In a perfect world I'd put this interlude between chapters 8 and 9, but I'm doing it earlier because I wanted to make sure I got a Christmas story in before I have to start slowing down for... well, for Christmas!!

It works here anyway since it's a flashback. But don't go thinking this is a throwaway chapter. One of these gifts will completely change everything about a major character's life. But that won't happen until halfway through Act 2 of the novel, so it will be a long time before that happens. Maybe even next Christmas!

Also should say that I've updated the glossary quite a bit (and maybe hidden one or two secrets in there!) so give that a look if you wanna. I probably won't update it again now until the end of Act One, which will be after two more main chapters and a few more interludes. 

Vampires really love Mister Jesus. 

He's their favourite guy. The only one of the Godfolk most vampires fuck with. They can't get enough of the dude.

That's why crosses and crucifixes upset them so much. They remind vampires of the silly and unpleasant way their favourite guy was publicly tortured to death. Nailed to that awful thing to bleed and gasp for breath for six rotten hours. So nasty! It really is almost physically painful for vampires to look at that shape and have to contemplate what Mister Jesus went through. I think it's probably even correct to use the work 'triggering' here. Never show a vampire a cross or you'll absolutely ruin their day.

Vampires really love Mister Jesus, and they really, really, really love Christmas.

So back five years ago, when Ravinical had first become a dark bride of the Burgrave Chevoy Vesh, she really wanted to get her new family thoughtful gifts.

She had not known them long. She and the Burgrave had wanted a magical Winter Wedding, complete with snowy sleighride, and she hadn't met her fellow wives until her wedding night. So there was very little time between meeting the lesbian vampiresses and having to shop for something they'd really like.

Ravinical made a list of everyone she had to shop for.

Top of the list was the Burgrave Chevoy Vesh. Her husband and sire. She knew him pretty well, she thought, except for that one mistake of not understanding that he was 100% homosexual when she'd married him. He would be no problem to buy for. She'd seen some smart shirts in a catalogue that were just his style, and could have them delivered to Spetlamu from the Capital. 

Laura and Evangelina would be much more difficult.

All the lesbian vampires did all day was roll around in the cellar's sex pit, get drunk, get high, finger their own bestholes, eat babies, and roll around on the four-poster beds. 

What festive gifts can you possibly buy for girlies with that lifestyle?

They'd been living like that for three hundred years so had obviously decided it was what they were all about. It was what they were all about and they had all they needed to do it.

You couldn't, for example, buy them a 'grow your own orchid' kit in case they might like to grow their own orchids. They didn't want to grow their own orchids. They knew exactly what they liked.

You couldn't buy them a bicycle in case they might like to take up cycling or a book you think they'd enjoy reading. The long, immortal life of a vampire had given them time to work out exactly what they did and didn't want to spent their time doing. And all Laura and Evangelina wanted to do was get wasted and wet together.  

So, thought Ravinical, chewing on the end of her pencil... my best options are...

...some fancy wine? No, the cellars of Castle Vesh are so full of fancy wine already.

...some nice drugs? No. Ravinical didn't know the first thing about drugs and knew she'd only go and get them the wrong sort.

...some sort of sex toy?

This had possibilities. But even here she had to be careful.

As the most heterosexual bitch ever to be turned into a vampire, the sort of sex toys that Ravinical liked best were great big dildos she could ram deep up her snatch, but she assumed that that wasn't what the lesbians would like. Or maybe it was! She didn't know and she shouldn't assume! Ravinical knew she didn't understand anything about lezzing up. Who's to say the lesbian vampires didn't want great big dildos? She'd seen them diddling each other with strap-ons, so obviously they weren't averse to a phallic object up their vaginal cavities.

But what would a gift like that say, coming from a heterosexual girlie to two lesbians?

Ravinical worried it would just come across like, "Hey, you know what you dykes need? DICK."

No. If she was gonna gift a sex thing, she would have to think outside her comfort zone. 

She sent for some more catalogues and eventually found two cute gifts, both of which she would give jointly to Laura and Evangelina. One was a serious gift and one was a fun 'joke' gift. That's often a good way to go with Christmas shopping. Covers the bases.

She'd got them a 'sex swing', which looked like something they'd genuinely get a lot of use out of, and a novelty duvet cover for the bed upstairs, covered with lots of 'ahegao' faces. That should be good for a laugh!

Christmas morning (or rather evening) came and the vampires went all in. 

