(I invite you to read this novel: "A romantic comedy with a ghost girl - It's never too late to start again." It is my best novel.)

 

CHAPTER 20 - Routine.

We are free!

It feels great to finish the workday without any issues. And payday is just around the corner. Where should I take Yuik to celebrate? It's normal for coworkers to go out for a meal or drinks together when they receive their salaries. I heard there's a very good spa in town, a bit expensive, but my boss says it's worth the price... Oh, I didn't consider Yuik... I have a lot of experience in those places; you have to undress for the massages and all that. I don't think Yuik would feel comfortable being naked in front of a stranger, no matter if she's using a towel or if the employees are female.

But I don't want Yuik to miss out on her massage. I think I'm still capable of taming a slime by force and making it give Yuik a massage. It's an adorable monster, not a human being, so I don't think Yuik would feel uncomfortable.

And speaking of adorable things, there she comes.

"Are you done, Yuik?"

She stood in front of me and nodded. Her face and hands are a bit dirty. Does the library get that dirty in just one day? Well, as long as I continue helping her with my magic energy, she won't suffer from fatigue or stress, so I shouldn't worry too much about her workload.

"Let's go."

Am I being too overprotective? I wonder if I'm doing things right or if I'm making any mistakes... I'll ask Sant for advice later. She tried to help me in the past; she must have some advice on how to move forward after a horrible experience, and being a woman, she will understand Yuik better than me.

"Do you want something specific for dinner or...? Eh? What's wrong?"

She hid behind my back, trembling with fear.

A man, wearing armor as black as darkness, entered the library. A complete armor that doesn't reveal any trace of skin or eyes. He looks very uncomfortable.

Hey, Yuik, don't worry, I don't sense any malice in him, on the contrary, I feel at peace seeing him. He's not a threat to us. But yes, I admit, he's a bit scary.

"He's just an adventurer, don't worry."

I would be angry with him for scaring Yuik, but it's not his fault. It's normal for adventurers to wear armor. She has to get used to this kind of thing, after all, this world is her home, and living in fear wouldn't allow her to enjoy the wonders that this world can offer.

"Good afternoon, sir. I'm sorry, it's already 6 p.m., the library is closed."

"Books."

"Hmmm?"

"Books."

"... Do you want a book?"

"Many."

... Don't you speak fluently or what?

"I'm sorry, we can only lend one book per person."

"Buy."

He threw a bag at me, full of coins, but I kindly threw it back immediately.

No, no, no. Do you know how much paperwork is involved in buying books in a medieval world?! I'm done with my shift, I want to go home with Yuik!

"We're closed."

"Books."

He threw the bag at me again.

"We're closed."

Even though I returned it to him, he threw it back at me.

"Buy."

"Tomorrow."

We threw the damn bag back and forth, not giving in. Ahhhhhhhh! You're making me angry! I take back what I said, I am angry about what you did to Yuik! Let's go outside and settle this with punches!

"Books."

"Wasn't I clear? We're closed."

You're lucky that my character is calm and tearful...! Eh?

Th-that sound... Yuik's stomach growled! She's hungry!

Don't worry, Yuik, we'll eat until we're stuffed soon. Let me kick this idiot who can only say one word per sentence.

"Many."

"Tomorrow."

"Read."

"Yes, yes, I know what they're for. But please understand that we're already closed. Come back tomorrow."

"Reserve."

"I'm sorry, my shift is over."

Ah, she's here.

A tentacle grabbed the bag.

"I've had enough fun," said my boss, approaching us.

"My shift is over, and I have plans. I can't stay for overtime."

"What books do you want?" my boss asked the adventurer.

Don't ignore me! My character may be a bit of a bootlicker, but I'd rather break character than leave Yuik hungry. I won't stay!

"All."

... I don't sense any lies in his word... All?!

My boss opened the bag. G-gold coins? Idiot, you'll make me work on that paperwork for a whole month!

"Yes, more than enough. Fufu. What about the rest as a tip?" my boss said, pretending it's a joke, but I'm sure she meant it.

"Sure."

My boss's eyes sparkled with his positive response.

Is this adventurer really that rich? Is he of high rank? Why does he need so many books?

"Hey, Dreimo..."

"I refuse."

"Oh, come on, don't be mean to me."

She's approaching me, and I pretended to be blush and nervous. Why? She's getting too flirty, smiling at me and licking her lips.

