It was a little surreal, sitting in the passenger side of my mom’s car dressed like this. In my head, it felt like some parallel reality where I actually was the older daughter of the family. Especially with my little sister in the back seat, frantically trying to finish the quests on her mobile game before we arrived at our destination. It was also kinda nice? I mean, ever since I’d gotten my license, as the “man” of the house, I did most of the driving. Not that it was expected of me, I just did it because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do. That and Maggie hated driving.

But this time around, Mom seemed happy to chauffeur us to a restaurant that, quite honestly, I’d never been to before. Mom and Dad had gone there a few times when Maggie and I were younger, but I’d usually been babysitting for their date night because it was a fair bit fancier than you would normally take younger kids to eat.

It was a pleasant cruise with light traffic and the setting sun over the city made me feel calm and relaxed. Red and orange hues danced along the rooftops and among the trees, highlighting the spaces between the lengthening evening shadows. I was off in my own little world, trying desperately not to think about whether anyone would actually recognize me like this. Not like my crowd was the sort to go to a place that didn’t have hot wings. Instead, I just watched the buildings race by my window as some international news report played on the radio. Mom certainly liked listening to NPR.

“Are you nervous, Lauren?” my mother asked during a momentary break in the news to appeal for donations.

I pondered that for a moment. “Yeah, kinda. I feel exposed without the wig, like the butt of a joke in a comedy show. The fact that we’re going somewhere fancy for dinner is making me even more nervous. Like, am I even dressed well enough to eat there?”

“Sweetheart, you’ll be fine. Yes, this is a nice restaurant, but it’s not some Michelin Three Star fare. We’re doing okay, but it’s not like we can afford Wagyu beef!” Mom joked, knowing that I’d always wanted to try the fancy cow meat from Japan.

I hesitated, trying to figure out how to word my reply in a way that wouldn’t trigger feelings or open old wounds. Finally, I decided on, “This place was really special for you and Dad, so I wasn’t sure if the way I look now would be appropriate for a place that you went to for your date nights when we were kids.”

Mom swallowed as she processed my meaning. “Honey, your father and I? We were never what you would call upper crust. If you remember, I really wasn’t dressed all that differently from you when he and I went out. Sure, it was different from what you usually saw me wearing, but it was one of the few times I put on a skirt or a dress to go out instead of my usual jeans and a top. It was also the only time your father would put on a blazer. He hated how stuffy those things felt, but he really wanted the night to feel special for me. He’d still wear his jeans, though!” She smiled warmly as she spoke and I felt a little choked up at the memories.

At this point, Maggie had finally put her phone away and chimed in with, “Did you and Dad ever go out while he cross-dressed?”

Mom coughed suddenly. “Uh, well, no!” she responded. “It was quite a while ago and people really weren’t as accepting of things as they are now. And… he didn’t pass very well, which made him really nervous about going out in public.” Mom had a faraway look on her face that drove a pang of sadness into my heart. I felt compelled to say something to break the mood.

“Yeah, honestly I’m surprised nobody has clocked me. I mean, my overt masculinity is just radiating from this well-toned, muscular frame!” I joked.

Maggie smacked me upside the back of my head for my efforts. “No offense, Lauren, but you’re, like, as gender neutral as they come. If androgyny had a leading picture on Wikipedia, it would be your face.”

I snorted, a mixture of elation and disappointment filling my mind. Why would I enjoy being gender-ambiguous? Was I disappointed that I didn’t look more feminine? Or was I disappointed that I didn’t look more masculine? It didn’t make much sense to me and I honestly felt a bit of moodiness building within me. I had to take a deep breath to calm my nerves.

“Anyway, we’re almost there. I hope you like it - the menu is all incredibly tasty, the service is wonderful and the decor is gorgeous!” Mom said excitedly. 

“Are you sure it’s still good? I mean it’s been years since you’ve been there, Mom,” Maggie chided.

“If it’s not good, we’ll get a refund and go somewhere else! But… it would mean a lot if we could share something nice that your father used to enjoy with me,” Mom said, her voice holding firm despite the topic of the conversation.

