*drrringgg* "It's 9 already? Guess I'll be late for school again." thought Gray as he looked at the time on his phone, unsubscribing from all the newsletters once he was done.
"I wish that the school building would get hit by a meteorite or something, anything. The mundaneness of it all is enough to make me want to kill myself." thought Gray as he walked to look at himself in the mirror.
"Maybe I'll change things up by smiling today?" wondered Gray as he played with his face, pulling the edges of his lips up into a smile. Though it was a smile, it didn't look all too friendly.
"Oh, that's right. I'm late, aren't I? I should probably start running." thought Gray as he put on his uniform and ran out the door for school.
"The streets seem emptier than usual."
However Gray didn't stop to investigate. Right now his only goal was to get to school.
"Wait, why am I running? It's not like there's going to be something new today." realized Gray as he stopped running and began walking at his own pace.
He finally reached his classroom at 10, and ofcourse his teacher scolded him for being late.
"Sorry, my mom needed help taking her medication," the excuse wasn't completely bogus. His mother really did need help with 'medication', ofcourse Gray just never helped her.
"We all have our own problems to deal with. Take more responsibility for your mistakes and be on time next time."
"Anyways settle down. I'm sure you've all read the hoax messages being passed around. And no, this does not mean that schools will stop. The government is looking into the weird structures that appeared in town, but before they give out an announcement we will continue as normal."
"But teacher, I heard that monsters started to appear as well."
"Nonsense, some irresponsible good for nothing probably started that rumor to scare people. Now if there are no further questions we will move on with today's lesson."
"I wish she would get hit by a bus. No, I wish she would be mauled to death by vicious beasts." thought Gray as his heart started beating rapidly, and his eyes dilated in excitement. As if on queue there was a reverberation in the air, sending all the students, chairs, tables, and other forms of furniture into the air, teacher included.
Gray's excitement only rose after this.
"What's going on?" asked one of the girls in class.
"AAAAAAAAHhhhhhhh", a loud scream could be heard from a class on the lower floors, followed by the sound of desks moving and people running.
"Stay calm. It was probably just an earthquake. Response teams should be on their way." said the teacher hesitantly as she looked out the window.
*Hihihihihi*
Gray turned to look at the door to find a weird-looking creature, with green skin, an unproportional head, and long teeth laughing as if it were a hyena.
It wasn't alone, there were maybe 4 or 5 of them, all holding swords or spears.
"W-what is that?" screamed one of the girls in class as the creatures ran for the teacher, tearing her clothes off.
The teacher tried fighting back, but they were simply too many. "Help! Help!" she screamed, but the students were too shocked to respond.
"Please help me! I don't want to die!" screamed the teacher, as the creatures removed her underwear and began defiling her body, stabbing her as they did.
The children were locked to their desks in pure animal terror. Not a gasp came out of their mouths due to fear. The unexplained gruesome fear that was lay bare in front of them kept them from even breathing as they watched their teacher become nothing but a pile of meat.
As the creatures chomped down on his teacher, taking turns defiling her as they did. Gray gave out a sadistic smile.
"Maybe I won't be plagued by boredom anymore." laughed Gray, as the blood from her corpse splattered on his face.
As Gray was laughing, even more of those green monsters entered their classroom and began attacking students.
"Wait, aren't these goblins?" wondered Gray as one of them approached him.
"Goblins, monsters of weak stature but higher intelligence than most. They're weak without numbers," remembered Gray as his classmates screamed and howled in pain. Some were being raped, while others were simply being stabbed to death, but to Gray, this was something unexpectedly interesting.
His heart was racing faster than it ever did before, and he had a genuine smile on his face as he heard his classmates scream in pain. With death knocking on his door, he felt more alive than ever before.
"Attack them while they're split up." thought Gray as he kicked the lone goblin in front of him.
The goblins had grown too confident and dispersed, and since the humans were too scared to realize just how weak they were individually, they hadn't even tried to fight back.
However, once they saw one of their fellow goblins flung into the air, they began to group up. Attacking the weakest and most vulnerable first.
Girls hid behind boys, while the boys stood still in horror. At first they had tried retaliating by throwing anything they could get their hands on, pens, chairs even desks. But now when faced with an entire horde all they could do was remain silent, waiting for their timely demise.
Gray would've loved to stay and see how it ended, but he had to survive first. "The world seems to have gotten interesting overnight. There's no way I can die right now."
As Gray ran through the hallways, he saw blood splattered on all the walls. The sound of people screaming and goblins laughing filled the hallways as Gray ran for the exit.
On his way he found a lone goblin defiling a girl. She had a spear stuck in her stomach, even if Gray helped her there was probably a low chance of survival.
"H-hey! H-hey, you over there. P-please H-help me!" screamed the girl as she saw Gray come into vision. The exit was right past her, but Gray stopped, he stopped for her.
