QuillRabbit

CW Dysphoria

“Shit.”

“What?” Autumn asked, sitting up straight on the desk.

Connor shook his head and replied, “I’m running out of books to read. Ever since this… feeling started, I’ve been binging every series I can get from the library to keep my mind off of it. I’ve already had to move on to things I’ve read before.”

“Is that all?” Summer asked from her perch on the bookshelf, where she was listening to music from Connor’s phone through a set of earbuds.

“You don’t get it,” Connor said, putting another finished book on the stack. “I’ve been devouring these books. You’ve been here; it’s the only thing I’ve done this week. And it’s probably going to be a while before the library updates its stock. I’m going to run out of things to read.” He sighed. “I guess I could go back to fanfiction? I did have that Shinji x Kaworu fic from last year; I wonder how many chapters are out by now?”

“You’ve got a notification,” Summer alerted him.

Connor walked over and picked up his phone. It was a message from Eric. He was hosting a little party for all his friends in a couple of days. With a sinking feeling, Connor opened up the desk drawer and pulled out Luna’s phone. There was a message for her as well; the same, but a little more flirty.

“Shit.”

“What is it now?” Summer asked.

“Both Connor and me… Me and Luna… Both of us got invitations to Eric’s party.”

Autumn sighed, but didn’t say anything.

Summer fluttered over to stand on Connor’s shoulder, asking, “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know,” Connor replied, glancing between the two phones.

His discomfort with his body had only grown over the past week. Connor really didn’t want to go anywhere as himself. But it had been a while since any of his friends had seen him; the last thing Connor wanted was for his friends to feel like he wasn’t part of their lives anymore. Not to mention, if Rosalie was there, she might corner Luna and demand more answers from her. The safest thing would be to go as Connor.

The thought of spending an afternoon with his friends as himself filled Connor with a sense of morbid dread.

“I’m going as Luna,” he said, setting his regular phone down on the desk next to Autumn, who was shaking her head in disappointment.

Once he’d sent a message from Luna saying that she’d definitely be there, Connor picked up his other phone and messaged the group, insisting that his parents needed his help that day and he’d have to pass up the chance.

Once that was done, Connor collapsed back into bed. He looked at the stack of books. There was one book he hadn’t read, sitting at the very bottom. Did he dare? He hadn’t even been able to look the librarian in the eye as she checked it out for him.

“At least it’s something new,” he muttered, pulling the copy of Moonlight Eclipse out from beneath the other books.

Connor started reading. The book was about a girl moving into a small town not far from Seattle where her mother lived with a new wife. Cool, some gay representation; Connor appreciated that, for obvious reasons. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.

An hour later, Connor was sitting up, hunched over the book. He was so engrossed he didn’t even feel the strain in his back. This girl was so relatable for some reason. And the werewolf dude was really cool, even if Connor did feel it was a bit stupid that he could transform even without the full moon. God, if he didn’t have Eric, Connor would kill for a boyfriend like this.

Connor stayed up late to finish the book, then went back to the library the next day to get the next three in the series. He’d never been this drawn into an urban fantasy before. And yeah, sure, the book was kind of stupid in places, but it wasn’t actually half bad.

Unfortunately, Connor wasn’t able to finish the series before the day of the party. Promising his parents he’d be home before dark, Connor slipped out and then opened the window for Summer and Autumn. Together with the glamour disk, they started walking to Eric’s house.

Luna arrived to find a number of cars belonging to her friends in the driveway. She knocked on the door, already able to hear people talking inside. After a moment, Eric opened the door and smiled.

“Glad you could make it,” he said, opening his arms to receive her hug.

Luna sank into the embrace, soaking up the feel and scent of her best friend. In the background was some snickering from their friends. They knew what was going on between the two of them. Luna didn’t particularly care.

As she pulled away from Eric, though, Luna caught sight of Rosalie staring in her direction. She seemed to be struggling to keep her expression neutral. Luna felt a pang of guilt in her heart.