Boss, you are 40 years old, you have been divorced twice, and you have a son. What self-esteem you maintain. Although I admit that you have the charm of a mature woman and a very attractive body that could be considered sexy.

But your charms won't work on Dreimo, the librarian. The most important thing for my character is Yuik, I just made a modification to his story, so it's normal. When? Right now.

"Just one more hour, to do the receipts," she said, caressing my cheek and pressing her breasts against me.

Using your body to try to convince me. A dirty trick that would work on most men, but unfortunately, you have me, Dreimo, as your employee, a man who is already tired of this kind of thing! After having had so many sexual experiences, nothing excites me anymore.

But my character is a virgin. How should I react exactly?

"I-I'm sorry, b-boss. Y-Yuik and I n-need to leave."

"Just one hour, don't be mean to your lovely boss."

Please, not in front of Yuik.

She put her hand under my suit and... she's caressing my nipple with a small tentacle. Seriously, boss, it disgusts me and it made me angry, not because of the fact that she's sexually harassing me, but because she's doing it in front of Yuik, who has her hands holding my suit from behind, and because of that, I can tell how much she's trembling, even more than before.

It reminds her of unpleasant things, idiot.

"Boss..."

"No rush," said the adventurer.

"No rush"? Two words. Was it so hard to speak, idiot?!

"Come back tomorrow."

He walks away from us, while I remove my boss's hand and button up my suit again.

"Thank you," said the adventurer, leaving the place.

... You should have done that from the beginning! Was it so difficult to feel empathy for two young workers like us? You only felt bad when you saw me being sexually harassed!

"Oh well, that would save me from leaving my son with my mother."

What the hell are you saying?! I hope you're referring to the fact that you have to stay and work longer and not something else!

Are women really willing to offer their bodies to convince men? Or does my boss like me and wouldn't mind doing that with me? That would explain the constant sexual harassment.

I'm sorry, boss, you're not my type... Even though you're a mother and I want to be a stepfather... I'll think about it.

"Can we go now?"

"Sure. I'll go count the money," she said, hugging the bag of coins.

Don't forget it's a public library, the money belongs to the government. And I hope I get at least 1/4 of the tip.

"Rest well, we'll have a lot of work tomorrow."

Stupid piece of shit adventurer.

Yuik and I leave the library, while she continues to tremble in fear... Fear...

"Nya!"

Out of "nowhere", two beautiful white cats jumped on her. One sat on her head and the other on her chest.

The fear in her disappeared, being replaced by a happier feeling, or at least that's what I can sense from her. She stopped trembling and gently stroked both cats, who after a few seconds were called by a little girl and returned to their owner.

"Aren't they cute?"

Yuik nodded quickly and started walking normally beside me, without a trace of worry or fear in her being, and seeing her so calm made me smile.

Thanks, illusion magic... Oh, look. Those flowers are very pretty.

A little boy is selling blue flowers. Such a beautiful color. I'll buy some to decorate the house.

Flowers, one of the few things that can bring me genuine happiness just by looking at them... Huh?

That black-armored adventurer, ruining my day again. He bought all the flowers from the boy. I don't know you, but you earned my hatred. At least you seem like a good person, so I won't pay much attention to that. But I still hate you.

To sell a book, you have to fill out a lot of paperwork, to request permission to have another copy of the book and put the buyer's name on the list. Books in this world are expensive because of the material and content.

Reason number 1: they are expensive so that writers can make a living from writing, as it is a highly valued profession in this world. In a world without technology, reading will continue to be one of the main forms of entertainment.

Reason number 2: there have been many cases of failures in the past, and since Elves are the main writers and administrators of book sales in the world, and they highly value nature, they only sell books by request, meaning they first verify that one person, and only one, wants to get the book, no more than one copy is sold to individuals, only to the government. That is because the book pages come from trees, and selling books that won't be read is seen as an insult to nature. That's another reason why they are expensive, that money is used to continue taking care of nature.

And speaking of Elves, I saw the name Saraik on the list of authors who want to have their book in the library. Of course, being a hero, she was accepted immediately. Her book will arrive in a week. It's called "I Reincarnated in Another World and Now I Must Defeat the Demon King?! And She's My Teacher?!" Yes, that's the title. Such a long name.

