Chapter 3. Is my neighbor some sort of psycho stalker?

“Jeez~ heheheh, you sure are indecisive with where you want to sit, make up your mind already.” She said teasingly, finding my actions humorous.

“Haaaaah. Can you please leave me alone and stop following me around?”

“I’m not following you, I was just verifying where was easier to see the blackboard at the front of the class from back here.”

“Oh, how convenient.”

“Yes, it turns out it’s easiest to see beside wherever you sit.”

“Does it look like I have some sort of ‘make blackboard easier to see to my neighbors’ superpower or something?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty convinced of it now.”

“What a shitty power, I don’t want it. Do you think it’s possible to request a refund from whoever gave me this shit-tier unwanted superpower?”

“Last time I checked, all sales were final.”

“I never purchased anything.”

“There’s a no returns accepted policy then.”

“I’d like to throw it away in the garbage then.”

“That would be considered pollution, you’ll face divine retribution.”

“Haaaaaah. This is... extremely unpleasant.”

“It sounds like it.”

While we senselessly bantered back and forth like this, other students finally showed up and entered the classroom.

With their presence, I shut my mouth unwilling to associate myself any further with this woman. It would be nice if someone else would draw her attention. Maybe a hot athletic guy with good looks would be enough to entertain her or something.

Every student who entered the class had their eyes drawn to the two of us seated at the back. Well… rather than the two of us, it would be more correct to say the girl seated beside me who’d at some point taken out a nail file to take care of her nails.

She paid no attention to the people entering, treating them like air, and only cared for the maintenance on her nails.

To her, this was likely a daily occurrence. The gazes directed at her meant nothing at all. She was far more concerned with her nails than their gazes.

A bit curious because of how much care she gave them, I took a closer look at them myself. Her nails were painted a deep red that suited her well, but they appeared to be quite sharp.

I couldn’t help but mutter to myself, “Are you trying to kill someone with those things?”

She didn’t respond, but I still noticed her lips formed an almost unnoticeable smile as if she found my words humourous. Though that might have been my misunderstanding. She might not have even heard me and was smiling because she liked the way her nails looked.

Seeing as she was leaving me alone now and wasn’t responding, I returned to my usual position on my desk.

Somehow, even with my head down, I had an unsettling feeling I was being stared at by my touchy neighbor. I peaked to my side and our eyes locked for a moment confirming my suspicions. She didn’t look away immediately despite being caught. It was like it hadn’t bothered her at all that I knew she was staring at me. She didn’t care.

Only after ten seconds, staring directly into my eyes did her focus return to her nails.

I closed my eyes and feigned I was asleep again. As soon as I did, I felt the same gaze again. When caught for the second time, our staring contest went on for a solid twenty seconds.

Suspicious about what was going on, I closed my eyes for the third time only for the feeling to return. When I opened my eyes next it lasted thirty seconds. Suddenly, I understood what was going on. It was a form of harassment. For every time this process repeated, ten seconds would be added to how long she stared me down in the eyes.

I wouldn’t be able to relax in class like this at all if she kept this up! But surely she’d get tired if I just didn’t look back at her. 

Actually, forget her, what the hell is with this dream anyway? When is it going to end? … will it… even end? Shouldn’t I have woken up by now? Is it possible… that this really isn’t a dream like I was hoping it was?

Now that I thought it over… didn’t I distinctly feel her smooth skin whenever she touched me earlier? The time her finger slid across my skin starting from my cheek toward the back of my neck. Then the warmth when my arm was in contact with her body. Her soft hair when it brushed against my cheek. And lastly, her finger tapping my chin. 

If it was just one instance, I could dismiss it as nothing much, but I felt all of it, every little thing she did. Even her gaze directed toward me.

My body jolted up. I looked down and examined my body again. I confirmed for the second time that my appearance really was that of a high school girl’s. The smooth silky youthful skin, breasts, wide hips, slender waist, fleshy thighs, womanly legs, and arms without hair.

