"Hi, I'm Clark, and this is my humble abode."

"Hi, I'm Madeleine, and I'm surprisingly enjoying this whole being tied upside-down thing."

"Hi, I'm Melanie… why am I playing along with this bit?"

"Because you love me."

"Me too!"

"I already know you love me! No, not you Clark. Stop blushing!"

"You… you don't love me? That… makes me want… want… wa… WAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"

"Don't worry Clark, I love you! I love everyone! Oh, but I love Mel more than you."

"I love you too, Madeleine."

"Cut it out with that puppy love shit. It disgusts me."

"Woah, that's one hell of a character change."

"I'm going to burn your clothes, then your breasts, then drop you both into the ocean."

"No, not Mel's breasts!!! I love them!!!"

"Shouldn't you be more worried about our deaths?!?!"

"Eh, we've escaped death before."

"I know we have, but death is still scary."

"Death is temporary, but your boobs… we can't afford to lose them."

"Holy shit, I don't want to do all that shit anymore. Now I just want to slit the maid's throat."

"I do too."

"Yeah, slit me, baby. No, not you Clark. Stop being disgusted."

"How do you deal with her?"

"I could kiss her. She's very weak to affection and completely shuts down."

"Yeah, sure… hold up! You almost tricked me into freeing you!"

"Fuck… I thought that'd work. Madeleine, hurry up and just use your Shadow Clones."

"No! That'd be cheating!"

"Huh? Your maid here knows magic? That's no good. Let me go get my anti-magic rope."

"Oh great…"

"He's gone now."

"I can tell, Madeleine."

"So… got any plans tonight?"

"I thought I would visit my girlfriend's room if I made it out alive."

"I like the sound of that. What do you plan to do?"

"Well, first, I'd grab hold of her shoulders."

"Ooh, how forceful."

"Then I'd throw her onto the bed."

"Sounds fun."

"Then I'd get on top of her."

"Keep going."

"Then I'd beat the ever-living shit out of her."

"Kinky."

"Goddamnit, Madeleine."

"So why are you beating me up? Did I do something? Was it because we can't have kids? I do know a spell that'll let us do that."

"No, that's not what you did, although we can explore that possibility in a more appropriate situation. I'm beating you up because YOU'RE THE REASON WE'RE FUCKING HERE!!!!"

"That's a good reason… why are we here again?"

"Haa… it's because, like the idiot you are, you thought it'd be a great idea to follow the suspicious individual who appeared in your closet and asked if you wanted candy."

"I do have candy, though. It's just currently being cooked."

"Ah! When did you get back?!"

"I've been here for a while."

"Since when?!"

"Since the start of what I thought was going to be about sex… unless the beating is part of the sex."

"It isn't. Mel likes being gentle."

"Shut up, Madeleine!"

"What a caring girlfriend."

"I know, right? Are you jealous?"

"Not really. My boyfriend is much better, even has a better name than mine."

"What's his name?"

"Why are you casually chatting with the kidnapper?!"

"Because he seems nice."

"My boyfriend's name is Danny, and he's the second cutest thing I've ever seen."

"And what's the first?"

"My ex-wife's pet rock."

"I also have an ex-wife who had a pet rock!"

"You have an ex-wife, Madeleine?!"

"No, I just wanted to empathise with Clark."

"Don't empathise with the enemy!"

"Please empathise with me. It's been a rough day."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"You see, in the morning, while I was masturba-"

"WOAH WOAH WOAH!!! STOP RIGHT THERE!!!"

"Fine, fine."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"So when are you letting us go?"

"Eventually."

"Like, right now?"

"Settle down, maid. Surely one of your friends will notice."

"Considering half of our group disappeared off the face of Mendass, I doubt they'll notice."

"Who even is left, Mel?"
"Hmm… Mimi is still around. Did you hear?"

"Hear what?"

"She's gotten a job as a maid in the Royal Castle to pay off her debts."

"That's pretty funny."

"Ah, that explains why I couldn't find your cat-eared friend."

"I think Merry is busy in the dungeon right now."

"Ooh, the dungeon. I enjoy walking around there."

"Wait, you get to walk in there, Clark? They won't let me!"

"Because something would definitely go wrong if you did, Madeleine!"

"Oh… that makes sense. So who else is left?"

"Uh… everyone else is gone besides… oh god…"

"What?"

"Our only chance at salvation is Myka."

"We're screwed."

"The bunny-eared maid? How is that a problem?"

"She's a cheater! I know it!"

"That, and she probably already knows we're here. I'd bet she's listening in right now."

"I bet she's going to pretend to bump into my closet and act like she didn't know we were tied up here!"

"Those are very… cynical bets."

"Well, we're dealing with Myka."

"Hello? Madeleine? Where are you?"

"Looks like she's in your room."

"She's going to search around the room then pretend to fall over into the clo-"

"ARGH!!! Oh god, I tripped and broke the closet door… she's going to kill… oh, hi guys."

"You suck at acting, Myka. Just say your witty remark and get us free."

"Fine, fine. Ahem… Geez, if you two wanted to have a three-way involving rope, you guys could've asked me instead of this random bozo."

"Three-way?!"

"Rope?!"

"Random bozo?!"

"Okay, now that that bit is over, hurry up and look into the extra's eyes, Madeleine. We have games of Go Fish to play, and I don't feel like wasting my energy to delete his existence."

"Umm… okay. Hey Clark, mind looking into my eyes?"

"Huh? Sure, I guess."

"Thanks. By the way, lavender is a nice colour."

"My boyfriend thinks so too."

Furnace You can smelt things. Side Note: Eight stone blocks.

---

Character profile: Clark

Sacred power: Furnace

Favourite ore: Iron

Description: The smelter of the Royal Blacksmith. Clark is an imp who lives within the hidden tunnels of the Royal Castle, which has access to the vast land the castle sits upon. He's able to travel from the centre of the castle to the outskirts of the castle grounds, including the guest mansion. Recently, he has enjoyed watching the shenanigans of the Main Group during their stay at the guest mansion.

Chapter namesake: Clark by C418 for Minecraft