Two days passed after I returned from Emi’s house. Two days of school where I had to pretend everything was fine. Two days of sitting in the classroom with the grey light filtering through the windows across the table at lunch from Aria. Two days of trying not to tip my hand as Daishi perched near her like a vulture. Two days of trying to breathe normally and keep my facial expressions neutral. Two days of trying not to break down.

What had once been the highlight of my school day, sitting around our tables with my friends, had become a waking nightmare. Emi and Mizuki still did not speak directly to each other and since Daishi’s invasion his minions had decided to join him, swelling the numbers sitting around the tables to bloated proportions. With Daishi’s minions came their minions and before I noticed half the class had moved their desks together with ours. Even if I hadn’t known the truth about Aria, I no longer drew comfort from these lunches. Our little group had been swallowed up and I no longer belonged.

Aria still sent me texts and even called me a couple of times and I did my best to pretend everything was fine. I answered the same as before. I spoke about what she wanted to speak about. I tried to keep the fake smile on my face as my heart shattered into smaller and smaller pieces at the sameness of it all.

If she had acted differently maybe it wouldn’t have hurt as badly, I reasoned. If she had shown anything other than her normal self maybe I wouldn’t have to fight against the urge to break down into a sobbing mess every day. Yet she was the same as she always was. Why wouldn’t she be, though, I’d wondered.

After all, I was ignorant of her activities. She could continue living however many different lives she chose to live with no fear of discovery. I wondered if Daishi had any idea about Jun. My guess was probably not. Even if Jun did know about Daishi he probably wouldn’t care. That was the side benefit of having the moral fiber of a pit viper, I supposed.

It felt my soul was being crushed under the weight of knowledge I struggled to hide. Each time she smiled at me or giggled at something Daishi said or any of the thousand other things she’d done the same as always for the past months I died a little more inside. I wanted to rage at her. I wanted to throw my pain and anguish in her face and scream at the top of my lungs. I wanted to hurt her the way she’d hurt me.

When Jun asked me for money on that Friday, my heart dropped. The time was here, I thought as I handed over the 30000 yen he asked for quietly and meekly. The time for this stupid, hurtful, ridiculous plan had come. My heart pounded achingly in my chest, seeming to weigh far more than it should.

Emi was right, I thought. Nothing good would come from this. Nothing would be gained from the hurt except more hurt. But I had to do it. I had to see it through. I had to know beyond a shadow of a doubt. Then I would let go. I’d be able to convince myself breaking up was justified. I would follow the rules we’d agreed on at the playground even if she didn’t. I would take the cold comfort the moral high ground offered as a poor consolation prize, but a prize nonetheless.

Hey, want to do something with me tonight? I texted Aria with shaking hands as Mio and I made our way along the high pass toward town. Mio glanced over at me, a worried expression on her face.

“What?” I asked, trying to keep my voice from quivering from nerves.

“I love you, nee chan,” Mio shook her head. “Don’t do this. Don’t put yourself through this. Just break up with her.”

“I love you, too, Mio,” I replied, not bothering to respond to what she’d said. I’d locked myself on this course and would follow it through to its miserable, bitter port of call.

“Well, I tried,” Mio sighed dramatically.

I’m sorry, I’m going out with my cousin until about 9 or so. Maybe we could do something tomorrow? Aria replied after a moment. The shaking in my fingers grew worse and it took me some time to type my reply.

That’s fine. I can find something else to do. Have fun with your cousin! I stared at the words after I’d sent them. Not a lie on my part. Not technically. I swiped the screen and brought up Emi’s number. Please have Kei ready. It will happen tonight. I sent.

Ok came Emi’s prompt reply. I could sense her displeasure and knew I was pushing things. Emi would never complain, but I knew what I was doing ate her up.

Don’t be like that, K-Chan! You know I want to do things with you! It’s just that I promised! Aria texted back before I could turn off the screen. Yeah, I thought.

No big deal. I know it was spur of the moment. We’ll do something tomorrow.

Awesome! See you at school!

See you soon. I pressed the button on my phone and the screen darkened. I slipped my phone into my jacket pocket with shaking hands and tried my best to slow my racing heartbeat.

I struggled through class, my mind whirling like a tornado. Lunch passed and the group I no longer had a part in dispersed. Soon the final bell rang, and I hefted my backpack onto my shoulder, walking toward Emi’s class.

“K-chan!” Aria touched my shoulder and I forced myself to keep from shrinking away from her touch.

“Hmmm?” I asked, turning toward her. She was beautiful, I thought. Like an angel from the art books. The light from the westering sun shone through the windows and played on the gold in her hair. Her blue eyes danced and sparkled. Her skin was pale and flawless. She was everything I’d thought I wanted. But she wasn’t mine. She never had been. People like me weren’t allowed beautiful things. I wasn’t allowed to touch angels with my dirty hands. I was only able to watch from a distance, but my own hubris had gotten the better of me. Much like Daedalus, I’d dared fly too close to the sun and now I was plunging earthward where I belonged.

“I just wanted to say sorry again about tonight,” Aria’s voice was little more than a whisper.

“It’s fine,” I shrugged, my fake smile cracking for a moment. I dug deep and willed my face to do what it was told.

“What are you going to do?” She asked.

“Ah, probably head over to Emi’s to watch a movie,” I replied woodenly.

“Well, do you want to go to a movie with me tomorrow?” Aria smiled and waved as one of Daishi’s minions passed by us in the hall.

“Sure,” I lied. “Sounds fun.”

“Ok! I’ll call you later?” Aria began to move off toward the lockers.

“Talk to you soon.” I nodded, letting my smile shatter as soon as she turned away.

