I reread my earlier chapters... and they sucked🤮 I’ll do a rewrite when I'm free. No promises when.
I didn’t have a concrete grasp of the characters back then. The most problematic was Envy, who came off as just some girl sprouting kill all the time, becoming a copy of Aqua. I’ll rewrite Envy's dialogue to be more like an Ojou-sama, a spoiled princess. Using phrases like 'this one' and 'filthy peasant’ and other stuff. It'll at least give her a different personality and would make her more bulliable for what's about to be done to her.
Looks like most people are indifferent to the changes done to Feeu’s speech. I’ll leave it for now and see how it goes.
Important: This chapter will be about world politics. And knowing politics, any side, even not choosing a side will trigger people. So prepare to be triggered.
I’ve already readied the whipped cream to soothe my ass from the roasting in the comments.
Chapter 20 – A Daily Dose of World Politics
Volantes sailed over flat fertile farmlands, the people below waved at the flying ship. Engraved on its sides was a golden shield wrapped in wings, the emblem of TransMagica, announcing to the world its purpose of protecting humanity. But mere name alone would not provide peace and security. No, that was the job of its two large underside cannons and their many lesser compliments along with the topside armaments and a squadron of aircraft.
Demons and even Witches would be forced to flee from its overwhelming firepower if ever they fought. The ammunitions it fired were all specifically designed to combat magic users, the cutting edge of anti-magic technology. Additionally, besides its steel hull, two obelisks in separate spherical shells shielded the entire ship from attacks, particularly the wings that protruded out from either side. Volantes could only fly with those wings, and thus they must be protected at all costs.
Despite its fierce appearance and a slew of weapons, those operating Volantes knew how rushed the ship actually was. Thick ‘temporary’ cables that ran along the corridor floor were just a tripping hazard waiting to happen, and routine turbulence was among some of their problems. The ship or ships, in general, were never designed to be flown, at three times the length of a 747, its unaerodynamicness was a distinct hindrance, though, the shields alleviated the problem slightly.
Since the conception of flying ships, these issues and many others were known. Yet, the world prioritised creating these floating behemoths, when smaller flying vessels allowed for greater flexibility and efficiency. That was because Volantes and her sister ships served a greater purpose than simple weapons. They were the manifestation of humanity’s defiance, a declaration to all invaders.
We would not go quietly into the night
-
The peacefulness of Volantes gliding through the beautiful late-spring weather was abruptly interrupted by the sound of a steel bulkhead bursting open. The bulkhead fell off its hinges with a loud crash, revealing Lejto, the ship’s Captain standing with his leg extended in a front kick, his captain’s coat hanging off his shoulders like a cloak.
He stormed off past tethered transport helicopters and automated turrets to reach the edge of the ship. He leaned against the chain fence, watching the land crawl by and feeling the wind against his rugged face. The air felt completely different from the sticky salty air he spent his whole life around. It felt so clean and clear. While fresh countryside air did have its unique appeal, right now, he just needed a smoke.
Lejto pulled out a cigarette carton. In it were ten sticks each individually sealed to preserve them. Carefully unwrapping one with his muscular fingers and keeping the rest, he patted his pockets. But when he could not find what he was looking for, he asked out loud, “Got a light?”
Even though there seemed to be no one around, a small ball of blue flame popped into existence, floating right in front of him.
“Thanks.” He took a long draw from his lit cigarette, tobacco smoke filled his lungs. He had not felt this Nicotine rush since his first child was born but he knew his wife would forgive him just for today if he told her why.
The chains rustled as a white cat with orange strips leapt on the post beside him. It wrapped its long fluffy tail around the post and asked in a female voice, “Bad meeting?”
“You heard?”
“I think the whole ship heard you.” She glanced at the broken bulkhead.
“You know, Iira, I think I’ve found an infinite source of energy. Screw nuclear, we should just use the bullshit they’re sprouting as fuel.” Lejto puffed his cigarette. “Seriously, how does the Commander keep her cool listening to those fuckheads?”
“The pains of being a human.”
“And you Metermi don’t have them?”
“Of course. . . not.” Iira sighed with Lejto, “So what happened?”
