In life, there are many situations one might find themselves in that they deem particularly undesirable. Stubbing your toe against a corner. Your charger cable not reaching when your phone is dangerously low and you just want to chill on your bed binging a good drama.

Finding your brother in a threesome.

Or going to lunch and seeing all the tables full except for a few select seats scattered here and there, but you’re new and know basically no one and have to take your tray and slowly walk aimlessly as your brain goes into overdrive trying to decide where you can eat without someone sneezing in your lasagna.

Which did happen once in third grade. Not that I feared a repeat much anymore, but still. The sea of people all chatting about was daunting. Back in my old school, I had a group of friends who I trusted to NOT ruin my appetite. Now? I was highly suspicious.

It also didn’t help several students from my previous classes recognized me as the somehow-popular-in-a-highschool-miles-away-from-his-workplace Professor's sister. And subsequently raised their hands as they called out to have me sit down with them. No doubt to bombard me with questions. I felt incredibly awkward looking around at them.

It’s not a competition, alright? Stop trying to tempt me with pastries and juice! I’m not that cheap. Offer up main entrees at the very least.

I was just about to ask the nearby teacher--who was here to make sure no one was causing trouble, I’m assuming, by the way he stood sternly in a corner eyeing several rowdy tables in particular--if I could eat outside when a breath of air blew into my ear carrying the scent of gumdrops.

I jumped, startled, nearly dropping my tray before seeing Bea making a cheeky pose behind me. A peace sign over an open eye, a wide grin on her lips, simply impossible to be mad at.

“Yo~” She clapped my shoulder. “Gotta keep that guard up, mon cheri. You’re way too open.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said after a moment of calming my heart.

“And another fair maiden is saved from future troubles, all thanks to Yours Truly. You’re welcome.”

“Yeah, right. I’ll surely be thinking of you next time I rescue myself from a potential rapist. I’ll think,’gee I’m so glad Bea almost ruined my new pair of Prada’.”

“If the stakes aren’t high, how would the teachings stick? Don’t worry, my cute little junior. As long as I’m here you’ll always be kept on your toes.” She threaded her arm through mine and started dragging me away.

“Aren’t we in the same grade?”

“We are, but I’m your senior in life. You still have that air of sweet innocence that reminds me of myself in the days before I knew what Harlequin Ichthyosis was.”

“What’s that?”

“Something you can never un-Google.” Her eyes were haunted. “Anyway, I’ve taken a liking to you. Which you should be ecstatic about for it includes many benefits such as free frozen yogurt, deep philosophical debates, and lessons in self defense like the one we just went over.”

“Sounds great. I’d like to cancel my membership.”

“Too late. Once you go Bea you never go back.”

“Sounds like the weird title for a porn parody of the Bee Movie.”

“Huh. Not so innocent after all, are ya, Rabbit? Damn. I wanted to slowly corrupt you, too. Tsk.” She sighed. “Ah well.”

I had to force down a chuckle. “  So, uh, where are we going?” I asked as we walked through the large room of people.

“Cool kids’ table.” She answered.

“Are you even one of the cool kids?”

“Please.” She snorted. “They wish I were one of them. Nah. Queen Bea’s a lone wolf. Alphas need packs, but Omegas like me are badass even without. Stick with me, kid, and you can walk through the world unhindered!” The pixie-like young lady boasted with a swipe of the nose and puff of the chest.

I poked her armpit, causing her to giggle. “Uh-huh. Total badass.”

She swiped at me. “That was a cheap shot, it doesn’t count. That place is sensitive, you know? Now then, let’s give you a crash course. Pay attention. Ahem." She cleared her throat. " First off, there’s all kinds of hungry animals here who’d chew you up and spit you out. Since you’re new and I’m a kind Goddess you won’t go onto the field of battle unprepared.” The girl babbled.

“So why’re we going to the cool kids’ table?”

“To make fun of them, of course. And because every other clique is on the way. We can witness them in their natural habitats.”

