Outside the imposing door of Castle Vesh's boss room, a lone minotaur steamed and stamped.
It was time. Time to end this.
Rutt's mind had been all over the place while he waited for the right moment. While he'd waited for the buffs from the potions to kick in and to be certain the teleporting kitten wasn't coming back for another pass at him. He'd spent the time reviewing his battle strategies from the fights with the wives and menu-planning for the week ahead. He'd made some rough mental notes for a self-help book he intended to write called Frustrations, Opportunities and Satisfactions: The Whole Picture which he expected would sell well to socially isolated and maladjusted men of mixed educational backgrounds between the ages of 25 and 50. He'd hyped himself up for the battle to come.
The nasty violence he'd been involved in since he came to Spetlamu, he promised himself, had nothing on what was waiting on the other side of that door.
In his mind the scenes that were about to occur promised to be something like the scenes we'll eventually see about three chapters before the end of this book; scenes of such sickening horror and riotous depravity that any readers still remaining will curse their choices, curse their eyes, and call for the immediate arrest of whoever taught them to read.
Rutt was completely wrong about this. His assault on Castle Vesh was about to end with a total anti-climax. We aren't three chapters away from the end of this novel. We're midway through Act Two.
This is not to suggest that huge and life-changing things had not happened because Rutt the Minotaur had come to Castle Vesh that day. They very much had.
Joanna Bolliger had followed through the Delivery Door, found the last copy of 'How To Literally Become a Fairy' that existed in Linear Time, and literally become a fairy.
Nikola Lever had followed through the Delivery Door, been caught in a teleportation accident with Ahegao the Christmas Kitten, and merged into a futa catgirl.
The consequences of those two massive changes will follow us until we are three chapters from the end of the novel and, in their own strange ways, be contributory causes of the scenes of sickening horror and riotous depravity that will provide a dénouement to this whole farrago.
But what happens right here, right now... when Rutt the Minotaur throws opens the doors to the Boss Room to challenge the Burgrave... this part is incredibly disappointing.
Rutt threw open the doors to the Boss Room. Which was actually the chapel, but 'The Boss Room' was more aligned with the mindset he was in.
Four vampires stood within.
Ravinical Vesh, a milk-skinned goth with raven hair, fancy lingerie, 42H milkers, and an excessive level of heterosexuality.
Evangelina Vesh, a personification of elegance and suavity with a lust for life, 34C milkers, and a tendency to get migraines.
Laura Vesh, a trashy stoner bitch with a loving nature, 34D milkers, kind of retarded looking eyes, and a prophecy about her anus.
The Burgrave Chevoy Vesh, who looked absolutely nothing like Severus Snape from the Harry Potter films but somehow did resemble two or three other characters that Alan Rickman had played.
"Hey," said Ravinical.
"Good evening," said Evangelina.
"Wassssssuuuuuuup!" said Laura.
Rutt was sure he'd killed these bitches. Hadn't he killed these bitches? He reached up to touch his horns. Evangelina's severed head and amputated titties were still mounted upon them. That had happened. That had happened. He'd fucking decapitated the slut. Fucking chopped her head clean off and sliced off her titties as trophies. Now here she was standing right in front of him with another head and a fresh pair of honkers.
He'd killed Laura too. Staked her through the heart and watched her explode into the cloud of dust she now very much wasn't. And he'd killed Ravinical. Chopped off one of her arms, one of her coconuts, stamped on her when she turned into a bat, and then cut her tiny bat head off to be sure. Now here she was, looking like a hot but over-eager mass of suspenders and corsets and not looking at all like a mutilated bat.
"Welcome, Mister Minotaur," said the Burgrave, "Do you find yourself, perhaps, in the wrong mindset?"
The Burgrave was enjoying this very much. This was why he had married. This was exactly why. Moments like these. Appearances were important. Theatre was everything. A vampire lord should have a harem of wicked wives to show off, and there was never a more theatrical way to show them off than to parade them hale and hearty before an invading brute who believed he'd done them in.
"Huh. Perhaps I do," agreed Rutt, "You see to my way of thinking, I'd just butchered all your bitches and was about to butcher you. Now it seems there's some complication with that, but it's surely nothing we can't work around."
"We would find that quite a challenge, I'm afraid. You see, indeed you have seen, we are somewhat more difficult to butcher than whatever you take for your usual prey."
"You're vampires, yeah. Congratulations on that," the Minotaur said. But his confidence was waning. After all, he had been certain to kill the wives in ways that 100% kill vampires. He'd staked Laura and he'd removed Ravinical and Evangelina's heads. He'd played by the rules. So why weren't they? Why weren't they dead?