“What didn’t happen. . . Remember that fucktard Nikita, the Captain of City S, the one who sent us shit info on Envy?” Lejto asked, receiving a nod from Iira. “Those HQ bastards, sitting all comfy in their nice offices, say it’s too troublesome to replace him when he hasn’t done any major infractions. Bastards the lot of them, sucking off each other. From their attitude, you’d think the war was already won. The safety of the inner ring must have fried their brains, turning to mush.”
Iira tried to be the voice of reason. “Aren’t those people also stationed in City S, maybe they know something you don’t?”
“What do those lazy bastards that never worked a day in their life even know?” Lejto scoffed. “Shithead Nikita is in charge of the city’s defences while those bastards are in the administration or 'the greater strategy' as they like to flatter themselves. How the heck would they know what he does? If anything, them being in the same city really does make me think that they got buddy buddy together, in bed."
“AAAHHH!!! Forget it! I don’t give a fuck anymore! They can die for all I care!” Lejto let loose his frustration.
The two watched the farmland pass underneath silently, giving way to overgrown fields and ancient forests.
In the background, things started to get busy, a helicopter took off and the occasional tremors from the underside turrets could be felt. Volantes had left civilised land and was now over Demon territory. The local TransMagica had called for some assistance. Thus, Volantes was here for the regular culling of the wild Demon population before they overflowed into populated areas.
Up on the main deck, Lejto enjoyed watching streaks of bullets rain down on stray Demons and the drone of dakka dakka. Magical Girls were not required for these routine missions, they did not even need him until things heated up.
“You heard me ranting, let me hear yours,” Lejto said to his silent companion. “I know you’re unhappy with our decision to not ally with Lust.”
Iira looked at him with one cat eyebrow raised and a tilted head, “I did voice my opinion but I left the decision up to your Commander. There’s no point being unhappy if it didn’t go my way. Besides, she chose what she thought was best for those girls, I can’t get angry about that.”
“Ah, I guess if you put it that way,” Lejto nodded.
“The meeting shouldn't have just been about City S, how’s the world looking?”
“Why don’t you sit through it to find out?”
“And suffer with you? No, thank you.”
“Tsk, one day, I’ll get you there one day. The world situation, eh? Let’s see. . .” Lejto took out a second cigarette, he was going to need it. “Going by regions, North America somehow got more annoying than before, mainly the US. Their attitude can be boiled down to ‘look at how well we’re handling the war, just copy us.’ Of course, they’re handling it well, their damn Etativi started fighting each other a month into the invasion. The only thing they needed to deal with were wild Demons and cleaning up the mess left by the Etativi. And now, with the Etativi civil war coming to a close and no organised Demon force in sight, they've become insufferable, claiming the credit of scouring the Etativi from their soil."
“I see. It really was strange when the Etativi devolved into conflict with each other. The council conducted an investigation but nothing came up besides them falling out. After all, Etativi aren’t known to be the most cooperative.” Iira said after some thought. “At least, they’ve burnt themselves out fighting each other, that’s good.”
“Not good for my ears though,” Lejto sighed, staring into the distance. “But you’re right, this would have a cascading effect for the rest of the world. Their industries, and more importantly, the agriculture and military industries are mostly untouched, they’ll be able to increase their exportation in the coming months. And recently in the US, a new weapons manufacturer G.D. specialising in anti-magic weapons arose, selling their products to the military and the public alike. With new weapons in the hands of the public, the US wouldn’t need to spread its military thin against wild Demons. One point for their firearms laws.”
“The sounds like things are fine there,” Iira concluded. “The Alliance of South America?”
“ASA? Now, those are my boys right there,” Lejto cheered them on to the point of coughing and choking on some smoke. “Their alliance has only gotten stronger and closer. The ASA held the line against seven organised assaults in the last three months, repelling the Etativi and Witches each time. I bet the Etativi are as flabbergasted as us. The Etativi must have expected an easy win after several governments fled their own countries in the initial invasion, leaving no unified leadership behind.”
“The will of the people that remains unbroken under such adversity is truly worthy of praise.” Iira nodded along.