Ofcourse, a lone goblin had the strength of a kid, and with its weapon stuck in the girl, it was like a sitting duck.
"I remember her. She's the school queen, she's the one who finds pleasure in torturing others, bullying them, mentally abusing them. I don't blame her though, everyone has their own definition of fun, however."
"Enjoy that feeling of pain. After all, you're only human." laughed Gray as he watched the goblin tug at the girl's breasts, prompting her to scream in pain.
Gray jumped over them and ran towards the exit. The bright sun temporarily blinding him as he opened the doors.
==========================
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Criticism inbound, this is my own personal opinion, so take it with a grain of salt. I also tend to state things instead of suggesting them, so I apologize for that in advance. Just know that though it might seem like it, I'm not telling you how to write, I'm trying to give you suggestions that you are more than welcome to completely ignore.
The children were locked to their desks in pure animal terror. Not a gasp came out of their mouths due to fear. The unexplained gruesome fear that was lay bare in front of them kept them from even breathing as they watched their teacher become nothing but a pile of meat.
Consider: "The children were frozen in their seats, gaping in pure, primal terror. They seemed to hold their breath as they watched the scene unfolding before them. The only sounds filling their ears were the ugly screams of a woman's defilement and the wet squelching of dull blades ripping flesh."
In your version, you seem to be taking three separate sentences to explain that the children were frozen in fear, just in different ways. A more effective way of conveying this scene would be to explain that they are frozen in fear, why they are frozen in fear, and then a final sentence to describe the atmosphere (specifically in terms of sound, since that is how the original line is written. You could also add in a little tidbit about the smell, but it might be hard to fit it in and still have it flow well. A better way to incorporate that would be later when the whole class is getting the goblin treatment.)
The events are also a bit vague, imo. For example.
"W-what is that?" screamed one of the girls in class as the creatures ran for the teacher, tearing her clothes off.
The teacher tried fighting back, but they were simply too many. "Help! Help!" she screamed, but the students were too shocked to respond.
There's no setup, they just run for the teacher. It might prove beneficial to insert a line about what specifically the goblins do right before they jump for the teacher. Maybe they look around before seeing the teacher, they grin and lunge towards her, brandishing both their weapons and their d*cks. Ripping off her clothes they begin to thrust wildly inside of her. And just as she thinks it couldn't get any worse, they jab a spear through her stomach and stir it around. Nail her legs and arms to the floor. Maybe they cut new holes to f*ck inside of her body. Like they pierce her breasts and then start f*cking the bloody wounds.
Then after this, when they're wreaking havoc in the classroom, it doesn't feel like simply stating they are raping and killing is enough. If you describe what they are doing and how they are doing it, it would flow a lot better.
Anyway, I know this is pretty harsh, so I apologize. The premise of the novel is really good, and I hope you continue to grow both this story, and as a writer.
Thank you for the goodwill ^^
I will take your words into consideration once I get an editor to go make and fix earlier chapters
Sorry. But. Mc is a generic edgelord it's kinda cringey to read. Honestly speaking.
I'm still on chapter 2 so i guess im speaking too soon
Guess this just isn't your cup of tea.
I get that sometimes myself ^^
Hope you find what you're looking for
@LordofKaizen seems like it. Hope the best for you and your novel.
@Vyrphax Thnx ^^
😋😈
Hmm... i see everyone kinda going in on the MC with a bunch of hate. Maybe I'm a little f'ed in the head but having a twisted nutjob as a protagonist can be fun, as long as they have some redeeming qualities. Maybe he saves a puppy in the next chapter, or prays to the goddess of Fluff, it's only chapter 2 after all. And although there isn't a "romance" tag yet there may be something of that nature eventually... or at least the MC finding something worth his time later
kinda cringe MC
Don't like rape
Thoughts with quotation marks around them hurt my delicate sensibilities.
No but seriously I hate it. It's evil.
He finally reached his classroom at 10, and ofcourse his teacher scolded him for being late.
His mother really did need help with 'medication', ofcourse Gray just never helped her.
The unexplained gruesome fear that was lay bare in front of them kept them from even breathing as they watched their teacher become nothing but a pile of meat.
Ofcourse, a lone goblin had the strength of a kid, and with its weapon stuck in the girl, it was like a sitting duck.
Of these four quotes three share the same error, namely having of and course side by side without a space. As for the third quote from the top, I'd like to suggest changing it to this: The unexplained, gruesome fear that was laid bare in front of them kept them from even breathing as they watched their teacher become nothing but a pile of meat.
Also, I think the advice LoRezInferno offered is great.
Thank you for the goodwill ^^
The goblins from "goblin slayer" had escaped!!!!!
Lezzz gooo!!!