Another couple years passed. I was homeschooled after that event, and my father hired some of the best tutors. I was around seventeen by that point, and there was only a year left until the students at Juxten Peak graduated. Almost all of them would go on to lead businesses, become politicians, or do their duty of running their parents’ company or marrying into another. 

My burning hatred settled slightly after all those years. The first two years were two years I hoped to never relive again. From anger to depression, I would ride that cycle of those two emotions again and again, never feeling like I could finally rest. If I wasn’t wanting to take revenge on the person who did this to me, I was in my room wondering how it would feel to just never exist. 

I never truly got over that, but the third year helped calm me down. I finally listened to my therapist’s advice and figured out a method to set my mind back on straight. He kept on telling me to find a hobby I’ll enjoy, and when I thought back to my time in school, only one thing came to mind. 

Reading. Beyond the times I spent with Karina, I’ve always enjoyed a good book. The school projects I looked forward to the most were always the ones where I could sit down and read a good book, then talk about the messages it carries. During stressful times, whenever Karina wasn’t there for me, I would lie in bed, open to the current page of a book I was reading, and I’d stay like that for hours.

Now, Karina is never here for me. Worst yet, she’s the reason I’m like this. I’ve been stressed, depressed, and tossed around emotionally and mentally for the last few months. If there’s any time for me to get a book and read to my heart’s content, it would be now. 

I headed to my family’s private library in the west wing of our mansion and began scouring for a book that I haven’t read yet. It took some time, but I found one to my liking, and began reading. I didn’t think it would work then. Reading may have been my favorite pastime before, but after everything that happened, I didn’t think it would be again. Thankfully, I was wrong. As soon as I turned to the first page, my troubles, my trauma and pain vanished before my eyes. My feet flew off the floor and I was whisked away into my imagination, freely moving about the story’s world.

With mere words and imagery, I visited so many places that I’ve never been to before. Deserts with winds so powerful, it creates a wall of sand. Oceans reflecting the sunlight, blinding any who lays eyes on the majesty of the body. Blocks of ice floating in the sea, breaking apart and falling into the sea. I may not have been to those glorious sights, but in a way, I’ve seen it all. That was the reality of the outside world. I was kept inside that small cage for so long that I had forgotten the beauty that I did not see. 

But another image popped into my head. The image of men surrounding me. The memory of blood trickling down my thighs. I dropped the book I had in my hand and covered my mouth. That was also outside my cage. Because I left it, I was met with pain and suffering. If only I had stayed in and not given into temptation, I’d be a glorious maiden, instead of the freakish monstrosity I am now. 

After a long time of reading and going over my trauma again and again, I finally felt comfortable in my own skin. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel like I was damaged. But that left me wondering. Why did Karina do what she did? I wanted to hear from her why it was me she targeted, and why she hadn’t even bothered to contact me after so long. If she did, I would’ve screamed at her and possibly have done much worse, but now that I’m relatively okay, I think I could see her again.

But before I met her, I wanted to see what she had been doing. To see how she was doing, I sent someone to collect information on her. What was her school life like? Did she ever make any new friends and completely abandon me? Is she still going to that trash heap of a party where they care more about protecting their own skin instead of doing what’s right and killing themselves? I don’t know, but in order to truly see if I was ready to meet her again, I had to find out.

I waited for a week. Then, I received an email from the person I sent. I read the message, and he was telling me that what I would see would probably destroy me. He warned me to not see the picture, but if I really wanted to know what was going on with Karina, then I would need to see it. 

I read the message and completely disregarded his warnings. His job wasn’t to warn me about stuff. It was to give me the information I needed. Below his message was an image file. I clicked on it, and the image popped up and took over ninety percent of the screen.

I knew what I was looking at, but for the first few seconds, I pretended I didn’t know. I constantly asked myself what I was looking at, hoping that if I did it for so long, it would rewire my brain. My brain sadly stayed the same, and I had to face reality.

The picture was taken in the cafeteria. I saw Karina almost right away. She hadn’t grown too much since I saw her, but her features have become much more adult-like. She carried herself with a lot more confidence, while also showing off a bit with her school uniform not being up to standard. 

Right next to her was another girl. She stood out amongst the crowd so even though Karina was right there, my eyes constantly drew themselves to the other girl. She didn’t carry herself like she was among the upper class. Even Karina still had some form of elegance to her, but this girl’s posture screamed of poor etiquette. Her uniform was untidy. Her hair was all over the place. Nothing about her had any form of dignity.

Yet they sat together, and they smiled together. They ate their meals together. Karina touched her shoulder like how she would touch mine. She sat in the seat I used to sit in. Karina smiled at her like she would to me. 

I noticed a bit more text beneath the image, and I read it aloud. I wouldn’t believe it if I didn’t say it out loud, so I heard it with my own ears.