“I know right? Even now, two years after the fact, I'm still in awe. Many countries had to quickly rebuild a semblance of governance in a war of survival and cooperate with countries that have historical differences with them. Not only did they succeed, they thrived. This alliance might be the makings of a new major player in the future." Lejto praised.
Taking another puff of his cigarette. “On to Europe, they haven’t experienced a large assault in these three months. After the last battle, where they crushed the Etativi and Witches with the reveal of their combat dirigible fleet. The Etativi switched to guerrilla tactics, harassing and escaping before they get surrounded. The European theatre is quiet. . . For now. We believe the Etativi are probing the defences and will launch an overwhelming attack when they’re ready.”
“I heard from the other Metermi that the atmosphere there is very tense like a single spark would be all it takes to ignite the region,” Iira remarked.
“You can say that again.” Lejto agreed, sighing when it came to the next region. “That spark might come from Africa, though, it’d be more of a raging inferno when it reaches Europe's shores. The situation in North Africa has deteriorated, Demons are now attacking daily with a major offensive every week. My bones froze when I watched the hordes of Demons pouring in from the south.”
“The loss of the south is reverberating till this day. Our investigations have shown those lost coastal cities are all deserted, the people were relocated inland making it harder to liberate them.” Iira said, looking at the bright side. “But at least they’re alive, that’s the only way the Etativi are able to spawn so many Demons.”
“Perhaps death would be better, who knows what horrors those unfortunate people have to endure. Poor bastards never stood a chance.” Lejto took out a third smoke, this heavy topic needed it. “Did you hear about the alliance the North tried to form with the Middle East? They reasoned since most of the surviving countries in the region are Arabic, they should join together with their Middle Eastern neighbours in an Arabic superstate, a revival of the Arab empires of old. A good idea. . . on paper. It’s not the first time a Pan-Arabic Alliance has been proposed and I doubt it’ll be the last. I bet this time was spurred on by the success of the ASA.”
“Not survival?” Iira asked.
“If it’s for survival, would they be bickering about who’s in charge?” Lejto snorted “Even though the PAA has potential, it may be doom in its current conception. Funny, isn’t it? South America rose from the ashes of their broken governments to cooperate with one another. But there, where their governments are intact, they can’t sort it out each other."
"And despite all that, their people defend and survive through grit, guts, and a whole lot of supplies from Europe. The guys there are tough SOBs.” Lejto chuckled when he remembered something. “I heard Europe is sending another care package and mediator over, they must be shitting themselves, hoping the PAA gets their act together. I don’t blame them though, if North Africa or the Middle East falls, the road to Europe would be wide open.”
Iira was a little tired of all the bleakness. “Any good news?”
“Australia.” Lejto replied instantly and left it there without elaborating. Iira looked at him confused. He asked, “Don’t tell me you don’t know what happened there?”
“I’ve only been on Earth for a year, you can’t expect me to know everything.”
“Fair, fair. Our usual talks are about places under threat, Australia definitely wouldn’t factor in.” Lejto nodded to his own reasoning and began explaining. “Australia is a major supplier of food and natural resources, and their importance has only grown in light of their safety and advances in magic technology.”
“You still haven’t said why they are safe.” Iira pointed out.
“I’m coming to it,” Lejto told the story with a hint of glee, wanting to see the Metermi’s reaction. “You see, in Australia, the climate, wildlife, even the plantlife, generally anything there is designed to kill. The Demons learnt it the hard way, Australia Australia’ed them. That's why it's safe there.”
Iira’s reaction did not disappoint, her eyes widen in shock as she exclaimed “What manner of hell is that place?”
“Australia,” Lejto paused to let it sink in. “Anyways, they’ve teamed up with South-East Asia. With Australia's resources and the industrial capacity of the SEA countries, they were able to produce a flying cruiser. And are focusing on smaller flying vessels to compliment the fleet."
“On to China and India. While there’s no change in China’s situation, they’ve announced a breakthrough in AI technology that they claim could help with the war. Something about a swarm of autonomous drones to hunt down Demons, I’m not too sure yet, they're all hush hush about these kinds of things." He said. "And India, two months ago, launched their very first flying cruiser, Shiva, bringing the number of flying cruisers in the world to ten. I heard the ISRO played a hand in designing it, hopefully, they managed to mitigate some design flaws inherent to a flying ship.”
