marriage, he was deliriously happy and relieved.

His brush with total ruin was too close. Because of that, Ruan Xi had completely forgotten any thoughts about wanting to save the country or the people. Right now his only thought was to save himself. 

As long as I marry Yu Xian, I definitely won’t suffer! He thought joyfully. I’ll be Madame Yu, the wife of the future Protecting National General. No one would dare speak ill of me or let me suffer even the slightest grievance!

This was very important to Ruan Xi as right now both the court and the imperial city were filled with rumors about him. After all he had been very high profile before and his friendship with the Sixth Prince was well known. Now both the Empress and the Sixth Prince had been given a death penalty, and he himself was suddenly demoted and thrown out of Court - well the association was too obvious wasn’t it?

How could someone as proud and high-minded as Ruan Xi be able to tolerate the sidelong glances and whispers that dogged him everywhere he went?

"Mother, father, everything will be fine. Yu Xian and I will be married, and everything will be okay.”

The Ruan family was a scholar-official family but they had never had much power or importance. Ruan Xi was the first truly outstanding scion they’d produced and they were used to relying on him. But just as the Ruan father and mother were about to express their relief, Ruan Xi’s uncle, who was also a minor official at court, came running into the courtyard at full speed.

“Something terrible has happened!” He managed to wheeze out through huffs and puffs. “Young General Yu is kneeling outside the Hall of Longevity, begging the Emperor to take back the edict!”

Ruan Xi nearly fainted from shock while his mother wailed in despair, “But why!? Xiao-Xi, haven’t you and Young General Yu been together since childhood? What’s happened now? Surely he can’t believe all those slanders about you from outside?!”

Ruan Xi’s eyes went red as he had an inkling of what was to come and his uncle hadn’t finished yet. After taking in a few gasping breaths he forced out, “He’s begging the Emperor to let him marry the Ninth Prince instead! He said unless it’s the Ninth Prince, he won’t marry anyone else!”

Ruan Xi nearly collapsed.

***

Lin JunYi’s crowning ceremony took place one month later. The maids and eunuchs in the Eastern Palace reverently prepared him for the ceremony. His body was cleaned and then dressed meticulously and the new young Crown Prince in fluttering golden ropes that walked up the long stairwell to the Altar of Heaven and lit the Dragon Torch was more beautiful than an immortal. All the courtiers, officials and aristocrats who came to witness were dazzled until they felt faint. Deep in their hearts they seemed to have an inkling that… this was an existence that did not belong in their world, that he was fleeting and ephemeral, that if they didn’t look a few more times, the opportunity might be lost…

No one felt this more than Yu Xian. As he knelt down on the cold marble ground and gazed worshipfully up at the slender figure in gold underneath the bright flame, he thought in his heart: Mine, this is mine. The overwhelming possessive desire warred with an agonizing fear of loss. It was as if the thing that he longed for the most was a flame that just by holding it, it would threaten to go out. 

Next to him was his father, the Protecting Nation General. A few days ago he’d rushed back from the Western frontier - luckily he’d already been on his way back when he heard the news - to knock out his son who was still kneeling in front of the Hall of Longevity and dragged him back home to the Yu Manor. Later on a doctor told him that if he even delayed by another day or two, that the Young General’s knees might permanently be damaged. 

Now there was hardly a single person in the Palace that didn’t know that Young General Yu had been kneeling in front of the Hall of Longevity for nearly a week and would have knelt for longer if his father hadn’t come. General Yu placed Yu Xian under house arrest before hurrying to request an audience with the Emperor. He kowtowed deeply and reiterated to the Emperor that their family were staunch loyalists and didn’t have any desire to enter politics, that he didn’t know what kind of insanity had come over his son, and that their Yu family would never dare covet the title of Crown Princess.

But actually the Emperor only laughed. These days his indulgence and love for Lin JunYi really knew no bounds. From his son’s actions in begging him for the marriage edict for Minister Ruan and Yu Xian, followed by the Young General’s repentful actions, he could more or less guess what was going on.

Anyway, he had long wanted to bind the Yu family closer to the imperial family. Rather than marrying Princess AnPing, wouldn’t marrying the new Crown Prince be more effective? 

“I’ll leave the decision to Yi-er,” He said, leaving the Protecting Nation General shell shocked. “However there is something else that you should know.”

He summoned some of the imperial doctors to give the stunned old general some particulars about the Crown Prince’s condition.

After that it was the old general’s turn to shock the Emperor, with a different piece of news he’d brought back from the western front. In the end, he didn’t leave the Hall of Longevity until late in the afternoon before returning home with a heavy face. Once he got home he summoned his son to the Ancestral Hall.

