A simple sandwich, the genius was in its simplicity, a cut of meat between two slices of bread with ‘toppings’ of your choosing. This particular meal was not at all foreign to her as there was an equivalent to it on Eos but it baffles the mind that it wasn’t a more widespread thing. Ezraphel has only ever encountered a sandwich at select places with a rather niche style which was a waste if you asked her.

But why did this matter?

Who really cares about such mundane topics as sandwiches?

Why her Stanley of course.

Stanley cares very much about sandwiches.

There is a saying that a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach and Stanley exemplifies this saying very well. Food has always been the key to winning over her Stanley’s affection not sex which still blows her mind but there you go.

Some may be wondering if a sandwich really does anything.

Well let’s put this into perspective.

The last time Ezraphel served him what he dubbed the perfect sandwich he gave her what she dubbed the perfect pounding. She remembered this very vividly…until she didn’t but what she could recall was that they had just finished a rousing romp and he asked her to make him a sandwich. Being the great wife that she was, she made several just to save time on any future breaks. He ended up eating all of them and in their next round her memories became a confusing mixture of sights, sounds, smells and pleasure.

It is next to impossible to overwhelm a Lilim with pleasure after the first time because their bodies and minds are so steeped in lust. Her Stanley has managed to reduce her to a happy twitching lump more times than she could count. There might be some hidden meaning behind why he was able to do this so consistently but Ezraphel didn’t really care, all she knew was Stanley + sandwiches = Best. Sex. Ever.

This was why she spent a good chunk of her time on the internet researching sandwiches and going down the surprisingly deep rabbit hole of history, lore and a slice of what Stanley describes as ‘toxicity’ in the form of ‘sandwich aficionados’ who reminded her of smug highborns looking down at peasants. It was all worth it though because now Ezraphel has become wise to the ways of sandwich making.

After much research into the topic of sandwiches (and boy wasn’t that a rabbit hole she did not expect to go so deep) she found that over two centuries of palette evolution and experimentation has created a sandwich dynasty so to speak. This was a given since literally anything can become a sandwich so long as they meet the prerequisite of being stuffed between two loaves of bread.

Or so it may seem.

Any idiot can make a sandwich; talented individuals can make a proper sandwich, if they are creative then they can make a ‘good’ sandwich and experts can make a great sandwich. But only the masters of their craft can make a proper sandwich and only the enlightened can make the best sandwich.

Ezraphel is a goddess in all but actual divinity and for her Stanley she will be making the perfect sandwich-nay she will be making the perfect sandwich platter.

What does that mean?

Short answer: a miracle.

Long answer: At least a dozen different sandwich types, whose ingredients are all masterfully prepared, meticulously assembled and creatively arranged in an artistic yet functionally sound way for her Stanley’s maximum delight and consumption.

It will be her magnum opus of sandwich making thus far and it’s consumption by her Stanley will be the precursor to what she hopes to be the most mind melting, back breaking, womb shattering sex of their relationship.

In her Stanley’s own words, it will be epic and nothing could possibly go wrong.

Later…

Ezraphel appeared in the bedroom, bright smile on her face, with a floating tray of various sandwiches, additional condiments and a glass of thick frothy milk.

“Oh, Stanley~” she called out.

“Ez, we have a problem” he cut through bluntly, completely disregarding the meal before him as he looked at the laptop screen.

“…”

Ezraphel said nothing as her face froze and a litany of colorful language she definitely picked up from her Stanley flashed across her mind before she blinked the thoughts away.

“What is it?”

“We forgot to give you an alibi.”

“Alibi?”

“For this weekend, meeting my friends? Did you actually forget about this?”

No.

“No, I was just wondering what you meant.”

“Come on Ez, they’re definitely going to ask how we met when they see you and I can’t exactly say I found you in my backyard after you took a header off of my roof” he paused and began to ponder aloud “actually I could say that and it would make perfect sense.”

“Excuse me but how would that make sense?”

“Simple, you got drunk, climbed on my roof, fell off and the brain damage from the fall resulted in you falling in love with me. At least that makes for a more viable reason as to how I managed to score a woman like you than the actual truth” he mouthed off with a near hysteric tinge “other than that they’d probably think I’m bribing you with money or-”

Stanley was cut off as in the next instance he was pulled into Ezraphel’s cleavage. He struggled for a moment and only out of surprise before calming down. The Lilim waited a full minute after his struggles ceased before giving him enough room to raise his head. He glared at her however she could tell his irritation was not directed at her.

“Feeling better?”

“…yeah.”

“Now you were saying?”

“We need to come up with an excuse for how you became my…girlfriend.”

Ezraphel fought the urge to correct him. Even after all this time he still chose to refer to her as girlfriend instead of his wife. His words did bring attention to the fact that they really did not have a premise for their relationship that would make sense to the average human. Heck even some Mamono would find the origin of their relationship to be absurd at best and fictitious at worst.

Still this was not so difficult that she could not offer a solution.

“I could influence their minds to-”

“No brainwashing!” he interrupted trying and failing to pull away from her more.

Once again Ezraphel stuffed his face into her cleavage and continued “I was not suggesting mind control Stanley. I was suggesting I implant a suggestion not to question how we became a couple.”

