I gasped as my eyes shot open, blood throbbing through my head. As I glanced at my alarm clock my heart stopped in my chest, it was 9am. I was going to be late to school and mum was going to be furious. “Mum” I called. But my answer was only silence. “MUM” I called again panic starting creep into my veins.

Jumping out of bed I stumbled as I felt something seemingly rush past me. Getting my bearings, I ran to her bedroom only to find a neatly made bed. As I stumbled into the kitchen, I could see no one was in sight. But the only thing that was abnormal was a little yellow sticky note on the counter.

I could hear the blood pumping through my head. I didn’t have to read the note, I already knew what was written on it. Mum had gone on her anniversary trip. My knees just buckled, and I stumbled onto one of the kitchen stools and I did the one thing I probably shouldn’t have.

I slowly looked down.

My vision started to blur as I was met by two barely visible breasts. A rush of emotions filled my chest as my brain started to sprint. What would I do about school, would someone will find out? Was this permanent, would that be a good or bad thing.

What would my parents…… “I’m not a man” I mumbled rhetorically to no one in particular as my brain came to a sudden stop.

What was I going to do? How long could I hide this. My brain started running through more possibilities, attempting to calculate the uncalculatable. ‘What would my family do’ I thought as the cogs in my brain started to turn again. Dad is luckily out of the picture.

Pushing a few stray hairs out of my face I stopped for a second. Since when was my hair that long? Or that light?

Rushing to the mirror I pushed a few more stray hairs from my eyes as I saw my face. A pang of emotion ran through my heart stopping it. Damn I kind of looked like mum. There was no way the changes had stopped.

I had the same narrow nose as her. My hair was a bit lighter and longer like it was favouring Mums long and light hair over Dads short and dark.

Actually, the more I looked at it, the more I saw a younger version of my mum. Through my baggy school shirt, I could see the outlines of my figure. My shoulders seemed less broad while my hips seemed much larger and prominent which seemingly gave me a faint hourglass figure.

Something out of the corner of my eye made me freeze. Running up to the wall I stood next to the height marks I had been accumulating since before I could remember and looked back at the mirror. Even from a good metre or two away it was clear. I was at least a couple of centimetres shorter.

This left my school attire even more unnatural than it had been before. Before it was just baggy. Now it was stretching around my hips and the pants were pooling at my feet. To my dismay it was even slightly tented around my chest area. And it also kinda stunk like a teenage boy.

Rummaging through my clothes basket I quickly realised that nothing would be even close to fitting. I even looked at Mums clothes for a second. Sure, I had considered putting them on before the change, but that was normal. And back then there was no way they would fit me. Now I don’t think I have the balls to try them on.

I mean I could just go with the classic trope of a baggy jumper, but this is Australia. Our winters were considered hot to some people. I was stupid, but not suicidal. Fumbling through my wallet I saw the $100 bill that I was given from my birthday.

Letting out a puff of air, I grasped at a few strands of hair that made up my fringe. I mean I could live with baggy clothes; I had been doing that my entire life. But how would I go back to school with my hair. That would have people looking closer at me. That would end badly. And I hate to say it, it kinda made me look girly, not that that was a bad thing… right?

At that, an idea sprung into my head, a very bad one at that. Looking into the mirror I looked up and down my body. Surely there was no way anyone would recognise me. Maybe Phil would.  But who am I kidding? At worst someone might think I’m my own sister.

 And it was that train of thought that had me sitting at the train station waiting for a ride to the shopping centre.

Looking up, I saw my neighbour, Mrs Gilmore staring at me with a smile on her face as she slowly walked past me.

“Hey Jonny” she said, “You look awfully happy today, what happened?”

“Not much Mrs G, Mum just went out of town for a few days” I said as I felt myself start to sweat, can she tell.

“I always didn’t like her” Mrs Gilmore said as she looked sadly at me, “Always angry, always yelling at you. I can hear it from my house.” “You should put your feet up and relax while the house is quiet” she said as she approached me, “Living with her you deserve a break every once in a while.”

Looking at her she opened her hand and tried to hand me $10. “I order you to have a break Jon” she said sternly as a smile broke through her withered face, “take it”

Shaking my head, I looked up at her and pushing her hand away gently, “You know I couldn’t do that.”

“Take the damn money Jon” she jokingly said, “or I’ll make you scrambled eggs again”  

I couldn’t take the money any faster. But before I could thank her the train pulled up to the station. “I’m guessing that’s you” she said as she looked at the train, “Take care Jonny.” “And use that money on a haircut. You’re starting to look like a girl” she added a second later.

“See you later Mrs G” I said as she sat down where I had been sitting a minute earlier. Jumping onto the train, I looked back to see her blankly staring at her walking stick. I really shouldn’t have taken the money. But if a choice between free money or powdered eggs there truly is only one option.

Pocketing the money my thoughts went back to that stupid plan of mine. Looking around, I went to go sit down at an empty seat. Sitting down I felt my hair settle around my neck. Had it grown even more?

God I felt stupid, I must have looked like a train wreck. And everyman and his dog must have agreed as I felt the stares of people passing by. Remember Jon, two rights, a left and then straight ahead.