My mind entered a state of chaos. It was harder to stay calm about this than I imagined. I wanted to not think about it, but it was hard. If I’d returned as a guy I could have kept a cool head, but I was seriously a chick.

This has to be a dream. It has to. If it wasn’t a dream… then what about before? When that knife was in my chest and the subsequent whisper I heard.

What happened before that point? What led up to that?

I couldn’t remember.

My memories were hazy and indistinct.

Was I… actually… killed by someone?

A thought so absurd entered my mind.

Had the story idea I’d played around with before death turned into reality, but with the twist of turning into a girl?

Slowly, but surely, I was gradually losing a grip on reality.

What was real and what was fake. I couldn’t tell.

I even had the hysterical thought that the twenty-five years I remembered after this was all part of a dream I had before the start of my first day of high school.

I was much more inclined to believe that than something absurd like I’d died and truly returned to relive my past from this point on, but as a girl.

C-Calm… I need to calm down. I need to slowly think this over properly and not immediately jump to conclusions. I’ll have a nervous breakdown and an identity crisis on my hands at this rate.

Perhaps… neither of the two options I’d thought up were correct.

Maybe it was just a dream after all. Maybe I was in a comatose state and I was unaware of that.

I couldn’t decide. There really wasn’t anything I could do even if I figured it out either. The only thing I could do at the moment was let things play out and see what would happen.

I took a deep breath in and held it in for several seconds before slowly breathing out steadily.

With that single action, my mind was clear and I’d regained my senses.

“What’s wrong? You looked pretty panicky just now out of nowhere. Did you forget something important at home?” My nosy neighbor asked while working attentively on her nails despite not looking at me.

“Well… it was probably... a mid-life crisis of some sort.”

“Mid-life crisis? You’re fifteen, aren’t you? Isn’t it way too soon for you to have something like that?”

“Leave me alone, I’m a forty-year-old fart at heart.”

“I’d nearly be inclined to believe it if you said that. I kind of have a thing for older mature types after all.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I raised one eyebrow at her strange response.

“Nothing in particular. I’m just not really interested in high school boys I guess.”

“Ah, I see. You’re looking for a free ride in life. Your typical high school boy certainly wouldn’t be able to meet those standards.”

She closed her right eye and stared at me with her half-open left. “I take offense to that. Though a free ride in life might not be so bad, it wouldn’t necessarily be that fun.”

“You would prioritize a fun life over an easy life?”

“I suppose you could say that.”

“It must be nice having such a leisurely life that you can choose.”

“Oh? You’re saying you can’t?”

“I guess so.” Life isn’t easy. Never has been, never will be.

“Hmmm, is that so? Why do you say that?”

“Why do you care?”

“No particular reason. Just a bit curious is all.”

“You really are an unpleasant nosy woman.”

“At least it's better than being an unpleasant gloomy-looking girl like you.”

“If I’m unpleasant, then please do leave me alone. Also, stop staring at me when I’m trying to relax, it’s annoying.”

“I’m not staring at you. I’m staring at the wall behind you, it’s a rather fascinating wall. It’s at the very least much more pleasant to look at than you.” She said that with a pleasant smile that didn’t match her words as she took a heavy jab at me.

Unsure of how to respond, I gave up and returned to my usual position.

A few minutes later, the class was fully packed, it seemed that everyone was finally here. All the desks were occupied, it was a packed class.

However… I was confronted with one final cruel reality. It was a twist I hadn’t seen coming at all and hadn’t noticed until this very moment.

In each and every seat inside the classroom, I discovered… there was not a single guy in sight. They were all… girls. Nothing but girls.

Going off of my memories, I hadn’t gone to an all-girls school. But… the current makeup of the class suggested otherwise.

I felt a bit light-headed as blood gradually drained from my face.

If it was true, this wasn’t a dream, and it was an all-girls school I was currently attending… just what sort of hell laid in weight for me in this twisted timeline?

