Moonlight Eclipse actually had three sequels. Connor had picked up the next two installments the last time he went to the library. His friends were really interested to hear Luna’s take on the rest of the series. So Luna was leaning back in her desk chair, deeply immersed in the story of the second book. They were fighting zombies in this one, and part of the way through the protagonist was turned into a mermaid. It was so contrived, but it gave her a few good scenes of bonding with the centaur of the group.
Summer was watching something on Luna’s computer, sitting right next to the headset to hear the sound. Autumn was sitting on the bookshelf. Luna thought she looked a little glum, but wasn’t sure why. What had happened during her absence?
“Can I use the computer?” Luna asked Summer, setting her book down.
“Oh, sure, I guess.”
She absconded and Luna opened a browser. For a few minutes, she just sat there, tapping her fingers on the desk. What was she even looking for? The past few days had kept her too busy to focus on the sensation that something was wrong, but every now and then it nipped at her, just as a reminder that it was there.
Why do I hate my body? she searched. What she got back were some articles on harmful beauty standards, pages of weight loss tips, and a couple of posts from people who sounded like they might be trans. This clearly wasn’t what she was looking for. Unhappy being a boy, she tried instead. No, this time she mostly got stuff on trans people in denial.
“Why aren’t there resources for people like me?” she mumbled.
Luna obviously wasn’t trans. She was just more comfortable being a girl than she was a boy. Clearly something was wrong with her; maybe a hormone imbalance? Some testosterone supplements would make her feel better, no doubt.
Feminine boys was the next search term. Now this looked promising. A couple of pages about something called femboys. Young men who liked being outwardly feminine. Some of this stuff, particularly about trying to force a more feminine figure, didn’t… look like the healthiest mindset, but Luna was definitely vibing with the overall aesthetic.
Maybe this is what Connor needed. He could dress feminine and act girly and that would probably relieve some of the stress he was feeling. His friends would support him, right? Eric would, at least, right? Maybe he could even do what trans girls did and take some of those girl pills to make himself more feminine. Yeah, Connor could definitely find a comfortable middle ground. As long as his friends were on board.
Luna tried to imagine Connor going out to hang with his friends in a dress and long hair, maybe even some makeup. In her imagination, he looked more feminine than he probably would be in real life. That thought troubled her a little. But he’d be happy, right? Connor could still be a boy and be happy, right?
Finally, Luna took off the glamour disk and set it aside. A chill ran through him at the realization he looked like a boy again. Hell, this feeling was getting worse every day. This is why he’d stopped taking the glamour disk off to sleep.
“Something wrong?” Summer asked.
“I can’t keep going like this forever,” Connor admitted. “Eventually, I’m going to have to give the disk up. Relying on like I am is only going to make that harder. I can’t afford to get addicted to it.”
Autumn was watching the conversation, but saying nothing.
“Are you going to stop using it, then?” Summer asked.
“Hell, no,” Connor replied, “but I need to figure out why I feel this way about my body so I can do something about it. Things have to go back to normal after the summer is over. Or, at least, close to normal.”
Connor picked up his phone and started composing a message: Hey, Eric, I’m sorry I’ve been absent a lot lately. Been dealing with a lot of weird feelings. Lately, it feels like I’m just not happy with who I am and I want to change SOMETHING but I’m honestly not sure what it needs to be. Shitty situation, right? Anyway, I might be trying a few things out soon and I was wondering if you could help me out? It’s all very new and scary and I’d like to have someone I can trust on my side.
He sat the phone down and picked the book back up, trying not to think about how long it would take for—
The phone buzzed.
That sounds rough, man, Eric had written. Honestly, don’t know if I can relate, but thanks for telling me. If you want to get together and talk some things out, I’d be happy to.
Not right now, Connor replied. Still figuring things out. Thanks, though.
Leaving his phone, Connor got up and left the room. He deliberately did not look at himself in the bathroom mirror as he entered. There was just no way Connor could handle looking at himself at the moment. Connor sat down to pee and sighed.
Everything was horrible. Everything was horrible and it was his fault. All his fault. Connor had ruined his life. But not permanently. No, he could still fix this. He just had to wrap up his relationship with Eric and send Luna off on her way, then throw the glamour disk into the woods where Frost could take it for himself. Or something. He’d figure something out. This was fixable. This was definitely fixable. Nobody had to find out the truth; Connor would not become a pariah for lying to everyone.
“I can do this,” he said, standing up. “We’re going to get through this and never make this kind of mistake ever again.”
Connor turned the sink on and tested the water with his fingers. Too cold. He turned the faucet some more and waited a second. A shiver ran up his spine and Connor started rubbing his arms. Had someone messed with the air conditioning? It was so cold in there.
The water wasn’t getting any warmer. Connor sighed and started washing his hands. When he turned the faucet off and stood up straight, though, he yelped. In place of his reflection was a man with light blue skin and pointed ears with bristly golden hair. Connor fell back against the wall, frozen in panic.
He wasn’t here. Connor wasn’t here. He wasn’t even Connor. He was Luna, on the run from the vile mechanical bounty hunter that had chased her from station to station relentlessly. But he wouldn’t get the technology she’d stolen. It was hers, now. Connor closed his eyes. Frost couldn’t get to Luna. The story couldn’t end that way.
“Turn over the glamour disk, boy,” hissed the faery in the mirror. “It doesn’t belong to you.”
“No. No. Shut up.” Connor covered his ears. “Shut up! Shut up!”
“You must turn it over. If I could simply take it from you, I would. But the magic doesn’t work that way. You have to hand it to me.”
“I won’t! I won’t! I won’t!”