“The girl sitting next to Karina is someone named Miranda. She enrolled in the school through the annual testing program, and she scored with the highest marks out of anyone. From what I learned, she became Karina’s roommate only weeks after your departure, and they got along from day one.”

Once I finished reading, I grabbed the top of my monitor and threw it to the ground. Glass flew everywhere, and some shards sliced at my ankles. Smoke rose from the screen on the floor, and if it weren’t for the maids responding to the noise, the mansion might have caught on fire. From what they said, they walked into a smoke-filled room where the floor turned to shattered glass, and on a desk at the back of the room was a girl weeping her soul away.

I’ve not really been the most religious person out there. I believed there was a God in the sky, waiting for our minute lives to end so we could meet him with our new immortal bodies, but I never participated in most of the practices of my religion outside of praying and going to church. I refused to go to church the first two years, believing that nothing could save me anymore, but I took that chance once I got back into reading. 

I would head to a large church near the square of the city I lived in. When I entered it and laid my eyes on the cross, a certain tranquility entered my bloodstream. It was soothing and helped in my emotional healing. After hearing the preacher preach about the all-knowing God, that’s what made me feel loved. When I ate the body of Christ, I felt whole. When I bathed in the purest of waters, I was reborn. 

Even once I turned eighteen and got a house of my own, I continued going to church. I would sit among all the others looking for meaning in their lives, and together we’d pray to the being that gave us meaning. 

However, seeds of doubt slowly planted themselves in my mind. It happened when the father preached about the final moments before Christ’s death. How Christ begged his father to forgive the people of their sins, and place the burden of all the evils in the world on his shoulders. At the end of the sermon, he quoted some other preacher.

“If we are to follow our lord into the golden arches, then we, just like God, must forgive the sins of the ones who wronged us, as they would forgive us when we wrong them. Amen.” 

People on both sides of me stood up, shook hands and said they would pray for them. They smiled, and said the same back, then moved down the line. When the woman beside me turned to shake my hand, she didn’t have a hand to meet. I was still sitting on the pew, unmoving and dead eyed. She flinched, drawing her hand back, then moved on. 

After almost everyone had left and the only people left were the preacher, extremely devoted followers of God, and other church staff, I approached the man of God. The father stood by his podium, a bible in hand, and the wisdom of God shining in his eyes. He saw me approaching, and he smiled upon my arrival.

“Miss Brooks.” The father greeted me. “How are you today?”

“I’m doing well.” 

“So, what is it that you want of me? Would you like a prayer, or is there something else in mind?”

I took a deep breath before questioning him. I don’t know if I’d like the answer he’ll provide, but I just need to know. There’s no one around us, so this is the perfect time to approach him.

“I want to talk about what you said before adjourning.”

“About forgiveness?”

“Yes. There’s someone from my past who hurt me more than anyone has hurt me before. I can barely think without going into a sort of breakdown. Is it alright if I don’t forgive them?”

The father listened to my question, and he seemed to wrestle it in his mind. “What was it that made you think like this?” 

My tongue tied itself before the words could escape. I wanted to tell him, but it was hard to just say that I was raped. It’s not something that should come easily to anyone. Once that happens, I can count my sanity gone, and I’m already treading that line. 

I could hear people that weren’t there. Karina’s voice echoed in my head anytime I went to sleep. She would whisper awful things to me, things that would break someone. But I took the abuse head on, even when I know all it’s doing is wearing me down for the final blow. I wanted to set my mind at rest once and for all. I wanted someone to say my hate for her was justified. More than that, I wanted something I trusted to say it.

“When I was younger, I was assaulted by someone I trusted. Then they used their money to escape all consequences. Is it right for me to despise them?”

The father listened to me, no shred of shock or anger on his face. He looked at me passively, like someone from two different levels of existence meeting for the first time. 

“We who follow the word of God believe that everyone born by his will should deserve forgiveness. What they did to you is awfully tragic, but you must forgive them of their sins. When Jesus died on the cross, he asked his father to forgive the sins of the people, for they no not what they do. God has forgiven the sins that you have committed, and the sins of your assaulter. 

“Now, you must confess your own sins. For you are not wedded, and your maidenhood has been stolen, you will meet the floor of fire if you do not confess them. I hope that God forgives you, and I hope most of all, that you can forgive yourself.”

He walked away, but before he left, he looked back at me, and his brow furrowed. I stood there, still as a statue, with nothing left shining in my eyes. Any shred of humanity left vanished with the dandelion seeds drifting in the wind.

I never went back to church after that.

A year had passed since that day. My condition slowly grew worse until the voices finally grew bodies. I couldn’t even work within my father’s company since I was prone to outbursts. At random moments throughout the day, my past emerges from behind me and touches my shoulder, and when I turn to look, I see a grinning Karina behind me. It turned out it was actually one of my coworkers, and I nearly strangled her to death.