...I was finding myself more and more favorable towards the chick. She was really easy to talk to. She’s a different flavor from my old friends, but also similar. Like a mishmash of all their best traits.

It was pretty comforting having her here, I decided.

“Look!” She pointed. “The Intellectuals. You can just smell the stress and desperation for their demanding parents’ approval. Highly competitive among their group and more cutthroat than, well, a band of cutthroats. But fear not, for these nerds are harmless to the common man.”

One of the students at the table noticed them passing and gave Bea a friendly look.

“Hey, Bea! How’s it going?”

“Well, well, well, if it ain’t the invisible cunt.” Bea flipped him off. “You got some nerve talking to me after the whole ghost routine. I texted you twenty times, asshole.”

“Make it up to you later, promise.”

“We’re getting shit-faced Friday and you’re paying. Root beer, loaded potato sticks, and copious amounts of chocolate. Whole nine yards. Oh, and I’m game master.  Ya’ll good with that? Who’s in?”

Several of the others who had, until then, been locked onto their textbooks, gave a thumbs up.

The first boy protested with a face full of injustice “...I got a test next week!”

“Tough titties said the kitty when the milk ran dry.”

I looked over the boy’s notes and said, “You got that one wrong, by the way. You forgot to substitute. I can even show you an easier solution if you want.” 

“What the--? Crap.” He started furiously erasing. Meanwhile, the rest of the group looked up at me as if encountering a new enemy. I thought back to the comment Bea made about them being cutthroat and decided not to get to close to them in the future.

Bea chided. “Oh-ho. On the Bean again, are we B-man? You know you don’t function right on that stuff.”

“An addict like you saying that to me…” The guy scoffed.

But Bea was already walking on. “That was Brainy. He’s smart but he and caffeine don’t have a good relationship.”

So the Bean is a coffee place, I’m assuming.

The girl pointed next to another table not far away. “And now we have the Edge lords. They have a strange alliance with the Herbalists and the 2-D.”

“Herbalists?”

“Potheads.”

“And the 2-Ds are…”

“Anime lovers. Manga. Novels.”

“ I see.”

“Yeah. A lot of the 2-D double as Edge Lords. And everyone loves the Herbalists, they’re pretty chill dudes.”

Just then, “Bea, heads up.” One of the Edge lords, a girl with pasty white skin and red nail polish with all-black or grey clothes, threw something over. “You’re still on for the next one, right?”

“After the killing I made from you noobs last time? Hell yeah.” She waved

“What’s in that?”

“The fruits of my labor.”

Again someone called out to the young woman. This time it was from the table I assumed were the 2-Ds judging from the jacket depicting various manga girls in faces of orgasm. Which I’d seen before online but never in real life.

“You done with those volumes yet, Bea?” He asked.

“Boy, there are over 16 volumes. Of course, I am.”

“And?”

“And your waifu is shit.”

“Fight me, bitch.”

“Everyone knows the childhood friend route is the one true route. Get your twintail-worshipping ass outta here. Tsunderes are trash.”

“And cold kuudere maids are better?”

“Don’t you mock kuudere’s, you uncultured swine.” Bea pulled the guy’s ear. “Their faces are cold but their hearts are full of passion! Not like those two-faced tsundere bitches who slap the fuck out of our poor MCs for merely being victims to Murphy’s Law. Claiming love while treating them like dogs.” A cheer from the surrounding otaku. “ Kuuderes, on the other hand, are much more understanding, caring and lovable. Kuuderes are all you need in the world! Preferably in a panda onesie!”

Applause all around. Bea bowed. “Thank you, thank you, I deserve every bit. “ She said shamelessly.

She released her captive to go nurse his ear. “I’ll give ‘em back tomorrow, by the way. Nice read, thanks. Lemme know if you have any other recs.”

“...I wanna bear her children.” I heard someone mutter, stunning me.

