(hey, hey! it's chapter thirty-two of Aegis Online! I had a huge blast with this and the next one, and I think you will too!  as always, I have a Patreon if you feel like supporting my work, and I have a Discord server! I'll post the invite link, so feel free to join and hang out with other fans of this nonsense! https://discord.gg/vCzHSm2wp5 )

I bolt up, blinking, in my pod. Dad’s voice chuckles, “perfect timing, dinner’s ready! Get out of this thing and come eat! Jeffrey’s here too.” The speaker cuts out, and I sigh, extricating myself and changing out of my podwear and into more comfortable clothing, a pale green dress that reaches my shins, stockings, and a cute little cream camisole, before attempting a little makeup work on myself. Gotta practice sometime, right?

Heading downstairs, I pause, checking my reflection. It’s still me, but… a better, more ME version of me. My lips are glossy with a dark red, a faint pink blush on my cheeks, and a genuine sparkle in my eyes. I. Look. Like. A. Girl.

Entering the kitchen, I take a seat at the table. Dad reaches over and gives me a fatherly hug, and Jeffrey grins.  “There’s the hero of the dungeon crawl!” He teases, and I stick my tongue out at him. Mum is over at the stove, and I can hear her nattering away with Houseworth. A scene I’ve been a part of many times throughout my life, but… somehow, this time, it feels… real.

I must be showing my mood plainly, because dad chuckles, “that’s my baby girl. Finally showing us a pretty smile, huh?” Mum turns and I can see her eyes light up.

“And she certainly inherited MY fashion sense, after all! No untucked shirts or tie askew for our young lady, Tom. She’s definitely got your good heart, though!”

I roll my eyes and half-heartedly groan at my parents’ flirting, as mum brings dinner to the table. A thick fish bouillabaisse, served with a potato gratin, grilled kelp freshly-harvested from the beds under the floating island we live on, and a selection of homemade mini desserts.

After dinner, I help with the washing-up. Even though Houseworth could do it, it’s not really fair to expect him to do EVERYTHING, is it? Jeffrey and dad talk about the technical billies of Aegis Online, and a comfortable atmosphere of relaxation spreads, until my phone goes off and I almost drop a saucepan.

Putting it down on the draining board, I hurriedly dry my hands and step away from the sink to answer. “Hello?”

A warm, Irish accent fills my ear. “Howye? Is that Kettrin? I did get the number right, aye?” It’s Dana! I knew she had my number, but I wasn’t expecting her to call me!

 I blurt, “It is! How, hi are you?!” before mentally kicking myself. A throaty laugh rumbles through the speaker and does interesting things to my knees. I take a seat at the dining table before I’m forced to sit regardless.

“I’m six-three in heels, ya goober!” I hear her reply. “Are ye doin’ anything tonight? I had plans, but they got cancelled and I was wond’ring if’n ye wanted to go for a drink or two? Consider it my birthday treat to ye!”

I loom over at my parents, and wait for a break in the conversation. “Um… mum, dad? Dana, one of the girls who helped me… figure myself out… well, she’s invited me to come for a drink…”

My dad arches an eyebrow. “I have a better idea. I want to meet this Dana, why not have her come here for a drink?”

I relay his message to Dana, and, with a clear hint of curiosity in her voice, she agrees. I smile, hanging up after a brief goodbye, and text her my address. With her monster of a bike, she shouldn’t be too long. Dad gets up and heads into the den and shuts the door, where we can hear him clattering about briefly. Mum and I shrug as Jeffrey grins.

About an hour later, there’s a knock on the door. Houseworth chimes in, “There is a young woman at the door. I believe that must be Ms. Dana, yes?”

I hurry to the door, tugging it open, and biting my lip as Dana stands there. She’s not as tall as Asteria, but she’s wearing cycling leathers and jeans and looks….. Woof. She steps in, her helmet under one arm, and gives me a hug. “Daaaaamn, girl, lookin’ good! And I must say, is that perfume you’re wearing?”

I bite my lip, pleased she’d noticed. “I-it is, yes. I hope I didn’t put too much on…”

She grins. “Nope! Not like I was me first time. Y’could see people reeling from ten paces! On the plus side, I didn’t get slobbered on by Feffer that day.”

I giggle, imagining the massive dog kept at bay by a solid force-field of perfume, his nose flattened against it as he tries to reach his mistress, desperate to give her slobbery puppy-kissies. Mum rounds the hallway corner and smiles. “Lovely to see you again, Dana. Why don’t you pop your jacket over here?”

She gestures to a coatrack, and I avert my gaze as Dana’s bare arms are revealed. She’s wearing a sleeveless black tunic underneath, with a slogan for a band or something on the front. It’s not one I recognize, but Jeffrey sticks his head around the corner. “Ky! Come on, this is awesome! You HAVE to see this! Oh, hey, you must be Dana. I’m Jeffrey; I’m a friend of this little minx from college!”

I blink, wondering what’s got Jeffrey so excited. Mum’s gone on ahead, and I can hear her burst out laughing a few moments later. “Oh, Thomas Porter!! Seriously?! You still have that?!”

I look at Dana, before we both head for the den. The door is closed, and I can hear my mother still giggling. As I push the door open, I’m greeted by a wild sight. The den, normally neat and calm, is lit by candles in glass lamps, books piled high on the tables around the room. The huge central table, the biggest one in the house, is almost clear. A few books are scattered on it, along with pencils, erasers, and it’s set with five chairs. One is occupied by my dad… who’s wearing a robe, fake beard, and a ridiculously pointy wizard hat.

