One Year Later...

Sitting on the edge of her spacious bathtub, Andrea watched the water rush down the drain, wishing she could escape with it. The shower, her favorite place to be, was one of the few places where she could be alone without Reed complaining.

Reed.... She'd finally gotten Reed.

With a straight razor held high, Andrea examined it in the light. She had memorized the name and function of nearly every knife or sword still found in the Colony. Now she didn't need that information anymore; her dream of joining the ELETEs was long over.

As she dragged the razor up her leg, she decided that her pride was going down the drain along with her dignity and self-worth.

Leaving Tanner for Graham had been stupid. Graham had only kept her for a month. She could have gone back to Tanner then, bowed her head, apologized, and asked to stay for a bit. But she didn't. She couldn't take an "I told you so." So she went on to Travis and Murphy and a few others who didn't last either, and finally she went back to Reed. Mr. Your Butt's Too Big, Your Face Is Nearly Perfect, Do Everything I Want And I'll Promise To Marry You And Then Disappear When The Time Comes Reed.

A year ago she'd had some hope. She had wanted to change and be somebody, but now....now she was a grown woman being kept like a damn toy—told what to wear, where to go, forced to shave herself. She looked at that razor, and for a split-second she thought about using it on her wrists.

She blamed Gara. After Tanner's last unexpected and painfully awkward visit, Gara had showed up an hour later. The woman-pixie's greeting in the form of a fist had nearly connected with Andrea's face. Andrea'd dodged it, but there was no dodging the smaller woman's spiteful words.

Andrea had gotten in her own jabs when she reminded Gara that her days with Midge were numbered. In the end, though, Gara had warned her to shut up before she hacked and spat at Andrea's feet. To this day, Gara's words as she walked away bothered Andrea to no limit.

"Drop dead, Andrea. You're not worth shit. I had you wrong all this time. You'll be sorry."

As Andrea finished up, she let the words stew inside her. Even as she stepped out of the shower and dried off, she wished she had said something that day. If not for Gara, Andrea might have gone back, but how could she after that?

Her body felt heavy and slow as she walked to the mirror, something she'd rarely used in the last year. There was no reason to look at her reflection. Other than her hair, nothing else about her ever changed. "Nothing ever changes."

Andrea watched the reflection. She tossed her long blond hair back from her face and risked touching her right eye with a sigh.

She wanted to go home.

For the first time in her life, she wanted to go home. Marian was awful, Dom was awful, and her father was simply a shell of a person, but they were better than Reed, a hundred times better.

Her movements hadn't been so keenly tracked when she'd been in the school. She'd been useless there, too, but her family—they weren't so bad. She even missed Gulliver. She could have done with the cook's shoulder to cry on more than once over the last year. And anyone could say what they will about Marian; she was bad, but she never laughed the day after breaking Andrea's ribs.

Andrea wanted to go home. There was nothing else to do. But that wouldn't happen, not with the name being so weak. The family's money must have run out by now. It would be one thing to be stuck with Reed, but with some work, maybe she could get some recognition for the title. Marian would be happy. She might even forgive everything. By now they were sure to be in dire straits. If they died off, Andrea would be all alone. Alone...with Reed.

Seeing her own weary blue eyes staring back at her, she was surprised to see Marian's face where hers should have been. She blinked once and refocused. They looked similar. She'd always hated to admit it. She'd only ever said Marian was a handsome woman, meaning she wasn't delicate in any sense, but now Andrea looked like her. On average, Andrea didn't dare open her mouth to complain, but her eyes said it all; she was in hell.

Had her mother been in hell, too? Surely her father hadn't treated Marian this badly. But now Andrea looked like her, she looked like her, and admittedly, she never knew what happened behind those soundproof doors.

Wonder if she finally got Dom under control. Considering that Dominic's favorite insult was the hooks, Andrea shuddered. Threatening to hoist someone up in a dark tunnel for an imp to violate was an extreme even Andrea wouldn't have used to insult someone. Marian'd need help with Dom. I can help her. Once I do she'll be happy for the extra pairs of hands and eyes. She'll forgive everything...I can go home.

The rustle behind her made her close her eyes tight. A hand landed on her shoulder and slid down to her arm.

