The prologue to the story can be found in the description of the series. It describes the origin of the main character. (Author’s note.)

 

It happened on a silent night. I was sleeping in my cabin as usual, and I had a dream. The dream didn’t feel too unusual. Well, not more than my other dreams, to be fair, in this one I was standing before my master. The kind, old master who took pity on me a few years ago, and took me under his wings.

Without him, I would be dead by now or taken as a slave, which does not sound any better. Nevertheless, I should not wander off-topic, it is a bad habit, and master always told me, that I should be as precise and straightforward with my words, as I aspired to be with my lightsaber.

To my shame, this was a lesson I could never really learn from him, not well anyway.

I was in my cabin, dreaming of a strange, dimly lit room, one I had never seen before.

Inside the room, there was a clear pond filling up its center. Then a voice called out to me, a voice I instantly recognized. It was my master’s somewhat weak voice. I saw him standing on the other side of the room, clothed in formal attire.

He was smiling at me, yet I saw sadness in his old eyes surrounded with wrinkles, but there was also hope, much more hope than sadness, which confused yet also reassured me.

The dream ended at that moment since the door in my room opened. Followed by a smooth hiss caused by the escaping air pressure, which was released through the opening mechanism built inside the door.

Your average twi’lek would not even budge from that small noise, but I was taught otherwise. To sense the slightest shift in my surroundings, to react to danger, preferably in time. That was why I opened my eyes and turned towards the door, instinctively grabbing the hilt of my lightsaber.

I saw as my master stood in the doorframe, watching my hurried movements with an amused smile. His gray hair matched his gray robes well, not even mentioning his almost entirely white beard. There was also something else I noticed; he was clothed in ceremonial attire, the same I saw in my dream. This put me a bit more on guard, master told me about the special dreams, which the gifted people had from time to time.

The force called out to warn us of great danger, or great change.

Since master was here, and he seemed calm. I could only think that in this case the latter happened or will happen soon. This, however, only raised more questions. I tried to ask my master, but he raised his right hand pre-emptively, stopping the incoming storm of questions. Holding back my tongue. I chewed on the inside of my lips anxiously; sometimes it was frustrating that he knew me so well…

He pointedly looked at my shoes, which were randomly kicked off somewhere beside my bed. Then turned around, and slowly but surely walked out of the room.

I panicked a bit, then jumped out of my bed, trying to pull on my shoes as fast as possible. I grabbed the outer part of my robes as well, from the chair, where I had thrown it before I ended up falling asleep. With that done, I ran out of the room, leks flailing in the air behind me, as I closed the distance between me and my master.

He had much longer legs, since he was an adult while I was a thirteen-year-old girl. A few years ago, I would instantly start to whine after getting to my master’s side after such a rude awakening, but now I knew that it would only lead to some infuriatingly boring punishment, which I had no desire to experience. Not again, anyway.

I also realized that my stamina got much better. Not only because I was no longer malnourished. It was just as much thanks to the thin layer of muscles which grew on me because of the training master made me do every single day.

We walked through the corridors in comfortable silence, reaching the turbo lift and getting into it. The doors closed with another hiss, and the lift started its descent.

Simultaneously, I also descended into my thoughts. The only place I was comfortable enough to completely let my guards down was in the presence of my master. Soon, I felt a touch on my right shoulder. I looked up, realizing that the door was open, and master was looking down at me with a knowing look in his brown eyes.

I walked out of the lift in my light embarrassment, taking up the lead for a few seconds, only to realize that I did not know where we were heading. With a slightly red cheek, I stopped looking at the floor while master took back the lead with an amused smirk. I followed him without a squeak.

We reached the door of master’s private meditating room.

My eyebrows rose a bit from my surprise; I was never allowed to enter this room. Yet now, the mysterious doors slid apart and master walked into the room, urging me to follow him. I hesitated for a few seconds, then stepped inside the room. The door closed behind us and a strange feeling immediately made me stop in my tracks. My body suddenly felt heavy. I looked around skeptically. It was a hazy and empty room.

- Empty?

I voiced, surprised by my own observation. I looked around one more time; I couldn’t see master at all.

