63. Chapter
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A gray cloud of endless mist surrounded a single small form, it was the form of a twi'lek. One whose skin color blended in with the mist almost naturally. The young girl in the middle of this mist, was sitting still as the surface of a clear pond. The mist, was centered around her, moving around the lithe figure constantly turning into one direction which followed the turning of the hour hand. Never going backwards, never. It was the mist of the ages, the all sensing all seeing eye belonging only to the oldest apostles of the Temple of the Grey.

The meditation ability, that was similarly able to foresee future possibilities and look into the past. A technique with endless possibilities, culminating in every drop of knowledge of the last five millennia that the Grey Order gathered about the workings of the force. It was nothing more, than a small drop of knowledge compared to the waste and endless mysteries of the universe and the force that seemed to sew it together so seamlessly connecting all particles of ether to the same mysterious being, energy. Maybe some invisible hand of a greater power? The oldest of the apostles had no answer to that question. 

She knew that it was the curiosity to search for this knowledge and understand it in its entirety, that propelled her to create this order, it was this purpose, which burned from the inside, the thirst to solve seemingly unsolvable mysteries. Now many eons later, this thirst was still the same, if a bit more patient in its nature. Now she understood that all the time in the universe was at her hand, unless her memory line tragically comes to an end by unfortunate means.

She shivered from the thought as she remembered a few particular moments, in the near past that were needlessly dangerous. The girl in the mist sighed heavily as she felt extremely self-aware about those careless mistakes and circumstances. In other words, she was embarrassed. 

As her thoughts wandered back to such events the mist suddenly began to forcefully flow backwards, back to the moments she was thinking about. Behind the mist in the hazy fade those exact memories began to play out like an old performance practiced a thousand times. However, she did not experience it from her own perspective, she was present, as another ghostly self, walking through those memories, looking at them as a simple observer, a judge of herself. 

Now she understood it at last. Her failure that almost cost her everything. 

The lips of the twi'lek moved hesitantly as she stated those observations matter of factly.

-My ego doesn't match my body. 

She stated with a ghostly whisper, as the flow of the world, the time, the mist, began to whip forward back to the current time. 

She lowered her face even more looking at her feet with a stupid expression. 

-It is no wonder the immortal council tried to humble me with such extreme measures. I have lived for thousands of years, and most of those years I was at the peak of my power. But now... 

The girl looked at her body, with a twinkle in her eyes, a glinting understanding. It was the first time, she looked at herself with such clarity and disillusioned acceptance.  

-Now... I am little more than a child. 

Her shoulders fell as she still heard the lingering pride and refusal in her own words. She sighed deeply and said once more. 

-No... I am just a child. 

Stating those words with such honesty was much harder for an over four thousand years old being that prided itself with its knowledge and understanding than most may realize. Yet... with those statements something changed in the air around the girl. Something innocent was regained, a light reignited in those deep eyes. A twinkle in the pink eyes that wasn't there until now appeared. 

The old flame of curiosity, the light that dimmed over the passing ages flared up again, with an intensity that was believed to be lost. 

This scared the girl at first, she didn't know how to deal with such intense emotions seemingly coming out of the gray. Yet the emotions stayed and with time, she began to remember, remember or maybe relearn to handle them properly. It had nothing to do with being a jedi, or a sith, or a gray lord. These emotions were simply dimmed by the years that went above one's head. The faces and friends forgotten, lost in the mist of time. Friendships that we believed to last forever, broken so easily, fragile, forgotten. 

One does not know, how it begins, it can only realize the change when it is done. Those who see and experience so much, will eventually grow numb to it, pride and knowledge only reinforces the process. However, all those pride and knowledge were slowly scraped off of her soul in the trials she went through since her second birth. On top of that, she was now in the body of a little girl, with weak force reserves. She was for once in thousands of years, genuinely dependant on others' help and support. 

Now she was able to see that. With time she will accept it. 

As she understood this, a playful flame reignited in her heart, a flame that came with the acceptance of one's weaknesses. It is nothing more than the desire to reinforce and eliminate those weaknesses, which were always there, but never accepted and therefore never seen as such. The girl blinked as she realized this and looked into the fog once more. 

Her eyes this time looked at the present universe, glinting through the fade of the mist, but the mist seemed to clear almost disappear entirely, showing her a clear view that she had never experienced before. 

The girl was enamored with the sight of the shining spectacles in the galaxy. Beautiful, terrifying and breath-taking views appeared for her, showing worlds and planets with such amalgamation that she was falling into silent breathless awe. There was a world covered with growing crystals of many shades while magma levels were continuously changing around the whole world as if they were giant waves of a never-ending tide. Another world, which was always covered with sandstorms jumped forward. There were giant worms swimming in the depths of the endless desert, yet even among such dreadful creatures there was life and water hidden from most. There were people living on the planet too, some rich in the force, no, the whole planet was rich in it, strange thought the girl. The vision ended with a pair of sharp eyes appearing in the sandstorm, blue eyes within blue eyes locked to her form as if seeing her, but the vision changed to another, not letting her think over the strange apparition.

She focused on the flow of time and space as the course of the force brought her to the next spectacle.

She watched in stillness as worlds had burned and formed in front of her eyes, sometimes by the act of nature, sometimes by the act of intelligent beings. Stars, planets, moons, moved as a myriad of small pieces moving on an edgeless and ageless chess plate. All pieces of a greater whole, one that was impossible to glimpse at. 

It was at that time; the girl had come to a revelation. Those pink eyes with a haunting depth seemed to deepen even more, as a new level of understanding awakened in the girl. 

The thought was so obvious, but it was not easy to accept. The girl now was ready to accept it, she embraced the truth that was always there, but she refused to see it, blinding herself willingly as a result. 

The girl laughed, as a few drops of tears fell from her eyes. She laughed without reservation; in a way she might never have done before. Later, when she gained back some measure of calmness, she stated with unquestionable finality, but the words had no such sour taste anymore. They felt to her like the released sigh of a long-lost child finding the right way leading home. 

-... I was always just a careless child, wasn't I?

She laughed as tears still stained her face ready to break loose again, struggling to hold them back.

-What is four thousand years of life experience compared to the universe? For what did I pride myself so much, to see a fragile picture of something that might never be. How petty can one grow from holding onto but a morsel of insight and truth. 

A few more tears slipped down the weary face, as those words reverberated in the empty mist. 

There was a silence as the girl gazed into the mist while a haze seemed to come over her eyes. She tried to blink as she sensed that something was prickling her eyes. At that moment, a part of the mist broke off and seeped into the unfocused pink eyes, after the mist passed, the eyes were pink no more. They were changed, turning into a physical manifestation of the mist of time, a black, white yet mostly gray color was now filling the iris of the eyes. Ceaselessly reminding every onlooker of a calmly bellowing pair of whirlwinds centered around the depthless black eye pupils. 

The girl blinked a few more times absentmindedly as the change occurred, but she did not realize any of it. In the end, she said one more thing as genuine excitement leaked into her voice. 

-You wanted to humble me, grind away my pride that blinded me, break off the ego that refused to accept other ways and possibilities, all to bring out my childlike curiosity, and force me to embrace it.

It was not a question; she stated those words with firmness and calm understanding.

-Fine... you win, I will accept my role. 

She stated as an innocent, yet playful smile appeared on the face of the girl, which for the first time genuinely weared an easy-going expression so much more fitting to a young girl of her age.

With that, the mist dissipated, and she awoke in a comfy bed covered by two to three layers of blankets. 

She looked around the room while lying in the comfortable soft warmth surrounding her body and soul.

She smiled. 

-Not a bad start, eh? 

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