Hey there, it's me, Madeleine the vampire eater. I haven't eaten a vampire though, but it's something I'm hoping to do. The problem is that I have no idea where the vampires are. That's a lie. I know where the vampires are. I've been to their city, after all. I wonder if that bakery is still open. I never got to eat any of the cakes there. Do vampires even eat blood?

"Hey Jack, opinion on vampires."

"Hard to kill."

And there you have it, folks! Vampires are hard to kill! Jack is leading me to the cells in the back that should have the fellows I came here for. If I remember correctly, it's May, Merida, Merry, Mila, and Myka. Oh, and Speedy too, I guess. Is that all?

"Hey Jack, how many Sacred Power holders did you guys kidnap?"

"Seventeen."

"That's a lot… how many have been turned into items?"

"Seven."

"Were any of them my friends?"

"Unknown."

"Oh, okay…" Alright then. 

I continued to follow Jack in complete silence. Eventually, we arrived at the cells, and let me tell you, oh so fine voices in my head, it was quite the scene to behold. First, Mila was scribbling all over the walls, writing on and on about… let me check closer… it seems to be a relationship chart of the mansion and the many revisions she made. Huh, didn't know she was that interested in romance. I'd analyse it, but that'd be spoiling it for myself. I don't know what they think of me, and I don't know what I think of them. Except for Mel. I love her.

Next is Merry, who seems to be filled with complete despair. She's just sitting there, blankly staring at the roof. Why? As far as I can ascertain, it's because she's losing to three little girls and a lemon tree in board games. For some reason, the floor is littered with board games. Merry, the three little girls and the lemon tree are in the middle of one right now, and looking at the board, four pieces are near the end, but there's a single piece that is in a cruel loop all the way near the beginning. I think it's Myka cheating. Speaking of Myka, she's sitting and meditating. On the roof. No, I don't know how she's on the roof. There's also a knocked-out guy on the roof next to Myka. What?

The biggest surprise was what Merida and Speedy were doing. They were… sitting down! Specifically, Speedy was sitting on Merida. Also, somehow Merida is cooking a pot of soup in there. Wait… let me ignore the soup and go back to a previous point. Speedy is sitting on Merida's lap. This reminds me, I never asked what their relationship was… unless I did. Have I forgotten? Eh, whatever. Guess I'll ask them now for the first time… or again. No idea which it is.

"Hey Jack, what's their relationship?" Jack turned to me to stare in confusion, wondering why I asked her. Why did I ask her? You know what, forget it. "Hey Jack, can you open the cell, please?"

"Understood." Jack walked over to the cell and then made a cutting motion with her hand, slicing the lock in half. I guess that's one way to do it. 

I walked inside, carefully making sure to not step on any of the board games, and made my way to Merida. As soon as I stood before her, I saluted, "Maid Corps Commander Madeleine, reporting for duty!"

Merida softly lifted Speedy off her, stood up and saluted back, "Welcome, Commander Madeleine!"

"What the hell are you two doing?"

"Requesting permission to ask a question, Madam!"

"Permission granted!"

"Seriously, what the hell are you two doing?!"

"What is the relationship between you and Speedy, Madam?!"

"We are currently contractually and lovingly wedded!"

"Eh? What the hell?! Are you really revealing that?!"

"Oh… I expected something else. Whatever. So what now, Merida?"

"We shall seek shelter in the realm deep within your shadow. Whilst in the Shadowrealm, I will be negotiating with the First Princess. Your job is to escort us to the Sacre Pla Royal Castle."

"Huh… sounds simple enough. Should I swallow you guys right now and then make my escape?"

"Proceed with it."

"Aye aye, captain!"

"Wait, wai-" I lightly tapped the ground with my foot, spreading my shadow around the whole cell, and slowly dragged the others into my shadow. They all went in without resistance, which I'm thankful for. I walked out back to Jack, who waited outside. 

"Hey Jack, did you hear anything?"

"Nothing."

"Good to know. I think I'll say bye to your boss, then be on my way. Lead the way, Jack!" I enthusiastically pointed down the hallway, which Jack ignored, walking the opposite way I pointed. Man, I have no idea which way is where.

So Jack and I arrived at the cute cat door to find it had been cut through. Looks like there's trouble. I'd help, but I've just remembered the cat is literal evil. Almost as evil as that other cat. You know, the one that grew grass. The second most evil cat I had ever seen. Well, although I ain't gonna do anything, Jack sure as hell is going to do something. It is her boss, after all. I saw her draw a dagger and walk in to approach whatever was attacking the boss. I might as well watch.

I followed Jack in and found a naked demon with very shiny, very pink hair, sitting on the throne, with a ball of water floating above one of her resting hands. Looking closely… there's a cat inside the waterball! That's one wet ass cat! I was tempted to say the other word, but then I remembered that I'm not dirty-minded. Eh? What's that? Did I forget about 'Operation: Fuck a daughter'? That's not dirty-minded. It's… uh… noble? Yeah, noble. 

As soon as the demon saw Jack and I, she crushed her hand, compressing the waterball, turning its clear colour into a deep blood red. Huh… guess I won't be saying bye to Jack's boss. Jack got angry and started charging at the demon. I've always wondered who you're supposed to root for when it's a villain versus a villain. Unless one of the villains is a dragon. I always root for dragons. Dragons are cool. Except for May. She's cute.

The demon stood up, then appeared in front of the charging Jack the next moment and grabbed her by the neck. I guess Jack lost. Good thing I didn't bet. She slowly walked towards me, her eyes completely fixated on me. I think she wants me. Honestly, I think I prefer Mammon. Like, naked demon bodies are cool and all, but Mammon knows how to do accounting. The demon finally reached me, and man, she's tall. Almost a head taller. She grabbed me by the chin and made eye contact. Mmm… demon eyes.

Huh… I see. That's kind of wild. I wonder what counts as an act of plea- Mmmrph… mmm… okay. She just kissed me! Tongue and all! What the hell? Did she just throw Jack into my shadow? "Bye bye, little maid. If you want me again, ask Merry." She sprouted wings, blew a hole in the roof, and disappeared. Eh? What the hell was that? You know what… I've got nothing… 

Character profile: Lilith

Sacred power: Lust

Favourite sex position: All of them

Description: The Lord of Lust, who took the position back from Asmodeus. In Mendass, when an individual descends to the greatest level of Demonhood, they become a Demon Lord and gain power over a Domain, much like a God. Many Demon Lords gain a Domain based on their achievements, and typically their Domain is unique. One such example is Madeleine's former teacher, the Lord of Poison. His Domain should be obvious. The Seven Cardinal Sinners are an exception to this. Any Demon Lord can gain the Domain of a Seven Deadly Sin, but to do so they must defeat or be handed it by its current Lord. Lilith, the first succubus, was the first Lord of Lust, but handed it over to Asmodeus, who is the most well-known holder of the title of Lord of Lust. Lilith has only recently taken it back, and it is unknown why.

Chapter namesake: WAP by Cardi B featuring Megan Thee Stallion

pojlk

Since we're on the topic of sexual things (Haha, get it? 69? WAP?), I might as well talk about a joke that is in my description: The Pornographic adaptation. I added that in just for kicks and giggles, but I just thought of a terrible idea for it. Instead of Madeleine having to look in their eyes, she has to have sex with them. Fortunately, I'll never write this, but it is a funny little thought I had once that I felt like I had to share. Seriously though, I will never write this. Also, yes, I did reference WAP.

Fun fact: The last time we saw Merida was chapter 51. That was a whole month ago.