Iira was still recovering from the mind-break that was Australia and took a while to reply. “. . . It sounds like those regions are doing well.”
“For now. . ." Lejto joked. "Maybe a super Demon will spawn in the hellpits of Australia.”
“Ahh!!! Take it back! Take it back! It really might happen!” Iira panicked.
Lejto laughed, taking out the fourth cigarette before thinking better of it and keeping it. “I don’t believe in such things.”
“I do! So take it back!” Iira jumped on his head, wrestling him to retract his jinx.
Ring ring
Lejto picked up his phone and saw his precious babies video-calling him. Raising his voice to a high pitch, he said, “Chika-chan! Nobu-Nobu! Did you miss Daddy?”
“Look at this kitty!” He pulled Iira off his head and dangled her in front of the camera. The two children were glued to the screen, staring at the strange Metermi. “This little kitty talks too.”
“Let me go! Let me go, you oaf!” Iira struggled but would not budge, his massive muscles were clamped down on her tail. It was going to be a long day for the poor Metermi.
-----
Elsewhere, in an abandoned warehouse. The sun had sunk below the horizon and the moon was covered by clouds. In the darkness, two Etativi and two Witches gathered, perfect for a villainous meeting. One Etativi said to the other.
“Hey, Vilinori. Let’s sink the Volantes.”
Drop a heart if you like the chapter. Thanks for the support 😘😘😘
This is going to be a long rant but I will try to be (helpfull) critical, not (asshole) critical.
I know you probably want to do your own thing and experiment as a writer, but you are writing a continuation for another story and I have to point out this chapter really wastes the original writer's work in keeping the world vague. In the original series the author kept the world so vague, he even named the cities after the alphabet, doing that sent a message. The message was: This is a character focused story, the world the main characters live in doesn't matter. In fact, it matters so little i'll just use letters as city names, because as long as you can tell them apart, there's no loss.
There were 2 good reasons to do that. 1st is that it puts all the focus on the main characters. In a smut story, that's usually where you want the focus to be. 2nd is that it stops people from asking anoying questions, such as: Which country does the MC live in and does it's cities have alphabet names? What are magical girls any good for if there's anti-magic heavy artillery out there? Why do witches still work for the Etativi if their idea of ruling the world is just destroying everything? Nice gag about Australia, but why are f****ng demons bothered by the weather and regular wild life and, if they really are, can't we probably just kill them with regular bullets?
Any answer to one of these questions will probably lead into follow up questions, and answering those questions will bring more questions, and all these questions and answers will take the focus away from the main characters and the smut which are what everybody is here for. Also they will probably give you a headache at some point.
Ok, I'm done.
TLTR: I liked this chapter, though there are some things I'm wondering about.
Long:
Fleshing such world in wider scope with such exposition chapter is opening a really big can of worms. Like posted above.
It really brings the danger of removing center of interest from Yui and her fun activities with favorite MGs.
Though, it is fun to read grievances of people set in the wide world (and foreshadowing) , there is a lot of information that spurs potentially distracting questions.
The most important big scale part is, that Etativi did not seem to treat their witches well enough to hold together the moment Etativi start to lose about anywhere. The promises of power and survival may lead one only that far.
Witches, unless forced by contact, need some incentives or some of them will practice malevolent obedience.
Given how Etativi seem to be a rather selfish bunch, I guess they are going to go around pouching on successful witches or other kind of bribery/trickery to serve their ends.
The thing is, that Yui may stumble upon it later on or be clued in on the meeting with another Etativi.
I think that Australian wildlife decimating demons may be waved with a bit disturbing notion that they were quasi-demonic from begin with, which would explain the surprise and how Etativi could migrate/invade Earth in the first place.
They just scouted the place before hand with their own demons that remained in place and got assimilated due to low magic on Earth at that time.
