I found myself in the lake again.

I moved my fingers around in the water. I had control this time.

I decided to feel my body. A part of me still felt horny from the rendezvous I had with Kane. His cum made me feel refreshed in a strange way, instead of dirty. It didn’t make me feel like a slut.

The water began to sway, leaving my body to sway along with it. This didn’t usually happen. 

The change in routine fucked with me a little. I sat up. I gazed up at the lavender sky. The clouds looked like paintbrush strokes slowly moving along. But then I heard a thunderous clap, followed by more roaring. I looked around.

I couldn’t hide my increasing fear.

But that wasn’t the only thing that surfaced.

Slimy, large appendages wrapped around my neck and legs, spreading them out. I could feel them rubbing against my taint.

I tried screaming, shouting, anything. But nothing. I couldn’t even gather a whimper.

My throat was now being filled with the slimy tentacles. I nearly gagged. The texture felt like mucus from a running nose and tasted like a mix of leftover shrimp fried rice and a bunch of other greasy foods blended together. 

And even worse. I began to enjoy it.

My dick bobbed on it’s own as a result, inviting the tentacles to wrap themselves around it. The worked their way on me, like a pair of hands.

Now I moaned, loudly. Even louder than when I was with Kane.

My eyes had been closed for the most part, taking in the new sensations all over my body.

I was a whore. 

This is your true nature.

The voice rang in my head in an echo. My eyes burst open and I wished so desperately they hadn’t. A ghoulish demonic blob had been in my presence. This was where all the tentacles came from.

A larger appendage, that felt like an entire hand, carried me.

The demon had his talon on my throat as he fucked me. I could feel it digging deeper and deeper. And then---

My eyes opened. Nothing but shouting came from my mouth as I leaned forward. “No, please!” I screamed.

“Shit, you okay?” Kane said. I felt his hands on my shoulders. I was sweating like a motherfucker.

I looked around the room, my vision unblurring. Kane’s Airbnb. I’m awake.

I closed my eyes again, holding myself back from the annoying groan I do when I wake up. The gratitude I had from not having slept on the couch. My ass would’ve been on the floor right now.

“I--I’m good,” I panted, wiping sweat from my forehead. “I’m sorry,” I muttered under my breath.

He kept staring at me. “You had a nightmare or somethin’?”

“Yeah.” I sat up. “I guess I never really told you… Or anybody else. I usually have them on the regular.”

“Shit,” he said, rubbing his neck. “You really scared the shit outta me, not gonna lie.”

I scoffed. “Again. My bad.”

“Nah, you good.”

“Hey, what time is it?” I asked.

“I think it’s seven.”

I thought about heading for the train. It would be a rush hour, but I could handle it. Kari would probably be home asleep, hungover.

I didn’t want to work for a while. I figured I grinded enough during the holidays, why not take a break? Especially after that shit that happened with Kane. Just when I thought I was getting better at controlling my nightmares…

I started Googling. I remember going to support groups after my mother died. Shouldn’t they have groups like that in Japan?

It took long enough before I found a group called “Sexual Dysfunction and Addiction for Men”. This might have been the closest support group I could find. Reading the description it said, “A safe space for men struggling with their sexuality and expression. Gay and bisexual men welcome.”

I had to go.