Eric’s parents had what Connor’s parents called “corporate money.” It was a two-story home with an open floor plan filled with expensive furniture and decor. Everyone had gathered in the living room, where the large TV hanging above the fireplace was on but being ignored by the guests. Catalina and Robert were sitting together, surprising Luna, who hadn’t realized there was anything going on between them.

Luna and Eric sat down together on the couch. After a moment, Luna got an idea and shifted her legs so they were crossed over Eric’s lap. He raised his eyebrows as the rest of the guests gave the two of them a knowing look.

“How have you been?” Eric asked as he picked his Switch back up. He and Harmony were apparently in the middle of a game when Luna showed up.

“Alright. I’ve been reading, exploring the town a bit, trying to endure my family.”

Luna was staring at the Switch. What she wouldn’t give up to be able to afford one of those as Connor. Or any one of the seemingly endless parade of gadgets and collectibles he seemed to have.

She leaned up against Eric. For all her parents’ dismissive attitude toward Eric’s dads’ wealth, Eric’s family was at least stable and happy. They weren’t constantly one bad month away from starvation.

The pixies had taken off and were interacting with the other guests. Summer was talking to Violet and Jacob. Even Autumn, to Luna’s surprise, had managed to relax a bit and was sitting on Edward’s shoulder while he played on his phone.

“It sucks that you and Connor are never in the same place at the same time,” Eric said. “I really want you to meet him. And he wants to meet you, too.”

“And I want to meet him,” Luna agreed, biting her lip.

Robert added, “It’s weird that Connor just all but disappeared all of a sudden. Normally, nothing can stop him from hanging out with us.”

The conversation seemed to die after that, for which Luna was grateful. But then she caught Rosalie, sitting on the other couch, glaring at Luna while Catalina talked at her. Luna couldn’t help but gulp. She wasn’t suspicious, was she? There was no way she was catching on, right?

The next hour or so seemed to fly by as Luna got lost in conversation, always keeping an eye on Rosalie. At around six, Ryan—the dad with a beard—greeted the pizza delivery girl and called the group to eat. Luna glanced outside; it was still pretty light out.

“I think I can afford to stay for a little longer,” she whispered to Summer and Autumn.

“Yeah, still plenty of time to walk home before it gets dark,” Summer agreed.

Autumn added, “We should be able to keep you safe, no problem.”

“What’s going on?”

Luna jumped out of her skin and spun around to face Rosalie.

“Nothing,” Luna said quickly.

“You’re not in danger, are you?” Rosalie asked quietly. “Because if you brought something dangerous near Eric—”

“Of course not!” Luna hissed.

Eric’s voice rang out from the dining room: “Are you girls coming?”

Luna sat beside Eric, taking a slice of pepperoni pizza. Rosalie sat directly across from her, a slice of cheese pizza on her plate. Neither took their eyes off of the other for more than a moment, even as they ate. Every so often, someone would glance over and knit their brow in confusion.

“Luna?”

“Hmm?” she replied, briefly glancing at Harmony.

“We want to get together again sometime,” Harmony explained. “Are you in?”

“Yeah, absolutely!” Luna chimed, before turning her attention back to Rosalie.

“…Is something going on between you two?” Violet finally asked.

“It’s nothing,” Luna insisted, leaning up against Eric.

“She’s lying about something.”

All conversation paused and everyone turned to look at Rosalie.

“What?” Eric asked.

“I’m not sure what it is yet,” Rosalie continued, and Luna’s heart stopped racing so fast, “but she’s hiding something. I can feel it. Nothing about her makes any sense. I don’t trust her.”

“Rosalie, you’re not making any sense,” Robert said.

“She came from nowhere and we know nothing about her!” Rosalie cried, standing up. “She has something to do with magic, but we don’t know what! And I caught her talking about not being safe! People like this can’t be trusted!”

“That’s enough!” Eric slammed his hands on the table and stood up. “You’re being really petty and vindictive toward a girl you don’t like, Rosalie. I expect better of you than that. Luna hasn’t done anything suspicious at all since I’ve known her. I don’t know what your real problem with her is, but you need to stop acting like a child.”