I shrugged noncommittally. “Chinese food is Chinese food. I can’t imagine it’s going to be anything too crazy.”

 

---

I was wrong.

The interior of the restaurant was decorated in sleek, modern materials with lacquered cedar chairs, tables topped with fine linens, and beautiful lantern-style chandeliers hanging from the ceiling among a galaxy of carefully-arranged fairy lights, creating the illusion of a clear night sky. I noticed that there were a number of romantic couples in addition to the friends and family among the patrons, each thankfully wearing clothing ranging from smart casual to casual elegant. I didn’t feel quite as out of place as I had expected, based on my first impressions of the place.

The host in the foyer greeted us warmly. “Good evening, ladies! Welcome to The Black Tortoise! May I ask if you have a reservation?” He was a bald man with a wide smile and shining eyes, smartly dressed in a dark blue dress shirt and black slacks and a simple black tie. 

I was about to correct him on his greeting when I remembered how I was dressed. Instead, Mom said, “Hello Liang! It’s been a while!”

The man blinked in surprise. “Monica? Is that you? My goodness, it’s been ages!” 

“Yeah, about nine years, I think?” my mom replied, guardedly avoiding the reason she hadn’t been back. “Looks like you’re doing really well for yourself! Got the place remodeled, got a liquor license and everything!”

Liang laughed. “It’s hard to offer fine dining without alcohol,” he admitted. “So who do we have with you tonight?”

Mom gestured toward Maggie. “This is my youngest child, Margaret! We call her Maggie because she insists her name is too old-fashioned.”

With a hesitant wave, Maggie nodded and said, “Hello!”

Then Mom turned toward me and her brow furrowed. However she quickly recovered and stated, “This is my oldest, Lauren.” She put a bit of emphasis on the name and I raised one eyebrow curiously. My unspoken question was answered when Liang replied.

“Oh. Oh, I see! They do grow up so differently from how we envisioned, but we love them just as much, don’t we?” It was apparent from his phrasing that he was aware my mother had a son. Without missing a beat, he grabbed a few menus from the podium at which he was standing and motioned for us to follow. “If you’ll follow me, ladies, I have a table available right away!”

Based on this interaction, I was half-expecting to be hidden away in some dark corner away from the rest of the patrons. Instead, we were led to a table by a window with a lovely view of the fountain outside. Mom gasped when she saw it. “Liang, is this…?”

“It looks a bit different after the remodeling, but yes! Same table!” he said with a wide smile. There was a card for a reservation by the centerpiece but he simply picked it up and moved it to another table nearby.

“Is that okay? I mean, was that reservation for this table, specifically?” I asked, the first time I’d spoken since we arrived.

There was no moment of shock or confusion at hearing my voice. He simply replied, “The reservation was for a party of two, and this table will work just as well. Please, do not worry!” With that, he quickly went around the table, pulling the chairs out for each of us, beginning with my mother and proceeding to myself and Maggie. It was an incredibly strange feeling to have someone pull a chair out for me. I followed my mother’s lead and placed my handbag on the seat of the fourth chair at the table and Maggie did the same.

Liang passed out the menus and placed a hand on Mom's shoulder. "I hope you have a lovely night with a wonderful dinner. Your server will be with you shortly. And... It's good to see you again, Monica." With that, he returned to his station in the foyer.

I took a menu in-hand and looked over the offerings. If this were an old Warner Bros. cartoon, my eyes would have popped out of my head in a comically large proportion. 

Apparently, Mom caught my reaction, because she said, “Yeah, we don’t order from the first seafood page. I can’t afford two-hundred dollars for the Maine lobster or the giant clam. Try to maybe focus on the entrees priced under fifty?”

With a nod, I glanced over the rest of the menu and felt my stomach rumble in response to the wok-fried lamb. What had I actually eaten today? I think it was just a cereal bar and some potato chips. Yikes. No wonder my body was complaining! But the lamb sounded really good. Cumin, scallions, cilantro, medium spice. 