The voice was soothing and held genuine approval. "Nice and smooth. Did you get everywhere?"

Andrea focused on her own weary blue eyes looking back at her in the mirror. "Yes."

Reed's hairy body touching hers made Andrea cringe inwardly. At eighteen, when they were first together, she'd thought everything about Reed was rugged and attractive, even his excessive body hair. Now she always had to think about the one person who was a direct contrast. That dud E had ruined her.

She saw Reed focus on his own handiwork, the black eye. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

"I know." Andrea started to dress, uncomfortable with being observed. Even as she dragged on the dress which had been neatly put out for her, she watched her own reflection. Reed watched her as well. Times like these made Andrea uneasy. Her pulse quickened as she fixed her collar. "I've got some foundation. I'll be ready for dinner soon; don't worry."

With a soft sigh, the man held her chin and guided her to a tender kiss. "I'm sorry, Andrea. You know that, right?"

"I know."

"But you're just so rude sometimes."

"I know."

"And slow. Just...you can't do anything right." After a pause Andrea felt the man's lips curve against hers. With a shaky breath, Andrea swallowed down her disgust as Reed said, "Well, there are a couple of things you're very good at. But we'll be late if we try it." Reed's brown eyes took her in. "Would you like to?"

Andrea forced herself to smile against the thin lips. She patted the man's shoulder, hoping to maneuver him back. "I'd love to. If you don't mind being late, then sure."

Seeing Reed narrow his brow in thought was a relief because Andrea knew the trick had worked.

"You're right. Besides, you haven't been as enthusiastic in bed lately. If you wanna keep that untattooed ass of yours intact, I suggest you improve." She was keenly observed because Reed said, "Stop making that face. You're lucky to have me. Even your mother said you didn't deserve me."

Andrea was never really sure what might set Reed off, and although it was safer to let the topic go, she couldn't help it. She asked, "What do you mean?"

"When I went to be your suitor like I promised, I figured I'd make a good impression. I went in person, and she said you didn't deserve me; she had a point."

Maybe she meant I didn't deserve to be beaten daily. Andrea fought back her upset at the thought. Had Marian honestly known about Reed or was that wishful thinking? And now look where she'd ended up, right where she shouldn't be.

"So I don't want to see you frowning again."

"All right, sweetie. I mean it, I'll get better," Andrea promised.

"Our one-year anniversary. One year ago to this day, you climbed back into my bed, wiggled that little ass, and blew me away."

Andrea fought to smile, but it came out a bit crooked. "Mm-hmm. We'd better hurry. I want to see Gara."

"Gara?"

"Lydia Garran. I guess she doesn't go by Gara anymore, then. Those days are over. I've heard that ever since her E ran off, she's been a mess. I...." Andrea managed to smile, genuinely pleased. "I kinda wanted to rub something in her face."

Reed leaned forward, brushing his blond hair from his brown eyes. Andrea was careful to maneuver around the broad body.

Reed. Here she was, back here with Reed and all the hair she could ever want. Yes, Reed had everything going for him. He was tall, well defined, and flawless. He also had a mean right hook.

"Word has it Lydia Garran won't be there," Reed said, smoothing out his thick eyebrows.

"What?" Andrea awoke from her daze. "Why? Is something wrong?"

"Far as I know, London's dead." Brow furrowed, Reed turned and looked Andrea over. "Have you gained weight?"

***

The way Gara took a step back when the door opened let Andrea know that the smaller woman was truly startled to see her there.

"Mistress Andrea. A pleasure."

Andrea shrugged, awkward. "I know you're not interested in talking to me—"

"You? Of course. Come on in. Misery does love company."

Gara's home was quite spacious, and Andrea thought the echoing of their footsteps was due to the high ceiling. By the time they reached the kitchen, the first room on their left, she found the true cause. The house was bare: no staff, no servants.

Gara, still dressed in her nightgown even though it was well past noon, sat down and pulled the lone cup resting on the table close. "What can I do for you?"

Andrea sat at the wooden table as well; its circular shape might have been designed to put people at ease, but the atmosphere of the house was so dark that nothing could offset it.

"First of all," Andrea said, "My condolences."

