All tsunderes are alike, no matter what their gender. They just use an explosive shell to hide their true feelings and intentions, Tony has met several like that in his other life and this one in front of him is not far from it.
So everything that normally comes out of their mouths has an opposite meaning. They just don't express what they want the right way and end up being irritating.
"Are you stupid now, just because you took a blow to the head?"
"No...I'm just in awe of your affectionate ways. intriguing, it deserves to be watched closely" Tony scratched his chin as he looked Lisa up and down and it left her with a vein in her forehead "what do you mean by that! !?" she asked in a higher voice
For Tony to see his little reactions full of gunfire, it wasn't something boring, after all, human beings have their ways of acting, he was the example of a person who couldn't judge anyone "nothing big, you were just cute in my opinion" he spoke with a slight smile as he shrugged his shoulders and went to sit at the table
Lisa, in turn, raised eyebrows, being called cute was something very unusual, after all, all the compliments she receives are about her body and beauty. And it was from her brother, who is usually a little closed off in his presence that it becomes intimidating. it was something of a surprise to her. in addition to looking at him again, she only received an indifferent look.
"Is there a problem Lisa?" Tony could tell from her experience what she'd expected.
"If you are surprised by anything freaky out of the ordinary about me, it's probably due to my lack of memory, I've lost almost everything."
"You lost most of your memory?"?" Lisa's face finally showed concern, she was always in the end.
"Yes, the doctor said this could happen." Nicole recalled "Apparently he remembers us and maybe a few other things, so let's be positive about it!" she smiled as she finished her little homework and got everything ready.
"Exactly, it doesn't have to be a total negative, although you're wearing another cute expression Lisa." Tony smiled.
"There's nothing cute about it!!!! You're an idiot!!!" Lisa shouted as she sat abruptly in her chair. staring at him with eyes filled with fire, he responded with a small smile.
This was a scene of pure fun for the young man, but he was already working in his mind on what to do next.
Having already played all the different possible routes in the game, Tony had his favorites for each one in the game, but his emotions could change that over time. But now that there's not much of that and when facing and interacting with Lisa herself up close, he was sure of what to do.
Unlike the IRL tsunderes from his other life, Tony could and did do what he wanted with Lisa inside the game. he poured out his anger at her and more. And in the end, used her as material to masturbate.
By all means, the most fun he had in his conquests was domination aspects. to be able to break all her ego in his favor, to put his will above her made him feel superior as he never could. to command her as he pleased, to make her submissive to his mercy. It would be like putting a collar around her neck that she can never remove without your consent. 'this will be great, let's see the result in the end Tony thought to himself already imagining himself playing with her real body. sucking on those graceful tits, putting his stick between them, having them squeeze it with the proper softness, as well as put it between her buttocks.
"That smile is giving me the chills!!" Lisa felt for a brief moment that it didn't have all the usual innocence, but Tony was still indifferent.
"Oh, it's the other way around, your eyes want to burn me alive after all." Tony shrugged his shoulders "well since we're here, it would be good to fill in some of the missing memory gaps, I want to know more about you. what do you say?"
This sounded a bit tedious to Lisa, after all, she didn't want to have a conversation about herself with her brother, but she understood the condition the young man was in, so he just sighed "what do you want to know?"
"Hmmm…." Tony asked simple questions about her daily life, something he already knew, but it was better to confirm it to be sure, and he touched on some topics about her personal life, shallow questions that were not so relevant that she answered, although not be very in the mood. The conversation continued until Carla arrived
Seeing her, Tony put on a smile the same way he did when he finished his job last night.
And that made Carla's face flush, as her brother's eyes sparkled with a certain desire, the same desire as before, in addition to the smile she expressed when semen spurted over her sweat-soaked body. His mind invaded with the memories of having come through his fingers too
She was a little nervous because Lisa is looking at her sideways, as well as her mother who wasn't far away.
"So you were asking about her?" She said attempting to forget last night for a topic change.
"Yes, I don't remember that much after all, so reminding me of the simple things can be useful." What Tony wanted here was to know if everything resembled the game, the women of the house were agreeable, but not everything can be sunshine and rainbows. Tony asked only things that can be confirmed "of course I want to know more about you three" Tony beamed
alright as promised your freebie to use as context for improvements.
"Why are you still standing around saying nothing? Are you stupid because of the blow?"
> Are you stupid now, just because you took a blow to the head?
sadly i can't think of a good shortened version without it sounding like some low class brit taking in slang....
"Nothing...I'm just in awe of your affectionate way, intriguing, deserves to be watched closely" Tony scratched his chin as he looked Lisa up and down and it left her with a vein in her forehead "what do you mean by that! !?" she asked in a higher voice
> No...I'm just in awe of your affectionate ways. intriguing, it deserves to be watched closely.
Lisa, in turn, raised eyebrows, being called cute was something very unusual, after all, all the compliments she receives are about her body and beauty. And it was also his brother, who is usually a little huddled in his presence that becomes intimidating, it was something of a surprise, in addition to looking at him again, he only received an indifferent look
> And it was from her brother, who is usually a little closed off in his presence that it becomes intimidating. it was something of a surprise to her. in addition to looking at him again, she only received an indifferent look.
you got the genders mixed up and some punctuation issues with that one. heck i noticed a trend with this chapter that you tend to use commas too much. periods are missing on some paragraphs entirely too. they are minor issues though, grammer is what matters most imo.
