Heyo bayo, it's me, the second best maid in this house, Madeleine. Who's the best maid? Shadow Clone #1, obviously… although she's oddly missing. Then again, so is Merida, and let me tell you, Merida and Number One were definitely having one of those cliched Maid-Master affairs. Poor Speedy, her wife is cheating on her. Seriously though, where the hell are Merida, Speedy and Number One?

"If Side Character's information is correct, Merida should be on a stake right now, waiting to be burned."

"I always knew Merida was a witch!"

"They're burning her because she's the Seer, not because she's a witch."

"She is a witch, though. Her teacher is a witch."

"How do you know her teacher is a witch? I thought you'd forget that detail, knowing your track record."

"I check in with my shadow clones every now and then. The stories they tell."

"Speaking of your shadow clones, have you met their partners?"

"Some of them. We should go to talk to them sometime, Mel. You're their mother-in-law."

"Hmm… should I try out that bitchy mother-in-law trope?"

"That sounds hilarious."

"I don't think you can act bitchy, sis. Sarcastic, yes, bitchy, nope."

"Fine, fine. I'll just greet them normally. When will we do that, Madeleine?"

"Hmm… whenever they have that meeting they do monthly where every single Shadow Clone attends."

"When's that?"

"No idea."

"Wow. Just wow. Do you not know anything about your clones?"

"They don't tell me a thing! Did you know Ava and Mammy had their wedding a week ago? Apparently, I wasn't invited because they thought the wedding would crash and burn if I were there!"

"You would crash and burn a wedding."

"That's beside the point!"

"Okay, let's all shut up. I think that's enough silly banter for today." Mel and I turned towards Lina, who now had quite a grin on her face. "On to the serious shit."

"Ooh, serious business." I sat myself down. "I can do that."

"No, you can't. Now scoot over. You're taking up too much space."

"There's always my lap."

"You're smaller than me."

"So?" Mel glared at me, then picked me off the chair and sat herself down with me on top. "You know what, I like this more."

"You two disgust me. Please stop doing this shit in front of me." 

"Ehe~"

"Teehee~"

"Fuck you guys." Lina turned away with a disgruntled look and stayed silent for a moment before turning back to us. "Okay, so I've more or less figured out some shit about this world."

"Do you finally know how deep the abyss in Hamblin is?"

"No, but what I have figured out is what medium we're in."

"Oh, is this one of your fourth-wall-breaking rants, sister?"

"Hell yeah, sis! Fuck the other fourth-wall breakers in this shitty world since I'm the best one!" Lina stood up and puffed out her chest. "You hear that, Myka?! Fuck you!" She sat back down, calming herself down. "So, where were we?"

"Something about the medium."

"Oh yeah. I figured it out through the process of elimination. We're not a visual medium. There are too many characters, thus too many designs to draw up, and artists, designers, and animators sure as hell wouldn't dare get underpaid for the bullshit Madeleine or Myka would force them to illustrate."

"Aww… how flattering."

"It wasn't a compliment, Madeleine."

"Aww… how flattering."

"We're also not an audio format, there are too many voices, and there's no way they'd let someone like Madeleine or Myka on the radio or a podcast."

"Aww… how flattering."

"Stop saying that, Madeleine."

"It wasn't me this time."

"It was me, Myka!" We all turned to one end of Merida's desk to see Myka lying down. "Draw me like one of your french girls, Lina."

"Get the fuck out, Myka!"

"Rude." Myka got up and walked out. Hmm… I could see it working.

"I do too, Madeleine."

"Both of you, just shut up. Let me continue."

"Go on, although I won't listen."

"I haven't been listening since I've been staring at Mel, but feel free to continue."

"I hate this house sometimes." Lina let out a sigh. "Anyways, I've more or less figured out we're a written medium. Specifically a web novel. How do I know that? Because there's no fucking way that an editor would allow Myka to exist."

"That's just personal bias speaking, Lina."

"Shut the fuck up, Maddy. Just trust me when I say I'm certain this is a web novel. An original one, since I sure as hell ain't some random dude's self-insert OC for their shitty, Mary Sue fix-it fanfiction."

"Okay, cool. What does this have to do with anything, sister?"

"Well… I'm gonna break this prison of ours. I'm going to break this whole world using the most amount of bullshit possible that not even that omnipotent loli can reverse it. I'm breaking this baby open so badly they will think I entered reality myself and aimed a gun at the author's head. This shithole of a narrative wannabe will break so hard you'd think I turned it into a human and kicked it right in the balls."

"Ooh, that sounds fun! Ball kicking!"

"So what do you need us to do, sister?"

"Nothing."

"Huh?"

"Aww… that's no fun."

"All I need is for the two of you to witness it. All I need is Maddy to watch on as everything burns down and the voices in her head get drowned out. The Shadow Clones too. Ah, but this won't be for a while." Lina knelt down behind her desk and lifted an unconscious person from under it onto the desk. "In the meantime, look into this girl's eyes, Maddy. She's part of the plan, and I want those looking down on us to speculate on how she's important… although it's very obvious how."

"Sure thing, Lina!" I walked over to the body, pulling back the closed eyelids to see a beautiful pair of amber eyes. Mmm… amber.

Best You can summon the best version of things. Side Note: You're the best around!

"This would be the part where I say a threatening line or a witty remark, but I'm not going to do that. I will not be held down like the rest of this world."

---

Character profile: Amber

Sacred power: Best

Eye colour: Amber

Description: "Best" girl. Iris grew up in the capital of Sacre Pla with her single mother and her older sister, where she lived a very normal life. She wasn't aware of her Sacred Power until one day she came across Maxine the Sorceress, who was shopping incognito. Due to Maxine's expertise, she was able to discern Iris' ability and informed her of it. From that point her life was supposed to end up in your typical otome game development, with her being the heroine, but that was interrupted by Melina, who used the information Side Character gave her to kidnap Iris for her to use in her futile plan to break free.

Chapter namesake: You're The Best by Joe Esposito