Atropos made her way briskly through the multidimensional portal, stopping at a park bench somewhere in between the end of the universe and the beginning of the next one to eat a vegan turkey sandwich. As she walked, she asked Martin questions about all sorts of things, only to find he wasn’t responding. It was about then that she remembered that dogs don’t talk on Earth.

“My bad,” she exclaimed, making a little motion with her hand, casting what was presumably a spell. Martin found himself suddenly able to talk again, and took the opportunity to answer nothing and instead come up with a colorful string of expletives to mutter under his breath. Atropos, thinking nothing of it, praised him for his incredibly inventive vocabulary.

Finally, the odd pair made it to the gates of what might be called Hell. Unlike the Hell of stories, this place was much more awesome. There was a theme park, and lots of ice cream stores, and an actual big rock candy mountain.

“Atropos, my girl!” screamed a demon from the top of the mountain, as she slid down on skis.

“Do…I know you?” Atropos said, looking at what was clearly a succubus, bat wings framing a petite figure in about the skimpiest dress possible without nudity being an issue. Atropos seemed unfazed by the seductress, but Martin was most certainly not.

“Haha yeah it’s been a while, though,” she replied, “Hades, Queen of the Underworld, at your service.”

“OH,” Atropos exclaimed, suddenly realizing, “you look great!”

Hades giggled a little and then grinned at Atropos, replying, “Thank you! Proserpina definitely was right about this look on me, I’ve been enjoying it these past few centuries.”

“I bet, she always did seem to like small things like you,” Atropos teased as Hades blushed furiously.

“Anyways, what’s with the new dog?” Martin’s tail, previously lightly wagging, stopped.

Hades walked up, looking into his eyes, and yanked at his tail. “Ow, what the fuck…” Martin trailed off as he covered his mouth with his paw.

Hades turned to look at the old woman. “Really? Again? You know what I have to do now,” Hades said unamusedly.

“Hades, I know what you think you have to do. I know my rights. I invoke my client’s right to trial by the seven justices!” Atropos exclaimed, looking satisfied with herself.

“The courts don’t operate with dogs, that goes to Anubis,” Hades said, putting her hand on one hip.

Atropos scowled at her, snapping her fingers as Martin transformed into a human again, still huddled in her arm. Martin looked distinctly unpleased with being a dog, but now his discomfort with his return to normal was subtly palpable. At least she had remembered to transform him with the clothes, he thought.

Meanwhile, Hades narrowed her eyes. “See you in court,” she replied coolly as she waltzed off into the distance.

“W…what was that about?” Martin asked.

All of a sudden, a pillar of fire came down next to him, making him jump back in panic. A man in a business suit stood in the place of the pillar. “Lady Atropos and Miss Martin are hereby summoned effective immediately, to the Court of the Dead.”

The pillar of fire then came down upon all three, and when Martin finally reopened his eyes which had shut in panic, he found himself dressed in a tight pantsuit, along with Atropos, also in a pantsuit. One thing he didn’t get was, why did everyone keep calling him miss, and why was he in a pantsuit??? Were they really all just that bad about gender?

“Lady Atropos, cutter of threads, you are summoned here by Their Honor the Publick Universal Friend, and their six associates, as the representation for the defendant Miss Martin,” the clerk read off in a monotone voice, “Let the trial begin.”

Out of the shadows, stepped seven figures. None of them were recognizable, but all looked vaguely antiquated in terms of their dress. At the center was, presumably, the Publick Universal Friend, wearing a plain black robe with hair done up in curls. They were certainly a person of immensely commanding energy. As they peered down, looking at Martin, then their papers, they hit the hammer. Martin couldn’t help but wonder what he’d gotten himself into.

“Order,” the Friend declared, “The defendant has been charged with trespassing as a living person into the Underworld, before invited here.”

“My client has done no such thing,” Atropos replied, smug smirk on her face, “Hades, if summoned, will show that my client’s name is in the book of the dead for this very day.”

Hades suddenly appeared in a cloud of sparkles and smoke, blushing furiously as she realized she was no longer in the bathtub. Immediately snapping on some clothing, she looked at the Justice, as if to ask why she was there.

“Produce the Book of the Dead for this day,” the Friend demanded.

Grumbling, Hades snapped a book into existence, bound with fresh leather and smelling lightly of poppies. The Friend took a few minutes to page through at a frightening pace, finally landing on a name of interest.