During our journey, she liked to write and showed me her progress to get my opinion. Her writing was too elegant, using refined and complicated words. It wasn't the type of writing I liked. I preferred something simple to understand, like light novels. It was a taste I developed because it was the only thing I read. Sant's mother forced me to memorize all the clichés from those stories so I could become the villain and change the ending in my own style. And that bitch was right, most worlds had similar scenarios to those in those books... Ah, I won't remember that.

Finally, when she asked me if I would be willing to read her books without her asking, I told her the truth, that I preferred a different type of writing. Her books were good, but they were too complicated for my taste. She got mad at me for telling her the truth, and we fought for 5 hours until we couldn't fight anymore and decided to call it a draw. On the ground, she challenged me to write a book so I would understand how difficult writing was. I told her that I knew it was difficult and that her books were good, but they weren't the kind of books I would like to read. She didn't understand and kept yelling at me to accept, so I accepted.

And, of course, I cheated.

I went to another world, researched the most popular light novel of the moment, an isekai, and came back with the first volume. I made modifications and passed it off as my own.

I won her challenge because the plot of "reincarnating in another world" was new in this world, something exciting, and that earned me Saraik's admiration and applause. She insisted that I become a writer, but I always refused. I don't like writing, and stealing stories was a blow to my pride.

But she liked the isekai plot. This world is medieval, and what she understands as "another world" is a world with technology, as I described the other world when I made modifications to the light novel I showed her. I wonder what kind of "another world" someone from this world would create.

I shared my ideas with her about possible plots for light novels. Going to another world with comedy and mature versions, and romantic comedies. I think her book will be a combination of an isekai with a romantic comedy.

... Ah, I really wanted those flowers.

•

•

While Dreimo is scanning the area for another vendor of blue flowers, far away in a green forest full of life, Saraik is resting on a tree branch, reading some notes she took a while ago. Very important notes to her. Why? Because they are the plots for the books that Dreimo came up with... well, stole.

The other heroes were below, looking at the map of the continent, analyzing possible locations where Dreimo could be.

""A girl who constantly teases a guy but actually loves him and is too embarrassed to admit it." A love story full of misunderstandings..."

She smiled and wiped away her tears, frustrated for being the only one who could never tell him how she felt, hiding it by treating Dreimo badly. And when she tried to confess her feelings, she would get too embarrassed and insult Dreimo, ending up in fights, mainly because he would respond with a joke, she would hit him, he would hit back, and both would end up on the ground, unable to move.

"An indirect message, huh, Dreimo? Sorry for only realizing it now. I'm an idiot."

Saraik, the inferior Elf who became superior, and thanks to Dreimo, she is happy, with no resentment in her heart, only regret.

"..."

She looked at a certain note, and her heart filled with happiness because it wasn't her handwriting. It was a messier handwriting that said: "Everyone hated me and pushed me aside, but I will continue with my life and be happy being myself, with people who love me just the way I am." The plot for a romantic comedy about a girl in a wheelchair finding love in the library. A plot inspired by her. How does she know? Because beneath that note, Dreimo wrote: "It's your life, enjoy it. Never compare yourself to others. You are perfect just the way you are. You weren't born to please anyone but yourself. You don't need to depend on anyone to be happy."

"Being happy in my own way, huh? If only you were by my side, I would genuinely be happy... If only I could tell you how I feel, just once in my life, I would die without regrets."

"Saraik, get your fat ass down from the tree, we're leaving!"- Lineik shouted, mentioning what stands out the most about Saraik: her big butt and thighs.

"Tsk. Shut up, cow!"

"You wish you had mine."- Lineik said, groping her breasts, provoking Saraik's angry gaze.

"You're dead!"

She lunged at her and they started fighting, not caring that they were destroying the forest.

An Elf who doesn't care about nature.

Saraik, the shame of the Elves.

The princess of the dungeon.

•

•

(Pov - Dreimo.)

After a long day of work, we finally arrived home.

Now I'm thinking about what to make for dinner. Mmm... I'll leave it to chance.

I opened the drawer where I keep the recipes.

"Give me a number."

Yuik raised 5 fingers.

The last continent. America... Here it is, a small box with recipes from that continent. Let's pick one randomly.

Without looking, I pulled out a card. Oh, a Mexican flag. I like Mexican food, although I prefer Japanese and Italian.