The next few minutes came in a similar fashion. Bea giving me the low down on all the little groups, saying things like, “watch out for these guys,” or “a bunch of rats every one of ‘em.” And the groups in question hearing her walk over, not at all minding her scathing remarks about them, but instead engaging the girl in playful banter.

By the end of it I looked at Bea with a raised brow. “Lone wolf, huh?”

Queen Bea indeed. She seemed to know and be on good terms with everyone here.

She shrugged. “Hey, I can’t help it if I shine brighter than the day’s burning dawn. It’s not my fault. I don’t gotta lead, others just feel the need to follow.” She draped an arm over my shoulder, shaking her head helplessly. “ What can I say? The world loves it some vitamin Bea.”

“Not one for humility,” I observed.

“Babe, when you look this good humility is hypocrisy. You just gotta own it.”

I took in her bright and many-colored locks of hair. Her sharp, elfin features and punk rock style of clothes that seemed to match her perfectly. She reminded me of Kenzi from Lost Girl but prettier and more friendly. Still, not the look of your usual highschool Queen.

Queens were Barbies, not Kenzies.

I guess Bea was the exception? But her cockiness was on a whole other level.

“I want some of that confidence. You have too much, give me a bit.”

“As I said, stick with me. Soon you’ll be drowning in confidence. Some of my awesomeness will rub off on you.”

I was about to reply when someone else’s voice stood out from the crowd.

“Ugh, what’s that god-awful odor? What’s the matter, Bea, can’t you afford a bar of soap?”

Bea didn’t miss a beat. “It ain’t me. That’s just the smell of your breath blowing back in your face.”

A girl sitting at one of the back tables glared at us. And considering she had a pair of doe-like brown eyes, that was quite a feat. She was around Bea’s size with platinum blonde twin-tails spilling down to her back. It was made even more bright by her black sweater and silver necklace.

“Or it could be your nose is just fucked up from the gallons of chemicals you have to wear to mask the smell of skank you naturally exude. Which do you think it is?  Breath, or skank? I say, why not both?” Bea went on mercilessly.

“You are such a bitch.” The other girl sneered.

“Rather a bitch than a slut. Look, every time you open your mouth we can see the souls of unborn children flying out.”

“You…!”

As a great battle of wits raged on between the two I noticed one of the guys at the table staring at me. He waved me over with the absolute confidence of a guy used to getting his way.

I was instantly annoyed. Not only for the gesture but also for the debaucherous grin that accompanied it.

“Listen here you little shit, if you think I’ll go to you just because you waved a hand the only thing you have coming your way is a boot to the ass. You’re acting too arrogant for an average-looking nobody.”

The boy’s smile faltered.  How to describe him? He was like KJ Apa but not as charmingly white knight.

So you could argue he was handsome but by my standard average is the best he can do.

“You’re a lot meaner than you sounded in class. Damn.” He shook his head in wonder. “You don’t remember me, do you?”

I squinted. “....”

“Fuck, really?” He asked incredulously. He seemed entirely taken aback.

I stared harder. “....Bean dude?”

“Bean dude...Jesus Christ.” He groaned painfully.

The others at the table laughed uproariously. “We’re totally calling you Bean Dude from now on!”

“Oh God, my sides…!” Relentless guffawing had one bespectacled boy hunched over in pain.

“I can’t breathe!” Another one with a green beanie was heaving, cheeks red, as he struggled to find his breath.

“I like her already.” A girl with dusky skin and a honey-like voice spoke out, smiling wryly. “You’re that new kid everyone’s going on about, right? Nice to meet you, I’m Kaylie.” A hand was extended in friendship. 

I switched the tray to my other arm and met her hand with my own. “Evie.” That was all I said.

“I think you’ve already met Jacob.” She jerked her chin to the person in question. “Don’t mind him, he’s an idiot. And I see you’ve become well acquainted with Bea.”

“I think Bea gets well acquainted with everyone.” I looked over at the two girls who were off in their own little world. And not in a good way. It was about to come to blows, I’d bet.

