ZachSkye

Heya folks! So, this story includes occasional recipes written by yours truly to go along with it, I hope you enjoy them. I'll give a heads up, up here when that's the case, and they'll be posted at the bottom.

  Barely any work was accomplished before Rurk and Mallik returned to the kitchen. Vraz hunched skinning the beast as Regis heard their tell-tale bickering in the tunnel. Vraz froze, his seafoam green knuckles turning white as they gripped the knife. Really? Regis buzzed with annoyance, heading off the introducers at the entrance to the kitchen. “You need to work efficiently under stress, else you hardly have any business in a kitchen.”

  Vraz thawed, knife resuming its cutting motions as he returned to cutting the dire wolf. Sure, it was the incorrect job for that tool - but it would serve.

  Rurk and Mallik finally stepped into the kitchen. Regis could feel irritation radiating out from both of them. Good. If they must inflict irritation on me then I deserve company. “Dungeon!” roared Rurk.

  “Chieftan. What an unpleasant surprise. You may have no conception of time, but let me assure you that two hours have yet to pass. Now if you would vacate my kitchen-”

  “As chieftain, I go where I please, whenever I please!” yelled the chieftain, face greenish-red. Mallik gave a respectful nod to Regis. At Least one of them recognizes their place.

  “-Dungeon, please ignore this oaf. I require the dire wolf for a brief moment.”

  “My employee is currently occupied with preparing the food that your pathetic tribe extorted from me. We do not have time to pause,” Mallik blinked in surprise. Regis gave a small buzz. He stopped cutting. Vraz held the knife with a tight grip and was trying not to blatantly stare at the chieftain.

  “I require the wolf heart for a ritual. Otherwise, the Ground-Father will lay a curse down upon us.”

  “Fine. The heart is among the rest of the refuse- feel free to dig around.” The quickest way to get them out of his kitchen was to give them what they wanted. Both of them began to pace towards the pile. Regis noticed Vraz had moved the knife away from the corpse. For fucks-sake. With a loud buzz, the Regis floated into the chieftain’s path to prevent him from following Mallik.

  “Outta the way,” Rurk commanded with a glare.

  Mallik crouched down and began to dig around in the useless parts of the dire wolf. Regis circled the chieftain, “I’ve been considering just how to reward this extortion.”

  “Why should I care what you think?”

  “From this point forward, all meals you wish to purchase cost triple,” Rurk paled, eyes tracing the crystal as it circled him. His face hardened and his chest puffed out.

  “That isn’t going to matter, dungeon. I doubt you will be serving food from this cave for much longer. Let me tell you - when you ruin this feast, the tribe will see again how useless it is to keep you around. Wasting Gikx’s talent in this useless kitchen. Wasting tribe resources. We need a real dungeon. Not you,” Regis could feel pride from the goblin. But in that sea of pride was a drop of fear.

  “As you wish. But when the tribe tastes my food, prepared by this… slightly-better-than-useless employee… Then they shall remember the worth of my kitchen. Chieftains come and go, but a goblin always needs its belly filled.” Mallik stood up from the pile, heart in hand.

  Vraz’s knife started moving. Rurk continued to glare at the crystal as Mallik clapped the chieftain on the shoulder. “Come now, leave the dungeon be. Ground-Father’s blessings to this feast. May it prove worthy.” Rurk grumbled and turned to leave with the shaman, flooding Regis with relief. How many times today would he be interceding to prevent a fight?

  With the annoyance dealt with, Vraz finished removing the pelt. Following Regis’ instructions, he tossed the whole mess out into the tunnel leading to the kitchen. Then he began to butcher the corpse - cutting away any of the burned meat left by Gikx killing the wolf. Near the end of the half-hour stretch, both of them settled for most of the meat to just be free from bones. Vraz wiped a bead of sweat off his head with a forearm, setting the chef knife on the counter.

  “Now what?” Vraz looked at the bloody counter and knife.

  “Now you clean. We want this counter ready to use again. It is dangerous to cook with blood at your workstation. We do not wish to spoil our delicacies. There should be a barrel with water in the storeroom. Grab one of the spare buckets, fill it, then grab a rag.” Vraz scrunched his face and scratched his head.

  “Cleaning? Really? Do we have time? Never once did I see anyone in the Rust-Moon tribe clean a counter.”