- Master?

- Your master is dead.

A cold, terrifying voice appeared just behind me. I spun on my heels, my blue lightsaber activating in mid-motion, scattering the crawling shadows around me.

- No need to be scared.

Sounded the voice again. This time, it seemed to come from everywhere. I could not pin down the source of it. The shadows on the edges of the room started to move slowly, encircling me.

- You will join him soon after all.

The voice appeared behind me again. I turned to face it and froze.

- Ma-master?

- I see, you recognize me. Now kneel, and join by my side as my one and only apprentice, or die.

I felt an urge, a hunger to submit, to kneel and be on my master’s side forever. My resolve weakened, and my knees started to buckle on their own.

Before my knees could give out, our eyes met, and I froze again. The warm brown eyes of my master were nowhere to be seen. Instead, I saw a golden gleam and a wide grin on his usually solemn face. It was repulsive, endless greed and thirst contorted his features, but behind the prideful facade, I could sense pain, sorrow, and regret too.

My whole body shuddered as the multitude of emotions resonated through me. Their source was my loved master, no he… it was no longer my master, but something else.

My resolve strengthened, and I stood tall again. My vision blurred a bit as tears started appearing in my eyes. I understood what had happened, and what I would have to do next.

I stood in a fighting style I learned from master, form seven Juyo, the most aggressive form I knew of, while simultaneously beginning to feed on the emotions that master projected, gathering and enforcing my will and strength with them.

I knew that I had no chance to win without doing my utmost and even then; it was hopeless. I used this dangerous fighting style that fed on negative emotions because I hoped to surprise this mas-... no, this creature and kill it with a suicide attack. Throwing my defense aside, I was about to jump when a familiar voice stopped me.

- Enough!

I blinked, looking around, confused. The shadows disappeared, the cold and pressuring presence receded. The room seemed perfectly normal, only oh.

In front of me, a familiar pond appeared, and my master was standing on the other side of the room, smiling at me with an amused smirk forming on his lips. His features looked tired and sad, but also hopeful. My dream! This was what I saw in my dream, and there was the pond, too. I looked around one more time and then walked closer, still standing on the opposite side of the small pond. My obviously wary behavior elicited another loud smirk from master.

- It was a trial, your final trial to be more specific.

I blinked again, with growing confusion. I never even knew there was a trial…

- You passed.

I blinked one more time, watching and listening to him silently.

- Congratulation, from today on you have gained the title and mantle of the thirteenth Gray Lord.

My mouth opened as my jaw moved slightly up and down, but no voice came out of my suddenly dry throat.

Long minutes passed in this manner. At last, my voice came back to me and I successfully squeaked out a few words.

- I… I am… not ready…

- Yes you are, you must.

Sounded the dreadful answer.

- Wait… but no, why… so suddenly? I…

- Nizzal, I am dying.

There, my building oppositions and excuses crumbled and scattered under the weight of those words. I felt my eyes water as the flood of tears broke loose.

- No, master… don’t leave me, we can go to a doctor… to heal you.

Master shook his head slowly; an honest smile appeared on his face while he said.

- Dear child, no doctor could heal old age. There is no technology which could give life to these old bones of mine. To be honest, I am somewhat interested in the secret that lies beyond the veil of life.

- Master, but I… I can’t, I am too young… there is too much I don’t know yet…

Master smiled reassuringly.

- Of that, I am sure.

- Then will you…

- I can’t. Now, stop with the futile pleading. There is one more thing we have to do tonight.

I tried to gain back my control over those tears and gather myself together to listen properly. Master continued his monologue with his usual lecturing tone.

- Did you ever wonder why I never gave you a holocron. The item that Sith and Jedi used for teaching and storing their secrets.

I nodded to indicate that I actually thought about it.

- Good. The reason wasn’t that I didn’t think you were worthy. It is much simpler actually, we never created holocrons, we created a better yet more risky method to preserve knowledge and defend our secrets. We created living holocrons.

I was surprised by this revelation, yet I could not understand what that exactly meant.