I bet they're tacos... Yes, they're tacos. How cliché.

"Tacos of beans"...

It's... too simple.

"Do we choose another one or do you want this?"

Is she drooling? Does she really like beans that much? I guess she likes anything that is delicious.

Well, this has become a tradition I created to always have diverse dinners every day, so I should respect it.

Ah, okay then.

•

•

I am more than satisfied. Yuik ate 15 tacos, so I had to eat 30. Simple flavor, but I'm content, it's quite filling.

After dinner, we talked at the table for an hour... Well, I talk to Yuik and she responds with her notebook.

A pleasant and uncomplicated daily routine.

We spent a peaceful and enjoyable time during dinner, talking about our day, telling jokes, talking about the future, my adventures as a hero (with censored parts), my journey through different alternate worlds (much more censored), and so on.

And when she gets sleepy, we take a bath (not together) and go to bed at 9 p.m... Or at least that's Yuik's daily routine.

Mine is more complicated.

"Ah... I-I wish I had my old magical power."

Every day, while Yuik sleeps, I stay awake and use Succubus magic to control her dreams.

Years ago, in my second life, several Succubi raped me. Why? My soul is perfect, so they wanted to have my children so that they would have a perfect soul. Succubi always want to improve their race.

I told them that souls don't work that way, it doesn't depend on the parents, it's just luck, but they didn't listen and raped me for... two months straight? We were underground, so I don't know the exact time. They let me go when they all became pregnant, they didn't kill me, and that was their biggest mistake.

When I had enough power, I searched for them and killed them before those babies were born, but not before forcing them to teach me the magic they used.

Ah... First life, a Goddess raped me.

Second life, I was prostituted to pedophiles and raped by Succubi.

Third life... Well, I was lucky not to be raped... Although my former companions and I suffered a curse and had to... Ah... I better not remember that.

"Just a little more..."

I noticed that Yuik had nightmares in the first few days we lived together. Nightmares that would wake her up in the middle of the night, screaming and crying. I pretended not to hear her, because the first time I woke up and tried to help her, a great feeling of guilt overwhelmed her and I don't want her to feel like a burden to me. Yuik is very innocent, she doesn't realize that I pretend to be asleep, or does she trust me so much that she believes I am incapable of lying to her? I like to think it's the latter, although it hurts to deceive her. It's for her own good, but a lie is a lie. Her trust in me increased when I told her my identity as the hero Dreimo, I must live up to her trust and not disappoint her.

She wet the bed out of fear and would wake up before me to wash the sheets.

It made me sad to see her like that, that's why I am modifying her dreams, so she can have pleasant dreams.

I don't know what she dreams about, but it's nothing bad.

Succubi have the power to enter humans' dreams and steal their life energy.

I learned to modify dreams and enter people's dreams, but I won't do the latter. If I enter her dream, I would absorb her life energy, and worst of all, I would be invading her privacy. I can only modify her dreams.

But it's very painful and exhausting. After all, I'm not a Succubus... Or at least not 100%.

I wiped the blood from my nose. My body is overheating. My heart hurts. But I must continue for a little while longer.

"Just 10 more seconds..."

My hair starts turning white. It's a side effect of magical exhaustion.

4... 3... 2...

"One..."

I started vomiting my dinner and blood. Shit... I'm used to pain, but that doesn't mean I enjoy feeling it, and it's not because it hurts physically, but because it brings back bad memories.

But... Ah... It was worth it.

I wiped my mouth and looked at Yuik sleeping.

She is so peaceful... In the first few days together, she was very scared and would cry while sleeping. Now she sleeps peacefully, without fear of anything happening to her... I feel so happy for her. A happiness that I haven't felt in a long time.

I promised to make her happy, and that's what I'm doing.

...Yuik, am I doing a good job?

Tomorrow will mark a month since we started living together. The time we've spent together, are you enjoying it as much as I am? I hope so. Only time will tell.

Wow, it's already been a month since we met. Time flies... Well, I'm immortal, so time shouldn't matter to me that much, but...

"Yuik, I hope our time together is long."

I promise to cherish every second by your side, my friend.

...It stinks.

"Now I have to clean up."

•

•

While Dreimo was cleaning, Yuik was dreaming something very pleasant. One of the happiest moments in her life.

She remembered the day Dreimo rescued her. The day that changed her life forever.