I can’t help letting out a ‘snrrk!’ of amusement, as Dana bursts out laughing. “What th’bleddy ‘ell? Am I seein’ things?!”

My dad booms, “Not at all! Now, listen well, you four! I challenge you, as a Dungeon Master… to make a character for a Dungeons & Dragons campaign!”

Jeffrey yells in excitement, and my mother joins in! Is she as into this as my DAD?! I swear, if she goes and dresses like a… a vampire or something…

I turn to face Dana, intending to apologize for my weird parents, but she’s gone. Looking around, I spot her, nose in one of the books dad must have put out. It’s quite thick, and she’s already scribbling on a character sheet.

I sit down and pull one of the books over, flipping it open and scanning the section on races. There are so many options to choose. Maybe a Harengon?  No. I don’t feel like being a bunny person. A ... Fairy? That seems like quite the wayward option… While I puzzle over my race, Dana is finishing up her sheet already.

My mother and Jeffrey are scribbling on their own sheets, discussing something, while my dad smiles at me. I turn a couple of pages, before settling on a demonic humanoid with horns and a tail. A Tiefling? Looks fun!

In a few more minutes, I set up my Tiefling Cleric of Kelemvor, Naa’ril Cryptsworn, with the Grave domain as my choice. Looking up, I hand my sheet to dad. He checks it through, pursing his lips and running a hand through his long, dark fake beard.

He hands back our sheets, and then starts monologuing, in a dry, cracked old-sounding voice...

“The material plane extends beyond all knowing, mirrored by the elemental planes, the ethereal plane, and the Shadowfell. On a world that almost no-one else in the Multiverse even knows exists, is where our adventure begins…”

“In a sleepy little village called Glenhollow, deep in a valley in the foothills of the Skypiercer Mountains, the four of you meet properly for the first time. All of you, aspiring applicants to join the Hero’s Guild, have passed your trials and received official membership at last. As you stand before the wizened, elderly master of the tiny, provincial outpost, he smiles at you all. “Been a time since we ‘ad such a crop o’ promising folk like yourselves. Now, since the four’r yous’ll be most likely workin’ on jobs together, why don’t you get to know each other?” He says, doddering round to sit at his worn wooden desk, shuffling through some papers.”

My dad’s pretty damn good at this! I can see my mum’s eyes lit up as she leans in, enraptured. This must be special to her, seeing dad doing his thing…

Jeffrey looks around, and says, out-of-character, “so… who wants to go first?”

Dana raises a hand, and introduces herself. “I’m Faeln, pronounced Fenn, Flightfeather, a Gloomstalker Ranger with some skill at the blade and bow. Don’t fear, if they see me, they’re as good as dead.” She elaborates that her character is a male Lizardman, a reptilian humanoid with talents as a hunter, crafter, and assassin.

My mother smiles. “May the stars shine upon our meeting, master Faeln. I am Nesta Traygothien, an Elf Hexblade Warlock. My pact with the blade I wield gives me the strength I need to defend what is dear to me.”

Jeffrey chimes in, using a soft monotonous hum, with strange pauses between words. “I am… the… Ironhand. I am an Open Hand Monk constructed… a thousand years ago to protect the abbey I was made in. I… failed… and was cast down in pieces by those who… destroyed my brothers. I managed to survive, and seek only to… learn why my kin were destroyed. My martial arts will serve… us in good stead.” He’s a Warforged, a sentient machine built and designed for a specific purpose that ‘grew beyond his programming’, so to speak.

I introduce my character last. “Naa’ril Cryptsworn, a cleric of the Death God, Kelemvor. Despite my looks, I’m not as mean as the horns and purple skin make me look!” I giggle, and Dana rolls her eyes. “A Tiefling? God, you’re so obvious!” she teases. “Didn’t you know that the rainbow demons were widely-accepted as trans allegories?”

  A few minutes later, we’re back on track. My dad continues, “As the four of you head out of the guildmaster’s office and down to the main hall of the rustic wooden building, the jobs counter has a small queue forming, as your fellow E-ranked Adventurers look for work. Glenhollow is not exactly known for its monster problems, or for being a target of banditry. It’s too small and out of the way to bother with, so most jobs are things like herb-gathering, helping locate a lost calf, or the like. It’s the kind of place where nothing ever happens… until now. The Guild Receptionist, Layla, a young Halfling girl, waves to your group, sitting on her tall chair. “

My dad’s voice changes from an elderly, hoary old man to that of an excitable young girl. If I hadn’t been watching him, I would’ve sworn someone else had done it.

“Over here!” She calls, beckoning you all, holding a piece of rough parchment between her fingers. “Th’ Guildmaster asked me to give you a job so’s you can start making a name for yourselves!” She proffers the parchment to you, Faeln. On it, it says, in scratchy letters, written in Common,

Rats in my cellar

Old Mrs Pratchett, who runs the bakery, reported this morning that she has rats in the cellar. Speak with the client and fulfil her request.

Reward: 25 gold per person.

Dana shows us all the note, and my mother grins. “Well, let us avaunt post-haste! This will be but a simple task for a force such as we!” My mum… is ROLEPLAYING. What even is my life right now…