“You are playing with powers far beyond your understanding, human. Even this sliver of faery magic is far too dangerous to be left in unsupervised hands like yours.”
Connor leapt for the door, crashing through it and slamming it shut behind him. When Connor burst into his room, both pixies jumped in surprise and turned to face him. He locked the door, then collapsed to the ground and started crying. Summer and Autumn flew over.
“What happened?” Autumn demanded.
“He’s here,” Connor choked. “In the bathroom.”
Summer and Autumn exchanged a glance, wings buzzing. Connor opened the door and the two of them darted out into the hall, pressing themselves up against the bathroom door. With a deep breath, Connor opened it and stepped back. The pixies pressed inside, glancing around.
“It’s all clear,” Summer said.
Connor peeked inside. The mirror was empty, but covered in a thin layer of frost. He let out a breath. His whole body was shaking.
“What do we do now?” he asked.
“Now, we ward the house,” Autumn said, floating over to Connor, “before your parents get home and ask us what we’re doing.”
In the kitchen, Connor started mixing together ingredients into a bowl under Autumn’s instruction. He couldn’t help but give her the occasional askew glance. Shouldn’t Autumn be insisting that he tell his parents the truth?
The three of them snuck outside and, under the instructions of his friends, Connor started painting small runes on the outside of each door and window. When the moisture dried, the runes would be left behind but invisible. According to Autumn, it would be enough to keep elves out of the house without barring them from entering as well.
Connor was silent during dinner. His parents were mostly occupied by talking to Summer and Autumn. Afterward, Connor retreated quietly to his room and locked the door. He sat on his bed and read for a while, but his heart really wasn’t in it. Not to mention that he’d gone most of the day without wearing the glamour disk and everything just felt wrong.
“I think I’m just going to bed,” he told Summer and Autumn, setting the book aside.
“You’ll be okay,” Summer promised him.
Connor turned off the lights and climbed into bed. Summer and Autumn stayed up, Autumn staring at the window, Summer staring at the door. As long as they stayed on guard, Connor would be safe. Despite that assurance, sleep didn’t come easy. When it finally did, he was tossing and turning all night.
Connor’s parents both had the next day off, and were determined to do something with Connor. The cinema was too expensive at the moment, so Connor’s mom piled some food into a cooler and they all drove to the park. Having a small picnic, surrounded by his parents and pixie friends, actually did a lot of alleviate Connor’s bad mood. At least, for the most part. His body still felt all kinds of wrong. Frisbee could only distract Connor so much from that.
His parents were finally taking notice, too. He could see them exchanging glances on the car ride home while he squirmed in the back seat. They started muttering to each other just quietly enough that he couldn’t hear.
Finally, Connor’s mother turned around in her seat to ask, “Is everything okay, honey? You look kind of stressed.”
How was Connor supposed to answer that? He was afraid for his life? He was afraid of losing everyone’s respect when they found out the truth? He hated his body? Fuck, did Connor hate his body.
“I don’t know how to put it into words,” he admitted.
Connor’s father glanced at him in the rear-view mirror and said, “Don’t worry, son. I know that things are tough for us right now. But just keep your chin up. We’ll be through this before you know it and, looking back, you’ll barely be able to remember that we struggled at all.”
Connor nodded, only dimly taking in what his father was saying. The car pulled into the driveway and Connor released his seatbelt. He followed his parents to the door, pixies trailing lazily behind him.
The inside of their den was covered in a fine layer of frost. Connor’s heart stopped. A hot tingle ran up his spine. Everything he saw felt like it was at the end of a very long tunnel.
“What happened here?!” his father cried, looking around hopelessly.
“Dammit,” his mother hissed. “The last thing we need is a problem with the air conditioner.”
This was all far away, so far away, effectively on another planet from Connor. He had never felt so disconnected from his parents. His mind was totally occupied by what he saw. This was a display of strength, nothing more. Frost wasn’t bothered by their little display of protection magic in the slightest.
Message received loud and clear.
“Dirt,” Summer swore quietly. “We are so burned.”
Connor didn’t speak to his parents again. He simply walked past them and down the hallway. His hand was shaking as he placed it on the door handle. Connor gulped, swallowing his heart and letting the door swing open of its own accord.
His room was empty. No frost, no sign of faeries at all. Summer and Autumn rushed to the desk drawer, pulling it open. Connor released a breath when he saw that the glamour disk was still inside. Frost really couldn’t take it, it seemed.
Picking up the disk, Connor clutched it to his chest and fell into his chair. Summer touched down on the bed and started pacing. Autumn just sat on the edge of the desk, deep in thought but running through a range of expressions.
“You can keep me safe, right?” Connor asked. “You’re sure about that, right?”
Summer stopped pacing. Autumn looked up at Connor but didn’t say anything.
“Guys? Come on…”
“I… I don’t know,” Autumn admitted.
“After a display like that,” Summer continued, “I’m not certain if we could actually stand up to Frost if it came to a fight.”
Connor felt very cold. He held the disk tighter and whimpered. The walls were closing in. Frost was going to win and there was nothing Connor could do about it. Nothing that Luna could do about it, brave space badass though she may be.
Connor picked up his phone and messaged Eric. Eric, I have a serious question. Would you be willing to risk everything for the person you love more than anyone else in the world? He sat the phone down and started fidgeting with his hands.
When Eric answered, Connor grabbed for the phone so quickly that he nearly dropped it.
Yeah, I think I would, Eric had replied.
Butterflies welled up in Connor’s stomach. He nodded and put the glamour disk away for now. He was no closer to finding a solution for his Frost problem, but Connor was sure of one thing: he was willing to take the risk if it meant getting to be with Eric a little longer.
