There’s just something different about getting thrown by a giant.

Therapeutic, maybe?

Nah, that’s not quite it.

Oh yeah, it's that it freaking sucks. Well, kinda. Right now, on the way up, it’s quite pleasant. I’m well aware I won’t be thinking that when gravity decides to get involved.

As I idly graded my abrupt and unplanned flight, I continued to rise upward.

All the while I took in my surroundings. 

The atmosphere was like I expected it to be. Dark and dreary. Full of misery and suffering. I am in hell after all. 

From my bird’s eye view, I confirm some of the questions that I had placed in the back of my mind.

The first being how closely this hell would follow the general theme of Dante’s Inferno.

Thus far, it’s been pretty close. The ninth circle, Cocytus, seemed to be pretty similar to what I remember from the text. Saved for a few deviations, such as the illusive Lucifer and a few other small minor details. 

The eighth circle also seems to follow pretty closely.  

To be blunt, it was a series of ditches. Ten if I counted right. Some of them were connected by bridges, and others…not so much. Just about everything seemed to line up with my memory. Except for the tall ceil-guh!

My mental dialogue was cut short, as I hit the ceiling, prompting gravity to take effect. And it did. I fell like my father was Daedalus, hitting the floor with a resounding thud.

After praising my tough body for being so resilient, I shook my head in an attempt to get my wits back.

I quickly slithered to the first ditch, which luckily for me had a bridge. The tenth ditch, or bolgia, contained falsifiers. Within the hole, the ‘sinners’ were broken down into four subgroups based on the severity of their sin. 

The overall punishment was a disease of sorts. And let's just say they aren’t the most appealing things to look at…so the bridge was very much appreciated. 

I quickly traversed over it, eager to skip that bolgia.

Following that was the ninth. Just like the tenth, there was a bridge spanning it, meaning that I had no reason to go down into it.  

However, this time, I was curious. Peeking out from the safety of the bridge, I peered below. Basically, there was a giant horned cyclops dude wrecking people with an equally massive sword.

 I must have caught his eye, as he looked straight up at me. And while I could be wrong, I could’ve sworn he winked at me. That startled me enough for me to move along.

Soon enough, I found myself in front of the eighth ditch.

Unfortunately for me, there was no bridge on this one, meaning I was going to have to go through this one.

As I began the trek downwards, I perused my memory for what I should’ve expected to encounter. 

And…I got nothing. I can’t remember a thing about it. I guess we’re going in blind.

I soon reached the point where the ground was leveling out. 

I was greeted by…numerous columns of fire. I could hear the raw screams of people in agony resounding from the pillars of flame. A sound that was both terrifying and intriguing. My curiosity won over and slither close to one of the blazes.

Stopping as close as I could without becoming a barbequed serpent, I took a gaze into the pillar. As one might expect, within the flame, there was a silhouette. It was chained in place, burning from the intense heat, but not losing any integrity to its form. Burning for eternity, geez that sounds terrible. 

My curiosity sated, I began to traverse through the bolgia, making wide berths around the pillars of fire.  Soon enough, I reached the start of the incline, signifying the end of the eighth ditch.

After that came the seventh ditch…obviously. Much like its predecessor, there was no bridge and no recollection in my brain. Which meant, we were going down there, blind as a bat…again.

Figuring that there was no point mulling over it, I started the trek downwards.

After a few minutes, I reached the bottom. This time there weren't people getting cooked like a rack of ribs on someone’s uncle’s grill. No, this time there were reptiles. Snakes, gators, lizards, turtles…if it had scales, was cold-blooded, and wasn’t a fish it was here. There were even fire-breathing giant lizards with wings. Yep, fudging dragons. But that’s not all.

They were absolutely hounding the people like a police attack dog. I even saw a crocodile do a death roll with a lion person’s neck. Inhuman or not, there’s no way that was pleasant. No matter the injury, be it incineration from dragon fire, the people suffered through the pain, only to regenerate and have to go through it all over again.

I felt a bit hesitant after seeing that. I definitely didn’t want that to happen to me…and I remember seeing a couple of documentaries showing the territorial nature of some reptiles. And it's almost a fantasy fact that dragons don't like people messing around their spot. 

And now that I was a snake…presumably… the last thing I wanted to do is run up on these helltiles’ turf. Oh yeah, I’m totally calling them helltiles, it's just perfect.

But it was something I had to do. So, I attempted to make myself as small and unnoticeable as possible. Attempting to dash my way through, I was nearly instantly halted. By what looked to be a Nile Crocodile…though something like a Styx Crocodile is probably more accurate. It blocked my way entirely, looming over me. 

It set its beady eyes on me, lowering its head down to the same height as me. It quickly closed the distance before…booping me on the snout with its own?

Seemingly sensing my confusion, it gave me a dazzling crocodilian grin before setting off to attack another person. 

Soon after a huge snake came up and did the same thing…though after it booped me, it licked my nose before slithering off. 

Then came a turtle, a lizard, and then a massive line formed, with reptiles of all shapes and sizes coming up to ‘greet’ me. 

It was pretty endearing to see seemingly cold-blooded animals treat me with what seemed to be affection. 

After a couple of hours, it seemed that all the helltiles had gotten their fair shares of boops and licks and were content. Sensing this, I proceeded to the other end of the ditch, full of energy and ready to attack the next one head on. 

Unfortunately, my enthusiasm was unnecessary.

Bolgia Six through Two were all cake walks. Each one of them had bridges, meaning I had time to look from above and do some thinking. 

The people in Boliga six were forced to walk while wearing heavy clothing. 

Ones in the fifth ditch were granted a luxurious dip in a bowl of boiling tar for all of eternity.

The sinners in number four were forced to see the world in another way. Their heads were turned backward, and they had to walk in that same direction.

Ditch number three was quite funny to look at. The people were stuck facedown in the ground, ostrich style, with their feet sticking up into the air. The feet in question, were, of course, lit on fire. 

Last but certainly least, was Bolgia Two. Where the sinners were stuck in a pool of…poop. Literally human poo.

Seeing each ditch follow the descriptions I could of from that piece of old literature got my neurons firing.

I had heard before that all sins were considered equal. So why would there be different punishments? Is it possible that Dante instead of going to hell as he thought he did, really got transported here? 

Musing aside, after making it past the smell of all the number two in ditch number two, I had finally arrived at the last bolgia.