- I and every one of the thirteen masters of the order is such a holocron. This means, as I am no longer suitable to bear this responsibility, it is time for you to become one.

- I…

Master looked at me with a hint of anger at my disruption, and I closed my mouth again. There were millions of questions jumping around my mind, but I forced myself to focus on what more master had to say.

His features turned milder, seeing my slightly shaking form.

- Every one of your questions will be answered after we finish the ritual.

He stated, and I relaxed a bit.

- Wh-what do I have to do?

- I ask you to remove your clothes and sit down cross-legged in the middle of the pond; submerge half of your body in the liquid. Then you will have to open yourself to the force entirely, clear your mind, and let go.

- …kay…

I started to remove my clothes, placing them on each other neatly on the floor, just to stretch the time a bit. After removing every piece of clothing, I stood there awkwardly, covering myself with my hands with a frustratingly rosy cheek.

My master’s expression was the same as always, stoic but warm, as if there was nothing unusual. This, thankfully, made me relax, and I walked into the pond, sitting down the way it was requested. I tried to clear my mind and open up to the force, but it felt harder than ever before. I became frustrated with my failures and doubts started to emerge on the brink of my thoughts.

That was the moment when master’s voice appeared again.

- Nizzal, do you trust me?

My chaotic thoughts stopped in their endless circles, as I felt hurt and frustrated by the question.

- Of course, I do!

- Then relax your mind and let go.

I did just that. My doubts and fears were strangely chased away. I could finally open my mind to the force. A few minutes later, I fell into a deep meditative state, completely submerged in the force.

Then the memories came, a flood of seemingly endless memories of people I never saw, never met, or never even knew of their existence. I was seeing through their eyes I felt what they felt, every sensation, every fear, every doubt.

I felt as if their feelings and experiences became my experiences and fears. No… it was exactly what was happening.

After a long time, the first person’s memories neared their end as the human male, named Darth Revan, created and used the same ritual as my master did. A ritual that was originally a Sith ritual to steal another person’s body and replace their souls with the caster’s soul, but it was changed and recreated in a new manner for another purpose.

That goal was to implant the caster's memories and experiences into the subject. There was a need for a willing subject and a heavy price had to be paid. I watched as Raven’s body disintegrated to fuel the power of the spell.

The perspective changed, and I heard the dull noise of his mask hitting the ground. Now I saw through the eyes of the one he cast the spell on. The stream of memories continued. Years passed hundreds of years, maybe thousands. There were different masters with different races, some lived longer, and some lived shorter amounts of time. One had lived through hundreds of years, to the extent that she herself did not care to remember how old she exactly was.

Then, after generations of memories, as an immeasurable time passed before my eyes, I saw myself, at a younger age, first I didn’t even realize, that I saw my body from a third person’s view.

A few years passed in the memories when my hazy mind finally realized that it was really me. As the fragments of my numbed personality started to gather the ritual happened, I saw and felt as my master looked at me, with sadness and a bit of fear from the approaching inevitable end; his eyes looked at my meditating body, searching for reassurance for the first time he wanted to be reassured, from my presence. Yet my eyes were unfocused, still under the effect of the force spell. He steeled himself and said.

- Nizzy dear, I know that you are ready.

His body started to disintegrate.

- So am I… thank you…

With a shaky smile on his face, his body disintegrated as the clothes fell on the steel floor, along with his double-bladed lightsaber. The moment the lightsaber hilt hit the floor, a resounding empty noise was generated that woke me from my meditating state.

A few seconds later, the light gray-skinned twi’lek girl’s body started to move as she woke from her trance.

Her eyelids opened, and she looked around the room slowly, stopping on the pile of ceremonial clothes laying on the ground. The pink eyes that usually glinted with childish innocence were gone. There was a deep knowledge and experience in those eyes now. Not something that a child should ever possess. She stood up slowly, walked out of the pond, and carefully folded the still-warm clothes of her master.

She picked up the clothes and the double-bladed saber, then walked to a section of the wall. Where she pushed a carefully hidden activator through the use of the force, at last, a new secret chamber opened. It was a tomb, a tomb for the masters of the order. She placed her master’s clothes on the top of the simple empty stone pedestal beside the other twelve already used ones.