So, super Australian demon is just a matter of Australian quasi-demons accumulating and refining energy of devoured legit demons of current Etativi's generation till they teach critical mass and spontaneously form a massive core.
Though, that would not be just one of them roaming around. Not that anybody would notice a difference, since it's Australia
And yes, Etativi's whole original world surely looked more like Australia (all-out-to-kill-you) . No wonder they were looking else where, right?
I can guess that anti-magic cannons cannot be used in populated area out of concerns for collateral damage, but we need more mentions of these limitations or people will ask why not to use these wonder weapons.
I can guess that information on armaments and shielding explains what Yui will have to over come, but more explanation may be made on the fly along with the plan.
Also, becoming a spearhead of Etativi's unprecended operation may bring visiting MG task force (most probably US) , which Yui will have to lewd with and level up.
Hopefully, that's not happening any soon, since I think it's more fun if Yui will first get local MGs to waver in their will to fight her and attacking the ship will not work in favor of that.
Unless the visitors will do her a favor to cause the doubt, but that's all in the air.
Overall, I think there is a tad much exposition in this chapter. I appreciate ideas of super weapons that Yui will need to deal with, but these things might be introduced slower, maybe with some foreshadowing.
After all, the big problems are less involving than issues of Yui protecting her identity, Miyu's friend and which MG is going to taste Yui's newest invention.
In the end, this chapter could spare some information, instead focusing on technical issues of using anti-magic armaments (not sure how vague issue of cables will be a used by Yui) or further fleshing issues/characters of the crew. The latter is pretty well done, anyway.
Technically they considered whoring their MGs to Yui for artifacts, so that could be mentioned/named as such.
Lmao....I knew The Land Down Under would be fine. Aaannyways Thanks for the chapter.
I'm happy south America didn't become a warzone that i thought it would be
Thank you~~~
I don't know why, but I have always felt like the Commander is Yui's mom for some reason
Who knows *whistle*
Not much roasting here, though I hope you will not put too many of such exposition chapters, since they are pretty distracting to be put right before Yui needs to handle her date
I do see foreshadowing of things Yui will need to deal with (maybe during schooltrip? As a witch shadowing her favorite victim?
), though I hope you will not get distracted with it.
The same with re-write of earlier chapters, changing Envy a bit might be more fun, though the important thing is that Yui needs to make her into mess and train into obedient (if jealousy (envy
) ) pet.
Given how she did not consent to what happened to her, I think that most of her killing talk in the Garden does not feel out of place. It might mellow out with resignation and stuff.
She will look similar to your Aqua, because Yui tainted something sacred to them and they want to make Yui suffer. Though, Aqua might subconsciously want to be dominated again (defiant for punishment) and Envy does not.
Funny though, Envy may have a bit of persona shift between forms, since her transformation is everything she wanted to be. That gives a boost of confidence, enough to change some one's behavior.
I already place a rather long reply regarding critique. I hope you like my theorycrafting how Australian wildlife could do demons worse than firearms.
Thanks for the chapter
My reaction to Australia, dear god was that a good laugh and I whole heartily agree with the idea.
now more seriously, the idea proposed at the end seems like something Yui will sabotage so that the result will favour her in some way, honestly really looking forward to the next chapter, but I do hope this information won't come into play for quite a few dozen chapters yet.
Ps. hope yer ass is doing okay, since it seems you prepared it for nothing.
oh also your earlier chapters didn't suck, to me at least, it's just I found the overall conversation's to be janky at times due to different characterization.
This is all very interesting about the state of the rest of the world, but I'm now left with a question? How are the Etativi organized as a whole? Because he was showing is clearly not a one to one structure, so I'm curious if there's another pair like Vili and Yui who are actual partners but are by themselves. But this does make me wonder just how much of a threat is Yui to the rest of the world? Because she's got abilities and access to resources that simply won't be around for decades, and the biggest limitation on her is the simple fact that she's on her own and doesn't have any way of producing large enough resources to enact bigger plans yet. But that does leave me curious of what would happen if either side found out just how truly useful Yui is? Because here's a thing once either side finds out if they just have gather enough resources and forced Yui to work for them they could just create an army and win, I'm very curious what either side would go to achieve that.