After changing, we got out of the field and decided to get something to eat. We went to a Barbeque restaurant I longed for so many years.

"Senior, you must be eating meat everyday, right? Look at those muscles, damn! I don't train, my parents used that excuse all the time so they don't have to feed me meat!" I just wanted to compliment his muscles at first but unconsciously complained instead.

"I'll treat you today, so eat a lot. Don’t worry about fat. You burned enough calories today,” he understandingly put the meat in my bowl.

“Ah, I love you so much, senior!”

I put the meat one by one in my mouth, feeling the tasty oily fat, the tender texture and the delicious seasoning. Ah, screw calories! I didn’t want to eat even a single piece of vegetables today!

“Hmm? Why aren’t you eating?” Why was he looking at me like that? Was I eating too disgustingly? Fuck, gotta wipe my mouth!

“Feed me too.”

Excuse me??

“I’m tired now, so feed me.”

Didn’t you just pick the meat for me?

Ah, what to do?? So embarrassing! But I want to do it! I. WANT. TO. PUT. MY. CHOPSTICKS. IN. SENIOR’S. MOUTH!

So I grabbed a few slices of tenderloin with the chopsticks, dropped them into the sauce, and turned them into senior. “Aaa…” I didn’t know what to say!

Senior opened his mouth while looking at the meat. When it had entered his mouth, he chomped them up while looking at me. My hands trembled. I thought my face must be really red as the barbeque grill right now. I covered my face.

“Senior!! Do you want to kill me??”

I could hear his chuckles. He was just teasing me, wasn’t he?

“Senior, you’re really too much. You can do whatever you want with your enemies. But, spare me, won’t you?” I removed my hands and looked at him. He looked amused.

“Beg me,” he said.

Aaah!! I covered my face again. He was dangerous! Super dangerous!

While eating, our conversation became more and more random.

“Senior, I’m curious, do people like you still have wishes?”

“What do you mean by people like me?”

“You, overpowered people like you, who already had everything in your hands. Is there anything else you haven’t got yet?”

“I have everything? I still wish for more power.”

I choked. “What do you want more power for? To conquer the globe?”

He became quiet. A moment later, he said, “to protect a person I care about.”

Looking at his serious face, I fell silent. Why do you think the current you can’t protect that person? You’re afraid that someday a very strong bad guy will come and bring trouble? You’re afraid that you’ll grow old and become powerless? These days, no one would think they can fight equally with you, right?

“Don’t worry, senior,” I tried to reassure him. “You’ll become strong and stronger in the future. I can tell you that. My prophecy always comes true, you know?”

I lied.

Today, I could only see the future up until 6 P.M, my time of death. When I predicted what time a person will die, usually I couldn’t see further into their future, because of course, they would leave this world after that. But, for other people who still had a future, I could see them like normal. I should still have the ability to see other people’s future after my time of death. But yet, I couldn’t see any of the future now.

This was weird. Was it because I was close to my death door that my power decreased bit by bit? But no, it didn’t work like that.

Senior didn’t say anything, he just smiled at me.

“What is your wish?” he asked. The evening sun came and shone on his side of face, the orange colour made everything look warmer. People at the other tables were chatting noisily, but I couldn’t hear them. Oh, the beef tongue was really to flip.

“This is my wish,” I answered. I stared at his deep, green eyes. “My only wish is to confess my feelings to you.”

Thank you for letting me confess.

His wide eyes hadn’t relaxed for a few moments. But then, he closed them and took a sip of the tea.

“You said you want to go to a lot of places with me?”

“Ah.. yes, that’s another additional wish.” Actually I was still shocked that the main wish was fulfilled that easily.

“Okay should we head to the next additional wish?” he took my hand and got up.

“Wait, senior. It’s getting dark already. Let’s continue tomorrow.”

It was 4:30. Only one and half an hour before I got in an accident. I don’t want you to see me looking miserable and ugly for the last time. I was happy already that you wanted to cooperate with me until now.

He looked at me for a while, before saying gently, “I’ll send you home then.” Should be okay, right? Half an hour was all we needed. 