  “Why would I subscribe to the methodology of a goblin tribe, let alone an extinct one.” The dungeon took delight at how Vraz froze and stared him down. “Go get the bucket.” The goblin wasn’t happy but complied. Coming back out and getting to work cleaning.

  After two times of being told to continue cleaning or that he’d missed a spot, Vraz had finally wiped the counter down enough to meet the dungeon’s specifications. Only then did he receive his next of instructions; to bring out the rest of the potatoes in storage. After that Regis sent him to grab seven onions, three cloves of garlic, and a bowl of cave salt for seasoning.

  For now, he left out the two last and most vital ingredients to the dish. Regis felt especially reluctant to use up any of his lemons. The little sour balls of yellow were worth their weight in gold. As for the last ingredient, blackberries, Vraz would have to gather towards the very end. If they made it that far. If they didn’t, then the dish was doomed to fail. And they’ll probably dispose of the goblin. The cynical crystal watched Vraz arrange the ingredients by the cutting board.

  “Grab the smaller stockpot - yes, that one right there,” Regis clarified as the goblin ran his hands over the cookware near the stovetop. “Go fill it with water from the barrel in the stockroom, then set it on the fire-rune.” The goblin nodded and did as asked, and Regis flared the rune to life. Soon it would come to a boil, then he’d cut off mana flowing to the rune. “Now bring over another bowl, right next to the cutting board.”

  Two things would be accomplished with these; extracting potato starch as a thickening agent and preparing the potatoes for a hash.

  “Use the paring knife to peel the potatoes. Do not worry about cutting off excess - I need as many as you can peel as fast as possible. Discard the skins,” on command the goblin went and grabbed the smaller knife, getting to work.

  His hands turned the potatoes over, quickly slicing the skins. Coming dangerously close to his fingers. While Regis had given some knife safety guidance while butchering, now wasn’t the time for a more in-depth lesson. They needed to hurry. The crystal is observed as the small knife slid through potato skin, stopping right before slicing into the goblin’s thumb.

  While it made the crystal's psyche rage, Regis contained his need to correct the goblin. Despite the risky cuts, the goblin was efficient. Teaching him the proper cutting techniques would take far too much time right now.

  Vraz was a natural. That was something Regis never imagined he’d encounter from a goblin. Strum had been capable, yes, but didn’t have the knack. That instinct. The drive to cook. From the way Vraz rapidly picked up peeling the potatoes to the way he’d cooked his ‘pan-seared mushroom surprise’, it was clear that this goblin had something none of the others had. All he needs is someone capable of molding him into something… promising.

  A pile of potato skins lined the cutting board. Vraz stopped, wiping his brow again, and turned curious eyes to Regis. “Switch to the chef knife. Cut the peeled potatoes as thin as you can manage. Be careful not to slice off a finger. You strayed excessively close to this mistake while peeling them. While it would be a stark reminder to watch your knife, there is no time for such an injury.”

  Vraz did as asked, moving to a soundless rhythm as he followed instructions to the letter, much to the delight of the crystal. The water came to a boil and Regis stopped the fire-rune.

  Eventually, the bowl was filled with thinly cut potato, and Regis directed the goblin to pour the now warm water on them. “And I just let it sit?” Vraz asked, running a finger through the warm water mixed with potatoes. The earthy yet faintly nutty scent of potatoes wafting up.

  “Yes. You have that linen cloth I told you to grab?”

  Vraz stretched out the bundle and gave the cloth a weird look. “You may not have a mouth, but you do know goblins can’t eat cloth, right?”

  “Do I-?” Regis vibrated and flew around the goblin. “Of course I’m aware you pathetic creatures can’t eat cloth. It’s for straining, you donkey. Not for eating. If you tried to eat-”

  Vraz burst out in a grin. Smugness rolled off in waves from the goblin. Did it just make a joke? Baffled, the crystal slowly floated around the goblin’s head as Vraz laid the cloth out over the empty bowl. “Got it, Chef. Next step?” He called me Chef.

  The next few moments happened in a blur; Regis directed Vraz to take the bowl of salt and cover all of the cuts of meat. After which he told the goblin to grab the biggest pan they had and stick a large glob of butter in it. With the meat-station prepared to go, all that left was to prepare the rest of the vegetables. Following instructions Vraz quickly chopped the onions, slowing to finely mince the garlic.

