Foreword
Hey all, long time no see! Yup, it's me Trashlyn / AshlynHugsGothCats! It has been ages since I wrote my last short standalone story Demoness’ Apprentice for Light Novelber 2018.
While I’ve been helping run and still submitting stuff for Light Novelbers I have mostly been channeling my writing energy into my two series Songbird: a Kammiverse Story and Illegal Alien in an MMO World (Troubleverse), both of which I think have reached an amazing number of world at approximately 70k and 100k words respectively.
In 2019 I submitted the first six chapters of Illegal Alien for Light Novelber and I have been writing it ever since. I put out chapter 31 on the first of November this year.
2020 was a difficult year for many with the pandemic and lockdowns, I was barely able to help with Light Novelber and I couldn’t write for it either. At the time I was desperately trying to get my HRT continued and on top of everything I was going through a drop in hormone levels that tanked my creativity.
For Light Novelber 2021 I felt inspired by not just from my own experiences with the pandemic or the collective pandemic experience, but also by my alexithymia. My struggle to feel and recognise my own emotions, the emotional null space I live in that for the most part is only pierced by emotions above a minimum strength or magnitude. It is something that has not just been a struggle, but something that has at times protected me and it has provided me with a unique insight into the world. As much as it has been a struggle it has also been a strength. It makes me different, but it also makes me me.
I was inspired by again coming across a concept for a supernatural entity, one I can view my experiences with alexithymia through.
This story is about a pause, this story is about someone different, this story is about a hollow or hollow man.
This is Alex’s story.
Content Warnings: This story contains depictions of depression, gender dysphoria, alexithymia, anxiety. Contains mentions of violence, drugs and alcohol.
Although alexithemia doesn't really fit me, based on the description someone has provided here in the comments, Alex sounds a LOT like me, just from the description alone. Hoping for another very good read of your story.
Glad youre enjoying it!
alexithymia
Autism here. Although I didn't know this word until recent discoveries that most autistic folks have it, and it's partially responsible for our flat effect. I can remember once talking to someone, and I thought I felt neutral, but they pointed out that I was angry, and it clicked in my mind "oh, is this anger?" It would be nearly impossible to explain to others how neutral I usually think I feel, well until I become aware of the emotions anyway.
I also didn't know this was a word!
This is MEE! I can tell what base emotions are what usually, due to them being simple and easy to categorize, but most of this fits and dear God I wish I knew this word earlier