Gara waved her on. "Get to the point, Andrea. What do you want?" Andrea didn't answer, so Gara grinned. "Looking a bit pudgy around the midsection. Don't suppose your image is starting to wear off finally?"

Instead of impfooting around any of it, Andrea simply came out and said what she wanted.

"I'm getting married. I need to find Tanner. When I ask the System for him, it says he's not in the Colony, which I know is impshit."

Lips pursed, Gara shook her head. "Nope, not at all impshit. Technically, he's not."

"And actually?" At the smug shrug, Andrea sighed. "Just for five minutes, bury the hatchet, please. Just tell me where he is."

"Why? So he can put another image in place for you so you can be the pretty new thing all over again?" Gara waited, and when an answer didn't come, she sat back in her chair. "So you're tying the knot? I heard you were back with Reed. Funny how he didn't offer when you were desperately looking for a suitor more than a year ago."

Andrea kept calm and polite. "I don't have a tattoo. I've got nothing else going for me other than how I look. So let's cut the shit. I need the E." She hated showing this much vulnerability. "You claimed to be my friend once—"

"Nah, love. I was Tan's friend. Your friendship isn't worth much beyond the sweet food in your gut and the posh clothes on your back. Let me guess—Tanner's lifestyle wasn't lavish enough."

"You don't know anything about it." Andrea glared, hoping Gara would recognize the warning and back down for once. "What was the alternative, huh? Stay with him and cheat? Hurt him—kill him inside like you killed Midge?"

She expected Gara to bristle, but the smaller woman was calm. Gara settled her eyes on the table.

"There're no do-overs in life," Andrea said. "No second chances. You make a path and you stick to it. He was never going to trust me again, and he was smart not to. I didn't mean to fall into another's bed, but I did."

"We tend to make a hell to punish ourselves, and you certainly are doing that," Gara said. "Let me give you a rundown of your life in the next decade to come since you're so hell-bent on playing in this gaw-ro game our parents made for us called 'the Young and the Dutiful.' You're gonna reconcile with Tan eventually. And you'll fall for him, and you'll break into a million pieces when he finally decides that he can't stand sharing you anymore. And you'll have your bottles and your pills." Gara paused, her smirk smug. "In your case, more like some cheesecake."

Andrea bristled at the attack but said nothing, opting instead to allow the woman her soapbox.

"And maybe you'll get lucky and have a few months of absolute freedom. And then this pissant self-destructive whiny bitch is going to jinx it by saying Tan won't come back with you once it's all said and done. And he won't." Eyes red and raw, Gara gave Andrea a loathsome scowl. "Your E wouldn't come back with you. So you force him to."

"You forced him to? How can you force him?" At the one-sided shrug, Andrea said, "I heard...I heard Midge left. I'm sorry for that. I'd hoped one of us would work out—"

"He didn't leave." Tears well in Gara's eyes, and she took a moment before she continued. "And Tan won't leave you either. He won't be able to leave. Not after what you'll have to do to force him to stay with you. He even forgives you for it. And it's good for a little while. And you'll play pretend until Reed comes home, and then it'll fade."

Andrea stared at her, and Gara raised her right eyebrow.

"This is the most important part of your soon-to-be life story, Andrea, so dig your head out of your arse and listen for once." Gara's eyes shimmered with tears. "Reed will make a show of it. He'll make a show of holding you down and forcing himself on you whenever Tan is close by. And you'll tell Tan to ignore it. You'll beg Tan to ignore it because you don't care. You've got your E, the love of your life, so you don't care. You and Tan will find solace together. But that lifestyle makes Tan weak." Gara's soft voice gave her true anguish away. "Tan will endure being your lover, even though it hurts him, physically and emotionally. And you'll make love despite the risk. And he'll do it because he needs you to know he still loves you no matter how you're treated. And you'll need him to because you need to know the same.

"You'll ignore how Tan seems disoriented, or that his hair starts to thin. And the final time when it happens, when London—" She paused and corrected herself. "When Reed holds you down, he'll do it right in front of Tan, right across the dining room table, and you won't be looking at Tan because you're ashamed beyond belief, broken beyond belief. But you finally work up the guts to look at your E, to see if he can still love you, even with your frock around your ankles and your face pressed against the table. And Tan, he's looking at you, but he's not. He stares through you, like he can't see you, and when you realize it, you just start to scream and cry."