"...You've really suffered... Would you like to come with me...? I want to have a friend... So... Could you become my friend?"

Those were the words that changed Yuik's life. Since that day, Yuik has not suffered again and is finally happy, a happiness she thought she would never feel again.

Yuik is happy by Dreimo's side.

"Th... ank... you..."- That's what Yuik thought, remembering Dreimo, carrying her in his arms, taking her out of hell and bringing her to the place where she would find happiness again.

She unconsciously smiled for the first time, but Dreimo didn't notice because he was cleaning.

"Vomiting blood. So cliché... At least this time my eyes didn't explode."

•

•

Lein, Dreimo's former companion, was sitting under a tree, looking at a photograph. It was the photograph that the team of heroes took before facing the Demon King.

They removed the presence of the traitor from the photo with ink because, because of him, Dreimo hates them.

He understands that it was common sense to want to kill him, as saving the world was more important than the life of a friend, but he can't help but hold a grudge against those who betrayed him, because it wouldn't be the first time someone close to him did so.

Once you betray Dreimo, you earn his lifelong repudiation. Like a tantrum from a small child, but he has his reasons.

The fight between Lineik and Saraik left both of them on the brink of death, so they had to pause their journey and wait for them to recover.

"Dreimo..."

She belongs to the Cyclops race, a race hated by humans due to a past war that almost wiped out humans. That's why they are now seen as treacherous rats, without any value, and it was even legal to kill them and have them as slaves for no reason other than being Cyclops. Anyone, even commoners, could kidnap, rape, or kill a Cyclops, until Lein awakened the [Hero] job.

She uses magic to separate her huge eye into two to prevent people from looking at her with disgust.

"I'm an idiot..."

Her two eyes and eyebrows joined together, and she had a single, huge eye again.

An eye filled with tears.

"I should have believed you..."

She, along with Meimik, the Dragon girl, are the ones who are most in love with him, because of events that happened in the past.

Why did she fall in love with Dreimo? Because he was the only one who didn't look at her with disgust and treated her with respect, with normality, without hatred.

He made her feel like a person, not trash.

•

•

(A while ago.)

Due to the discrimination her race faced, Lein always ate alone at school.

No one approached her because of the disgust they felt, even though she had the [Hero] job. Not even the nobles who wanted to have a hero as a friend approached her. No one wanted to be seen talking to a "monster".

Even the other heroes didn't approach her because they also found her disgusting and hated her (in Meimik's case, she didn't talk to anyone or feel anything for anyone). Only Dreimo did.

She ate "alone" on the rooftop of the school, watching others with envy and sadness. Socializing and playing with friends, that was something she wanted to experience too, but she had never been able to... until he came into her life.

"...I'm thirsty."

"Here, take this. It will quench your thirst. It tastes good." - Dreimo said, offering her a chocolate drink.

"Thank you... Huh?"

She thought she was alone on the rooftop, but Dreimo was sitting beside her, a little further away, not because of disgust, but to give her personal space and not make her feel uncomfortable.

"Wha-what?"

"Hmm? What's wrong? Don't you like chocolate? I also have regular milk, orange juice, and lemon juice. Which one do you want?"

"What?! When did you get here?"

"Huh? You didn't notice? I was walking behind you. I didn't want to eat alone, it's a bit lonely, so I came to eat with you. Sorry if I bothered you."

For her, who was more than used to looks filled with disgust and hatred, for the first time she saw someone looking at her with... normality. The King didn't hate her, but he was uncomfortable with her huge eye and avoided looking at her, making her feel bad (Dreimo punished him in the future for that, taking out his eyes and putting them in his butt).

The gaze of Dreimo made her feel... normal and not disgusting.

"I-it doesn't bother me, I was just surprised."

"I'm glad. So, if you don't want chocolate, do you want some orange juice instead?"

"... Yes, thank you."

She took the bottle of juice, and although she hesitated for a second whether she should drink it, as it could contain urine or something equally disgusting, she decided to trust in that normal gaze she received from him. If it was urine, it would just be another mockery on the list, but if it was really juice, she could experience what it felt like to receive a kind gesture from someone.

With that hope in mind, she started drinking, and her hands trembled with excitement as she felt the taste of orange juice in her mouth.

Real orange juice.

"Thank you... thank you very much."

"You're welcome," said Dreimo, asking for the bottle.