"Is there a problem Lisa?" Tony could tell from her experience what she'd expected "if you were surprised by anything freaky out of the ordinary, it must have been my lack of memory, I've lost almost everything"
> Tony could tell from his experience what she'd expected.
> "If you are surprised by anything freaky out of the ordinary about me, it's probably due to my lack of memory, I've lost almost everything."
"Have you lost most of your memory?" Lisa's face finally showed concern, she actually was always in the end.
> "You lost most of your memory?"
the 'have' makes it pretty awkward considering the prior paragraph.
"Yes, the doctor said this could happen" Nicole recalled "apparently he remembers us and maybe a few things, but let's be positive now" she smiled as she finished her little homework and got everything ready.
> "Yes, the doctor said this could happen." Nicole recalled "Apparently he remembers us and maybe a few other things, so let's be positive about it!" she smiled as she finished her little homework as she got everything ready.
"Exactly, it doesn't have to be like that, although it's another cute expression" Tony smiled
> "Exactly, it doesn't have to be a total negative, although you're wearing another cute expression Lisa." Tony smiled.
"There's nothing cute!!!! You're the idiot!!!" Lisa tilted as she sat abruptly in her chair and stared at him with eyes filled with fire, which she returned with a small smile.
> "There's nothing cute about it!!!! You're an idiot!!!" Lisa shouted as she sat abruptly in her chair. staring at him with eyes filled with fire, he responded with a small smile.
Unlike the tsunderes from his other life, Tony could and did do what he wanted with Lisa inside the game, poured out his anger and more. And in the end used as material to masturbate
> Unlike the IRL tsunderes from his other life, Tony could and did do what he wanted with Lisa inside the game. he poured out his anger at her and more. And in the end used her as material to masturbate.
By all means, the most fun in his conception was domination, to be able to break all her ego in his favor, to put his will above him made him feel superior as he never could, to command him as he pleased, to make him submissive to his mercy . It would be like putting a collar around your neck that you can never remove without your wish 'this will be great, let's see the result in the end' Tony already imagined himself playing with his real body, sucking those graceful tits as well as putting on his stick between them and squeeze it with the proper softness, as well as play between their buttocks
> By all means, the most fun he had in his conquests was domination aspects. to be able to break all her ego in his favor, to put his will above her made him feel superior as he never could. to command her as he pleased, to make her submissive to his mercy. It would be like putting a collar around her neck that she can never remove without your consent. 'this will be great, let's see the result in the end' Tony thought to himself already imagining himself playing with her real body. sucking on those graceful tits, putting his stick between them, having them squeeze it with the proper softness, as well as put it between her buttocks.
man, those are some funky descriptions. i didn't know tits could be graceful or ungraceful at all! nor did i know there was a proper or improper softness! LOL :P
"Oh so it's been the other way around with me, after all your eyes want to burn me alive" Tony shrugged his shoulders "well, since we're here, it will be good to fill in some of the missing gaps, I want to know more about you, what do you say? "
> "Oh, it's the other way around, your eyes want to burn me alive after all." Tony shrugged his shoulders "well, since we're here, it would be good to fill in some of the missing memory gaps, I want to know more about you. what do you say?"
"So you were asking about her?" He put it right away wanting to change course
> "So you were asking about her?" She said attempting to forget last night for a topic change.
carla is the one that said this right?
"Yes, after all I don't remember that much, so simple things can be useful" what Tony really wanted here was the resemblance, the women of the house were agreeing, but not everything can be flowers. Are Tony asked only things that confirmed "of course I want to know more about you too" Tony beamed
> "Yes, I don't remember that much after all, so reminding me of the simple things can be useful." what Tony really wanted here was the resemblance, the women of the house were agreeable, but not everything can be sunshine and rainbows. Tony asked only things that can be confirmed "of course I want to know more about you two." Tony beamed
i actually don't understand what you meant by 'resemblance' my guess is you used the wrong word. but for the life of me i can't quite figure out what word you intended to use even while understanding the context... so i left it in... >_>
also isn't his mom in the room still? shouldn't he have said 'you three' to include her? or did she leave and i stupidly miss it?
as i said your understanding of english is pretty good. all you need is some small edits to make everything fluid.
thank you, i've already followed your excerpts and changed it, it was a great help
yes, some things got mixed up and i even forgot about nicole at the end .... (i'm going to make a metal note, which i shouldn't write any more so late at night ...)
Good job editing. Author needs an editor but I’m too lazy to do this every chapter. Simple things like getting gender pronouns correct especially during s*x scenes will dramatically improve immersion. Theirs times in previous chapters you say things that make it seem like a dude having sexy times with a dude or girl with a girl. Quick way to destroy the erotic vibe unintentionally.
@Chukah I understand. well... I still have my shortcomings as this is my first story. And I have no command of English, I end up needing to use a translator at the end to help me
And it doesn't seem to differentiate much between genders, it changes a lot from female to male and vice versa. Now, I'm trying to study this language a little more, in the near future, I want to write completely without needing a translator