Gara's body trembled as she held the cup in both hands. She wet her lips, watching the contents of her mug.

"And that bitch Reed, he loves that. And you finally beg Tan to get the bastard off you, but Tan doesn't move; he doesn't even focus." When she met Andrea's gaze finally, she wore a bitter smile that made Andrea's blood run cold. "So after Reed is done with you, you call the System. You revoke your rights to Tan, and you ask the Colony to take their E back."

A tear escaped Gara's right eye, but there were no more after that. She took a deep breath and drank. Her voice muffled by the cup to her lips, she said, "And I started to fight. London just didn't see the point if I was going to battle. He never pinned me after that." She paused and gave off a soft huff, meant to be a chuckle. "I bet he wished he didn't try for that last time."

The words took time to make sense in Andrea's head as she analyzed them again and again. Slowly but surely, realization dawned, making her eyes widen. "Are you telling me—?"

"Right in the eye. Then I slit his gaw-ro throat." Gara sat back. "Midge made me a ring. Met has all his E's make one. I could never wear it because it wasn't 'proper' while I was married, so Midge wore it on a chain around his neck. I took it from him before he left. Squeeze it, and with enough pressure and a bit of force, it extends into a spike. I should have asked the guards for that ring back. It's the only one I've ever gotten."

Andrea found herself leaning away. "You didn't...." She looked to Gara for guidance, and the smug smile behind the cup made her feel sick. "Holy shit, you did."

"Yes. I did." The small woman shrugged. "The System detected the blood and the dead body. The Assembly assessed my guilt. Technically I had agreed to London's kinks before we got married when we were writing that contract up. It was the only way he'd agree to let me keep sleeping with whomever I wanted."

"Whomever?"

"It was only Midge. It was always only Midge. Nobody else. So I had no validity in killing him. So there I was, sitting in a cell in the middle of nowhere. No doors, no food, no water, no way out, just a light and a cot and nothing more."

"A Dead Man's Cage?"

Gara nodded and Andrea felt cold.

"What the hell? How'd you get out? What happened?"

"Midge had recovered by then, so he ran to the rescue." Gara didn't have a smirk or a gloating smile this time; she only held the cup in both hands and watched the contents. "Technically the Colony can't kill me without killing Midge." Gara gave another weak shrug. "I'm bound to Midge. If we're not concentrating, I can feel his pain and he can feel mine. But it goes beyond that. If he dies, I die. And if I die, he dies. Putting me to death would mean the Colony has killed an innocent man."

Andrea snorted. "Like the Colony gives a damn about justice."

"True. But they do hate throwing away a perfectly good E. So Midge talked to Met behind my back, and they made a trade. Midge has my branding tattoo, so it's his right. Instead of me getting terminated, Midge would get one year in Cerberus."

Andrea wasn't rooting for London, but the punishment seemed disproportionate.

"One year in jail? For taking a life?"

"The life expectancy in Cerberus is two months, you gaw-ro twit," Gara said.

Andrea didn't know Midge particularly well, but she didn't think he deserved half the shit Gara had put him through, much less jail—and certainly not Cerberus.

The severity of it came into focus, and Andrea hesitated, hoping she was wrong.

"And this involves Tanner?" At Gara's nod, Andrea swallowed past the lump in her throat. "How?"

"As far as I know, Midge said no, but Tanner insisted that he'd take six months if Midge would get six months as well. Met figured their chances of survival were higher if they were together, so he brought their asses in, threw me out on my rear end, and told me to go home. I haven't seen either of them since."

Andrea swallowed again, her nose stinging as tears threatened. "How long ago was that?"

"Two weeks." Gara hugged herself and took a deep breath. "I registered with the Colony as his Assist. Because E's are a bit unstable, I said that we're mated and Midge needs to channel, so they might let me visit him for an hour or so, once a month. But I haven't gotten the results back yet. "

"Mated? For E's that's the same as being married, isn't it?" Andrea asked. "Have you really registered him as your spouse? Marrying someone of a lower standing would negate your house; you know that."