Pulling away from her but not getting far Stanley glared at her “that sounds like a slippery slope. Implant a suggestion now then if one of us eventually fucks up and blows our cover and before you know it you’ll be mind wiping people or worse manipulating them into not questioning your presence as a mamono.”

“Huh, well now that you mention it…”

*BOP*

“No casting brainwashing spells. I can’t believe I have to tell you that” he added with a grumble.

“Not brainwashing” she reminded “I know the difference between planting suggestions and taking control of someone’s mind. They are completely different things.”

“But they operate on the same principle” he challenged “twisting someone else’s perception for convenience.”

“It would not be any more different than my taking on a human guise or casting illusions.”

“It’s different because you’re directly messing with people’s head!” he yelled.

“You know I am not like that Stanley” she said softly.

He looked away guiltily “right.”

“I will only make it so that they won’t ask any difficult questions. Whether they accept us or not will be up to them.”

“Feels like a copout” he mumbled “I mean we’re two reasonably intelligent adults right?”

“Right” she nodded.

“Then we can come up with a plausible reason for how we became a couple” he paused “and why you don’t have a social media presence, or a phone, or any type of ID or any kind public records or-”

The more he spoke the more Ezraphel saw the horror beginning to mount so she did the third thing that came to mind to distract him, shoving a sandwich in his mouth. She would have liked to shove something else in his mouth but she knew it would not be as well received as a sandwich.

“HMPH!”

“You think too much Stanley and there is no use thinking on an empty stomach so here.”

First came the shock then the anger followed by realization after the taste and finally he ate the entire thing.

“Holy shit.”

“I take it you approve?” she questioned with a smug smirk.

“It’s damn good” he reached for the BLT “but we still need to figure this thing out.”

“You are right but I think you’re making a bigger deal out of this than needs be.”

“Ez, you basically don’t exist” he deadpanned before finishing his sandwich and drinking from the glass of milk that kept magically refilling itself.

“I am aware and I do not really see a problem with this. I already gave the perfect solution.”

“And that solution involves doing something amoral.”

“No it is not” she defended.

“Maybe not but its-”

“A slippery slope” Ezraphel finished before floating the food platter out of reach for a moment to address him with a serious tone “I believe you are incorrect in that sense.”

Stanley swallowed before addressing her “what do you mean?”

“Stanley despite being pessimistic, mistrustful and largely uncaring of the world you place a great deal of stubborn importance on the things that matter to you.”

“Is this going somewhere?”

Ezraphel cupped the sides of his face with her hands “all I am saying is that despite what you may believe you are a good man.”

…he was not blushing, he’s not!

“But you are still pessimistic and mistrustful. Especially of yourself” Ezraphel ended

Needless to say Stanley wasn’t blushing anymore.

“It’s not that you don’t trust me but you don’t yourself. You think that by allowing me to influence your friends, that by condoning it you will use it as an excuse to condone things much worse. Am I right?”

“…more or less.”

“Well I am happy to say that you needn’t worry about that. You may not trust yourself to always maintain a certain moral standard but rest assured I still believe in you.”

Stanley raised an eyebrow “really, you? No offense but your morals is ironically even more dubious than mine.”

She is after all the woman who didn’t care if her presence charmed men into being her willing slave and saw no problem with brainwashing the masses if it meant that they would be ‘happy.’

Even now Ezraphel could only shrug at the implication “we live and we learn. I care more about your opinion than any others and I love the man you currently are. If you don’t trust my personal morals then trust that I will hold onto and enforce yours.”

“That’s not nearly as reassuring as you think it is.”

“Well how about this, if we ever encounter a problem that requires us to make difficult moral decisions then we’ll consult the other before making it.”

“You mean like what we’re doing now?”

“Exactly!”

“That still doesn’t answer the question. What can we do?”

Ezraphel looked deeply into his eyes “you already know the answer to that.”

He did.

“I do” he scoffed and reached out to the sandwich platter which was lowered back into his grasp.

“It’s not just about the morals is it?”

Taking another bite he shook his head “I guess this whole thing just made me realize we haven’t really put much work into developing your public persona. Without your magic we’d be up shit’s creek without a paddle.”

Crude metaphors aside Ezraphel can see his point. The two of them laid upright on the bed with the Lilim snuggled close to him. As Stanley ate she hummed and stroked his hair.

“Then we should focus on fixing that should we not?”

“Ugh”

Stanley cringed at just how much work that would be and just how unprepared he was for such a grand undertaking. He was so upset he almost couldn’t finish eating his sandwich, almost.

On a more serious note “the problem isn’t getting you a public or online presence it’s getting you on official records. I don’t have the resources for that” he scowled “shit I don’t even know where to even begin!”

“Hey, don’t you worry about that. If it becomes an issue then we will cross that bridge when it comes. Until then let us enjoy ourselves hmm?”

Stanley stared at her for a while before nodding “yeah I’ll…I’ll just do that then.”

He reached for another sandwich and was able to lose himself in the taste.

‘That’s that good shit.’

All too soon the sandwiches were devoured and the milk was finally allowed to drain leaving Stanley with nothing to do. Well that’s not true he still had something or rather someone to do and between that or continuing to worry about tomorrow he chose the obvious answer.