She handed him the bottle.

"Eating here is more relaxing, isn't it? There's so much noise in the school cafeteria, it's annoying."

She thought that Dreimo would throw the bottle away or put it aside, but she never imagined he would do what he did.

Dreimo started drinking from the same bottle, not caring that Lein's lips had touched it.

That surprised Lein too, but not because of the cliché of the indirect kiss, but because Cyclopes are considered disgusting and repulsive, no one wants to get close to one out of disgust, let alone touch something they have touched.

And Dreimo not only touched something, he drank from the same bottle as her, putting his lips on a spot that touched the lips of a Cyclops.

"I prefer to eat in a quiet place. And you?"

"... Don't you find me disgusting?"

"Huh? Why would you disgust me?"

"... I'm a Cyclops."

"Yes, it's very obvious. Don't worry, I hate discrimination. Only idiots discriminate against others, whether it's because of their skin color or race. To me, you're just another girl, and my companion hero. I would never look down on someone who will be my friend and ally... Don't you find me disgusting? I'm a commoner."

"I am too, don't worry."

"Then we're the same. Don't worry, I don't find you disgusting."

Dreimo took a lollipop out of his pocket.

"Do you want one?"

"... Yes... Thank you."

"You're welcome," said Dreimo, smiling.

And from that day on, they became very good friends, spending great afternoons eating together on the rooftop, which slowly became the meeting place for the heroes. First Meimik joined them, then the traitor, Lineik, and finally Saraik.

Dreimo literally put all the students and teachers in line, forcing them to apologize to Lein, kiss her shoes, or receive the "Useless King" punishment, the cucumber punishment, and unexpectedly, 17 women and two men wanted that punishment. To not indulge them with their disgusting fetishes, Dreimo simply forced them to kiss Lein's feet.

Lein didn't want to do that, so Dreimo got the help of another Cyclops girl and passed her off as Lein, and that day was the best day of that Cyclops girl's life, seeing more than 1,000 people lining up to kiss her feet.

Lein was being distracted by Meimik in a dungeon, so she wouldn't notice what Dreimo was doing. He threatened them all with the punishment if they spoke about what happened, and coming from a hero famous for his torture and slow deaths, no one dared to speak. From that day on, no one in the school dared to look at her, everyone avoided her. It was better than being looked at with disgust and repulsion, so Lein felt more comfortable at school. Only Meimik knows what he did, a secret they both share. The other heroes were with Meimik, so they didn't find out about anything, only Saraik, because she investigated on her own, and although no one confirmed anything out of fear, she knows that Dreimo did something.

To this day, Lein thinks that Dreimo is a very good person, that's why she fell in love with him... Unfortunately for her, Dreimo doesn't consider himself a good person.

After class, Dreimo went home, entered his room, and wrote the following in a notebook: "Step one, complete. Lein's problem is her low self-esteem. If a handsome demon tries to conquer her, it will be easy."

"I must improve her self-esteem and prevent that. I must avoid the cliché of the traitor."

Dreimo was only kind to her for personal interest. If she wasn't a hero, he would have ignored her.

•

•

"... I must find you... And apologize to you... I'm sorry, Dreimo... I hope you can forgive me."

She wiped away her tears and looked up to observe the stars, a scene that reminds her so much of Dreimo, as he used to go up to the rooftops to see the stars. He said he only felt peaceful when looking at them, but he looked so happy doing it, there must have been another reason, but out of respect, she never asked him.

"I will never stop loving you," she said, smiling.

•

•

(Pov - Dreimo)

Ah... The stars are so beautiful, as always.

Mother, father, will I ever fall in love with my boss? She's a mother, so it's possible, right...? Ah, I don't know.

"My friendship with Yuik is going well. Sant is still the same stalker."

"Hey, you're so mean to your beautiful childhood friend and fiancée!"

"No."

"Someday!"

"No."

"Ahhhhhhh! You're so mean to me!"

Ah, her voice. She didn't appear here, so she doesn't have permission to see me yet. I'll be free from her for a while longer.

"Everything is going so well..."

But... I still feel bad.

I will never be able to be happy, huh?

"Never..." I said, getting up.

I smiled at that cold response.

Someone like me will never feel at peace, I know... I always have to remember this, even if I don't want to.

Punishing myself, as always. My eternal curse.