So, we got up and paid. He paid for me, for the dozen kilos of meat I ate. I can pay for my own food, I’m not a girl, I said. But he just laughed it off.

“From today onward, you’re my girl.”

How could.. How could a man keep their straight orientation after you showed them this smile?? Well, it was not the first time I fell in love with a man, but, senior..

I just turned gay all over again because of you. Right, screw my dignity! For you, I’ll be your girl.

“Do you have siblings?” he asked me on the way.

“Yes, a little sister,” I replied.

“I want to see your family.”

I choked. “Senior, if you meet my family, I’ll be replaced by your son’s position.”

He laughed. “I want you to be kicked out. So you can join mine. I’ll give you a new position.”

D-Did he mean — “Join your family..?”

His hand brushed the back of my hand. Suddenly, I could feel that we were sharing warmth. Slowly, our pinkies intertwined, then the other fingers too — until we properly held each other’s hand. He looked me straight in the eye.

“Which one do you prefer? House-keeping department or security department?”

I smacked his shoulder impulsively. How could he joke like this! The mood was getting better too! Look at him laugh! Well, let him laugh, he didn’t laugh much. I reached the page I tore in the library earlier, and while he laughed, I sneakily tucked the paper in his backpack. Looked like I didn’t have enough time to go to the post office anymore. Laugh a lot, okay? Even after I’ve gone.

Damn, why didn’t I confess earlier? Knowing that he liked me too? Why must I do this only after I found out I’ll die soon? People really loved procrastinating, didn’t they? Only until they knew they just had one last chance, only then they really gave their all. Was it because they didn’t have to worry about the future anymore? Not worrying whether they had to save face, not worrying what to do next day because they would depart from this world?

I could see the future, but that didn’t stop me from worrying. Even worse, the more you know, the more you feel insecure. When you know a bit, you would want to know more and more. When I realized I had this ability back then, I felt the same way. Only after I met the fighter inside the Colosseum ring who didn’t care about his future, continuing to fight for his life despite my warning, I came to realize something.

What was the point of worrying about the future? Right now you live in this very moment. Of course, like I said earlier, you have this moment, but what you treasured was the information of the future. Like I was, now that I knew what was my future, I came to treasure this very moment I had with senior. Yeah, who am I to talk about other people? I am a damn procrastinator myself.

Now I began to wonder, what if I confessed to senior earlier? Would the future be different? Would I have not died? Would I get a future where senior and I really join in as a family? Sure, time of death is definite, but other than that, everything could change. Maybe, maybe, we could start a family earlier, senior, if I confess to you earlier.

“Senior, I’m starting to regret why I didn’t confess to you earlier,” I told him truthfully. “How long have you liked me?”

I could feel his fingers stroking the back of my hand.

“Twenty eight days,” he said.

“That long? Why didn’t you talk to me? You hide your feelings well, huh?” Well, I couldn’t talk either.

“I regret it now, too. If I had talked to you earlier, we might have built a family now, eh?”

“That’s what I thought too! Senior, do you have two abilities? You must have the ability to read minds! Because…”

“Because.. what?” He looked at me, smiling.

Because, how did you know that I have ever dreamt about skipping school, climbing the wall and swinging a sword in the center of the practice field? I’m not sure about this, but, maybe that’s also why you knew that today is my last day?

“Well… keep that a secret. I know a lot about you, that’s right,” he laughed. I didn’t know if he was joking or not. His image in my mind had turned 180 degrees, from a cold sadist guy, into a black belly handsome guy. He was still so handsome either way.

“Seiously, do you have mind-reading ability?”

“No,” he said. Right! I knew it was a joke!

“So, let’s talk more. I want to know a lot more about you.”

“Are you serious or not this time?” I pouted.

“What do you think?” 

I kicked his thigh. “After I have gotten to know you better, it seems like you’re getting more annoying, senior! I refuse to let you know me better!” Still pouting, I walked faster, leaving him behind.

I heard him raising his pace to match mine. He said, slowly, “You won’t be thinking that for long. Your moods change like the weather.”

I stopped walking. Wide eyed, I stared at him. “Is it that obvious??”