I was ordered by a court to remain home for the time being, taking meds daily. Funny how they put me back in line but refused to do their jobs before just so they could line their pockets. The only way I survived was through my father occasionally sending me money, and medical checks coming in once a month that was just enough to buy half of the meds I needed, and nothing else. At one point, I went cold turkey, but after awhile, Karina would knock on my door again, and my body would convulse on the floor. 

In the end, I began taking my meds again. That was one of the two things that ceased the visions. The other thing that kept my mind from tearing itself apart was reading. One day, I bought a book that sounded interesting. The title of the book was Hikikomori. 

I knew the word as a Japanese slang for someone that stays inside their home all day without much outside influence. I read the description, and I thought it would be a nice read. It was something I could relate to for a change. 

It came in around a day after I ordered it, and I began reading it immediately. I wasn’t too impressed at first, but then I reached the last paragraph of the first chapter. When I read it, the story hooked me in, and I had to read it a second time. 

“From the love of God, he created humans. From the love of humans, they created many more things. One of those being my absolute pride and joy. The world of anime. I’ve watched it day and night, in a never-ending cycle. Stories like Mechs being piloted by teenagers to protect the world from apocalypse level threats could sit side by side with stories where the male main character finds a lot of hot women and they fall in love with him at first sight. I wanted that to be reality, and when I wanted it to be, it became.” 

The story followed the main character, Takeshi. He goes on about how awesome he is and stuff, which got boring really fast. However, the hook still had its grip on me, so I kept reading. What I ended up reading was something that opened my eyes forever. 

It turned out that everything he saw was a figment of his imagination. Every time a woman jumped him and begged him to be their lover. Anytime he would pull out a laser pistol and fire it into the crowd of invading aliens. It was all fabricated so he wouldn’t have to face the consequences of his actions. But once the curtain pulled back, the world opened up to him once more, and he had to face the cruel reality. 

Karina’s voice kicked in after I finished reading the story, but instead of shoving it away like I always did before, I actually listened. And what she said was glorious. 

This is what the world sees. Everyone pulls a curtain in front of their face. It’s a curtain made up of their biases, ignorance, and insecurities. You are the only one that knows the reality of the world.

Karina is someone who looks after herself first and foremost. She’s nothing but an entitled brat that wants to feel like she belongs somewhere. That is her curtain, and she hid behind it, ignoring your cries of pain.

Your Mother and Father are also to blame. Karina’s family is a powerful one indeed, but they could have done something to fight back against the injustice. Instead, they took the money, too scared to fight for their loved ones’ pain and suffering. That is their curtain.

Not even your beliefs helped you in the end. Instead of throwing out their religion and views in order to gain morality, they wallow in a tradition that oppresses anyone that wants to feel the tendrils of justice. It’s a terrible curtain that masks the rest of humanity. Now that you left that curtain, you can find me.

“I can find you?”

Yes, you can find me. In a few years from now, your parents will invite you to spend time with them. Follow the invitation, and witness the fruits of reality. Then, when you get the chance, take the man you love, and she’ll find you.

Karina never spoke again after that. I don’t remember where she went, but she never haunted me again. Instead, it was my turn to haunt her. 

I looked at the author’s name on the cover of the book and a wave of longing crashed into me. Ty Peon was the name, and I already knew he was the man of my dreams. Both he and I shared a similar vision of the world. It’s a vision where people are just as blind as Takeshi, or in reality, William, and he is the representation of all humanity. I fell in love with just the name, then when I met him in real life at a book signing, I fell in love with him physically.

I wanted him then, but the words Karina left me echoed in my mind constantly, and I knew right away it wasn’t time. But the time would come, and all I had to do was wait.

***

Now, the time has finally arrived. I look down at the pistol by my side, then turn to Ty, staring at me with false eyes. They weren’t the same eyes that I fell in love with. Or maybe they were the same eyes, and the only thing that changed was that my curtain had lifted. What is my curtain exactly?

I think I know exactly what it is. The curtain I so cowardly hide behind is one made of trust in humanity. Why did I ever expect anything from the species that led to my suffering? I trusted Karina, and look where that got me. My parents refused to fight for me and my religion abandoned me. Even the love of my life is asking me to give up on justice. 

Ever since I was born, I was always their little marionette. With no will of my own, I let them toss me and my emotions around to suit their needs, and I still gave them some form of trust, even after they hurt me. That’s the case no longer. No matter what happens now; no matter what is either right or wrong; at least I can finally do something about these strings tugging at my limbs. 

I raise the gun and point the barrel at Karina’s shoulder. The once quiet room erupts in a frenzy of screams and fear. I can hear it, but I don’t listen to it. From the terror of Karina, the concern from Jessica, and the unrelenting anger radiating from Ty, it’s all just white noise. Even the bodyless voices that terrorized me in my sleepless nights have vanished. The only voice I can hear now is my own.

I pull the trigger.