Hey there, it's me, formerly a slave to the law, but now a slave to love… have I used that introduction before? I wouldn't know, I don't keep track. Right now, Mel and I are in Merida's office, searching from the corners of her floor to the middle of her roof for where she is, but we can't find anything. The most suspicious thing is that the pot of soup that's usually somewhere on her desk is gone! Oh my god! 

"…" Mel looked at me with warm eyes.

"What?"

"You were just making an idiotic face, Madeleine."

"You know me and my dramatic flair!"

"I'm going to shut you up."

"Shut me up, baby."

Before Mel could take a step forward, the creak of Merida's chair interrupted her, turning around to reveal Mel's sister (Her name was Lina, I think.) was sitting on it. "What up, bitches! I've just recovered from my hangover." She swung around on the chair, getting abruptly stopped by banging her knee against the desk. "Fuck!"

"What are you doing here?" 

"Whaaat? I can't check up on my little sister and her cute girlfriend?"

"..." Mel looked with an unamused look. Huh, Mel is a lot more emotive than I remember… then again, I don't look at people's faces.

"Geez, fine then. I'll tell you why I'm actually here." She ducked under the desk, wiggling what parts of her body she knew we could see, before popping out with a map. "Since poor old Merida is out and about with her lovely wife, probably dealing with whatever new random plot contrivance this bullshit world loves to pull out of its ass, and as the holder of Side Character, I'm here to fill in her missing position in the story. If I still had that different identity gimmick, I'd call this one 'The Informant'."

"Ooh, does that mean you're our new Merida?! Does that make Myka the new Speedy?"

Lina immediately stood up and pointed at me. "Hell no! Don't you dare pair me up with Myka! I'd rather take Cookie!" She settled back into her chair. "Anyways, my new position in the plot has more or less given me access to a shit ton of information that I'm supposed to know, and I'll need some time to process it all."

"So what?"

"So you two get a break, obviously." Mel and I looked at each other, then at Lina, then back at each other, and then at Lina. "You know what, if you two want something to do, I hear there's an exhibition in the city's square where they show off a suit of armour that's supposedly unbreakable. Maybe go have a date out in the town, have sex in an alleyway, then try to break the armour. Capiche?"

We did the staring bit before Lina pushed both of us out of Merida's office. "Don't return until you have alleyway sex or Maddy has touched the armour. Actually, let me borrow Merida's whole thesaurus gimmick." Lina cleared her throat and then attempted to make a Merida impression. "Do not return until you either have side road fornication, or Madeleine has made contact with the protective gear." And then she shut the door.

We stood there for a moment, trying to compute what Lina said. I was the first to break the silence. "So… alleyway sex, huh?"

"You've done it a total of once in your life, and now you're addicted, huh?"

"Now that you say it like that."

"Whatever." She held out her hand towards me. "Let's go on that date. It sounds like fun."

I took her hand. "Is this the first date, or are we counting last night as the first date?"

"Myka and Cookie were involved, and anything Myka and Cookie are involved with doesn't count. We also might need to add my sister to that list."

"Coolio." And to the city square, we walked, hand in hand.

"Come one come all, here's the Unbreakable Armour, bask in its invincible glory!" A man was standing in front of the fountain, a suit of armour on an armour stand being shown off next to him. A crowd had surrounded him, mostly adventurers who were armed and ready to attack the armour with their full might.

As it turned out, we suck at coming up with date plans. She wanted to go to a cafe, I wanted to climb a mountain. She wanted to check out the museum, I wanted to rob a bank. She wanted to go say hi to Princess Carte and Maxine, I wanted to fake an assassination on the king. As a compromise, we just walked around the city and talked to each other, which, as it turns out, is something we really enjoy. You know, it takes me back to our time in the Walled Forest, when it was just the two of us. Mel is a lot nicer compared to then, though.

As you can tell, we chose to go to the armour exhibition instead of having, as she put it in her Merida impression, side road fornication. We've been waiting in line for a while, and nearly every attempt we've seen has failed to leave even a tiny scratch on the armour. There was even a half-giant, who was double my height, who struck the armour with an axe double her height, yet it was her axe that got chipped instead of the armour. Hmm… I roughly have an idea of how I could damage it, and it'd be a great experiment, so I'm excited for my turn.

"Settle down, Madeleine. We're next."

"But… but… I could dent it! Doesn't that seem exciting after seeing everyone fail?"

"After all the bullshit we've been through, it's hard to be surprised at this point."

"Fair point." The current person failed like all the others, and now it was our turn. "Hey, exhibition man, if I manage to create a dent, can I keep the armour?"

The man raised his eyebrow and then let out a light chuckle. "If you can, you shall keep it."

"Coolio." I tapped my foot on the ground, creating a shadow circle placed in front of the armour. Time to see how much stronger he is whilst under insanity caused by imprisonment. "Rise, Shadow Ark."

A shadow rose in the shape of the man who once attacked me. It stood there for a moment before suddenly clutching its head and wildly shaking, its blank shadow face somehow showing distress. Okay, so I can't let him out for a long time, but one attack should be good… right? "Attack the armour, Shadow Ark." The shadow turned to me, and I could feel a wave of bloodlust release from him, scaring the nearby crowd. Ooh… having felt that much bloodlust in a while. He then turned to the armour and let out a quick jab right into the middle of the chest plate, where the armour would be at its thickest. Right there, a dent in the shape of a fist was left. 

Satisfied, I returned the Shadow Ark to the Shadowrealm and then walked to the armour stand to claim my prize. I touched the armour, wondering why Lina told me to touch it.

Oh, that explains it. I took it off the armour stand and walked towards Mel. She was just standing there, unfazed and even shrugged her shoulders, a stark contrast to the incredibly shocked exhibition master and the silent crowd. 

"So, had fun?"

"Definitely." And back to the mansion, we went.

Item profile: Unbreakable Armour

Sacred power: Super Durability

Creator: Satdrul Smithking

Description: The armour with the greatest durability. The armour was created using a special ore that was dug up from one of the deepest mines in Hamblin, which was appraised to have a Sacred Power bestowed on it. It was known that items could have Sacred Powers, but this was the first time ore was found with it. It was promptly shipped to Satdrul Smithking, the Lord of the Blacksmiths, hoping to create a weapon that would surpass all. Satdrul decided otherwise, as he had a hunch that this ore would be better suited as armour. The armour, upon completion, would be gifted to the Lord's sister for her Wall of Weapons, where it was promptly stolen by a conman. Now it lies in possession of Madeleine.

Chapter namesake: Super Armor by Elements of Music featuring Jared Evan