  All told, it took forty-five minutes, leaving them a minuscule amount of time left to cook the meat and vegetables and finish the last part of the dish.

  Hopefully, the blackberry sauce would be enough to delight the goblins. It was his show stopper. Well, as close as I can get given the circumstances.

  Vraz poured the potatoes into the cloth, faithfully wringing out the water the best he could. “Good. That is enough for now. Everything should be ready to start cooking. Congratulations. One last thing left before the best part.” Vraz set the cloth filled with thinly sliced potatoes down, raising an eyebrow at the dungeon.

  “Outside this cave, if you follow the forest to the left should be a patch of berries; blackberries specifically. I need you to go and rapidly collect as many as possible- run them back here. They will compose the sauce to crown our dish." The crystal watched the goblin grab the last empty stockpot and run out of the kitchen.

  Waiting in his domain alone, waiting to start cooking drove him mad. If he could, he’d start cooking the meat. But he had no hands. In a way it seemed a cruel joke to be filled with so much knowledge, yet unable to perform the fine manipulation that cooking required. Irritated, he pushed his awareness towards the crack that led to his storehouse. Once again he pushed his influence against the self-imposed barrier. Breaking past the boundary and claiming a little more of that space.

  If he pushed too far, his domain would regress in other spots. Expansion required a finite amount of essence; the essence cost for space was directly proportional to its size. Even then, he could expand into materials. For example, he’d only expanded roughly a foot’s length into the stone around the kitchen. Other dungeons had it easier, eating whatever they could run their greedy senses over. Growing. Eventually cutting a deal with monsters; providing a home in return for them to kill things inside of it. The whole process filled Regis with disgust. All a dungeon did was take. Constantly taking. Constantly hungry. But he would feed the hunger. He would earn what he had. Eventually. I will be a wonder of the world.

  Vraz stumbled back into the kitchen, interrupting Regis’ musings. His stockpot brimming with blackberries. “Back, Chef,” the goblin huffed, slamming the metal pot back onto the stone countertop.

  “Excellent. Now to get started - Decant the water from the bowl you wrang the potatoes into. You’ll notice that white sludge-like residue on the bottom, this is potato starch. You want to rid as much water as possible while retaining it.” jumping right into action, the goblin did as directed, doing a semi-reasonable job. Normally Regis would have liked to wash the cut potatoes twice and get as much starch as possible out of it, but there was little time. “Pan and meat, on the fire-rune, now.” Vraz responded to the barked commands, interpreting and performing the actions flawlessly.

  The kitchen erupted with aroma - the cooking dire wolf exuding a gamey scent a fair bit stronger than venison. Smoke erupted from the hot pan as the dire wolf meat sizzled flooding the cave in a thick haze.

  As the meat cooked, Regis directed the goblin to place the saucepan full of berries over a secondary fire-rune. Vraz alternated his attention between cooking the wolf meat and stirring the berries. Each time a piece of meat finished, Vraz placed it aside to cool, another took its place as the two rushed to cook all of the wolf meat.

  The gamey meat began to mingle with the sweet yet bitter scent of the blackberries. Vraz worked efficiently, taking each command and executing it to the best of his abilities - aside from a couple of mishaps and his still untrained touch, everything was cooking and simmering to perfection.

  With the meat finished, Regis told the goblin to toss the garlic and onions in the same pan. The leftover rendered fat flavored the vegetables. Once browned, in went the finely sliced potatoes, making something adjacent to a hash. All while Regis let his senses hone in on the blackberries, finding the perfect moment to direct the goblin to cut the lemon and squeeze its juice into the mixture. Followed by a spoon full of potato starch to thicken.

  The hash finished, fighting the sweet and gamey scents in the air for attention with its pleasant garlic and onion tones. With quick directions for plating, Vraz cut the meat, laying it out into little cooked strips and exposing the still medium-rare ruby red meat within. Using Regis’ only serving dish the goblin arranged the cuts of meat, drizzling blackberry sauce over the dire wolf meat in the center. Vraz spread the hash around the centerpiece.

  It wasn’t the prettiest dish Regis could imagine. But it was leagues above anything a typical goblin could manage. A series of footsteps began to echo down the hall leading to the kitchen. Vraz leaned against a wall huffing, wiping his face clean with a towel. Behold Gikx, a meal worth far more than your putrid existence.

Click the spoiler below to see the recipe!