"And that's how I found out you shouldn't give elves forty cakes."

"Do you ever shut up?"

"I once did a good job shutting up in the middle of this assassination attempt on my previous master."

"I have a feeling you didn't do a good job."

"I'm still alive, aren't I?"

"I guess…"

We're still walking down the road. Despite being the guide for the Hero's party, Mel apparently forgot the way when she switched to this whole merchant thing. Man, what an inconvenient power, having to constantly change. She says she changes moments before she is about to meet someone, although there are times where she doesn't change at all. They all have different names, and I'm terrible at remembering names, so that's going to be a pain.

"You don't have to remember all of their names. I'll just be telling you them."

"But it'd be rude if I forgot my lover's name."

"I'm not your lover."

"Not yet."

"I will kill you before I kiss you."

"Ooh, saving our first kiss for when we're in Heaven, how romantic."

"You and I both know neither of us is going to Heaven."

"Oh, so a kiss in Hell. That's hot."

"Haa…" She sighed before suddenly transforming into an Elf. No fancy whirlwind or magical glitter, she just turned into an Elf in a single moment.

"What happened to the fancy effects?"

"Sometimes they happen, sometimes they don't. Look, I understand my Sacred Power about as much as you do. Now, going to comment on my body and the changes?"

"No, why?"

"Because narration and stuff… you know what, I don't care enough. Let's just get this encounter over with."

"I hope it's a tea farmer." 

We continued walking down the road, with me still babbling about whatever came to mind, when we came across a stone path that diverged from the main road and went deeper into the forest. "An alternate path."

"I can tell."

"Can we go walk down it?"

"Yes."

"Wait, really? I thought you'd want us to continue onto the road so we can get to the town as quickly as possible?"

"Rich said you would need to look in the mirror when we camp tonight, so I'm guessing the nearest town is quite far, and two characters walking down the road is quite boring, so…."

"So?"

"So down this path we go." She promptly walked down the path, and I followed her. 

As we continued on, the concentration of trees got thicker and thicker, the stone path became more and more eroded until we came across a temple. "A Ratia temple."

"Ratia?"

"An elven tribe. Used to be really big on temples and sacrifices. Mostly dead nowadays, with the remaining survivors integrated into either other elven tribes or society."

"Do you think there will be treasure in there?"

"The Ratia did bring physical spoils as sacrifice, so I think it's worth a shot."

"Temple raid! Temple raid!" I ran straight into the temple with my eyes on the prize, the experience of temple raiding.

"Slow down!" Mel shortly ran after. Wait, did she tell me the name of her elf self? Eh, doesn't matter. I'll just call her Mel regardless of how she looks. The temple was one long hallway, with many rooms connected on each side, every single room empty. Seems like previous raiders had already taken the treasure. At the very end of the hallway was a fancy door.

"Look Mel, a door! Fancy door! Is that where the treasure is?"

"Probably. Go ahead and open it."

I gently opened the door and found an elf hung by his hands while blindfolded. To the right, I could hear the boiling of a pot filled to the brim with soup… judging by the smell, chicken, and a second elf eating some of it. To the left, I could see a statue vaguely resembling an elf, however, made out of oddly perfect, identical cubes that only differed in colour.

"A visitor. Leave this place. There is nothing to plunder."

"What if I want to take him?"

She materialised a sword out of fire from a nearby torch. "Then you will be eliminated."

"Woah, Woah!" Mel walked in and stood between us. "No need to murder us."

"A fellow Elf. What tribe would you happen to originate from?"

"No tribe. I was born in Blankchurch."

"So a descendant of an immigrant. I can see the look on your face. Worry not. Unlike most tribal elves, I do not think ill of elves with your upbringing. Now, let me ask you to move along."

"Sure, sure, we'll go away. First, however, I understand this is a Ratia temple, right?"

"Correct."

"Don't they usually sacrifice females?"
"That is typical."

"So why him?"

"He is a Sacred Power holder, and thus a significantly more valuable sacrifice."

"Sacred Power holder? Can I look into his eyes?"

"For what reason?"

"I have an eye fetish."

"Disgusting. I will not permit you to."

"Aww…" I looked towards Mel, who was showing a face of disgust. Is an eye fetish really that weird?

"It's not that it's that weird. It's that you're open with it."

"Oh… anyways, Mel, please knock out the elf."

"Why?"

"So I can look into the sacrifice's eyes."

"Alright then." Immediately, Mel appeared behind the female elf and chopped at her neck with her hand, instantly knocking her out.

"Thanks Mel, love you." 

"That was unnecessary to add." 

I walked to the hung elf and took off his blindfold, finding that he was dead. There was no life to see in his eyes. Why was the lady here with a dead body and a weird statue, then? Who cares? I wonder if my power works on dead bodies too. I stared into those empty, lifeless eyes of this elf.

I have no idea what this does. What the fuck is 8-bit?

"Are you done?"

"Yeah."

"What's his Sacred Power?"

"Something I don't understand."

"Cool. Let's go, I hate this temple, and I assume that's all we need to do here."

"Alright." Off we went, back on the road.

---

Character profile: Ret Rohachi.

Sacred power: 8-Bit.

Favourite video game: Doesn't know what video games are.

Description: The son of the Ratia tribe's chief, he spent most of his life training to be the next chief, learning the many rituals a chief was obligated to perform, honing his hunting skills to provide, and building up his leadership abilities. This all came crashing down one day when his Sacred Powers started manifesting, and he accidentally turned his lover into a cube statue. The very next morning, he told the entire village of his crime and volunteered to be the next sacrifice, both as punishment for what he had done and because the sacrifice of a Sacred Power holder was the greatest gift that could be given to the Gods. His lover was left behind in the temple alongside him. The elf drinking soup is unrelated.

Chapter namesake: $4cr1f1c14|_ by Danny Baranowsky for The Binding of Isaac (Flash).