The notorious vampire, Chevoy Vesh. Do you suppose he’s lonely?
There are a lot of people in his life. For example, he has three wives, which is more than usual for a gay man. He also has a lover, Nikola Lever, a non-binary boy who uses she/her pronouns. He also has a whole village he rules over as Burgrave. That's so many people! And most of them are really fucking hot.
But I think he’s lonely.
Maybe not as lonely as his bored heterosexual wife, Ravinical, who is a somewhat of a spare wheel in this family of gay vampires. But certainly more lonely than his two lesbian wives, Laura and Evangelina, who’re besotted with each other.
If you were going to rank the loneliness of Castle Vesh’s vampires then you’d put Ravinical in first place, then Chevoy second, and you wouldn’t even bother putting the lesbians on the list. They were fine.
Perhaps it was his own fault. He could spend more quality time with his wives. He could develop his relationship with Nikola into something more romantic that what it currently was; the vampire tapping on the peasant’s window every night to demand blood and sex. He could get to know the villagers of Spetlamu as people instead of just vassals. Any of that would help.
But nah. The notorious vampire Chevoy Vesh never let anyone get close.
For all his charm, gentility and poise, the Burgrave was a man alone.
To him, his wives were pets and ornaments.
To him, his lover was a cumdump and bloodbank.
He would let nobody in. He would let nobody near. He knew what he was about. He would keep up his walls and protect his vampire soul from one and all. And if that meant no other soul would ever feel truly real to him, then so be it. He did think Nikola’s big sister was cool though.
They’d only met once, and he’d spent most of that time going ass to mouth on her girlybrother, but nevertheless Tatiana Lever had struck him as such a great girlie.
“If I was the sort of person who had friends,” thought the Burgrave, “I’d want that sweet girlie to be my first.”
It was just after dusk, and Vesh was walking the battlements that overlooked the Southern courtyard of Castle Vesh or, as he sometimes called it in his head, Castle Me. That was not a joke he ever made out loud because it was too goofy for his refined persona and because it was a bit shit. Privately he enjoyed his rubbish little internal joke though.
“Heh. Castle Me,” thought the Burgrave, “Maybe Tatiana’s the sort of friend I’d make dumb little throwaway gags like that to. If I was the sort of person who had friends.”
But there had been no time for friends in his early life as a street urchin in the slums of the capital. No time for friends for someone with projects as ambitious as his; raising himself out of poverty and living forever.
Young Chevoy Vesh had understood two things about his life early on; that it was impoverished and that it was finite. Both those things sounded rotten, so he decided to change them by becoming rich and never dying.
His schemes to achieve both those ends overlapped a lot early on. Becoming a vampire was an important step in his “living forever” plan and his “getting rich” plan, and getting there took a lot of social-climbing, a lot of schmoozing and hobnobbing and manipulating.
It took ruthless cunning to elevate himself in Forfeiture society to the point where a vampire would treat him as a protégé instead of how he now treated Nikola. It took a lot of treating people, other human beings, as tools. As means to an end.
He was fifty-seven when he finally received the dark embrace and became one of the undead. The same age Alan Rickman was in Love Actually. He had spent over fifty years using people, controlling people and exploiting people to get there. Over fifty years without the possibility of true friends.
But it still wasn’t enough. He was a vampire, a functional immortal, but he would still die one day because he lived on a planet that would die in a universe that would die.
His body would not stop while there was a place for his body to be. But one day there would be no places so there could be no bodies. And then his thoughts would stop.
He did not accept this.
So the next step, the only possible next step, was to earn the patronage and favour of the Serpent Who Nests In The Queen’s Womb so that he could one day survive the final collapse of linear time.
What that took, and what that took from him, I could only ever tell you in the ‘No Limits Edition’ and ‘Unforgivable Edition’ versions of this book, and to be honest I don’t think you’d enjoy reading those parts. Not one little bit
But whatever he did... he did.
Whatever was done to him... was done to him.
And at the end of it all, the Queen and the Serpent who Nests In Her Womb both called him "Friend."
They called him "Friend." But you know how it is.
They gifted him this! The great castle that overlooked the Burgraviate of Spetlamu. He'd had to ask what a 'Burgraviate' was, but by that stage he was wily enough to do so without anyone being able to tell he didn't know. Being a Burgrave meant you were like a 'Count' but you got a royal castle, you were answerable only to the monarch (and, secretly, the Serpent), you could mint your own currency if you liked (Vesh didn't bother) and you had a bunch of local administrative, judicial and military responsibilities.
"I should probably get on with that," he thought.
The Burgrave Chevoy Vesh's nightly routine was to check in with his wives a little bit when he woke up, then get all his paperwork done. After that he'd fly out to Spetlamu and its neighbouring villages to fuck and suck a few random boys and collect a couple of babies for his cunts to eat. Then he'd deliver those and the night's essential work would be done, so he'd be free to go and use Nikola.
He was looking especially forward to that tonight, as he hoped Tatiana would be there too. She hadn't been since their first meeting. Nikola said that she was spending a lot of time lezzing with a whore from the Inn, which surprised the Burgrave but he didn't judge.
It also surprised him how much he wanted to see Tatiana's tits again. Not in a sexual way, because he was 100% homosexual, but like most gay men he thought tits were really fun. And just how fun Tatiana's slutbags downright shocked the man! Motorboating them had been a hoot, and there had been one really fantastic moment when her nipple and his cock had both been in Nikola's mouth together.
They'd both talked over each other!
She'd said, "Suck mommy's milky booby, baby."
And he'd said, "Take daddy's dick, bitchboy."
It had been so silly. He'd not laughed like that in years. Not since the Christmas with the hentai duvet cover. And the Lever siblings' laughter had been so...cute.
Leaning against the battlements of the castle, the notorious gay vampire idly thought about how maybe he would like to playfully and non-sexually/non-vampirically suck on Tatiana's melons. Maybe it was that mommy thing. Chevoy Vesh hadn't been close to his own mother since, as one of his social advancement schemes as a child, he'd sold her to be eaten alive by wild dogs in the Colosseum's half-time show.
But now here he was, all these centuries later, wishing he had a titty in his face.
"Haha, you old softie, Chevoy" he thought to himself, "I suppose sometimes were all just want a little comfort in this painful world."
Suddenly there was a titty in his face.
Yes, suddenly, a great big slutbag slammed right into his kisser.
"What the fuck? Where did this come from?"
He noticed immediately that, despite his fond and wishful thoughts, this was not one of his lover's sister's udders.
Tatiana's boobs were 36J.
The titty in the vampire's face right now was 42H.
42H, pale and gothic. He knew this slutbag. It belonged to Ravinical, his heterosexual wife.
The question now was... why was it not attached to the rest of the bitch?
Where was Ravinical?
Who had severed her teat?
Who had sent it hurling into the Burgrave's face?
The vampire looked at the chopped-off titty that had fallen, bleeding, at his feet. He looked around the battlements. He looked around the courtyard. He was losing his shit.
What the fuck was going on?