Just as I reached the peak of my despair, the bell rang signaling the start of the class. The homeroom teacher, Mr. Oz, stood up. At the center of the class in the very front, he introduced himself the same way he’d done with me before, only this time, addressing the entire class.

From my perspective, it had been an eternity since I’d last been surrounded by this many people. It was somehow… a little nostalgic in spite of the unsettling anxiety I felt toward my uncertain future right now. 

In all honesty though, I don’t think I disliked high school nearly as much as I had back then. 

Though that was the case, I still didn’t want to interact much with anyone in this class. I’d much rather keep alone to myself and just watch the happenings around me peacefully removed from any drama as a third-party observer.

Something like that was more than enough for me. For someone who didn’t belong anywhere. Who had nothing, and wanted nothing. Incapable of loving anyone or anything. An unambitious nobody without any hopes or aspirations in life. That was all I ever amounted to in this world.

While giving such a self-deprecating evaluation of myself internally, exhausted from my internal freakout session and the lightheadedness I felt, I eventually dozed off in the middle of class. The last thing I felt was a gaze on me to my right.

…

“Ra… S...”

“Ran… S… n...”

“Ran So…” 

“Ran Sozen.”

At some point, while I was asleep, I was gradually pulled back to reality with the repeated muffled calls of my name. I lazily raised my head and looked up to find my homeroom teacher, Mr. Oz, standing directly in front of my desk looking down at me.

Unsure of the situation at the moment, I asked, “What is it, teach?”

Mr. Oz, slightly annoyed, raised his right hand to his forehead and squeezed his temple between two fingers. He then said, “Introductions. We were doing self-introductions but it seems you wouldn’t be aware of that since you’ve been asleep this entire time.”

“Oh, I see.”

Letting out a sigh, Mr. Oz explained, “Haaaah, since it’s the first day I’ll overlook it this one time. The classroom is not your bedroom, please get enough sleep at home. Anyway, just state your name to the class and tell us one thing about yourself.”

“Ran Sozen. I like to sleep in class a lot, my apologies in advance. Goodnight.”

Mr. Oz’s lips twitched a bit, likely thinking ‘this fucking guy’ as the class broke out into laughter. When I recalled my current situation as a girl, I suppose he thought ‘girl’ rather than ‘guy’ though.

“At least stand up and do it properly.”

I let out a sigh and reluctantly stood up straight.

“My name is Ran Sozen. I enjoy my alone time, so please don’t bother me when you see me alone. That’s all.” I sat back down.

It looked like Mr. Oz still had complaints, but he opted to not voice them and returned to the front of the class while shaking his head as though he’d given up in defeat.

With that over and done with, I was free to doze off again. Though the rest of the students had redirected their attention to the front of the class, I could tell there was one particular gaze still locked onto me even without the need to confirm it.

Despite that, I ignored it, hoping she’d get tired if I didn’t show whatever reaction she was looking for. Though unlike how easily I dozed off before, her gaze left me uncomfortable enough that I couldn’t completely fall asleep and I was forced to listen to Mr. Oz blabbering with my eyes shut.

The day passed by as Mr. Oz spent three periods explaining a variety of different matters. From school rules and general procedures, to the subjects that would be covered in the first semester, and an outline/lesson plan for each one. An introduction to the school was also given, explaining the available facilities and their locations. Expectations of students and whatnot were also covered, the typical stuff any school would have. It was just a bunch of common sense stuff to me.

Though as far as I was concerned, it was all stuff that lined up with the first year I remembered in high school. It seemed things weren’t quite as simple as the memories I had of my life as a man being some sort of fictional dream I fabricated. At least for the time being, I felt that I could draw that conclusion.

Since today was a half-day for the first day of classes, we were dismissed at lunch. We were free to go home. That being the case, I was the first to stand up and exit the room.

When I passed by my infuriating neighbor, she smiled and wordlessly waved her hand sending me on my way. I didn’t bother to reciprocate the action as I wanted to keep our interactions to the bare minimum if possible. 

