I woke up.
I was in a rundown and abandoned back alley, and I didn’t remember shit about anything.
Come on you know the drill, no need to repeat it for the third time. You thought after a chapter of something different I’d change the usual punchlines going forward?
Nah fam, that’s not how marketing works.
Not saying I do know how it works, there must be a reason I had absolutely nothing on me except a cardboard box full of normal-looking pills.
But who cares about shit like that, I told myself as I did the only logical thing I could possibly imagine about logically doing in such a logical situation.
I drank one of the pills.
I say drank because I actually found a bottle of water close by, and it didn’t even cross my head that it might not be the healthiest thing in the world to drink some random water that’s been left in a place like this, where it’s obvious very non-legal things have been happening very damn often.
But regardless of that, I drank the pill.
It tasted like shit when mixed with water and I don’t know why. But regardless, the effect felt like it was meant to be that way from the very beginning of time and space themselves.
I closed my eyes and the world was filled with sound.
Very normal and peaceful sounds, yes.
I heard a man and a woman moaning, most likely engaging in lascivious activities, ones I would very much engage in myself if I was given any change – I thought for a second before realizing I’d have to stop getting high for more than three seconds straight to be able to even attempt to meet someone else. Not even talking about someone of the opposite sex here, just anyone at all.
Ahem.
The ecchi perv hentai baka yamete kudasai onii chan sounds continued as I got a massive fucking erection that almost made me feel like a gigantic pile of rocks. I wonder why I got that strangely specific feeling.
Then the wakey wakey time came, and I noticed.
I was cute.
I was 2D.
I was kitty.
And I was sad.
Yes ladies and gentlemen, I had become a pensive kitty emoji. I guessed it wasn’t so much becoming one as it was unleashing the pensive kitty inside my heart.
Outside of my cute and sadge appearance, only thing I could notice was that I was in a place.
What place, you might ask?
I dunno, a place. What makes a place different from another place? They’re just parts of space. Even the word place is largely undefined and a construct.
Ahem.
The place I was in had walls and a ceiling and more people inside.
It was a bar.
People were drinking drinks and fooding food.
These people were really varied to be honest but they were all cute and 2D and sadge.
There was a pensive bread. Then he put on a cowboy hat and became pensive yeehaw bread.
There was a pensive furry girl, a pensive anime guy, a pensive meme frog.
We had fucking everything mate, what more could we ask for?
Oh right. A pensive red panda. Was this heaven?
All these people and of course me as well were given a very small bag of pills.
Those pills were weird.
They were completely different to the normal looking pills I had consumed just a bit before.
Everyone ate them and they all immediately fainted, their minds escaping their bodies and going all cartoon ghost style.
I felt really dizzy but really great. Was I getting high inside my drug induced delusion?
Yo that’s actually really fucking sick.
In more than one sense.
The world melted in psychedelic colors and all crazy LSD shit while the image of the gods formed into my line of sight.
A RED PANDA PENSIVE EMOTE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
THE PLEASURE ATTACK WAS BACK GOD DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
Oh fuck this chapter may be awful but my joy is immense and my day is definitely not ruined, faaaaaar from it.
…I woke up to a loud and upbeat jingle, signaling some nice partying people had come.
And just like that I woke up.
I was in that alley again, with everything being the same. I wasn’t worse than I’d been before so it’s safe to assume the water wasn’t too polluted.
The only difference I could notice was – there was one less pill in that cardboard box.