“I’m sorry I’m over at your house so much lately,” I apologized as Emi and I sat on the floor of her room.

“No need to apologize,” Emi waved my apology away breezily. “I’d sign up for that one-way Mars trip if I had to live in the same house as Jun.”

“I know you think what I’m doing is wrong,” I finally broached the subject that hung over us like a black cloud.

“I don’t think it’s wrong if it’s what you need,” Emi shook her head in disagreement. “I just don’t see how it doesn’t make everything worse, I guess.”

“Thank you for supporting me in spite of it,” I said, unable to argue with her. She was right, of course.

“I am a witch of supportiveness after all,” Emi shrugged. Suddenly Emi’s phone rang, and we both started in spite of ourselves, glancing at each other. 6:30, I stared at Emi’s clock as she answered the phone. “I see,” Emi sighed. “Yeah. Thanks, Kei. Yeah. See you soon.” She hung up the phone and sagged visibly.

“Fuck,” I whispered. It was really going to happen. Through it all I hoped against hope I was just over-reacting. I wanted Emi to be wrong. I wanted this plan to be temporary madness. I wanted tomorrow’s movie with Aria to be real.

“Kei’s friend just picked up Jun,” Emi whispered, tears slipping from her eyes. “They’re on their way to pick up Aria now.”

“I see,” I nodded, my heart pounding in my chest.

“It’s not too late to let this go,” Emi pleaded with me. “It’s not too late to just break up with her and get on with your life. You don’t have to do this!”

“Thank you,” I nodded, climbing unsteadily to my feet.

“Kei will be here in five minutes,” Emi hung her head miserably.

“Best go to meet him,” I tried to smile but my face would not cooperate.

“Will you please come back here when you’re done?” Emi whispered. I nodded.

“Yeah.” I walked with leaden steps into the night and waited for Kei.

I stood outside the room I’d watched Aria and Jun go into for what seemed like hours, shivering in the cold, my heart thudding painfully in my chest as I tried to build up the courage to knock. I’d come all this way. I’d seen them get out of the car together. I’d seen Jun walk into the office while Aria stood outside, head hanging, hands in the pockets of her jacket. I’d seen them climb the stairs and walk into the room together. I’d seen more than enough. I didn’t want to see more. I didn’t need to.

Yet here I was, standing outside the brightly painted door in the bitter cold, my breath puffing out from my quivering lips. I glanced into the parking lot at Kei’s car and wanted nothing more than to walk back, get in and go back to Emi’s. Instead I raised my hand and knocked sharply on the door.

“Who is it?” Jun’s voice yelled in surprise from inside the room.

“H-Hotel staff,” I stuttered as loudly as I could manage. “I have a gift basket for you.” I heard him muttering as his footsteps drew closer. He opened the door, wearing nothing but a pair of underwear. His face transformed immediately from one of annoyance to one of absolute shock. It pleased me in a sadistic sort of way.

“Kasu- “he began before I pressed the door open and stepped past his frozen form and into the room. Aria sat on the bed, the color draining from her face, her hair wet from the bath she’d obviously just emerged from. Tears streamed down my face, but I found I no longer cared. My body shook with adrenaline, my heart felt like it would burst from my chest at any moment but my thoughts seemed to sharpen and focus, even as I struggled to keep my legs from collapsing beneath me.

“Nice place you two love-birds got,” I intoned hatefully, trying, and failing to whistle appreciatively through dry lips. “The 200-yen condom dispenser’s a nice touch. Very classy. I hope you’ve been using it.”

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Jun managed to compose himself enough to growl at me.

“Just giving my ex-girlfriend her birthday present,” I quipped brightly through my tears. I pulled the wrapped gift out of the pocket of my jacket and threw it on the bed beside Aria.

“K-chan,” Aria whispered, the look of shock and horror on her face quickly collapsing into despair and shame. Her shoulders began to shake, and she covered her face with her hands and began to sob brokenly. I was momentarily taken aback. I hadn’t expected that sort of reaction. Then again, I had no idea what to expect in the first place.

“You are so fucked when I get home and tell mom and dad you’re a fucking dyke,” Jun seethed.

“Do you know what the age of consent is in Tottori prefecture, niichan?” I snarled, no idea myself what the age of consent was. I instantly knew the notion had occurred to Jun by the way his face blanched. “17. Do you know how old Aria is? That’s right. 16. Go ahead and tell mom and dad. I welcome it at this point. I may get kicked out, but I’ll see you dragged to prison as I go.” I turned back to Aria who still sat on the edge of the bed crying.

“You may want to have yourself and Daishi tested for STI’s,” I suggested as my heart shattered into a million pieces, the cold comfort of the “moral high ground” collapsing under the weight of pettiness and pain. “Jun’s fucked everyone in a 60-kilometer radius.”

“D-Daishi?” Jun stammered as I spun on my heel and turned toward the door.

“Aria’s boyfriend,” I supplied. “Wait! You didn’t think you were the only one did you, Jun? You of all people should have expected it after all the times you did it to the other girls you’ve fucked over. You really are dumb as shit, aren’t you? Well, can’t be helped, I suppose.” I chuckled hatefully as I strolled toward the door.

“Wait a – “Jun put his arm out as if to stop me from leaving.

“I’m being nice right now, Jun,” I warned him coldly. “I won’t be nice if you don’t move your arm.” Jun thought for a moment before stepping aside.

I walked as fast as I could back to Kei’s car and climbed into the back seat. As the car pulled out of the parking lot and onto the road my bravado failed me and I began to sob, the torn pieces of my heart swept along by the tears streaming from my eyes, leaving my chest hollow and bereft. I rocked back and forth slowly and pressed my hands against my face as I cried. It was over. It was all over.