It's been a day since we had the mother-daughter-soon-to-be daughter-in-law bonding activity. That's all I have to say.

"I'm disappointed. I look forward to those introductory ramblings, Maddy."

"You can read my mind?"

"We've established this too many times, Madeleine. You say your thoughts out loud."

"I do?"

"On a scale from one to ten, how much do you rate this running gag, Lanie?"

"I'd give it a six, still better than Cookie or the 'Mansion We Live In Suddenly Burns Down' gag." Mel rubs her face as if she's annoyed. "I really hate relocating."

"I prefer the running gag of me talking about Mel's ass."

Lina suddenly stood up and pointed at me. "I knew it. You have self-awareness!"

"No, I don't. I've just hung around Mel and Myka enough to pick up on some things. Honestly, I don't think fictional characters have night-long sex, so I think we're real."

"Ew, ew, ew! I didn't want to know my sis's sex life!!!"

"She's joking, sister."

"You know, I can't tell if I hate Madeleine or love her. If I were back on Earth and just reading about her, I'd love it, but in the flesh, I'm fucking livid, which is saying something because my brother is a prick. I will admit that you're cute, Madeleine."

"Thank you, but I'm taken."

"I don't care anymore. I was going to go on this cool self-aware, fourth wall breaking monologue, but you've sucked out my motivation to do it. Maybe I'll try again next… uh… chapter? I sure as hell know it ain't an episode, but I'm still trying to figure it out." She sat back down, opened a drawer, and took out a map, pointing at a large area. "This is the Zombielands. It is currently entirely covered in cake. At the centre is the source and a Sacred Power holder."

"Aye aye, captain!" I got up and grabbed Mel. I was about to drag her when she stopped me for a moment.

"Hey, sister, what's up with the statues in the room?" Oh yeah, that's something I could've rambled about. Looking around, I see… can I even count? Let's see, the first statue is that random intruder from yesterday that kept going on about death, destruction, and despair. The second statue is Rich and just Rich. We've welcomed Merchant Mel into our household since she's technically Lina's and my Mel's sister (Her name is… I forgot.). The third statue is the Lemon Tree Spirit, whose name is apparently Citri. The last two statues are Lilith and Croen. 

"Well, I got Dad… well, I guess Mom technically now, to more or less freeze their time flows. By the way, Maddy, for you and the… audience? Readers? Still figuring it out. I'm talking about Maxine. You know, the sorceress with the cat ear cloak."

"Oh, I remember her!"

"Do you really, Madeleine?"

"Yeah, I do. Since you've had a talk with my mom, I need to have a talk with your parents at some point too."

"We'll do that later… you still didn't explain why the statues are here, Lina."

"Hmm… well, if the narrative isn't taking too well to my attempts at manipulating it back, then I'll just shit in all of its antagonist plans. Shame, too, since a fake god of death and the Demon Lord of Lust would've been really cool bad guys. Oh well…" Lina shrugged.

"So," I took another look at the statues and noticed a significant absence from the list of attackers from yesterday, "Where's Mistress Rio?"

"Oh yeah, her. Turns out side characters can't do shit to the main heroines of any of your shadow clones, so she got to get away scot-free. Kind of pissed at that, honestly."

"I don't get it."

"You'll get it someday. Now, get away from here and go to the cake-infested Zombielands."

"Aye aye, captain!"

---

Cake… all I see is cake. I'm standing on cake, I'm sinking in cake, oh god, I'm sinking in cake. "Mel, help, I'm sinking in cake!"

"It's not even that deep."

I felt my feet touch the ground when the cake reached my hip. "Oh…" I dipped my hand in the cake, and then lifted it to inspect the cake closer.

"Don't eat the cake, Madeleine. I literally just stepped on it."

"But that's the po-"

"You can already get a direct taste, no need for this indirect stuff."

"Ooh… so forward."

"Well, we have already established you are incapable of being proactive."

"Hey! I confessed my love! That's very proactive!"

"You're shit at confessing."

"Aww…"

"Anyways," Mel looked around the surrounding area, "I can't see the source. Do you have any bright ideas, Madeleine?"

"Umm… use the Shadow Clones while you and I just sit here and eat cake?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Shadow Ja-"

"None of that fake summoning chanting, though."

I entered a staring contest with Mel, which I easily lost. Sighing, I did the summoning without the cool ritual by just tapping my foot, summoning three clones of myself, Shadow Jack and Norika. I'd use the other prisoners, but they're not so useful or too rebellious. Especially the clone of the Creator's kid. That kid has spunk.

Anyways, the five shadow clones ran in different directions.

---

Meanwhile, me and Mel just enjoyed cake. Lots and lots of cake. We ate so much cake.

"Ah fuck… I think I'm sick of cake now… I'm even sicker of it than I'm sick of soup."

"Chocolate… strawberry… vanilla… birthday… no… no more…."

"Madeleine? Madeleine?! Maaaadeleeeeine?!?!"

Mel was shaking my body while I faked being dead when all of a sudden, Shadow Jack, who had a plate of cake and a fork, tapped me on the shoulder. I turned to her, where she pointed at a tied-up zombie, which had empty eye sockets.

"Is that the source?" Jack nodded, then pulled out a pair of eyeballs which looked rotten out of her pockets. She held them out while I looked at them when a familiar screen popped up.

Cake You can summon cake. Side Note: Uso dayo!

Oh, it is. Guess that's that adventure done. But before we go…

"No, we're not keeping it."

Aww…

---

Character profile: Xan Roper

Sacred power: Cake

Time spent as a zombie: 2 years

Description: The undead bringer of cake. Xan was a bandit who had to flee from his home country after being falsely accused of giving the chief of his bandit group a poisoned cake. He fled to the Zombielands, considered one of the 72 Calamities, and survived on nothing but cake for a while, but eventually the zombies got to him. As a zombie, he instinctually uses his Sacred Power non-stop, which is why the entirety of the Zombielands is covered in cake. In fact, the Cartographer Union is holding a poll among experts of the area to decide whether it'll be renamed to Cakeland or not.

Chapter namesake: The alternative rock band Cake