“Xiao-Xian, do you know what the Crown Prince’s condition currently is?”

Yu Xian paused. “He was poisoned before by the Empress but they said he is out of danger.” Of course he did not know the particulars of the Crown Prince’s since the Emperor had forbidden the imperial physicians from publicizing it.

Old General Yu said with a heavy voice, “The Crown Prince’s poison is different from the Emperor’s. The Emperor’s poison was a low dose and he also started taking it only after becoming an adult. However, the Empress began to poison the Crown Prince when he was still a developing child and the poison had entered his marrow. Although he has stopped taking it now, he is still not expected to live past thirty years old. He also will never have children. Hence even though the Emperor has given him the title of Crown Prince, it is but a figurehead, to ensure that he can live the rest of his life in comfort and security. It is very unlikely that he will ever become the Emperor.”

Yu Xian’s face grew paler and paler as he heard this. In the end he looked as though he was close to collapse. In disbelief he whispered, “Thirty years old?”

The Protecting National General aimed a shrewd glance at his son. “I was very against his marriage since it contravenes the vow we made about not getting involved in politics. However in light of this, I can be a little bit more accommodating. The Emperor also seems to be open to retracting the edict between you and Ruan Xi, which is a relief. I’ve never thought much of that foolish boy with all his fancy notions, looking down his nose at other people. However you always seemed to love him very much. My son, it seems unlike you to change your affections in such a short amount of time. Tell me, do you really love the Crown Prince? Or are you only bewitched by his power and beauty?”

Yu Xian was unable to speak for some time, immersed in the horror of those words “thirty years old”. Eventually he whispered, “Father, do you ever feel that maybe there’s something strange in this world? That maybe something’s controlling you and that… your fate isn’t your own?”

General Yu didn’t know what his son was talking about so he shook his head.

“The person that loved Ruan Xi… that person doesn’t even feel like me. Ever since I met Ah-Yi, it’s like I’ve slowly been walking out of a dream. Only with him do I feel like I’m truly alive. If something happened to him…” Yu Xian trailed off but the words afterwards were implicit.

Father Yu looked at his son with a complicated expression. But he hadn’t finished yet, “Xiao-Xian there is something else you don’t know. Our enemies, the Xia, are about to change dynasties…”

That night Lin JunYi woke up to 729 informing him that Yu Xian had broken into the Eastern Palace. Luckily he must have learnt from his previous mistakes and succeeded in not raising an alarm this time.

Lin JunYi sat up on the bed and waited until the dark clothed figure lifted up the curtains to his bed. The two of them met each other’s eyes. Then Yu Xian dropped down on the bed, snatched him around the shoulders and drew him in for a desperate kiss full of despair.

Sensing his abnormal mood, Lin JunYi didn’t shove him away or play coquettish. Instead he just let the other person ravish his mouth with a kiss that was as painful as it was pleasurable. He approximately knew what had happened.

When Yu Xian finally released him, he lay dociley in the other person’s crushing grip.

“So you know then?” He asked, just to open up the avenue of conversation.

Yu Xian’s arms tightened further around him. “Yes. Is that why you wouldn’t accept me? Because you think you’re going to die?

Lin JunYi smirked. “You think too highly of yourself, Young General. The reason I don’t want to accept you is because you have another person in your heart and nothing to do with my illness.”

Yu Xian cried out in agony, “Don’t play with me Ah-Yi! Not at a time like this! Ever since you and I made love for the first time, my mind has been full of you and no other. No, don’t speak! I know what you want to ask. It’s the question I’ve been asking myself too, this whole time. Why the hell didn’t I believe you? I don’t understand it myself. It’s as though I was possessed, my thoughts not my own. I know it sounds ridiculous but it’s like all this time there’s been a cloud covering my thoughts, influencing me, pushing me towards Ruan Xi… you know it’s crazy but one day I woke up and it was like he was nothing to me at all. As if the person that loved him for so many years was somebody else entirely, like a spirit that had hijacked my body… how could I love him, when the person I clearly love with all my soul is you!?”

Lin JunYi closed his eyes quietly. Finally the stone that was lodged in his heart was washed away and he let go of his resentment towards the second male lead. He finally allowed his body to relax. When Yu Xian felt the subtle change in his movements, it was as though sunlight had broken through the clouds and his face was suffused with wild joy. He pulled Lin JunYi’s head down and began kissing him again with the wild passion of someone who had gotten back something he loved desperately and had accidentally lost.

“Forgive me, forgive me!”

Lin JunYi’s lips curved. “I forgive you…”

***