The Burgrave Chevoy Vesh was wearing a Santa suit and the lesbian dark brides were dressed in red and green lingerie as sexy Christmas elves. A little bit ironic, as Evangelina did have some elven heritage, but not much of a big deal really. Very different sort of elf. 

Ravinical hadn't known they were dressing up that much, but she looked really cute anyway in her Christmas pyjamas, her big goth boobies swinging around freely under the silk. 

The Burgrave had dressed their breakfast babies up as Mister Jesus and served them in little mangers with plush donkeys and cattle gathered round. It was frikking adorable!

As they wiped the infants' blood from their lips and all huddled under the tree, a little group of choristers from the village singing carols softly in the corner of the room, the Vampires began to exchange gifts. It was a lovely atmosphere. They all appreciated taking the time from their usual routines and making Christmas Day a little bit different, a little bit special. There was a warm and contented glow all through Castle Vesh.

The little choir moved on to 'Away in a Manger', the Burgrave's favourite carol, as he opened his smart shirts. He really liked them! And Ravinical knew they would be a perfect fit as vampire's measurements were eternal and unchanging. A big factor in her accepting Chevoy's dark embrace and becoming an unholy creature of the night is that this way her fat teats would never sag.

Laura and Evangelina were polite about the 'sex swing.'

But Ravinical could tell they were just being polite. It wasn't quite the right thing. While most lesbians would have a very merry Christmas indeed riding a sex swing, Laura and Evangelina's whole deal was them both writhing and twisting around like they were sacks of horny eels. Anything that involved any kind of restraint didn't really vibe with the (frankly, kinda performative) 'wanton vampiric dark bride' way they fucked. 

But... they LOVED the ahegao duvet cover! Loved it. They thought the novelty bedding was hilarious.

It was the hit of the festive season! Everyone had a good laugh.

"Look, look! This one's you!" said Laura.

"No..no... this is you...look!" 

It was a hoot pointing out all the funny faces. And the Burgrave Chevoy Vesh could do really good impressions of them all. He did so many silly faces and his wives all shrieked with genuine laughter, as did the choristers. The Burgrave was such a comedian when he started showing off!  

"Oh my god...oh my god...this one..." Evangelina was pointing at one of the ahegao faces and laughing too hard to even speak, "Babe, babe... this one looks like you when you aren't cumming. This one just straight up looks like your face!"

Wow, it really did.

"Bitch!" said Laura and kissed her wife.

 What an atmosphere! Ravinical had never thought her little family could have so much fun together. Their lives were usually so separate.

They'd got her some nice presents too.

The Burgrave Chevoy Vesh had bought her lots of really crazy and slutty goth clothes that were the sort of thing you could only get away with wearing if you were actually a vampire. It was kind of how Ravinical had always wanted to dress but never had the confidence to commit to. Her style had always been reaching for and orbiting this kind of look but had stopped short of this much lace and corsetry. But just being given this new wardrobe was like being given permission. It was incredible that her husband had known that this was exactly what she wanted, but would never have been brave enough to buy for herself. What an amazing man!

The lesbians had brought her a pet cat.

"So what you're trying to tell me is I need pussy, right?" joked Ravinical.

The joke landed and her wives made some flirtatious jokes of their own.

Then conversation went back to the cat. 

"It has magic powers," they told her.

It did! And it had lovely short, purple fur.  

And tentacles growing out of its shoulder blades. Like Coeurls from the 'Final Fantasy' series of video games. Or Displacer Beasts from the 'Dungeons and Dragons' table-top roleplaying game. Or the Demon Cat from the first season of the 'Adventure Time' cartoon.

There are lots of cats with tentacles in the world, and this cute little magic kitten was similar to them in some ways and different to them in others.

Laura and Evangelina had transparently bought the cat to help fill Ravinical's lonely life with some companionship. And Ravinical didn't think it was really gonna help with that. What she yearned for was an intimate physical relationship with a man with a big dick, and no pet was gonna take away that yearning.   

She liked the little critter though! Who wouldn't? She was so precious. With her twitchy ears and big soft paws and wiggly tentacles. 

"Whatcha gonna call her?" asked the Burgrave.

There was only one possible choice. One name that would help Ravinical always remember this magical Christmas morning and the first time since her wedding when she hadn't felt alone in this family.

And so it was that the vampiric Vesh clan were joined by their littlest and most playful member...

Ahegao the Magic Kitten.