"Go hang yourself. Of course I know that. I only officially registered him with the Colony, not with this section. It'll take them about a year to catch on to it."

"Before that you'll correct it, right?"

Despite Andrea's urgency, Gara looked at her as if she were unreal. "You really think I give a shit about my family name right now? Even though I killed the bastard, I get London's assets, property, and title. Do you think for one second that I even want to stay in this gaw-ro house?"

Tears began cascading down Gara's cheeks, and she wiped them with the back of her hands.

"I fought this, and all I had to do was marry the big lug in the first place. To hell with the title. Not do this 'for duty and honor and my family' impshit. This life is mine. It's only mine, and now, at twenty-eight years old, I realize that for the first time. I choose my path; I decide who I love, what I believe. I hated London. I loathed him. My parents knew that, and they still pressured me to marry. And now you're planning to do the same thing, go through the same shit I went through. You're planning to marry Reed? Are you insane?"

Andrea was too embarrassed to meet Gara's stern gaze. "I have to. There's nothing left."

"If that black eye of yours is any indication, then he's got a heavy hand, too."

"And a strong kick, but that doesn't matter. It's what I should have done from the start, before my twenty-first birthday. I...I've been putting it off for a while now. But my family has no standing."

"Your family? The same one you're so fond of?"

Andrea needed a moment to formulate a response to the sarcasm, because she couldn't always rationalize it to herself either. "It's weird how blood works. They're my responsibility. And you don't choose your family. From the start, I was sure I could take care of that house, if someone'd just let me. And they're gonna need the help in the time to come. Father's flaky; Dom is...Dom is Dom."

Gara didn't seem convinced, but Andrea didn't care. She was telling the truth; they were lowlifes, but they were her blood, and she didn't want them to suffer.

"And I don't know if Gulliver's still there, but if he's gone, too then Mother'll be worse off than ever. Because nobody else will put up with her. They are my responsibility, and they are my family. The money for Dom's tuition must have run out by now."

"Are you telling me...?" Gara paused, her mouth agape. "You haven't checked? You honestly haven't checked the results of the audit?"

Andrea hadn't, and she had no intention to.

"I don't need to. I don't care what brought us down. But I plan to bring us back up."

"Andrea...." Gara seemed ready to say something, but instead she shook her head. "You should check. You're still living in a dream world."

Politely ignoring her, Andrea said, "What I need to do is marry someone with status to make sure everyone in my family has enough to get by. Sure, my title doesn't mean as much as before, but it's still there. I can still claim it and start over."

"And what about Tan?"

The very name had Andrea's mouth tasting stale. "I told you I wasn't going to drag him through the same shit you did with your E."

"You think I did that on purpose?" Gara leaned forward, elbows resting on the table. "You think I ever wanted anyone else to touch me? Is that what you think? Unlike you, I'm not stupid enough to let a few flattering words go to my head. You and I are nothing alike. Because if I was free, I'd run. At your age, in your situation—"

"I'm getting my title," Andrea insisted.

"The title is nothing."

"It's the only thing I have, the only thing I want. It's the only thing I've ever earned. And I earned it by putting up with all the shit. That's mine and I'm getting it. My grandfather gave it to me because he knew I was special."

Gara opened her mouth to say something, but eventually she calmed and said, "Not everything your grandfather did or said was good for others, Andrea. How can anyone let you see that?"

In this regard, Andrea was disappointed to find that Gara had been just as spiteful as Marian; always refusing to acknowledge Grandfather's greatness. Maybe everyone thought of Andrea as useless—even Tanner thought it to some extent—but her grandfather had entrusted the estate to her. Grandfather was the only one who had seen Andrea's potential and she'd be damned if she let Gara sully the man's memory.

"I don't want the E anymore," Andrea said.

"It's a little too late for that. Your family has a way of ruining E's it seems," Gara muttered.

Andrea stared at her. Finally, she said, "Forget about E's. I don't want one. I just want to pick up the pieces—"

"Then don't look for Tanner. Don't drudge all this back up. Don't put him through all that again."

Andrea chewed her bottom lip and confessed, "It's just one more time, and then I'm done. I'll even take the letter E out of my gaw-ro vocabulary."