“I can’t believe I got in!”
“WE got in.!”
“But you didn’t really do anything, so did you really get in?”
“I did plenty of things, if it weren't for me, you wouldn’t have been able to even come here.”
“You really did help…”
“Why'd you say it like that.”
“No reason, should we check out the adventurers guild?”
“Yeah!!…. wait….. don’t change the topic!!!”
They walked down the mountain and reached the adventurers guild.
“Let’s go in….”
“No you.”
“So now it’s just me…”
Kazema enters the building, although founded over one hundred years ago, the overall structure was quite well maintained.
“The lobby is bigger than what I thought.”
20 feet from the entrance Kazema saw the receptionist area, as he walked towards the desks only one person was there.
“Um, Hello.”
“H-hi!”
“Do I sign up here..?”
“A-are you looking to sign up…?”
“That's right.”
“D-do you k-know how the rules work?”
“How the rules work?”
“Yes, e-every adventurer g-gets their o-own guide.”
“Hmm, then can you be my guide?”
The guide, a woman, had a coat on, you could only see her face and yet she didn’t seem suspicious at all.
“T-tomorrow i’ll explain the r-rules, and we’ll go on our first hunt.”
“Thanks!”
Kazema got up from his chair and walked towards the exit.
“S-see you tomorrow…!”
……..
“Something’s wrong.”
“Luna?”
“The air around her wasn't human.”
“……..”
“Staying close to her is risky, let’s just get a different guide.”
“No.”
“Are you listening…..”
“I could tell she wasn’t human, but she also didn’t have any bad intentions, the exact opposite actually, she seemed….. frightened by something.”
“Ka-ze-ma!”
“Y-yes ma’am!”
“You’re a nice guy, but you have to realize you can’t save everybody, sometimes you’ll have to sacrifice something important in your life, at the rate you’re going, you won’t be able to make that decision…. and if you don’t, you’ll die.”
“Luna….”
“But of course, I didn’t say anything against helping a few people here and there.”
“Then we’ve got our first mission!”
“Yeah!”
………
“To think this crystal of the highest grade in the human territory wasn't able to appraise his third mana, even more entertaining to know he has three different types of mana; human, elf, and an unknown type of mana. Kazema, I wish you the best of luck in the tournament….”
the story is interesting, I just hope your writing will get better, I don't want to sound mean but your writing isn't exactly of high quality (I'm not better mind you)
Nah i know. English is my second language and i don’t specifically read books in english. But i’m reading everything in english now to see if i can expand my vocabulary
@GrazerLeaf I was talking more about how things happen, how the character reacts and interacts ...
all those things that make the reader feel like the world and the characters are real
it's what make the difference between a satisfying story and a bland one
it's hard to do, especially since it's not you're first language and you still lack proficiency in it to use it naturally, but if you manage to do it, you're story has the potential to be really great
and a piece of advice, try to note every relevant event or information that happen in your story , it will help you to prevent mistake such as making two first date, using a side character you already killed, or make your characters learn things that they already know
readers are really good at spotting those kind of things
@Fenrirragnarok Thanks for the advice, i’ll be sure to note the details every here and there, and i’ll put more time into each chapter (grammar, events, characters that will appear in that chapter, how long, correct order of events, etc) I also realized how Luna and Kazema interact isn't really how I wanted them to interact with each other so i’ll have to do something to change that 😅. Thanks for pointing it out though, If I kept writing as if, I would've regretted the outcome.