“Aha, it appears the defendant is indeed on the list, and so has not committed the crime of trespassing,” they declared, “however, as they are on the list, they may not be permitted to leave the part of the Underworld designated for the dead, except in exceptional circumstances.”

“Ah, but the circumstance is exceptional! She must come with me to burn this thread of hers, the one that’s keeping her mortal! I am soon to be replaced, and she is my replacement,” Atropos said matter-of-factly.

This caused murmurs among the justices. Even Hades looked perplexed now as to how to proceed. The justices convened together in the center of their podium, debating for a few minutes, before leaving back to their seats.

“It has been decided,” The Friend declared, “that Miss Martin will be allowed to go, under the protection of Lady Atropos, to the purifying fires.”

Hades, from across the room, stomped her foot. “You can’t just allow mortals to trespass all over my jurisdiction just because time is short! I should’ve been informed about this,” she fumed.

“Hades, dear, I understand your concern, I do,” Atropos said reassuringly, “If I would’ve had more time, I would’ve told you.”

“And some good that assurance does now! Look at her, she’ll get it all dirty, I’m almost disappointed you turned her back, a dog would dirty this place less,” Hades replied.

The bickering escalated, until all of a sudden, a booming voice thundered from the back of the courtroom. “HONEY!” the voice called, “you better not be teasing that poor egg Atropos dragged in.”

Hades looked even brighter red than her natural color, as she stammered, “m..maybe a little.”

Out of the back of the room came a figure, dressed lightly in a robe as white as snow, with a crown of flowers on her head. She had to have been at least twelve feet tall, standing dominatingly over everyone, but especially over Hades.

“I’m very disappointed in you, you’ve been such a naughty girl, especially when they’re here on such important business,” the tall woman scolded.

“I’m not naughty…” Hades said, pouting, “and people are watching.”

“I suppose that’ll just have to be your punishment,” she replied, smirking. She then turned to Atropos and Martin, smiling as she curtsied. “Queen Proserpina, mistress and wife of Princess Hades,” she introduced herself.

“I’m, um, Martin,” Martin replied, not sure of what was really going on and kind of intimidated by Queen.

“Oh, my dear, ever since Atropos told me about you, I’ve been positively dying to meet you! Do take my apologies for my wife being a brat, she’s been very cranky since I’ve been so busy taking over her job,” Proserpina rambled, “I would love to have you and Atropos over for dinner at my Palace tonight.”

“We’d be delighted, Proserpina,” Atropos said, stepping in, “but we must make haste to the fires, in order to cleanse her of her mortality.”

Proserpina grinned and exclaimed, “Why didn’t you just say so?”

Just like that, they found themselves in the middle of a field, surrounded by jets of fire. Proserpina waved around them, and said, “Choose whichever you like.”

“You should choose the fire,” Atropos whispered to Martin, “it’s good luck to pick one you’re pulled towards.”

“How do I know?” he asked.

“Close your eyes and follow the tugging on your heart,” Proserpina offered, “you’ll know.”

As he walked, Atropos followed behind him. Eventually, after wandering for a bit, he found himself pulled close towards one. It was small, but its vibrant violet flame was enchanting.

“A good choice!” Atropos said, “perfect for my replacement, and I’d say it fits your personality well too, that’s the color of curiosity and harmony, you know!”

“You’re certainly a curiosity,” Martin muttered back, “and can we just hurry up so I can nap?”

Atropos grinned, nodding, as she tossed the cord into the fire. As he saw the ends of the ropes begin to char and dissolve, he felt almost weightless, as if he himself were being consumed. In fact, it was if he was floating through the air, not a care in the world. Eventually, he blacked out, losing consciousness altogether.

When he awoke once again, he found himself in a bed, and he found himself hoping it was a dream. He noticed that though his eyes were open, his vision was still black. He realized his hair was covering his face, a weird feeling. It must’ve grown out in the past few weeks more than he was expecting. Once he pulled it up, he saw a familiar and yet strange face smiling at him.

“Thank goodness you’re awake, dearie!” Atropos said, “the party’s in not much longer at all! I know you’ll love what we’ve got in the wardrobe for you, especially with your, what is it the kids call, it ‘glow-up’?”

“What are you talkin-” he said, cutting himself off, as he noticed his voice pitch was much higher. That wasn’t normal.