I guess I looked so stupid right now, that was why he laughed again. “Whyy do you know that?? I tried to hide it! I thought I’m doing well!” That was surely not a characteristic one could be proud of.

“You don’t have any particular favorites. You like vanilla flavoured ice cream. Sometimes, you like chocolate and strawberry too,” he said, while rubbing his chin. “You get bored easily, you don’t have any routines, sometimes you immediately write down letter by letter as the teacher writes on the board. Sometimes, you wait until the board is half full, before you write them down in your textbook. Now you’re convinced that I have two abilities?”

My jaw dropped. He knew those too??

I tried to recall the two years experience of stalking him. But, none of senior’s habits were shameful.

“Two abilities, my ass! You might have asked my buddies!” Yeah, maybe that’s it! “Okay, you knew my secrets already, might as well tell you everything. 

“Let me tell you, senior, be careful of me in the future! Sometimes I would prefer going to clubs instead of libraries. Sometimes, I’m a model student, sometimes I want to skip class and go to the arcade. Sometimes, I would take my ability as a curse, but sometimes also a bliss. I’m like two polar opposite people in one body!”

He stared at me in awe, then narrowed his eyes. “Does that also mean that sometimes you like me, and sometimes you don’t?”

I thought for a while, then answered, “that’s right! I think, if this day were to repeat again, I might not confess to you like today! So, next time, you confess instead, hmm?”

Of course not. Despite my mood swings, I still would like you as much as today. I would still like you as much even in my afterlife.

“Sure, if we could return the time, I’ll be the one to confess to you instead.” His smile was getting more and more tender each time he smiled. I guess he was getting good at smiling.

We continued to walk side by side, hand in hand. We talked about everything; my family, my hobbies, his experience at battle fields, our abilities, the state of the world…

We walked slowly, like trying to reject the flow of time.

Until I realized that the sky had turned dark, finally we could part.

“See you, senior. Thank you for sending me home.”

Thank you for making my last day this beautiful.

I tried to loosen my hand grip on his, but he wouldn’t let go.

“Call me by my name,” he said.

“Ah? What?”

“Or I wouldn’t let you go home.”

Fuck! I don’t want to let go! But the time…

I was trying to look down at my watch, but my chin got pushed upward.

“Look at me. You don’t know my name? You intend to call me senior after today too?”

After today… I would not have a chance to call him anymore.

I circled my arms around his shoulder, then threw my body at him. “Xuyun-ge! Xuyun-ge!”

Ah, I’m so sorry. Don’t fall in love with me for real. I’m scared of you having a heartbreak.

Before I could feel him embracing me back, I heard a cracking sound from behind, the sound became louder, closer. I felt senior grabbing me, jumping to the side. That thing crashed, it was an old street lamp.

SNAP!!

Like something as big as a truck hit me, I felt all the bones in my body scattered. I looked at senior as my body went limp. Why? He looked shocked. I fell down on his arms. Something stuck in my throat, when I coughed to get it out, blood sprayed instead.

“It’s a shot! Someone is shooting there! There's a wounded person!”

A crowd of people started to gather around me, looking all panicked. So that was what happened. I was shot. It had begun, my accident.

“A-A-Are you…. o…k…” my voice didn’t come as I wanted. “So…rry..”

He didn’t say anything. He held my face close, wiping the blood on my face. I saw my parents' panicked face. They screamed a lot, but I couldn’t hear them. My ears were ringing. My eyes were getting blurry as well. Where are you, senior? I couldn’t feel your warmth. I couldn’t hug you back either.

Right, I haven’t kissed you yet. Why did the accident happen so early?

An ambulance car had come, people were making their way. Don’t waste your time saving me. I will die today, your help would bear no fruit. Help other people instead!

But senior was still embracing me. I guess they told him to move over, but he didn’t budge. Senior, don’t be like this okay? I’ll remember you in the next life, confess to you earlier, then we can be a family. But don’t cling to a corpse.

But I could feel him tightening his arms more, his mouth moved, and a murmur came into my ears,

“Repeat.”

 

***