“Good point.” Kaylie nodded. “How’re you liking the place so far?”

All things considered?

“It’s not bad. I guess.”

“As apt a description as any. Take a seat and let’s talk. It’s not every day we get someone new around here. ”

“What about--?”

“Don’t worry about them. They’ll stop just before killing each other.”

Well. I’m not going to stand around all day. And she has more experience with them.

Lookie here. First day and I’m already about to make new friends. Except for that Jackson guy. He seems irritating. But everyone else? They might make some good people.

***
“One coffee, my good man. You know how I like it. Thick, creamy, and smooth down the throat.” Bea saunter in like she owned the place.

Several people were already seated and waved at her nicely.

It was the end of my first day of school and Bea had caught me as soon as the bell rang saying, “You, me and some Joe. Let’s go.” And wisped me off to a quaint shop with a giant coffee bean perched precariously atop its roof.

It was a cozy place with clean carpet floors, a fireplace, and a variety of couches, love seats, and bean bags as your choice of seating arrangements. Not to mention the bittersweet scent of coffee pleasantly tickling your nostrils.

Bea took a stool by an area that looked like a bar in the center of the room. Behind it was a grizzly bear of a man who seemed like lumberjacking was in his blood. Plaid shirt, gruff beard, and a no-nonsense air. 

I took a seat next to her just as he set down a mug of coffee--thick with cream--in front of Bea’s quivering hands.

“Aw yeah babe, gimme some of that sweet stuff.” She took a long swig, leaving a white mustache upon her lip as she finished. “...Haaaaa….” The girl all but moaned.

“Girl, you’ve got to knock off that weird shit. I’m running a respectable establishment here and you’re getting off on a cup of coffee.” The man’s low rumble was tired and telling that he’d had this talk with the girl many times already.

“Who’s the one who got me hooked on the stuff? Shut up and get me another. Or do you want me to tell Deidre about that little hunting trip you took when you were supposed to be out of town on business? Now go.” She shooed him fearlessly. He had over two hundred pounds on her and she sent him away like it was nothing.

“I told you that in confidence.”

“And now I get free coffee for life.”

The burly man raised a thick brow and gave me a glance. “ Who’s she?”

“New friend.”

“Looks familiar…”

“She’s the Professor’s sister.” Bea supplied helpfully.

He grunted. “Day's, huh? Alright. You drink coffee, kid?”

“Since I was five.”

“Got ourselves a veteran here. White or black?”

“Black. I’ll do the rest myself.” Somehow I was super anal of how my coffee was made. I normally never let anyone make it for me. Unless it was Damien, who made the perfect cup of coffee. The man had it down to a science.

I remember him staying up with me late at night and brewing me a cup whenever I forgot to do my week’s worth of homework and had to get it done all in one go.

He’d tutor me often and patiently while I sipped on my fresh brew, fighting sleep. And then I’d finally get it done only to discover my will thoroughly sapped, falling asleep on his shoulder. He wouldn’t even mind my drool. He’d just stay there with me a long time before finally moving me to my bed and tucking me in..

I admit that sometimes I did purposely forget about the homework just for the cup of coffee and the excuse to be with him a little longer before sleep. I even faked the sleep a time or two if I’m fully honest.

I wonder, if I did that here would he still indulge me?

“Nothing like a fresh hit of caffeine after a hard day’s work.” Bea broke in.

And just then we heard a jingle at the entrance.

Who was it to walk in? Of course, Damien. Standing in the doorway, staring at me, looking quite displeased.

Its only then that I remembered I had forgotten to call and let him know I was going out.

Were it the Damien of before I wouldn’t think anything of it. But this new, less friendly Damien was uncharted territory.

Let me just say that I hadn’t been spanked since I was a child. However from the look of his face right now I legit feared I was about to experience a whole new world of public embarrassment.

…If I presented my ass now do you think he’d go easy on me for old time’s sake?

Yeah. I don’t think so either.