As such, I quickly returned home on my bike without making any stops along the way. When I got home, I was already rather tired.

Opening the door to my apartment I was greeted by nobody. It was completely barren. There was no furniture, only a single bed in my bedroom. The kitchen had an oven, fridge, and several cabinets that were all empty. The counter was clear without a single thing on it.

If you didn’t already know somebody was living here you’d think the place was for sale. That’s just how empty the place was.

I was a high schooler, but there wasn’t anyone to look after me. I was entirely on my own. My father abandoned my mother with me at birth and ran off on his own while my mother died when I was twelve on a business trip for work. She’d left me with one of her friends. She had no family here to help her with raising me.

Her friend ended up looking after me for the last two and a half years, but not too long ago, she had a heart attack. With her assistance, she somehow hooked me up with a part-time job at a convenience store when I was fourteen which allowed me to cover some of my own expenses. 

When my mother died, there was insurance money left to me as well, but that typically goes down on a monthly basis even with the part-time job I have. Though there are some months I’m lucky enough to be able to scrounge up some extra money. As I’d always been fairly competent with electronics from a young age, whenever a friend of my mother’s friend had a broken device they needed to be repaired, they’d often go to me. 

Since I was competent enough in repairing them successfully, I occasionally earned some extra pocket money that way off her friends. I couldn’t do it all though, so when I felt it was something beyond what I could deal with, I’d advise them accordingly. Videos online were really quite helpful. If I knew the model and discovered a video with a similar device having the same problem, the fix was usually the same.

Imitating the things they did in those videos step by step was how I developed this unexpected skill.

Although they still occasionally came to me after my mother’s friend passed away, this particular source of income really wasn’t something I could rely on all the time.

It was honestly a miracle I’d been able to rent out this apartment when I was still only fourteen years old. I had to lie about my age and forge several documents. I even went so far as to create fake references connected to free temporary phone numbers I used online through the internet. I didn’t want to rely on anyone else but myself to survive.

Having returned back to this time in my life, I felt exhausted. I dropped my bag on the ground and entered my room. I set an alarm on the cheap clock I got from a dollar store for 3:30 PM then collapsed on my bed. My shift started at 4:00 PM and ended at 9:00 PM. It amounted to about thirty hours per week since I worked six days a week, Sunday being my off day.

After I got back at 9:00 PM, I used to go all out with studying… and watch anime after that, but now… I don’t think studying will be necessary anymore.  I also haven’t been that invested in anime since I started writing. Even if I was, they’d all be old anime I’d already seen.

If my memories aren’t just a dream… I have a university-level education. High school was honestly kiddy shit compared to what I went through while studying electrical engineering in university. Though I never did end up using that degree for a job, I still nevertheless enjoyed learning about it.

This time… I’d honestly rather not waste my time attending university. I already know what I enjoy doing most. Back then it was something unfathomable for me, something I’d never think I’d ever want to do.

Being an author who writes stories for a living. 

Though, I’d still work a regular job while I’m at it since I have little hope of ever making it big by doing so. It’s just something I enjoyed.

I never had any sort of imagination at this age… but unlike before, I do now. In the 15 or so years I spent writing stories, I wrote millions upon millions of words. Those stories may not exist any longer in this world, but I still remember them. However… I don’t simply want to go and write all the same stories all over again from scratch. I’d rather write new stories.

I felt a bit sad thinking about how those stories would never see the light of day again, but it couldn’t be helped. Every story was written in the moment based upon how I felt at a particular point in my life. If rewritten again, they would no longer be the same as the original as the emotions that had gone into writing them would gradually grow distorted and deviate from what they once were.

Writing was never something so simple.

With that final thought, I inevitably fell asleep while pushing the problematic thoughts of my problematic gender-bender situation to the back of my mind.

I’ll leave all those problems for the future me to figure out. Right now, it was best to relax. If when I woke up next I was still here and a girl, I could think about it at that time.

Deep down, I sincerely prayed I’d wake up as a guy.