Eventually a younger waitress approached our table. Her glossy black hair was pulled into a ponytail and she wore a black fitted short-sleeved blouse with black slacks. “Good evening, ladies! How are you doing tonight? My name is Min and I’ll be your server. Can I get you started with an appetizer and something to drink?” Her warm smile indicated that she saw nothing wrong with the short-haired crossdresser across the table from her.

“We’ll have an order of the potstickers and the egg rolls to share, if that’s all right?” Mom asked the waitress.

“One order of potstickers and one order of egg rolls! All right. How about drinks?”

“I’ll have the hot tea and some water, please,” Maggie said as she toyed with the edge of her menu.

I paused. “Um, it’s my first time here and I don’t really know what’s available… it’s not on the menu.”

The waitress laughed and replied, “We do have soft drinks. Pepsi products: Pepsi, Diet Pepsi, Sierra Mist, Mountain Dew. We also have several draft beers, a full bar, and a selection of wines, if you prefer.”

Beer sounded awful, if I was being honest. I wasn’t sure if the liquor was the best option, either. Mixed drinks tended to be fairly pricey. Still, I didn’t want to drink soda at a restaurant like this. I looked toward Mom who gave me a grin and a nod.

“Uhm, I’m planning on having the wok-fried lamb. Do you have a wine that would pair well with that?” I asked uncertainly.

Min gave it a moment’s thought and replied, “For the lamb, I’d recommend a bolder red wine. We have a Pinot Noir from California with notes of cherry and vanilla that would pair well with your dinner. You may like it with the garlic spinach as a side, or the beef chow fun.”

Mom interjected with, “The Pinot Noir sounds lovely. I’ll have that as well.” She glanced at me and Maggie. “Are we ready with our dinner orders?” I nodded and Maggie gave a noncommittal shrug. “Okay, I’d like the Mongolian beef with the Chinese broccoli, please.”

“Um… I’ll have your recommendation. The wok-fried lamb with the garlic spinach,” I said, cringing as I mentally tallied the cost of our meal.

“Lemon chicken breast and vegetable fried rice,” Maggie said, finishing our order.

“Thank you very much, ladies! I’ll get this order back and return shortly with your appetizers and drinks, as well as some water.” Min gathered our menus and turned to walk toward the kitchen when she paused, apparently remembering something important.

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” she said as she spun around to face us once more. “I’ll need to see your IDs for the wine.”

I balked. Mom gave me an encouraging nod, so I found myself reaching into my purse to retrieve my wallet as Mom did the same. The waitress reviewed the IDs with a curious look at mine, glancing at me as if to make sure I was the same person, before returning them to us. “Thank you, ladies. I’ll be right back!”

I could feel the heat radiating from my flushed face like a campfire on a cool summer night as Min walked away. I wanted so badly to just crawl under the table for the rest of the night. Mom placed a reassuring hand over mine. “You did great, sweetie.” Her familiar voice calmed my nerves somewhat and I found myself laughing.

“Why did you pick the name ‘Lauren?’” Maggie asked suddenly.

I gave her a thoughtful glance. “Honestly, I don’t know. It just sprang to mind when Emily asked my name at that party on the night of the bet.”

“You broke the ‘M’ theme I had set up for us!” Mom joked. “Mark, Monica, Michael, and Margaret! It was so perfect!”

“You did that on purpose?” I asked incredulously. “I thought it was just a weird twist of fate!”

Mom replied to my question with a knowing smile and for a moment, I caught a glimpse of the prankster that my mom had always been.

Maggie’s expression flattened as she gazed over my shoulder out the window behind me. “I think we might have a problem.”

Confused, I turned to look in the same direction, accidentally locking eyes with the person I least wanted to see. Out in the courtyard by the fountain stood Jeff, dressed in his date night best with a young woman on his arm. What caught me by surprise was that the woman he was with had long athletic legs, wavy blonde hair, and a cute black cocktail dress. She looked a lot like I did on the night of the bet. I felt a wave of confusion and anxiety sweep over me and I turned to look at my family. Maggie’s face was expressionless. Mom was unceremoniously flipping the bird. I turned to look back at Jeff who was scowling in our direction as he escorted his date toward the entrance of the restaurant.

I sighed. Could this get any worse?