Everyone created their own pedestal; therefore, this was the only empty one. She will have to create her own when that time comes.

There were not many rules in the order, only a few. There are thirteen lines of memories with thirteen different masters or gray lords, as some identified themselves.

They were the ones closer to the dark aspects, just as my memories were.

Our order lived through secrecy, since there was one active member of every line of memories until the time came to give them away to the next master. Because there were no separate holocrons to steal or to find, the jedi and sith never learned of our presence. That means, if one master dies before using the ritual, the memories are lost with them forever.

About two hundred years ago was the last meeting of the masters. Only five of us appeared, and one sent his regard through another master. I am too old for this journey was the simple message. That means, overall, six masters were surely alive. Seven lines of memories were lost or simply did not care about the meeting or didn’t get the invitation.

Another rule was to never create a physical holocron and there was a rule to never succumb to the dark side, but that rule becomes ridiculous after five generations of memories. With that much life experience, it becomes clear that letting the dark side control you is a stupid mistake. Therefore, its lure loses its power. After enough time lived and experience gathered, you realize that life is not a linear line, but many smaller and bigger circles that repeat themselves with different characters.

The dark side is a quick way to gain power, but what you gain is fickle and easy to lose. It loses its childish allure for those with a wider perspective. The last rule was that you can elongate your life as long as possible with the force, but you cannot make yourself immortal to natural death. To learn and truly understand the workings of the force, you need many perspectives.

That is the reason you have to give away the memories when your time comes, and that is the natural way of the universe. The first masters created these rules with absolute faith in them, and since their creator’s memories live through me, I inherited the strong fate in the need of those rules. I had no wish to oppose them.

I placed master’s saber on top of his folded clothes; I gave a last sidelong look to the other pedestals, then turned around and walked out of the room, closing it behind me. I walked back to my clothes dressed up, then picked up my lightsaber.

I held it out before me and then activated it. Instead of the usual blue color, the blade had a shining silver color to it. The crystals used in the order were special kinds of Kyber crystals. Their colors changed to reflect the personality of the one who bonded with them.

What forms a personality if not the knowledge and experiences gathered in their mind? I turned off my saber and walked to the door that opened automatically. I looked back to the room one more time, already dreading the day when I will come back here. This time I will be in the shoes of my master. On a whim, I turned around, put my palms together in front of my chest, and gave a slight bow.

- Rest well, masters. Until we meet again.

Then I straightened my spine and walked out of the room, closing it behind me with the use of the force, entombing the secret ritual chamber for another few hundreds of years, hopefully.

While I walked towards the turbo lift, I thought about that strange bow I just completed with such reverence. In response, memories of old Sith ceremonies came to the forefront of my mind, showing rituals that happened on Korriban hundreds of years ago.

- Interesting. Now I guess it’s time to live, and explore the world, see it with my own eyes, to compare memories to the current reality. Since I am not a stuck up jedi to live in seclusion, neither am I a sith to plot something sinister all the time. Living as a gray jedi or gray lord means that I am free. Free from the influence of the force, well as free as you can become from it anyway, and I have several generations of money to spend.

I reached the lift and activated it. Now I was waiting to get back into the living quarters of the forgotten old Sith temple, built into a working volcano that was mostly buried under the frozen surface of Hoth.

- Then again, what should I do? I don’t know much of the current political situation or anything like that, not that I care. Master was in seclusion for the last seven years; he was training me and never left for much time, only to bring back food and other things for us. By the way, why am I talking to myself aloud?

Another memory came to answer my question.

- Ah of course master Bell Plaha, sigh, why would she go into a hundred and fifty year-long seclusions if she hated to be alone… That baffling Muun… Always talking to herself!

I froze in mid-step.

- Was this the reason why master forced me to speak as punctually as possible?

I smirked loudly.

- He was actually trying to help me with this problem even before it occurred.

I slowly shook my head with an amused smile plastered over my face, one that I was sure to be almost, if not entirely, identical to my master’s cynical smiles.