Rosalie curled her hands into fists, her face red. Autumn, perched on Luna’s shoulder, clung tightly to her hair. Luna couldn’t breathe. The whole table was silent.

Without another word, Rosalie stormed out of the room. There was a moment of silence before the front door slammed, causing some people to flinch. Eric sighed and sat back down, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. Nobody else said a thing as they slowly returned to their meals.

“I’m sorry about that,” Eric told Luna later in the hallway. “She’s never acted this way before. I don’t know what got into her.”

“Me neither,” Luna fibbed.

She felt so bad for Rosalie, who really thought that she was being helpful. Luna knew that she was motivated by spite; Rosalie wanted Eric as badly as Luna did. But she didn’t feel good that Rosalie had made herself look bad in front of Eric.

“I think I’m going to head home,” Luna said quietly.

Eric nodded. “I’m sorry this didn’t turn out so well.”

“Hey,” she said, leaning in. “I’m glad I got to spend time with you.”

“Me too,” Eric replied, leaning in as well.

Luna closed her eyes and the two met with a kiss on the lips. It was very brief, very chaste, but Luna’s own lips were tingling afterward. They smiled softly at each other.

“I’ll see you around,” Luna promised.

Connor could think about nothing else but that kiss the next day, even as he had to follow his mother to the store to try on new clothes. It felt like such a pointless exercise now that he had the glamour disk and could just create clothes that never needed to be washed, but whatever. All they needed to do was find something cheap to fill out his closet and then they could go home.

Summer and Autumn were nearby in the store, keeping themselves hidden. Even though it was daytime, Connor didn’t feel terribly safe. The other faery could be just around any corner. He would feel even safer if they could be right by his side.

“Boy clothes aren’t all that interesting,” he told his mom while holding up a pair of cargo shorts. “I mean, not that I want to wear girls clothes or anything, but they’re clearly a lot better designed. It’s not really fair.”

“Don’t look at it that way,” his mom replied, looking through a different rack. “The priorities are just a little different, that’s all. One isn’t better than the other.”

“I don’t know about that,” Connor said, his heart racing a little as he admitted, “I’ve been thinking. Maybe my life would be better if I’d been born a girl.”

“Enough of that,” his mom snapped. “Girls don’t have it any easier than boys do. In some ways, we have it more difficult.”

“That’s not what I meant!” Connor scrambled to defend himself. “I… never mind. I’m going to the restroom.”

Fortunately, the men’s room was empty. Connor breathed a sigh of relief. He felt like he was intruding, for some reason. Like if someone walked in and saw him using the urinal, Connor would get in trouble. Why did he feel that way?

The water was cold as Connor washed his hands, no matter how far he turned the handle. A chill ran up Connor’s spine and he shivered. Was there a draft in the bathroom? He quickly grabbed some paper towels when a bit of movement in the mirror caught his eye.

Connor’s breath caught in his throat. Standing behind him was a gaunt figure with pale blue skin, pointed ears and nose, and short bristly golden hair. He spun around and the faery grabbed Connor by the arms, pinning him against the sink.

“Give the device back!” the faery hissed. “It was only permitted to be used by Sang. It does not belong to you, human!”

“I don’t have it!” Connor cried out, struggling to break free. His arms were burning from the cold grip. “It’s at home!”

Suddenly the door to the bathroom opened and Frost was gone. Someone entered the bathroom and stopped, staring at Connor alone by the sink and the rest of the room covered in a thin layer of frost. Connor barreled past the stranger to get out of there.

Once he was back in the store proper, Connor leaned up against the wall and curled up into a ball. He wasn’t here. He wasn’t really here. He was somewhere far away, someone else entirely. This Frost, this robot bounty hunter, couldn’t get to Luna where she was hiding. He’d never get the stolen technology back. She was safe as long as she had her AI companions by her side.