Clenching my fists and brushing a strand of hair out of my face, I stared at the toothpaste-coloured pole outside of the barber. Surly it wasn’t that easy. And like a prophet I was right, this is where my life descended into chaos

“Are you lost little lady” a booming voice called out as I walked in the front door. Spinning on the ball of my foot, I immediately stumbled back. “Wooh there lass, I’m not that scary… am I” the man in front of me chuckled at my reaction.

He was the perfect description of a lumberjack. A broad, hairy chest complemented by a short ginger beard and a checkered shirt. And probably worst of all, he was standing at a height which towered at least one head over me.

“This is the barber, right” I stuttered, my heart seemingly beating out of my chest, did he really think I was a girl?

“That it is” he said letting out a hearty cough, “But with hair like that you look more like you could use a hairdresser, it would be a shame to cut it all off.”

Seeming pulling out courage out of nowhere, I looked up at him and let out a sigh. “I was going to get it cut short, so I figured it wouldn’t matter where I went.” Getting annoyed I strained my neck to get a better look at him as I stood on my toes, “you can do that can’t you” I asked. He couldn’t refuse me service… could he.

“That I can little lady” he laughed, ushering me to a seat. “And how would you like it. You said cut it short, and I don’t know about you, but I don’t think you would look good with a buzz.”

Letting out a chuckle, I looked back at him. “I would have to agree with you on that. As long as I look ok, I don’t really care, do whatever.”

“Your gonna regret that” he said, his eyes full of mischief, “I’m sure a mullet would look wonderful”

“I am going to regret this, aren’t I” I muttered to myself as he threw the barbers cloth over me.

“Most certainly” he said in a jokingly maliciously tone before grabbing one of his razors. “You asked for this” he said as he started hacking away at my hair. Looking it the mirror, I started to tune out to the buzzing of the razor. I was getting one step closer to manhood, so why did I feel so sick?

“Hey little lady” he said snapping his fingers in front of my face, drawing me out of that uncomfortable train of thought. Was I ever going to get used to people seeing me as a girl.

“hmm” I replied while looking at his face through his sticker covered mirror, but I never got a reply. He was pointing at a little sticker in the corner of his mirror which read:

‘Dave’s debacle, baby names needed. If you have a new name, you get a free cut’.

“Now I don’t know about you, but you don’t look like a Mark or a Lachlan” he laughed to himself, “I never knew how many James there where but now I must know more than 20 different James or Jamies”.

It was at that point in which he whipped off the barber’s cloth revealing my sweating figure in a baggy jumper. I might have said it wouldn’t be practical, but it was my best option. And judging by my heartbeat, my body agreed. At this rate I might go into cardiac arrest. And it only increased as he said “My name is Dave. I might be wrong in saying this, but I don’t think little lady is your name”

‘O shit’ I thought to myself as my brain started to go into panic mode. Grasping for straws as I tried to think of any good names but as usual my mouth betrayed me as I squeaked “Grace.”

“You want some advice Grace, get fewer baggy clothes, it must be 40 degrees and you’re running around with a baggy jumper. You must be burning up”

Wiping sweat and hair from my brow I look his eyes, the mischievous glint still there but it had dimmed and seemingly replaced with something I couldn’t recognise

Dave walked up to till and looked at the attendant, “Hey Grace, this is Derek” as Derek took a double take as he looked at me before offering his hand for a handshake.

“I’m Grace” I stuttered as I took his hand, if I had of been going into cardiac arrest before this was inhuman. But at the mention of my name my heart started to flutter.

As we shook hands, I looked at him, he looked a bit nervous and unsure of what to do. It was like he hated his job. I could connect with him on that level, he kind of reminded me of myself actually. He seemed to be struggling with his acne and seemed to be a bit introverted.  

“Derek is my project, good kid but he has his demons” Dave explained as if he wasn’t standing right next to him. “Remember that ‘accident’ last November, let’s just say Derek spent some time in juvie. But I’m gonna get him back on his feet, even if it is an uphill battle. But unless it’s impossible I don’t quit”

With that sentence, whatever connection I had with Derek snapped. What happened back then was disgusting, and if he went to juvie then he had to have at least something to do with it. Damn. This feeling of disconnection only increased as I saw him take a quick look at my chest. Damn that creep.

As politely as I could I practically ripped my hand out of his. “Well, it’s good to meet you Derek” I said, the tiniest hint of unwanted venom seeping into my voice, “Anyways, I’m off, thanks for the cut Dave”

Dave looked at me for a second, the look of pride was once again replaced with a look I couldn’t quite place. “Take this” he said before taking $50 out of the till, “you look like you could use all the help you can get”

“I have money Dave, I’m sure I can buy something” I said, turning down his money. “I’ll be fine”

His eyes hardened as he took a double take, “you look like you’ve been mugged Grace, I know a guy at the K-mart just around the corner. Just tell him I sent you and he will give you a discount.” And just like that his eyes softened, and he gave me a quick smile, “Anyways, the money wasn’t for you, I owe him from a bet.”

I could swear I felt a connection to him, sure he was a bit odd and slightly obnoxious, but it was all good natured and I could tell he wouldn’t let me leave with the money.

“till next time Dave, good luck with the baby” I said after grabbing the money and waving. And continued as I left the barber and turned around the corner. I going to have to watch out for Derek, he seemed to be nothing but trouble. Looking at the $50 dollars as I walked around the corner and my mind began to drift, Dave seemed like a good enough bloke, I’ll be going back there soon if my hair had anything to say about it.