I tried to hide the book as much as I could as I walked out of the ramen shop. I already got enough attention.

I flip through the book sitting at Ogawamachi Station. I could immediately see it had nice drawings, but I didn’t have the attention span or energy to read it right away.

Flipping the pages and holding it made me realize I didn’t own any books. I only read doujin and whatnot online. 

I decided to head over to Jimbocho. I heard things about it from a few customers. It was the place to go if you devoured books.

As I left Jimbocho Station, I could already see the rows of books with people standing before them, flipping through the pages. Art from feudal Japan, with the label ukiyo-e were placed outside of a store that appeared to sell Edo period prints and manuscripts. I walked around a bit. I saw a few labels, ‘autobiography, ‘science’, and whatnot. I stopped to check them out. For now, I wasn’t looking for smut.

I craved some kind of knowledge.

Though I still had the book Z gave me in my hand. I tried not to care about whether other people could see what kind of book I had. I get naked in front of men every night, I kept thinking.

I decided to roam around some more. One store immediately piqued my interest. Sumire Bookstore, with a plaque underneath stating “Everything you ever needed to know about the history of sensuality and sex.”

Walking into the store felt like walking into a new world. I could smell incense burning, like musk. I mainly knew about this shit because of Kane.

I saw pictures that were like the ukiyo-e prints before, but now there were naked women. One that stopped me was a print of a woman inside her bedroom, with the sliding doors open. Red tentacles appeared to have opened the door and were now entangling the woman, exposing her breasts.

I could feel someone walking past me. I turned around and saw the back of an old man’s head. He had his hands behind his back, making his way to what appeared to be the cash register.

“Hello, there.”

“Oh, hello,” I said back.

I could feel the bookseller’s eyes on me. But it wasn’t in the same way that most older men I came across did.

“You look like you’re at peace,” the older man said.

I let out a laugh. “I can’t say I’ve been feeling that way as of late.”

He stared at me for a while. “Have you been having nightmares?”

I gawked at him back. “I, uh, yeah. How did you know?”

“A lot of men and women have been coming in looking for answers.” He shrugged.

“I just got out of a support group so...” I laughed nervously. “But, uh, I’m still a little lost.” He just kept staring at me. What was up with this old man?

“How comfortable are you with sex?”

“I used to work at a host club. I got fired for being a little too hands on with a customer. Now I dance.” How many people were I going to tell my personal business to today?

“Do you feel shame about your job?”

“I...I’m sorry. I’m just a little…”

“Flustered? It’s okay. You’re talking to someone who’s more than experienced in sex. I have eight children.”

“Oh, okay,” I didn’t know how to react to that. I scratched my arm.

“You shouldn't. In Shinto, and in many other cultures, there were sacred prostitutes. However it wasn’t always that simple. The miko began their trade as a less spiritual society started to develop. They had to travel to spread the word and they choose to express themselves sexually.”

“Do you have a book on that?”

He nodded. He walked me to the historical section of the store, even though the whole store felt like it was carrying thousand year old secrets.

I copped a few books.

As the bookseller set my books in a bag, I threw Z’s book in there as well, finally giving it space to be held.