"We are indeed vampires," whispered the Burgrave in the Minotaur's ear, next to which he'd just placed himself with his vampiric super-speed. Then, from the other end of the chapel, he continued, "But that is not why my bitches yet live."
Rutt started to wonder if there were forces at work in this castle he had not understood. He had murdered those bitches right. He knew he had.
"I cut your cunts up good!" he hollered at the homosexual vampire lord.
The homosexual vampire lord used his super-speed to put himself right up against Rutt's ear again.
"So you did, my fine fellow," he hissed smugly, "Congratulations on that."
Becoming a vampire had only been the first part of the Burgrave's plan to live forever. He'd achieved that at the age of fifty-seven and then spent the decades following working on the next, harder and surer stage. Securing the patronage of the Serpent. The Serpent Who Nests in the Queen of Forfeiture's Womb. The Burgrave Chevoy Vesh had courted it and served it and won its blessings. He had won its gifts.
"This dark bloodline is protected by more than vampirism, silly bull," said Evangelina, the girlie who'd put up the best fight. "We are protected by more than you can know against more than you can throw. Although unfortunately not against migraines."
Something here was so wrong.
Rutt could feel it now, but not grasp it or understand it or hold it in his mind. There was something moving through things...touching things... Something did protect these vampires beyond the rules of vampirism, beyond the rules of the world. Something truly unholy had squirted its venom and piss into their blood and aether. Something coiled around their souls. Something coiled around everyone's soul, but with those of of the Bloodline of Vesh it coiled tight, gripping and cradling them.
Rutt heard a hissing. Like a slow escape of gas.
Rutt's eyes dilated.
He began to vomit.
Hundreds of miles away, in the Throneroom of New Confidence, the Queen of Forfeiture felt a stirring within. Felt a writhing.
"Is all well, master?" she asked.
The lips of her hairy pussy parted and a snake's head emerged from up her snatch. It looked her in the eyes.
"Someone almost perceived me," said the Serpent. "Someone sensed my trails and tracks as my influence encircled the world."
The queen gasped. It had been some time.
"A threat?" she asked.
"I think not. His mind cannot hold the aspect of my truth he has chanced upon. He has seen little, and what he has seen he shall forget or be broken by."
And with that, the serpent retracted itself. Back up the queen's vag. Back to its terrible nest.
Rutt vomited repeatedly until he fainted and landed face down in the puke ocean he'd produced.
Carefully, so as not to get any of the Minotaur vomit on their skin, the four vampires dragged the unconscious Man-Bull out of the Chapel, over to the battlements and heaved him over the edge.
Down from Castle Vesh he fell, down through the fog bank, down the mountain on which it stood.
"He'll survive the fall," said Ravinical.
"What makes you think that?" asked Laura.
"He's just so manly."
"Babe, you are down bad."
Ravinical laughed and said, "Yeah."
"Shouldn't we have killed him, though?" Laura asked the Burgrave.
"I don't see why," he said, "He's no danger to us. That Minotaur can stake and behead us every night if he wants. The Serpent's Gift protects us from everything."
"Not everything."
"Well no, there's Evangelina's migraines. There're no joke. But I hardly think..."
"I wasn't talking about Evangelina's migraines," the lesbian explained, "I was talking about my besthole."
Ravinical and Evangelina both gasped as they realised the significance of their wife's shit-chute to the situation. The Burgrave wasn't on the same page yet.
"Whatever do you...?"
Laura dropped her panties and spread her ass cheeks wide to show her spouses her tight, clean, pink anus.
"This is a besthole of prophecy. If anyone other than myself ever inserts anything into this ringpiece, then whoever the Godfolk consider to be my family will be purged forever from linear time, the material world, and the Lands of Lust and Pain."
"The Minotaur's not going to give up," said Evangelina.
"He's going to keep coming for us," said Laura.
"And all he has to do, one time, just once," finished Evangelina, "is rape Laura up her butt and that prophecy kicks in, circumventing the Serpent's Gift, and erasing us all from existence."
The Burgrave swore. Damn, they were right. They should have killed the Minotaur. He was only going to get more frustrated. More aggressive and furious. It was only a matter of time before he started assraping the Burgrave's dark brides. And once he did... once his dick penetrated Laura's pretty little besthole... it was all over for the Vamps of Vesh.
Tatiana Lever came walking along the battlements at that point, bouncing her 36J slutbags along with her.
"Um...hello!" she said to the dark brides.
"Greetings, my lord," she said to the Burgrave.
"Um...have any of you seen my boyfriend?" she said to them all.
